Episode 34: Jonah's Ordeal / She said: "Don't Make Others Suffer For Your Personal Hatred" 2
"Sir! We just lost the Sixth Child's
ego-border! No reading! She's...she's gone!"
"What do you mean, gone?"
"Look!"
The scene many recognized. It had happened
to Shinji. But then, his ego-border, the part of him that defined
the very outline of his body and the presence of his soul, was still recognizable
by NERV's sophisticated array of instruments.
Hikari's plug suit, still bright red even
in the confines of the dim entry plug, was empty. Her interface clips
floated lazily in the still LCL.
Hikari had disappeared. And not just
her body. There was no trace of the ego-border anywhere in the plug.
Or in the Eva.
Unit-15, already on hands and knees, slumped
and fell prostrate on the shore of the Sea of Dirac.
Asuka blinked, rubbing her watering and blinded
eyes. The Angel had, for a scant few seconds, become brighter than
any artificial light source she'd ever seen. She squeezed out the
burning pain, blinked twice more, and readied her Eva in case the Angel
was preparing to attack them.
Ahead, there was only the dark expanse of
the Sea of Dirac, into which some structures were still slowly sinking.
But the Angel that had generated the black circle had disappeared.
Unbelieving, she scanned the skies, looking for any indication of her enemy.
Not finding any, she remembered the 12th Angel's ability to move the Sea
of Dirac wherever it chose, and checked the streets for excess shadows
that might have threatened her.
The pattern indicators that marked the Angel's position had disappeared
from her HUD. Only those marking the other Evas were still active,
and the ones delineating the danger zone around the dark purple Sea.
Still not finding anything, she became suddenly
even more worried. Shinji, too, hadn't said anything for a while.
Obviously, he could still remember what had happened when he and Unit-01
had both been swallowed by the same physical irregularity.
Touji muttered something under his breath,
watching the uppermost antennae and towers of the remaining skyscrapers
disappear into the black void. Kensuke watched silently, marvelling
at the Angel's strange ability.
"Hikari?" she whispered.
There was no response.
"Hikari?" She activated the visual link
to her friend's entry plug, hoping she was just unconscious.
The tiny orange box expanded from a point,
giving her a clear view of...nothing. She supposed Hikari just wasn't
looking up at the moment.
"Hikari?"
Fuyutsuki's somber face appeared next to it,
floating among the collection of faces that represented the links she had
to the other Evas.
"Sir?" she asked, drawn momentarily away from
the holograph that still failed to convince her Hikari was okay.
"You are to maintain your current positions.
Shut down your Evangelions and eject your entry plugs. Stand by for
further instructions." He winked out of existence. Kensuke
followed, obeying the orders immediately. An entry plug emerged from
Unit-16's back.
Not wanting to leave until she was sure Hikari
was safe, Asuka expanded the open communications window until it would
give her a full view of Unit-15's entry plug.
An empty red plug suit floated across the
camera's line of sight.
"Holy shit. Can she scream or what?"
Dr. Robertson looked up momentarily from his computer station to look at
the rest of the bridge crew, most of whom were holding their ears.
"Oh, shut up," muttered Shigeru to his co-worker.
Fuyutsuki had disappeared from his place atop
the command tower, leaving Shigeru in command of what was essentially a
very difficult situation. At the moment, though, he didn't feel in
control at all. Desaint had been watching, as he always did, and
right now, the last thing he needed was to have to explain Hikari's situation
to the U.N. toady.
"I don't understand," Desaint protested, "how
could she just have disappeared?"
Shigeru referred him to Dr. Robertson.
* * *
"Asuka?" Shinji stood somewhat precariously
balanced on the edge of Unit-02's neck, one foot on the armour plate that
normally covered the entry plug's insertion point. His other rested
on the entry plug itself, and he was supporting himself on the plug with
both hands, so as not to lose his balance.
He knocked a second time, and was gratified
to feel the locking mechanism vibrate under his fingers before the hatch
slid upwards. "Asuka?" he asked again, staring at her immobile figure
draped over the steel monticule between her legs.
It didn't look like she was going to move,
so, after a momentary hesitation, he hoisted himself up over the lip of
the plug and managed to secure a foothold on the lower half of the command
chair.
Climbing up to her hadn't been that difficult.
After ejecting himself from Unit-01, he'd realized she hadn't come out
of her plug yet. But then, he could understand that, given what had
just...happened...to her best friend. It was fairly easy to scramble
up the kneeling Unit-02's shoulder, as the two Evas were crushed together
in the narrow street. Unit-01 was positioned in such a way that Shinji
had been able to climb from its shoulder directly onto the heavy armour
that protected the other Eva's back. It was then a simple matter
to reach the protruding entry plug.
