You might be an Army Brat if…
1. Your momma’s favorite shade of lipstick was light green and loam.
2. You pulled stand-to before Saturday morning cartoons.
3. You practiced noise and light discipline after the hours of darkness in your own home.
4. You called your sandbox NTC.
5. Someone saying, “Your momma wears combat boots” didn’t offend you.
6. While riding in the family van to Walt Disney World you were told to face out.
7. You were pissed because your older brother was on separate rations.
8. Your daily chores included police calls and cleaning the latrine.
9. You knew what “latrine” meant.
10. You did PT before you went to school.
11. You had written counseling for all report cards.
12. You were allotted days for summer vacation.
13. Vacations had to be requested a month prior.
14. You knew you were in trouble if your father told you to stretch and hydrate.
15. You and your siblings resolved problems with combatives or pugil sticks.
16. You knew how to make hospital corners before you could read.
17. You had a packing list for your book bag.
18. If you scraped your knee, you were instructed to drink water, take Motrin, and come back if it gets worse.
19. You had to sign for your Christmas presents.
20. You called, “At-ease!” when your dad came home.
21. You ended phone calls to your grandmother with, “Out.”
22. You were bitched out for saying “out” because your grandmother outranks you.
23. Your reply to your father when he caught you playing with Barbies was, “Don’t ask, don’t tell.”
24. You always wore headgear outside of your house.
25. You thought your first name was “Private” or “Hooah.”
26. You entered your house using challenge-and-password.
27. Looking good on Sunday morning meant having your gig line straight.
28. You had a closet display SOP.
29. You spent Sunday afternoons spit shining your shoes.
30. Each window in your home had a sector sketch.
31. Dinner always had chicken, hamburgers, and some kind of beef.
32. Your family conducted headcount for dinner.
33. Getting your allowance included a family run followed by a Payday Activities Inspection.
34. No one was allowed to speak of your uncle who was in the Coast Guard.
35. Your shower curtain was camouflaged.
36. Your siblings were known as “Those Buddy Fuckers.”
37. You had a mosquito bar on your crib.
38. There were no doors in the latrine.
39. You called Big Bird a Commie for not using the phonetic alphabet.
40. You assumed Bert and Ernie were in the Navy.
41. You thought the Power Rangers had the Tab.
42. You found out you had a roster number before you were named.
43. You stood at parade rest in all lines.
44. The only belt you owned was a pistol belt.
45. Your lunchbox had “7.62 mm linked” printed on the side of it.
46. You ate chow at the position of attention, and didn’t speak unless someone spoke to you.
47. The ID Bracelet you received when you were born had your last name, first name, social, religion, and blood type.
48. Your childhood swing-set was an obstacle course.
49. While walking you carried items only in your left hand.
50. You wore a road guard vest when you went to school.
51. The walk to school was a forced march.
52. Your dad’s power tools were called “Hooligan Tools,” and his toolbox was the “Breach Kit.”
53. Your underwear was brown.
54. Your home security consisted of concertina wire and trip flares.
55. You had to have a safety briefing and a bicycle inspection before long weekends.
56. You called your bike the POV.