~~~"Filia and Xelloss: Time Travelers" ~~~~Another MST by Els-chan ~~~Featuring: ~~~Xelloss Metallium ~~~Filia Ul Copt ~~~Lina Inverse ~~~Gourry Gabriev ~~~Luna Inverse ~~~Zelas Metallium ~~~Disclaimer: The only character I own is Els-chan. That's it. ~~~WARNING: I'm not really sure where this will go yet, so there's not much I can write here... ~~~but I will warn you, I tend to be quite the X/F shipper, so...Oh, and no flaming please. It's ~~~kinda stupid to flame an MST anyway, don't you think? I mean, if I went around sayin' I was ~~~emporer just 'cause some watery bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! ....on that ~~~rather incredibly stupidly pointless note, I don't own Monty Python, either. Oh, and the language ~~~gets a bit rough around the edges here. ~~~We find our vic...er...re...ah, the hell with it...victims still in the theatre, just where we left ~~~them. But let's just get to the MiSTing, eh? Xellos shrugs “Fine then” He walks to the left ~~~Filia: And falls into a bottomless pit, never to be heard from again. Filia walks to the right. “Fine then.” ~~~Xelloss: Filia then slams headfirst into a stone wall. ^_^ Her skull cracks open and she barely has time to scream ~~~in agony as the blood and grey matter... ~~~Lina: Enough, Xelloss... ~~~Xelloss: Aww, but I was just getting to the good part! Xellos grumbles “Baka ryuzoku. I should blast her. After all I can kill her with a snap of a finger” ~~~Xelloss: Juuou-sama, may I test that theory now? ~~~Xelas: No. Maybe later. Filia grumbles “Baka namagomi. I should have Lina blast him. I couldn’t kill him of course. After all he can kill me with a snap of a finger. Why does he always bug me?” Xellos kicks at a rock. ~~~Xelloss: *as Zelgadis* Ow! DAMN YOU REZO!!! “She always has to bug me, insult me. Why can’t she go bug Zelgadis ~~~Lina: Because he already has Amelia to deal with. or Gourry ~~~Lina: Because Gourry... ~~~Gourry: What? ~~~Luna: Nothing, dear. It's just the fic talking. ~~~Gourry: Oh. ~~~Lina: As I was saying...because Gourry just can't be fazed. or even Zangulus! ~~~Filia: Because I never met that person. Who is s/he? It always has to be me!” ~~~Xelloss: *a la boy band* It's gonna be me! *Everyone cringes* ~~~Xelas: Xelloss, if you do that again, I'm renting you out to Dynast and you can deal with his reincarnated Shera ~~~clone. ~~~Xelloss: *looks genuinely frightened* Sorry Juuou-sama! I won't let it happen again! JUST PLEASE, NOT THAT!!! ~~~Luna: Why does he hate her so much anyway? ~~~Xelas: She gave him a rather...severe itch in his nether regions. ~~~Filia: *eyes go wide and she turns a slight shade of red* *mutters something about virgins under her breath* Filia slams her fist in her hand. ~~~Xelloss: *as Filia's hand* OW!!! HEY! What'd I ever do to you, huh?! “He says he didn’t do anything to me but he annoys me so! Why can’t he go bug Amelia ~~~Lina: *sighs* Do we really need to go through this again? He can't bug Amelia because Amelia is too busy ~~~bothering Zel, and if he came within ten feet of Zel, he'd probably be castrated. ~~~Gourry: What's castrated mean? ~~~Xelas: *whispers into Gourry's ear* *Gourry's eyes go wide* ~~~Gourry: OWWWWW!!! *covers his crotch with his hands* or Lina ~~~Lina: Because I'd Dragon Slave his ass. or even Martina! ~~~Filia: BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT PERSON IS EITHER!!! It always has to be me!” ~~~Xelloss: *opens his mouth* ~~~Xelas: *gives him a dangerous look* ~~~Xelloss: *shuts his mouth* Xellos folded his arms. “That girl is going to bring me old age!” ~~~Luna: Considering how old Xelloss already is, I don't think that's really an issue. Filia folded her arms “That guy is going to bring me old age!” ~~~Xelloss: Too late! ~~~Filia: And just what is THAT supposed to mean?! Both of them “Argh!” ~~~Zelas & Luna: AWWW!!! LOVERS' SPAT!!! *Gourry and Lina give them weird looks, while Filia and Xelloss grant them death-glares* They bump into each other and fall. ~~~Lina: Oh, real graceful, there... The both of them sniffed ~~~Luna: ...each other.... ~~~Filia: I AM NOT A