He began to call out to her a third time,
when she finally moved, her arms coming up to her knees.
"Are you..."
Asuka cut him off, her voice somewhere between
angered and sobbing, her eyes flashing at him as she reared back upright.
"Of course I'm okay, dammit! What about Hikari?"
Shinji was somewhat taken aback by this outburst,
but he decided it would be wrong to let down now and leave her alone.
He took a moment to evaluate where he was standing in her entry plug, and
half-crawled, half-climbed the rest of the way up to her.
Her fists tightened again, and she curled
up.
"I'm sorry," he said, kneeling at her feet,
"I know what happened...I...just wanted to know if you were..." Words
failed him, and he found it surprisingly easy to reach out to her and enfold
the heavy switch of the plug suit at her wrist with his hand. Slowly,
her fist relaxed, the fingers uncoiling and opening.
Very gradually, the rest of her body followed
suit, and she leaned back into the chair. Shinji watched as she brought
her hands up to her face, holding it as she recomposed herself.
The second she'd begun screaming, he'd known
something had to have gone horribly wrong. She wouldn't answer anyone.
Finally, Touji and Shinji had caught something about their class rep, and
had immediately re-established the missing communications link. Things
became painfully clear immediately thereafter.
"I'm sorry," he repeated, waiting.
"Shinji?" she said, still holding her hands
over her eyes, "Come here, will you?"
Shinji frowned, uncomprehending. "I'm...right
here."
"Baka," she muttered, then leaned forwards,
wrapping herself around him. Her voice dropped to a whisper before
she continued. "This happened to you, didn't it?"
He nodded, putting his own arms around her.
Asuka had to debate with herself about asking
his opinion. Because she still didn't know how he felt about his
own ordeal in Unit-01's entry plug.
"If it's not too much to ask...could you tell
me what it was like? Do you think she's all right...like that?"
* * *
Already, the morning was starting to take a
toll on Dr. Robertson. He'd hit another snag putting together the
666 firewall; it was much more complicated than he'd thought. Then
the Angel had shown up. Finally, Shigeru just had to delegate the
task of explaining souls to Desaint to him.
"Mr. Desaint: do you believe you have a soul?
Un esprit?" he said, switching to the Inspector's native language
from Japanese.
"Je ne sais que croire à ce sujet."
The rest of the conversation was to continue in French, obviously Desaint's
language of preference. "I don't know what to think."
"Start believing, then. We all do. At least, most of us."
He glared at Shigeru, who glared back, hoping that they weren't talking
about him. "Our bodies, as complicated and carefully evolved as they
are, require the existence of a soul to maintain even the most basic cell
structure. Without it, we are nothing more than a simple hydro-carbon
based liquid, into which a large quantities of simple amino acids and organic
compounds are dissolved. Essentially, we are composed of LCL, primordial
soup."
Desaint looked bewildered. It was hard
not to, having just learned that everything he'd learnt about biology,
ever, was now bunk. "LCL? But...isn't that the liquid the Children
use to breathe in the entry plugs?"
Dr. Robertson shrugged, and continued.
"That's what I said. Or did you get all of that?"
"I did."
"Good for you. We've dubbed the spirit-generated
force that holds us together the 'ego-border'. It defines our bodies,
and keeps us in one piece. What you are looking at now," he said,
gesturing towards the main screen on the far wall, "is what happens when
that barrier is fractured, when it comes down." He decided it would
not be good to bring Third Impact into the discussion. "What has
happened to the Sixth Child is that her corporeal form has been returned
to the most primitive state of life."
Desaint looked a little horrified. "Then
she is dead?"
"Not so," said Dr. Robertson, sorting through
the stack of interface boards near him. "Her soul...simply hasn't
reappeared yet. It's not in the Eva or the entry plug, as far as
we can tell. The MAGI are trying to locate it. When we find
her, we still have a chance at bringing her back." Again, it wouldn't
be good to explain that this had already happened twice before, both times
to members of the Ikari family. Especially not to the Inspector,
as his job was to examine irregularities in NERV's operations and report
them back to NERV's new primary funder, the United Nations and its member
states.
"How, then?"
Dr. Robertson had already begun typing, running
a large number of queries past the MAGI. "It's complicated.
If we can find her. Her soul can survive. Her body is fine
the way it is, as LCL. It's just a matter of putting them together."
Desaint didn't look too convinced it was possible,
and turned back for another look at the main screen, where Hikari's neural
clips had settled on the command chair, on top of her crumpled plug suit.
