Laws of Japanese Animation
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#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
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The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation
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Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is
rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Accoustics
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In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is
no air to get in the way.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
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In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
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The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha
are the fastest objects known to human science.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability
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Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does
something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and
lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality
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'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick
they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the
character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence
or why the toast always lands butter side down.
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality
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It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical
damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even
see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the
brain.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis
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Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either
still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red
or white).
#10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
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Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the
'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
#11 - Law of Inherent Combustability
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Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corrallary -
Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corrallary -
Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human
science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these
cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".
#12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission
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Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13 - Law of Energetic Emission
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There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy
'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the
explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to
the Law of Inherent Combustability.
#14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
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The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly porportional to
its size.
#15 - Law of Inexhaustability
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No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they
are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
#16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy
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The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm
increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the
'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the
shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A
'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving
vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a
'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corrallary -
The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit
anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corrallary -
Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad
Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out
with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corrallary -
Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a
designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or
arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous
than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy
machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.
#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
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Minmei is a bimbo. (* Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees
and thinks all men who like this stuff need to get out more. *)
#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
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The human body contains over 12 galons of blood, sometimes more, under
high pressure.
#19 - Law of Demonic Consistency
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Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes,
loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not
unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.
#20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability
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Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of
cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a
single insignifigant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
#21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability
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Tactical geniuses aren't....
#22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
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People never notice the little things.... Like missing body parts,
or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
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Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
#24 - Law of Antagonistic Americanthropomorphism
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The really nasty 'Bad Guys' are always skinny Americans.
#25 - Law of Americanthropomorphistic Intellectual Inferiority
The stupid 'Good Guys' are always big Americans.
First Corrallary -
The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans
are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green
Line Effect)
Second Corrallary -
The only people who are more stupid than the American translators
are the American editors and censors.
#26 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality
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The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at
which they are speaking.
#27 - Law of Feline Mutation
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Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any
#28 - Law of Conservation of Firepower
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Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a
single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
#29 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence
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The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is
inversely proportional to its complexity.
#30 - Law of Melee Luminescence
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Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess
and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This
aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is
attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than
Evil.
#31 - Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
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All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent
on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#32 - Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
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Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color.
This color can change without warning or explanation.
#33 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
*ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically
aerodynamic.
#34 - Law of Probable Attire
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(from ???)
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless
of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any
female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her
clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow.
Whenever there is a headwind, a Male character will invariably wear a
long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically
behind him.
First Corrallary (Cryo-Adaptability) -
All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures,
and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corrallary (Indecent Invulnerability) -
(from Nyctomania@aol.com)
Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.
#35 - Law of Musical Omnipotence
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Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an
instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more
"simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an
intergalactic war, and so on...especially if they have never
attempted these things before.
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(
geocities.com/scy_88)