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Message For Ten Thirteen Productions: Unless you give me a job on The X-Files, I shall continue to visit every single website, newsgroup and message board on the Internet and say really mean shit about you. I'll devote my life to the goal of single-handedly turning every last fan against you and your show(s), so stop sending back my fanfic unopened, you f**king no-talent has-been hacks! Will consider opening credit listing or photo of me and Chris Carter shaking hands. Email me in confidence at: zit_face@sadvirgin.com
Preview Audience: People required to view latest concept-show from the creators of The X-Files, The Lone Gunmen, Millennium and Harsh Realm. Beat the rest and be one of the first to offer your opinions and suggestions in person to Chris Carter, Rob Bowman, Vince Gilligan, Frank Spotnitz and John Shiban! Note: only one knuckle-duster, baseball bat or tire iron per audience member. Sorry, absolutely NO projectile weapons or incendiary devices permitted on-site. If you wish to be a part of this exciting event, call (310) 369-1130.
Notice: To whom it may concern, the next time I find a body in my dumpster, with-or-without limbs, eyes, entrails or whatever, you will be billed! I'm getting sick of it! Have you ever tried to hose the stench of blood and guts out of one of those things? I didn't sign on for this super's job to spend half my day in the damn shower! If you wish to discuss this matter, email me at: eddie@aptbldg.com
Notice: West Coast 'Philes, due to declining reservation numbers, the venue for The X-Files Convention 2002 has been moved from the Marriot Desert Springs Resort to my living room. Pizza for ten will be available, but you will have to provide your own chair as my cats don't like strangers using my furniture. Anybody with the DVDs for S4 is welcome because I loaned mine to Jenny and she still hasn't returned them. The 1-800 number has been discontinued but you can still email me at: organizer@xfcon2002.com
An Urgent Messsage! My fellow eX-Philes, I represent the Coalition of Enraged Fans Clamoring for the Blood of Chris Carter. We feel it is your patriotic duty to join CEFCBCC in calling on President George W. Bush for a military campaign against the creator of the once great television show, The X-Files, as it has become a very real threat to Truth, Justice and The American Way. We recognize the difficulty of this proposed operation due to Carter's well-documented ability to elude interviewers and struggling, dirt-poor writers owed three months back pay. However, we feel that in order to ensure the safety and stability of hysterical American citizens everywhere, Chris Carter and his Al Ten Thirteen Productions terrorism network should be brought to justice as soon as possible. This is the only way to prevent the spread of further badly written episodes lacking David Duchovny/Fox Mulder and the really, really sweet feelings of deep love and respect he has for Dana Scully, played by the fabulous Gillian Anderson. BTW, did you see David on E! the other night? Ohhhh, that shirt! If it was any tighter it would have split, if only God was so kind to us! Doesn't his hair look just divine cut that way? Did I tell you that my cousin Lillian got his autograph once when he was shooting a scene in Vancouver? Oh, that lucky bitch, I could have scratched her eyes out! So, I was on the message boards the other night, and do you know what? Some slut called David's performance in Playing God "lackluster"! Can you believe that? Naturally, I immediately contacted the moderator and she deleted that whore's post and banned her IP! How we all laughed! Anyway, I was talking to Michelle about the next GAWs thing, and - you know Michelle don't you? Yes you do! She's the one who actually spoke with Gillian that time at the convention in...
Wanted: Tales of the fabulous, fantastical and fascinating! Greetings to you all! Permit me to introduce myself, dear classified ad reader! My name is Jose Chung, best-selling author and lovely old man. I once made a fortune - a veritable, dyed-in-the-wool King's ransom, dear fellows - from my book of alien abductions and insidious conspiracies, a book - if I may be so bold as to blow my own trumpet - most splendidly entitled From Outer Space. My beloved friends, it was a wonderful time to be resident in La Casa de Chung, I can tell you! The wine, the women, the small-but-gorgeous villa at Capri! Never have I lived so well. Sadly, all things must come to an end of sorts, and alas, so did this lifestyle of mine; a lifestyle, I must hasten to add, my beloved reader, which I so richly deserved! Many years have I squandered in penury and hardship, when, by-rights, those fine white sands of the Sorrentine are so inherently, undeniably me! But I surely do digress indeed. My point, old friends, is that in order that I may recapture those days of edible Loti (or should that in fact be Lotuses?) and golden sunsets, I need to publish once again, an admittedly tiresome and onerous prospect. Dear readers, your assistance is eagerly sought and most gratefully received! Do you have any such tales of wonder for me? They needn't be ensnared in the exasperating tentacles of 'facts' or 'the truth' (and just what is truth? So very, very subjective, afterall!) but the more magically mystical the better! Contact me now at the following electronic mailing address, and know that you shall forever be advancing the cause of the literary spirit of Alexandria!
j_chung@thermidor4me.com
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