* * *
Kensuke leaned back against the chair sitting in the entry plug, putting his hands behind his head. It hadn't been long since the Angel had disappeared, and he discovered that he was frustrated at not being able to fight it. The only indicator it had ever come was the massive circular pool of bottomless black at his Eva's feet.
* * *
I feel...much better. It doesn't hurt
anymore.
Wow.
Where am I?
* * *
Shinji and Asuka had long since left the damp,
slippery and cramped confines of the entry plug's command chair, opting
instead to sit against the entry plug where it protruded from the armour
around the Eva's neck.
Asuka had managed to pull herself back together,
but was still mostly silent as Shinji tried to remember what had happened
to him before, after the 14th Angel. So far, he'd gotten as far as
riding the launch shaft with the Angel up into the geofront, Unit-01 lacking
an arm.
After that, in his rage, he wasn't sure what
he had done to the Angel. He knew he hadn't killed it by the time
his Eva's battery, as it was then, had run down. He remembered a
strange feeling...like his body had suddenly but slowly disappeared, like
he was becoming nothing, fading away. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling,
he thought. Rather peaceful, really. Come to think of it, though...it
was actually very pleasant. He might not have left.
Now, he thought, looking at Asuka, there was
every reason to want to live in the real world. Surely, Hikari would
find it easier than he did. She seemed quite happy with her life
the way it was.
He smiled at the thought, knowing Asuka would
find it comforting. "Yeah...I think she'll be okay..," he said, as
she turned to return his gaze.
"You think so?" For the first time,
he noticed the dry trails that marked her cheeks. The light was different
here. At first, he might have dismissed them as LCL drying against
her skin, but he realized she must have been crying for her friend.
Again, it was that oft-hidden aspect of her he enjoyed the most.
Reaching up, he rubbed at them gently with
the thumb of his plugsuit, trying to erase them. "What are you..,"
she protested, catching his wrist, before understanding what it was he
was doing.
After a moment's pause, she dropped her hand
into her lap. "So...what was it like, then?"
Shinji brought his arm back to his side, and
tried his best to explain.
* * *
Momentarily, Hikari thought her eyes must have
been getting used to the bland, textureless white field around her.
Not understanding was starting to frustrate her. At least now, she
thought, she could see.
When the last of the white fog cleared away,
she realized that she was staring out onto a field of buildings...buildings
which seemed very much like those of Tokyo-3. Only...they were the
same featureless white as everything else: the sky, the air, the...groun...
She suddenly realized she wasn't standing
on anything that she could see, and screamed in fear. Only the steady
rush of wind past her ears answered.
Another burst of cloud whipped noisily around
her, enveloping her momentarily in a fog. Yet, like everything else,
it was strange. It was cold, like fog, but it wasn't humid...and
the cold seemed...less physical than normal.
Instead, it was like her entire body suddenly
became ice and thawed instantaneously.
What...was that? Where am I?
She decided the only logical thing to do would
be to backtrack through her memories to determine exactly how she'd gotten
here. Although she didn't appear to be standing on anything, it wasn't
like she was falling anywhere. It was strange, almost like there
was no gravity, and yet, she didn't feel like anything was any different.
Her arms, though relaxed, hung at her sides, and still felt like they were
being pulled slightly downwards.
The mist dissipated again, and, as before,
she was staring out onto the field of buildings. Some of them were
tilted at strange angles, but the vast majority of them appeared to be
standing straight. Even if they, like her, were standing on nothing,
just some kind of invisible barrier.
After collecting herself, she returned to
sorting out her memories. First of all, school.
She could remember her little conversation
with Suzuhara. Vividly, even. He had been sitting cross-legged
on his desk, like he did when there was nothing better to do. Apparently,
he was a little upset that his sister had decided to walk to school alone,
without him. He'd also said that Mari -- that must be the name of
his sister, she thought -- had made him his lunch today.
She'd still had her headache, then.
There was a gap there, but that was acceptable,
seeing as how she'd been unconscious. Just before her cell phone
rang to warn her of the Angel, she'd woken up in the infirmary. Obviously,
someone had carried her there.
Still, though, she was in enough pain that
Asuka actually had to help her get into the plug suit. She hated
that plug suit.
Coincidentally, she thought, looking down
at herself, am I...?
Modesty forbade her to allow this to pass
without further panic. Immediately after discovering she was completely
naked, she covered herself with her hands and sat down hurriedly on the
invisible surface, trying to hide as much as possible. It didn't
matter that this was the strangest place she'd ever been in, the rules
of discretion still applied. Besides, anyone could have been watching.
