My Dear Sean
       
The hardest thing I thought I'd ever have to do
was go through labor and give birth to you...
But it wasn't.

Then I thought...
The hardest thing I'd ever have to do
was to keep you from harm through the toddler years,
teach you right from wrong,
teach you to love others while showing you I loved you...
But it wasn't.

Then I thought...
The hardest thing I'd ever have to do
was watch you leave me on your first day of school,
worrying about you,
hoping you'd be all right without me by your side,
reassuring you that I loved you...
But it wasn't.

Then I thought...
The hardest thing I'd ever have to do
was get you through your younger years,
do all the right things for you,
spend enough time with you,
try to be your friend,
discipline you when I needed to,
worry about you and
never let you forget how very much I loved you...
But it wasn't.

Then I thought...
The hardest thing I'd ever have to do
was watch you grow into a teen-ager,
help you make the right decisions,
trying to protect you, sometimes being tough on you,
while all along always trying to stay a friend to you,
hoping I was doing what I should for you,
worrying about you all the time,
reminding you how much I loved you...
But it wasn't.

Then I thought...
The hardest thing I'd ever have to do
was watch you grow into a young man,
teaching you how to get along in the world by yourself,
reminding you that you are never really alone and
seeing you leave home to be on your own,
letting you know I'd always be there for you,
making sure you'd always remember how much you're loved...
But it wasn't.

I know what it was...
The hardest thing I ever had to do
was open the door to your room,
to have to see your body lying still,
wanting for you to smile at me and knowing you couldn't,
wanting you to get up and talk to me, and tell me you were O.K.
But it didn't happen.

The hardest thing I ever had to do was to live without you,
my times with you were over.

The hardest thing I ever had to do was say good-bye to you, my son,
though you were so young, only twenty,
I have so many memories of our times together and
I'll never forget how much you changed my life,
how much you meant to me and how much I loved you.

Forever and Always,

Love Mom
XXOOXX
Updated: 12-10-2008
In Loving Memory
Of My Son
Sean Stephen Kukoleck
5-1-1981 to 12-19-2001

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