DOG!!! ~~~Xelas: No, but you sure are a bitch... ~~~Xelloss: *sniff sniff* Hmmm...do you smell something? and walked in different direction Xellos looks at the ground. “I’ll admit she is sexy, especially when she is in those shorts…” ~~~Xelloss: *blanches* EXCUSE ME?! ~~~Luna: My Ceiphied, this is starting to sound like a premise for a Ranma 1/2 lemon... *Everyone else turns and stares blankly at her* Filia looks at the ground “OK I’ll admit he is sexy. His smiles, his laugh, his voice…” ~~~Filia: *turns bright red, but whether from rage or embarrassment, we may never know* ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR ~~~MIND?! THAT *points at Xelloss* is NOT, nor will it EVER BE SEXY!!! ~~~Xelas: *to Luna* Isn't denial a horrible thing? ~~~Luna: I always thought it was a river! *rimshot* *Everyone else groans at the bad pun* “I would stop insulting her if she stopped insulting me.” ~~~Xelloss: No, I wouldn't. I'd probably just get worse. “I would stop insulting him if he stopped insulting me.” “Even Val likes me. But she doesn’t like me.” “He even likes Val but doesn’t like me.” ~~~Xelloss: Oh, and Val says he doesn't like you, either. ~~~Filia: * looks like she's about to cry* DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT!!!! LEAVE MY BABY ALONE!!! NAMAGOMI!!! “Why am I worried about what she thinks anyway. It doesn’t matter.” “Why am I worried about what he thinks anyway. It doesn’t matter. " ~~~Xelloss: Hello, and welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department. ~~~Luna: This repeating each other's lines thing is starting to get a bit irritating... “Well she is stubborn… But she is a great girl when she isn’t calling me Namagomi.” ~~~Xelloss: She's really not, though. If she isn't calling me Namagomi, she's chasing me with her mace, giving me evil ~~~looks, calling me some OTHER names, pointing out every last one of my flaws... ~~~Xelas: My Shabby, you two DO sound like a married couple!!! “Well he is stubborn… But he is a great guy when he isn’t saying ‘Sore wa himitsu desu’.” ~~~Filia: No, he isn't! Then he's just being a general nuisance, being violent, reminding me of every last damned thing ~~~my race did wrong, just rubbing my nose in it.... “I would never tell her this…” ~~~Xelloss: Time to prove the fic wrong again! *turns to Filia* This. ~~~Filia: What?! ~~~Xelloss: Well, the fic said that I would never tell you 'this'. Therefore, to prove the fic wrong, I told you, and I ~~~quote, "This." ~~~Filia: Riiiight.... “I would never tell him this…” “Maybe I should ask her out.” ~~~Xelloss: Or not and say I didn't. “Maybe I should invite him over.” ~~~Filia: Why bother?! He just waltzes right in whenever the hell he feels like and IRRITATES ME TO NO END!!!! ~~~ARRRGHH!!! ~~~Gourry: You know, Filia, you're starting to sound like my Grandma...or was it my aunt? Anyway, she always ~~~used to say that about either Grandpa or my uncle, depending on who it is you're actually starting to sound like... ~~~*gets a slightly confused look on his face* They bump into each other again but remain standing ~~~Lina: Congratulations, you can stand on two feet. Xellos started “Er Filia…I, Er, Uh, was thinking. Maybe we could get out faster if we walked together…” ~~~Xelloss: Actually, I was thinking it'd be faster if I ran and left her behind, but oh, well... Filia nods. “Yeah. That’s a good idea.” Walk in silence… ~~~Luna: ...of the Lambs.... ~~~Xelas: That was really cheesy, Luna. Filia said this after awhile ~~~Xelloss: HA! The fic proved itself wrong! Earlier, it said she would never tell me 'this', and yet there it is! “Say Xellos.” ~~~Everyone: Xelloss. “Hmm?” “Do mazoku love?” Filia asked ~~~Xelloss: Define 'love'. “Huh?” Xellos opened his eyes ~~~Filia: But not in time to see the hole he was about to fall into... ~~~Lina: *as Xelloss* Damn plotholes... Filia repeats the question. Xellos didn’t say anything, then answered ~~~Gourry: How can you not say anything and answer? “I heard you the first time. I was just taken back. I guess you can say mazoku is capable of love.” ~~~Xelas: Just as