After recovering from this most recent shock,
she went back to her memories, searching around herself warily with her
eyes. From the Eva...her headache had gotten worse, then, all of
a sudden, there was an odd sensation of her skin crawling...and she'd shown
up here.
Darn...
* * *
Dr. Robertson threw down the interface board
in frustration. "It's as we thought. She could very well be
beyond the Sea of Dirac. Getting her back is going to be a whole
lot more difficult than anticipated. I doubt it will be possible
at all. An act of God, really. And there's not a whole lot
we can do."
Fuyutsuki reappeared on the bridge, the elevator
platform rising out of the floor behind them. "We will move the priority
of the operation back to destroying the Angel, then. I believe we
still have enough data from the last event of this kind and this one."
Dr. Robertson nodded. "I concur."
Shigeru frowned. "But sir, what about
the Sixth Child?"
"As I believe Dr. Robertson stated, recovering
her would be more or less an act of God. The probability that her
soul can be extracted from the Sea with the resources we have available
is virtually nil. We cannot worry about what we have lost at this
point, only what we have to lose."
On that, Fuyutsuki turned, and left.
Shirgeru stared, perplexed. This was
not the Fuyutsuki he was used to. He'd always believed his Commander
had a soft spot for the pilots and his subordinates. It seemed almost
like he was acting like...Commander Ikari. It didn't seem right.
* * *
Somewhere in the sunlit streets of Tokyo-3, a massive shadow cast its darkness
over the boy who had just kicked his Eva. The massive black monster
did not move or react, nor did he expect it to. It just remained
kneeling on the pavement, its head bowed, the entry plug sticking out of
its neck at a shallow angle.
"Damn!" he shouted at it. "God damn
you, you stinking piece of shit!"
He picked up a rectangular metal bar of moderate
length, testing it for weight. He ignored where it had come from,
although most likely it had been part of a street sign the Eva had knocked
over during its retreat. Oblivious to the NERV crews watching him,
he swung it at the huge foot before him. It bounced off with a high-pitching
ringing sound, the vibration running down through his hands. Uncaring
and angry, he struck it again and again until he couldn't hold it up any
more.
He paused, panting, and dropped the bar, letting
it fall clattering against the street. Finally, Touji dropped to
the ground, and lay down on the concrete. Above him, the sun glared
over the top of the Eva's shoulder mount, as if scolding him for wasting
his energy.
"Useless..." he mumbled, to no one in particular.
"Useless..."
He exhaled the last of his pent-up emotions
in one explosive burst as his breathing finally came back under control.
He could still feel his heart racing in his chest from the previous exertion.
He closed his eyes, refusing the sun's light.
I failed again, didn't I? he asked himself. This was not the first
time, he already knew. Mari had ended up in hospital because he'd
failed to keep closer watch over her. And now...what good was he
at preventing these things from happening to his friends when even the
super-powerful Eva at his command could do nothing to prevent it?
He felt horrible.
Somehow, somewhere inside him, though, he
knew he could have done something. And though he wracked his brains,
he couldn't find it. But he knew he hadn't done it when he should
have, and that ate at him, gnawing at his bones.
Damn it all! he shouted at himself.
He couldn't protect anyone.
* * *
Shinji thought rather unhappily that his narrative
of the month -- had it really been that long? -- spent in a liquid state
was really quite inconclusive, and that his memories were really much too
muddled to give an accurate account of what it was like. Likely,
Asuka hadn't been able to make heads or tails of what he'd said.
If she had asked instead about his experience in the 12th Angel, he could
have given her a better accounting of that episode.
He hadn't actually told the girl leaning against
him on Unit-02's back about his mother's presence in Unit-01...she would
probably think him completely stark raving mad for thinking it was true.
Asuka didn't seem one to believe in stuff like that, the metaphysical.
Sometimes, he found it hard to believe himself, but he knew it to be true.
He'd sensed his mother too often to ignore that fact.
Asuka finally spoke, after it became apparent
that he wasn't going to say any more on the subject. "You know, Shinji...I
think I missed you that month..."
He frowned a bit. Had she even loved
him that far back? "You...actually..?" he stuttered.
"No, dummkopf. I didn't know yet," she
said, as if she'd read his mind, "Can you imagine eating Misato's cooking
for that long?"
He let her have her joke, even though neither
of them really found it funny at the time. Still, anything to break
the mood was good. "Thanks. I didn't need the reminder."
"Just kidding," she said, trying her best
to smile, "But I think I probably missed you more the first time, though.
