STAGED SACRILIGE
by B. Bouffant-Froux
I am shocked and appalled. Ron has gone too far this time. The theatre is
sacred!! On the opening night of the Phantom of the Chat Opera Ron terrified
the leading lady, immobolized the leading man, (and assumed the lead role),
horrified the audience and worst of all brought the curtain down! For this
he should be "hung, drawn and quartered" nothing less will do!
On a brighter note. I do think Clive is wrong, these spunky kids (The Thorazine
Thespians) will pull themselves together and the curtain will rise again, I'm
sure. I was lucky enough to get a peek at a dress rehersal and look at
these marvelous roles:
CAST:
THE PHANTOM: Played handsome Innocent Criminal.
A man who after a freak accident (his computer blew up in his face when
Ron nuked him) lives in the sewers (like a rat) under the Paris Opera.
Now that he resembles Gollum he paddles his boat about under the stage
longing for the beautiful....
CHRISTINE: Played by the lovely and desirable diva Jersey Chic.
[Ladies; here is a peak at a few dazzling costumes]: (click here)]
Christine, the gifted soprano of the Paris Opera, loved and admired by all but....
CARLOTTA: Played by Lady Emerald.
The conceited rival soprano doomed to failure, is bitter and twisted with hate,
living off Christine's rejects.....
RAOUL: Played by Caelis.
Dumped by Christine, now stuck with the bitter fumes wafting off Carlotta.
Plotting Christine's demise in a jester suit (??)
MASK OF THE RED DEATH: Played by Lady ALmorph
Is supposed to be the phantom in a skeleton suit, but its really a Paris
streetwalker. She wants to bump off Christine, marry Raoul and become a
big shot Diva of the Opera. Unfortunately she ruined her voice yelling
obscenities at her customers......last and least...
UBALDO PIANGI: Played by Luna Sea
(The name is bigger than the part). A wee little Indian girl who is just
the maid. But...all of her make up is competely organic and natural.
Oh, her costumes are nice too.
How could he fool them ? You be the judge (Click here)
(Miss JC in her dressing room
recovering from her near fatal shock )
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THE PHANTOM FROM HELL!
by Clive Beetlebox
(A smirking PhantoRon at the time of arrest)
Last night Chatalyst's own Amateur Theatrical Group
"The Thorazine Thespians", set out to debut their most lavish and ambitous
production yet - "The Phantom of the Chat Opera". While they were expecting
rave reviews and the applause and cheers of adoring fans, they got disaster!!!
When the fat phantom whipped off his mask, all hell broke loose. The beautiful
leading lady Diva Jersey Chic screamed in terror and fainted. The audience
leapt to their feet enmasse and went beserk, screaming, crying, vomiting,
praying and fleeing the theatre. Why?? There! On stage stood a visage not
to be borne..RON!!! Maybe if there had been a forwarning this tragedy could
have been averted, maybe not.
Later while the police searched for Ron the tragic troop's leading man Innocent
Criminal was found bound, gagged and drugged in a store room. Innocent Criminal
will recover from his ordeal. A suspicious looking clown was seen lurking
backstage just before the performance. It is believe by police that Ron
slipped the real Phantom a "mickey Finn" while in this disguise. Ron was
eventually found and arrested. But..I fear for the Thorazine Thespians this
may have been their swan song.
As Ron was lead away in shackles to his jail cell he was heard to exclaim:
"I'll be back - you can't keep me out. I'll find a way in!!!!!"
(Lurker caught on surveillance camera)
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To Submit your stories , gossip or comments click here
BABETTE'S BUZZLINE
Juicy Tidbits from JFF brought to you by
Babette Bouffount-Froux
Bonjour Chatters....Another day another dollar..work work work...
I should like to correct a greivous error. Some of you believe that
either Clive or moi stated somewhere in the Scribe that Shapeless is a
stripper. This is wrong!! Read more carefully before saying such things, we have no idea what the young lady does and you may be causing her anguish.
Elsewhere..... They say beauty is only skin deep. Well not in JFF!!! The conceit just rolls up post after post. Its like a contest - who can come up with the most ego-boosting lines. I like this one (Not from the Guppy this time):
~XXXX~XXXXXXX Templar.....actually I'm neither fat nor ugly...
if I could get folks to believe either of those I would be elated..but ask Lotp yourself...*shrugs*...to be honest I would gladly be ugly
PUlease!!
Also....There is a new "Cookie" on the block. What.....not a faerie, a nymph
or a wee one? Her stats? "25, plain, average looking, a secretary"(?) Oh this won't do!! Dear Cookie, I'm so sorry you do not fit in, you should be
getting the bum's rush soon. Unless, that was all false modesty. Hint Hint.
Send your Gossip Tidbits to Babette here
| FIRST RUN FAIRY TALES
This is for all the JFF chatters - stories, songs and miscellaneous quotes
Here is what Link TIgger thinks about Ron:
LiNk~TiGGeR?¿?¿ stops and listens to the shit being spurted from the fat lips of the fattest
and ugliest being on the planet....
This was a rather quirky , funny little exchange between two girls in JFF
Mercedes: My best friend died last week.
Queen Bitch: Oh thats terrible how'd it happen?
Mercedes: she was killed when a riding lawnmower fell over on her, and she cracked her neck,
and drowned
Queen Bitch: she should not have been trying to mow a lake.....
And finally from Spotty Bagel (!?) this offering:
SpottyBagel: Ron} My mistake. You simply suck. You suck so much that my eyes water from
the hilarity of your overt suckedness.
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