you can say "The quick red fox jumped over the big brown dog." ~~~Luna: Or "Mommy made me mush my M&Ms." he was about to add an insult but stopped in time ~~~Luna:...to avoid falling into another hole, and forgot what he was going to say entirely. “What about you?” Filia asks this softly. ~~~Xelloss: Well, I enjoy long walks on the beach, severing weaker beings limb from limb, the usual. And you? Xellos blushes slightly “I guess… Why?” Filia shrugged. “I don’t know… Just wondering if you ever had a crush on someone. I’d figure you’d say something like mazoku don’t love.” ~~~Xelloss: I'd never say something like that! I'd say it was a secret, then change the subject and taunt her ~~~mercilessly! “Oh…” Silence… ~~~Luna: ...of the Lambs... ~~~Xelas: You already did that one, and I told you then that it was cheesy! “What about you?” Xellos asked “Had a crush? Sort of.” Filia said ~~~Lina: I once crushed some ice, but that's about it... “What do you mean?” Xellos was curious *Xelas and Luna snicker* ~~~Xelas: My, my, Xelloss! And here I thought those fics were just the result of some fangirl's wild imagination! Is ~~~there something you should tell me? ~~~Xelloss: Well, I must admit, I have wondered... ~~~Lina: Oh, ewww.... ~~~Gourry: *blank look* Is this about that time you said you needed to give me a checkup and you grabbed me down ~~~there... *points at his crotch* ...and told me to cough? ~~~Filia and Lina: OH, EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! *Xelas and Luna howl with laughter* Filia looks at him warily “I figured I was in love.” ~~~Xelloss: But then she realized it was just heartburn. Xellos got braver “Recent?” ~~~Xelloss: Yeah, she went through a whole bottle of antacids just last week... Filia nods Xellos blushes and thinks ‘Hmm how am I ever going to take her out… Wait! What am I thinking?’ ~~~Xelas: You were thinking of ways to take your little dragon girl out. ~~~Xelloss: That had better mean that I'm thinking of ways to kill her... ~~~Luna: Don't worry, Xelloss-chan, it doesn't mean that at all. “Why? “ Filia asked Xellos stutters. “Er Ah um I Uh was Uh just asking ya know to ah make a conversation.” ~~~Filia: *rolls her eyes* Oh, no, THAT won't arouse any suspicion... Filia silently thinking ‘What’s wrong with Xellos? Worried about my love life. I couldn’t tell him it was him I am in love with. ~~~Filia: Mainly because I'm not in love with him. I’m so stupid. Why did I fall for a mazoku? Hey what’s that?’ ~~~Lina: That would be the last of Xelloss' character. ~~~Filia: Look! It's making a break for it! ~~~Xelloss: RUN, MY CHARACTER, RUN! SAVE YOURSELF!!! Wait, I take that back...TAKE ME WITH YOU!!! She looks at her arm and screams. ~~~Lina: Oh, Ceiphied, it's TOUCHING me!!! “Eeek!” She slaps her arm killing the spider that was there. ~~~Luna: Well, that was a random plot point. Xellos rushes to her side. “Filia! What’s wrong?” ~~~Filia: You're standing too close to me, that's what! And when was the last time you took a shower...? He looks over to see a black widow spider falling from Filia’s arm. ~~~Luna: *as spider* Help! I forgot my bungee cord! SPLAT! He goes over to her and brings her arm to his lips, sucking out any poison. ~~~Xelloss: So, I've decided to poison myself in order to get out of this fic? Filia looks at him in surprise. “What are you doing?” ~~~Gourry: He's sucking the poison out of your arm. It says so right there. ~~~Filia: *rolls eyes* Thank you, Gourry. ~~~Gourry: *oblivious* You're welcome! “Shh.” Xellos mutters. Filia stands there watching him. When he finished he lifted his head and spitted on the ground. Filia looked at him with confused. ~~~Filia: Disgust is more like it... “Here cast a healing spell on your self.” Xellos said. Filia did that as her eyes questioned him. ~~~Luna: *as Filia's eyes* Where were you on the night of the twenty-third? ~~~Xelas: *as Xelloss* I was on a quest for the meaning of life, but killed a bunch of politicians instead. ~~~Luna: Wait, that was you?! In that case, here's three thousand gold pieces and the key to Seyruun! Thank you ~~~for