Before you one-upped me. The great, invincible Shinji." Her
voice was still carrying the burden of Hikari's disappearance, but she
managed to keep her expression intact. Years of acting the part had
made it second nature.
Shinji let the thought sink in before replying.
"It's not like I was trying to...I saw...what had happened to you...and...Kaji
told me there was still something I could do."
She gripped his hand a little harder.
It wasn't long till she spoke again. "I really hope she's okay...wherever
she is..."
* * *
Hikari was getting very tired. She was
cold, naked, exposed in...wherever she was. She'd been watching the
buildings, which had been slowly fading out over the last few hours.
In a few more, she estimated, they would disappear entirely.
Only the occasional burst of the white mist
would roar past her. She was also getting used to the sound of the
wind, and her ears had tuned it out. Nevertheless, she found the
silence to be even more disturbing, and made a conscious effort to listen
for it.
"Suzuhara..," she whispered.
There was another long burst of silence.
You love him, don't you?
Hikari pulled her head up, suddenly looking
around her. Where had that come from? Nothing around her had
changed. Nothing but blank, white space all around. Even the
buildings seemed paler than before.
"Who...who are you?"
The voice...where had it come from?
She waited, hoping it would speak again. She was somewhat frightened,
but it would be good to have someone, anyone, to speak to.
You love him, don't you? it repeated.
This time, Hikari felt the voice was close, like someone whispering in
her ear. It sounded like it was being carried by the omnipresent
wind, and from a long way away, too.
"I...who are you? Where are you?"
I'm right here. You love him, don't
you?
Him? Suzuhara? "I...I like him...I
don't know...if..."
She caught herself. She didn't know
who this person was, where she was speaking from... She? Yes,
the voice was female. It sounded almost familiar, like she'd heard
it before. But it was perhaps a little distorted by the wind, or
some emotion she couldn't quite pinpoint. In any case, she decided
she wouldn't be able to identify it.
If he likes you.
"Yes..." she replied, hoping this voice was
that of a friend. In any case, it was the only possibility to not
feel so alone in this strange limbo. "...I don't know."
You want him to return your affection,
don't you?
"Well..." Hikari paused. She supposed
so...after all, wasn't that why she tried so desperately to get his attention?
Everything from the lunches she made for him to the additional punishments
he got for being such a terrible miscreant in class were to make him sit
up and notice. "I guess so..."
Then why do you keep pushing him away?
"I do not," she protested, suddenly a little
outraged. If Touji did finally realize what she was doing, and asked
her out, then of course she would accept. It had taken her too much
time and effort to risk playing hard-to-get.
"What would you know, anyway? Have you
ever liked anyone?"
The voice didn't answer immediately.
And when it did, there was something of a halting quality to the words.
I did. Once. And still do.
Hikari wasn't class 2-A's representative just
for handing out appropriate punishments, being the teacher's pet, and her
talent for getting people to do things. She also could tell when
people were upset or unhappy, and usually knew how to respond. The
voice sounded a little of both.
"I'm sorry," she said, looking down at her
knees.
I'm sorry too. I pushed him away.
I lost him.
Hikari thought about it for a while.
Perhaps this person...whoever she was, if she was a person, had delayed
expressing herself, and another woman had stepped into her place.
"Who to?"
No one. I just lost him. I
suppose it's a little different from your case, but not by much.
"Oh." Hikari frowned. "But I don't
push Suzuhara away," she said, re-voicing her protest.
You do, said the voice, insisting.
You've already thought about this youself.
Hikari's frown grew deeper as she listened
to the voice on the wind and its whispering. "Go on, please..," she
said, closing her eyes to concentrate better on what the voice had to say,
and what advice it had to give her.
Well, you visited him in the hospital,
right? After the 13th Angel?
"Yes..."
And when he started to tease you about
your reasons for being there, you pushed him away.
It was true, though. Hikari had already
thought about it. She'd disguised her reasons as being on behalf
of the class.
And those cute little bento box thingies
you make for him every day Shinji doesn't cook...
Hikari suddenly looked up, an odd thought
occurring to her about the weird voice that was running through her head.
"Wait...how do you know so much about me? Who are you, anyway?"
There was no response.
"Hey!" she shouted, "Don't go! What
were you going to say?"
Again, there was only the sound of the wind.
Hikari felt cold again, the gusts blowing harshly against her exposed skin.
She wished she had something, anything, even the hated plug suit to cover
herself.
"Don't go..."
She felt very alone again.
* * *
Six hours without anything to do does strange
things to people. Kensuke, for example, had been using his glasses
and the sun to methodically evaporate any remaining drops of LCL he could
find on the command chair of his Eva's entry plug.
