(Yellow Journalism at it's Finest)


July, 2001 "To Know, to Dare, to NOT Keep Silent". 6th Edition


IS SHE REAL OR IS SHE MEMOREX??
by B. Bouffaunt-Froux

Another hoax?? Another tape?? According to Morphine Barf Bag Baby, a.k.a. Crusty Cunt Candie is not real!! MOrphine claims Ron invented said girl to extract info from Luna and Berserk...quote: "I used Disco Deb for info then dropped the sorry ho when I got all I needed".


This 2 year sting was allegedly planned and executed by Ron, Morphine and Luna Sea to infiltrate and record their friend's goings-on. Ooops..there is also some mysterious emails allegedly proving that 4th Gear, Josh and Berserk were all in on it. Of course this only leaves Jersey Chic and a few minor players out. Ha Ha!


When J.C. asked "What was that "thing" speaking on the phone if Candie wasn't real"? Morphine's answer to that was that she faked B.B.'s voice. "It was just a game" according to Morphine. At which point J.C. spits in Morphine's face. Well J.C. should feel pretty stupid about now what with Ron and ex girlfriend Morphine and just about everyone else in on this farce. Who has mud in her face now??



(Ron in drag as Barf Bag)
THE PIGS OF WAR
by Clive Beetlebox
Once again, General Ron "Warthog" Baldyass and his trusty sidekick Warpig, a.k.a. The Pig from Jersey, have been seen in another bloody battle. Last night they were spotted storming Luna Sow's and The Morphine Hog's disreputable establishment in Boston's notorious Combat Zone. Their objective was to retreive secret and potentially damaging audio tapes.


It is rumoured that 3-way phone sex is on these newest "secret tapes". Are the Hog and Luna Sow blackmailing General Baldyass? Never fear! - his trusty trained attack swine "Warpig" is venomous about his ex-girlfriends or new flings . The enemy may use ticks as ammo but Warpig will protect her General to the end.


Beware! Luna Sow is posing as a nude pole dancer and extremley rude, bitter and conceited. She has been quoted as saying "I pray I never ever have to wear a one piece..I have a thing about my belly being covered....I feel like I'm suffocating....:( " - and.."I cannot and refuse to wear a onepiece.....I start pulling at the belly section frantically......I need exposure!! " Meanwhile The Morphine Hog is reduced to posing as an organ grinder with her pet monkey, who is really Hot Hand Luke. Don't let these "trashy HO HOGS" fool you!!


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BABETTE'S BUZZLINE

Juicy Tidbits from JFF brought to you by
Babette Bouffount-Froux



Bonjour..I have returned...to what???...Well...
I don't usually bother with freaks ( those who sit in fires and claim to have red eyes)...but...People...this Chicklette is so stupid everybody knows she is 15 not 19. Lies...Lies...Lies... She says she has been engaged for 6 years ?!? Dear..if an engagement lasts that long, why marry? People, just tell Chicklette you aren't buying OR selling her lies!



Last night in the 80's room (are they hiding from MOI?), guppy, a.k.a Taniwahi, loosely translated into English means "wishy-washy", and Dope Fiend had a HUGE fight with Ron....very nasty.... Ron somehow convinced ex-girlfriend DopeFiend ( who is engaged to ??? possibly Hot Hand Harry) that he still loves her YUCKIE. DopeFIend then phoned Ron....who wouldn't talk because he heard Guppy's voice. Phone call #2...Ron still hears Guppy's "Raspy 50 yr old voice" - DopeFiend laughs at this insult.....Call #3..Now Guppy talks to Ron. Both nitwits claim to have tapes of Ron that they are sending to Clive (I wish!). So while fighting in the 80's both of these sorry ladies(?) are begging Ron to talk on the phone, but they claim they hate him - oh puLEESE.


Also, Gurnesy Gurl's own Marine Guy has been slipping off to private rooms with Lady Sparky....having C-sex??? ....maybe even phone sex????.....Naughty, Naughty. Warpig, if you bring Marine Guy along to help you and the General he wouldn't get bored and wander away on you. But...what are Marine Guys for?



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CATCHY QUOTES

This spot is for JFFers to submit their favourite and funniest chatroom quotes or stories about anybody and everything

This is the second song submitted by the prolific "Mystic Songwriter"



Just For Fun (Sung to the tune of Wierd Al's *Jerry Springer")
It's been one week since we got to see Cheatin' lovers who Ronnie wants to marry Five days since they had the show With the a rogaine reject, the slut and the crack ho Three days since we heard the tale About him dating a she-male Yesterday it occurred to me That I've been spendin a bit too much time around Ronnie...


Holy cow, d'you see it last week? Well, he talked with this one freak Who sucker-punched his whole family Do you recall when the brawl Became a total free-for-all? And JC's in the middle tryin' to be the referee


It's like "When Animals Attack" They all exhibit reprehensible behavior Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes Step on their toes, that's how it goes They get so violent they have to sign a waiver


They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt and pointin' blame In there? They don't care, they've got no shame They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly They have a history of ripping off their shirts


It's been one week since they had the fight With the psycho twins and the transvestite Five days since that awful brawl They still haven't got the blood off the wall It's been three days since the bitter feud Between the Ron and that gay Jewish black dude Yesterday, finally dawned on me I'm spendin' way too much time around Ron...


Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin' Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin' Ron's the king of confrontation He's a sensation He puts the 'sin' in syndication He's totally worthless, like a bad check It's like a train wreck Don't wanna stare, but you can't look away


Like Sally Jesse he belongs on talk shows But with more weirdos The story is getting stranger every day And pretty soon the ugly goon Comes in the room and then it's BOOM In the face of some unsuspecting drama queen


Well, it's become the kind of place where people scream obscenities Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies "Ronnie Ronnie!" Now the crowd starts their favorite chant Should I turn off my PC? I just can't I have a tendency to laugh it insanely


It's been one week since the show about Psycho whiners with problems they should work out Five days since the big surprise When some Ron's g/f said that she's still dating twenty guys Yesterday, it occurred to me That I've been spending too much time around Ron Tired of wastin' my time on that Ron I've got way too much class to put up with Ron..



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