doing us all a favor! ~~~Xelloss: That's right children, always remember - Crime does pay, especially if you're in politics. “I was taking any poison out that came along with the spider. ~~~Luna: No, no, you've got it backwards! It's 'along came a spider'! After all I can take poison better?” ~~~Lina: I don't know, can you? Xellos laughed. Filia tilted her head to the side looking at him. ~~~Filia: She thought to herself that this was proof. He truly had gone over the edge. She finally had an excuse to ~~~send him to the asylum. Then laughed. ~~~Luna: For no apparent reason. “I guess so.” She said reluctantly. “Well let’s go. Still gotta find our way out.” Xellos suggested. “Hai. You know I wonder if this is Zelas and Luna’s doing.” Filia said thoughtfully. ~~~Gourry: Well, duh, you're just catching onto this now? ~~~Lina: There you have it folks. If Gourry caught onto it, then it must have been obvious. “Wouldn’t be surprised.” Xellos muttered. “Oh shoot. This isn’t fair. Can we sit for a minute?” Filia asked. “Sure.” Xellos said nodding. They sat down at the table Filia popped up. Filia brought out her tea. “Want some?” She offered. ~~~Filia: Just for the record, I would never, EVER share my tea with that mazoku. Xellos nodded and took the tea she fixed. ~~~Lina: Then he realized it was actually poison, thereby giving him a chance to find out if he could, indeed, take ~~~poison better. “Mmmm. Nothing better then tea.” Filia said as she drank the tea, steam blowing in her face. ~~~Xelas: Here's smoke in your eyes... ~~~Filia: Dammit, they said that this was the no smoking section! Xellos agreed. ~~~Luna: What? That steam was blowing in her face? ~~~Xelloss: You know, there's a really good joke in there about blow-jobs... “All right I’m ready. How about you?” Filia said a few minutes later. Xellos nodded. They walked in silence till they reached an end. ~~~Gourry: Of the silence? “Nani?” Xellos asked. “Maybe you go though the wall.” Filia suggested. “Yeah... go ahead and try.” Xellos said ~~~Xelloss: That way I can laugh when you hit your head and crack your skull open, giving yourself barely enough ~~~time to... ~~~Lina: I thought I told you to stop that, Xelloss... ~~~Xelloss: Awww, you're no fun, Lina... “No! Why do you think I said maybe you walk through the wall.” Filia argued. ~~~Luna: A man walked into a bar. Ow. *rimshot* *Everyone else groans* They continued this for a few minutes till they both decided to do it together. ~~~Xelas: Well, yes, it does usually help if you have a partner when doing THAT... ~~~Lina: I don't think that's what they meant...at least, I HOPE that's not what they meant... They stuck their hand out ~~~Gourry: Are you sure there isn't something going on with the two of you? I mean, it said you share a hand and ~~~all... ~~~Filia & Xelloss: NO! *glare at each other* and it went through the wall. The wall turned like dry water for them to walk through. ~~~Lina: Now THERE'S an oxymoron if I ever saw one... 'dry water'.... ~~~Luna: Buy your dehydrated water today! It's so easy to make! Just add water! Now only $99.99! But wait! Act ~~~now and we'll throw in this nifty box of air! “See I was right.” Filia said. They walked through to find themselves back in Luna and Zelas’s world. “We made it... now to find the kids.” Xellos took Filia’s hand to teleport when a voice stopped them. “You from the future...” The voice said. It wasn’t a deep voice. Neither was it high pitched. Just in between. ~~~Xelas: Fascinating. *yawn* Xellos and Filia looked around. Xellos opened one eye. “You will be hearing from me soon.” The voice said. Then they were teleported back to the Inverse house. ~~~Luna: And there we have yet another random and useless plot point. ~~~Lina: Now I can die happy knowing that they would hear from the voice again. The mysteries of life have been ~~~solved. The answer is 42! (1) “I wonder what he meant by that.” Filia said. ~~~Gourry: It meant that you'd be hearing from him again. I thought that was kind of obvious. “Me too. Well let’s go make sure the kids didn’t do too much mess.” Xellos