When he got bored of that, he thought of taking
a nap, but he decided that it wouldn't be good to sleep through the return
of the Angel, in case they needed him. So he thought about the Evas
instead.
Somewhere near him, emergency crews had surrounded
the class rep's Eva, but had not ejected the entry plug. He didn't
really notice.
He'd decided that the explosive/armour piercing
shells he'd been issued for the sniper rifle were hardly worth the effort
of lugging the damn thing around. As far as he was concerned, it
seemed to be a pretty worthless weapon. Thinking back to the last
battle, he decided that he hadn't actually damaged the Angel with his last
riposte.
Even the palette rifles didn't do much damage
to the Angels. He already knew they, like his Eva, generated an AT
Field, but he wasn't sure he understood what it was or what it did.
In any case, it seemed to prevent all damage from the ballistic weapons
they had. And he hadn't yet seen the positron rifle in action either,
it was still being rebuilt.
But since he hadn't trained with progressive
weapons yet, what was the point in having him out in the field, anyway?
Apparently, it had also taken Rei a few months
to synchronize with her Eva for the first time. But then again, according
to the records, she had only participated in one battle, then had waited
a few months before rejoining again.
So maybe he wasn't so badly off after all.
Kensuke heard a funny rumbling coming from
below him, and for a fraction of a second he thought his Eva might have
activated without him.
"Hey!" he yelled, then realized that it wasn't
moving at all. He climbed down out of the open entry plug and peered
past the Eva's thick neck.
It was warm, but unmoving. This wasn't
what surprised him. Instead, it was the sight beyond it.
The purple expanse, it seemed, was shrinking.
He could have sworn he'd deactivated his Eva closer to the edge of the
wide black circle. Closer inspection confirmed that the border was
retreating towards the centre of the circle rapidly. Finally, it
retracted into a point and disappeared.
Before him and his Eva, Kensuke saw a flat
expanse of concrete. It looked like the buildings had simply been
shaved away, leaving open parking garages and lobby floors. His eyes
widened.
* * *
Dr. Robertson looked down onto the transparencies.
"Idiots," he muttered, "they couldn't even print the damn things right
without smudging them." Fuyutsuki finally reappeared, and he began
to give his briefing.
"I believe the last time the Angels used this
tactic against us was during the fight with the 12th Angel, right?"
Shigeru nodded.
"Good. Back then, Dr. Akagi was working
off incomplete information analyzed too quickly to make any proper decisions.
She did get some things right, though. The interior of the Sea of
Dirac cannot be described by our current conception of mathematics.
Effectively, what's on the other side probably cannot even be experienced
by anything from this universe. The data obtained from Unit-01's
mission recorder, the only one to have entered and come back from the other
side, was useless. All white noise. We have no instruments
capable of detecting what exists there.
"Based on external observations, however,
we can make a few conclusions. The results of passive X-ray analysis,
more specifically from when the buildings sunk into the Sea, and red shift
analysis have yielded some rather surprising results.
"The Sea of Dirac can be defined as an event
horizon. Is anyone here familiar with the term?"
Only two of the pilots, Asuka and Kensuke,
nodded from the two-way screens where they were being allowed to attend
the briefing. Fuyutsuki bowed his head in affirmation as well.
No one else said anything.
"Why am I not surprised?" Dr. Robertson grumbled,
rolling his eyes in their tired sockets. "Would any of you care to
explain? Asuka?"
Asuka looked for a moment at Shinji, who was
sharing her Eva's communications gear, and started. "An event horizon
is an astrophysical anomaly. The point of no return at the gravitational
centre of a black hole. Is that...what's happened...why she's gone?
Hikari?"
Dr. Robertson made an affirmative grunt.
"Very good. Like she said, the point of no return. Conventional
astrophysics has dictated that these anomalies generate an enormous gravity.
This isn't true, as were just looking at one now, and none of us are dead."
Shigeru coughed suddenly.
Dr. Robertson scowled at the interruption.
"We don't know that for sure. Where was I? Right. In
fact, event horizons do not actually generate any gravity at all.
They obey the laws of physics pertaining to the space around them.
When objects are 'sucked' into them, it is in fact the weight of the universe
pushing them in. In this case, it's actually the Earth's gravity
that pulls on objects sitting adjacent the Sea.
"As well, the event horizon is a two-dimensional,
one-sided hole in the universe's fabric. This is why it can just
sit on the surface of the earth without starting to absorb it.
"Previously, it was believed that black holes
were created from the immense gravity of a collapsing superstar.
Instead, it's the energy from these collapsing stars that provides the
required power to open one.
"The Angels, on the other hand, are quite
adept at generating energy out of nowhere. This is why this one,
and the 12th are capable of opening these. The reason we weren't
getting pushed in is because the Angel was preventing that from happening
with its AT Field. Really, they could have wiped us and the Earth
at any time, only for some reason, they don't seem to be wanting to do
that. Their behavior is rather paradoxical in that respect."
It was Fuyutsuki's turn to cough. "Enough
speculation on Angel behaviorisms, Doctor."
"Right."
Asuka spoke again from her little orange window.
"But the Angel's gone. What about Hikari?"
Fuyutsuki stepped in before Dr. Robertson
said anything. "The Angel will return. It has not accomplished
everything on its agenda yet. Stand by your Evas. Upon the
Angel's return, the Evas should be ready for combat. Is that understood?"
"What about class re...Ms. Horaki, sir?"
Touji reminded his Commander for Asuka.
"We will see."
The communication link was broken off.
* * *
"It's been twelve hours since she disappeared,
Shinji..."
Shinji shrugged as he sat down again.
Since the informational briefing, a small meal had been delivered to them
by a NERV crew, while they continued to wait for the Angel to reappear...and
hopefully, Hikari as well.
"I guess we just have to be patient..," Shinji
said, handing her her sandwich.
"Thanks, baka...but I'm not hungry," she replied,
leaning over to kiss him.
* * *
Touji looked through the plastic bag at the
meal's contents, then back up at the NERV technician. He didn't really
relish the thought of eating while the class rep was still trapped...wherever
she was, but he was extremely hungry, after all. He'd never gone
more than ten hours without eating, and, as the sun went down, he thought
that this might be a record.
He hoped someone had fed Mari. At least
she was safe.
He hoped.
* * *
Hikari had waited a long time in vain for the
voice to return. It was friendly, and seemed to want to help her...until
she'd asked it for more information about itself. Then it had disappeared,
leaving her alone again.
Sighing, she hugged her knees to her chest,
watching as the buildings finally faded out of existence. As they
did so, for the first time, she realized she might also be in danger of
disappearing forever.
She still felt cold, but it seemed to get
worse as she thought about the possibilities of dying. She hoped
that it wouldn't come to that. But if it did, she hoped it would
be like freezing to death...a sense of calm, and warmth that was supposed
to pervade your entire body, before you finally drifted off...
"No!" she shouted to herself. "I don't
want to die! Not here!"
Suddenly, off in the distance, there was a
bright flash of blue light. Could that be the origin of the voice?
She felt a little spark of hope well up inside her.
Watching the spot where it had appeared seemed
to be the best way to catch anything. She waited...nothing.
Nothing. Nothing at all. She sighed
again, and rested her chin between her knees again, hoping she would be
able to get out some time soon. Somewhere inside her, the spark began
to die.
"Class rep?" The voice was unmistakable.
Hikari lifted her head up again, searching for him.
"Suzuhara? Where are you?"
There was a warm touch on her shoulder.
She blushed, realizing again she was naked. "I'm here...wherever
this is..."
She looked over her shoulder at him, then
back when she saw that he, too, was as naked as she was. "I'm sorry..."
she splurted, blushing even harder, "I shouldn't have...looked."
She could imagine him making that little smirk
of amusement and embarrassment he sometimes made...like when she'd visited
him in the hospital. "I oughta be wearing somethin', huh."
Touji didn't seem to have any difficulties
moving around on the invisible surface. Then again, she hadn't tried,
too afraid to leave herself uncovered, too afraid to find out if there
really was even a surface here. He sat down next to her, artfully
concealing himself.
"How...did you get in here?" she asked, not
sure if she wanted to know the answer.
"I dunno..," he replied, "...I was in the
Eva...and then..."
"And the others? Asuka? Shinji?
Kensuke?"
Touji shook his head. "I haven't seen
them. It might just be you an' me."
There was an uncomfortable pause, as Hikari
debated with herself what to do next. Another of the persistently
annoying drafts of mist whirled around them, and she felt chilled to the
bone.
Her teeth almost chattering, she turned back
towards Touji. She had a funny urge to sit closer to him, but the
more gracious part of her mind struck down the impulse.
But I'm so damn cold!
Touji repeated that thought for her.
"You look...cold," he said, concern on his face.
"I'm..." Hikari wasn't sure what to
think of this. It was so horribly inappropriate, and yet, she did
feel quite frigid. And the voice had told her mere hours ago that
she shouldn't push him away if she really felt that strongly about him.