shrugged. They walk in the house to hear loud music playing and a group of teenagers dancing in the front room. Lina and Gourry where at the table eating ice cream. Luna was streaming toilet paper over everything. And Zelas flirting with the boys. ~~~Lina: OK, wait...Filia and Xelloss couldn't have been gone for more than an hour, yet still Luna and Xelas managed ~~~to throw together a party? Filia balled her fist. Then shouted. “OUT! THE PARTY IS ENDING NOW!” The kids looked up at an angry Filia and decided to listen. Zelas took off the soundproof spell and both her Luna tried to sneak off. “Not. So. Fast.” Filia grounded out closing her eyes. Zelas and Luna sweatdropped. “Lina. Gourry. Go.” Filia shooed them out the room. Which they immediately did. “I want every last part of this house cleaned by the time the Inverses and Gabrievs get home. And no magic.” Filia said with her eyes still closed. Luna and Zelas scurried out the room to go clean up. Filia opened her eyes, sighed and fell on the couch. “Er, Filia? You alright?” Xellos asked sitting down next to her. ~~~Xelloss: Alas, dear character, I knew ye well... “Time which has passed, Be called back once more.” Filia said, changing the front room back to normal. The spell spread through the house. “Nani?” Xellos, Luna, and Zelas asked. “I thought you said no magic.” Luna added. ~~~Xelas: Really, Filia, it's not much of a punishment if you do it yourself. “I want to know why I’m in the past... now.” Filia said. ~~~Luna: And therefore you're asking the people IN the past this...why? Zelas and Luna looked at each other. Then went to their adult form. “Well er we ah just ah wanted to um...” Zelas started. “We er ah just wanted to help you relationship.” Luna finished. Filia’s eyes narrowed. ~~~Lina: Hey, Filia, how'd you know that Xelas and Luna weren't really the Xelas and Luna from the past? ~~~Filia: Maybe I'm psychic. “With who?” She asked. ~~~Xelas: *innocently* Alice Cooper. “Xellos?” Luna and Zelas winced. “I told you time after time I don’t like Xellos. So drop it! Don’t you have something better to do?!” Filia yelled. Luna and Zelas looked at each other again then looked at Filia and shook their heads. ~~~Lina: That's right, the Knight of Ceiphied and one of Shabby's most powerful generals have nothing better to ~~~do with their lives than play matchmaker. ~~~Right. “Argh! I’m going to pull all my hair out listening to these two!” She cried. “You were that voice from before weren’t you?” Xellos spoke up. They nodded. “I can’t believe two are acting so childish. Ok send me home.” Filia said. “No can do.” Zelas said. ~~~Xelas: Luna ate the time machine thingy. ~~~Luna: *sobbing* I couldn't help it! I got hungry! ~~~Lina: Sounds more like something Gourry would do... “And why not?” “Sore wa himitsu desu.” Zelas winked and she and Luna popped back into their teenage form and teleported away. “Can we have some ice cream?” Lina’s voice came from upstairs. “Yeah.” Xellos said. Filia glared at him. “You go to bed in five minutes. Doesn’t matter if you’re finished our not.” Filia said. Xellos and the kids helped themselves to some ice cream and Filia closed her eyes for a moment. When she woke up she found Xellos sleeping in a ball next to her. ~~~Filia: The funny part was that there was no air in the ball and Xelloss wasn't really sleeping, but was actually ~~~quite dead from suffocation. ~~~Xelloss: Pleasant as always, I see. ‘He looks so innocent.’ Filia laughed to herself. ~~~Filia: Because even she knew that was a lie. She walked up the stairs to see Lina sleeping peacefully in her bed and Gourry sleeping on the end of it. ~~~Xelloss: Wait, they're how old and they're sharing a bed? My, my, who knew that we had such horny little... She shut off their light and looked at the time by Lina’s bed. ~~~Els-chan: *pops up* And she saw that it was time to end part 4! Yay!!! ************************************************************************** (1) This I borrowed from 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
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