"I'm cold, yes..," her mouth said before she could stop it.
Touji moved a little closer, and put an arm
around her shoulders. Her entire body tensed up, and the tight ball
she was coiled into shrunk some more. She knew he was just being
kind, but her mind screamed at her, scolded her, berated and admonished
her for letting him be so close to her naked body.
But she did feel warmer, especially as the
mist picked up in intensity.
"Feel better?" he asked, squeezing her a little
towards him.
She smiled, but did not relax. "Thank
you," she mumbled, under her breath.
"Y'know," he said, afterwards, "you're really
pretty. Don't know why I never noticed it before."
Hikari refused to answer that, her mind already
screaming bloody murder at her. Instead, when she realized
she couldn't shrink into an even smaller ball, she did a quick check to
make sure she was well-covered.
* * *
Touji crumpled up the wrapper of his sandwich.
It wasn't good, really. The meat was wet, and the bread soggy.
But it held his hunger at bay, at least for now.
Reaching down into the bag that was hanging
off the lip of the entry plug, he pulled out a soft drink, opened it with
one hand, and swallowed the contents.
I hope she's okay, he thought to himself.
* * *
Elsewhere, he sat shivering with Hikari in
a different definition of the universe.
"Hey...class rep?"
Hikari looked up at him, taking her head out
from between her knees.
"What, Suzuhara?"
"I..."
That was when he did it. Planted a firm
kiss straight on her mouth. Not just any kiss. A serious, deep,
soul-touching kiss.
Except that she felt the deepest, most horrible
cold rush through her entire body. Now she really felt like she was
freezing. She wanted desperately to push him away, heave him off
with all the strength she could muster, but she was paralyzed. She
couldn't move. The cold locked all of her joints, rendered her muscles
useless.
Her mind wasn't just screaming at this point,
but really howling. She gathered herself, and in one, concentrated
effort, brought her hands up to his chest and pushed. Hard.
Touji flew backwards, nearly falling over, then regained his
balance, and stood.
As did she. She didn't care that she
was naked any more. That part of her mind had gone silent, and she
could only think of the outrage that coursed through her body.
"I thought you liked me," he said, taking
a step forwards again.
Hikari said nothing. Her hand opened
from a fist to an open palm, and she drew it back. She didn't notice
the cold or her nakedness anymore, only a hot, raging fire somewhere in
her chest.
Her hand whistled through the mist, slapping
hard against a resonating and very powerful AT Field. Concentric
hexagons of orange streaked outwards through the fog as Hikari felt a bolt
of powerful electricity run through her hand up as far as her shoulder.
Now she was thrown backwards, against the
invisible platform, her entire arm burning in pain. It wasn't until
she landed that she began to feel it, and she yelped in agony.
"You..," she managed between gasps, "...you're
the Angel!"
I hate the Angels, whispered the voice,
returning at last.
The Angel/Touji furrowed its eyebrows, with
a strangely hurt face. "Why do you attempt to hurt me? Was
that not your mind as well?. I am very, very surprised." The
Angel/Touji's voice had changed, modulating into a very gentle tenor with
soft overtones.
"I hate the Angels," Hikari said, agreeing
with the voice, "I hate you!"
The Angel/Touji took no notice of her opinion.
"I suppose I might as well tell you now. This isn't anywhere that
has really been defined by anyone except God. There's no escape from
here." It regarded her curiously, regret now mixing itself with the
hurt.
"I hate you," Hikari whispered, gathering
herself again.
The Angel looked down at her. "I suppose
I would be doing you a favour if I killed you right here. You see...this
isn't your body I'm looking at. It's your soul." Regret had
fully replaced the Angel's pained expression, drawing its eyes away from
the site of her collapse.
"My...what?" Hikari was dragging her
body into a standing position, now, glowering at the Angel through slitted
eyes.
"Your soul. You don't have a body, right
now. And being an Angel, I don't think there's much hope of you being
able to do anything against me. Look at your 'arm'."
Hikari did so. And screamed. Her
arm, from the ball of her palm that had struck the Angel/Touji's AT Field
up to her shoulder, was covered in a lightning-like spiderweb of serious
burns.
"Your soul is only human. Already, this
proximity to me is beginning to kill you. I...am saddened that you
interacted with the light of my soul unprotected...and so harshly."
Further burns were beginning to spread over
the rest of her soul. She doubled over in pain and collapsed, as
a deep, crater-like burn suddenly appeared in the flesh just above her
knee.
It looked behind itself, like it could see
something there among the mists. "I must depart now. I see
I need no longer wait. I am sorry, Ms. Horaki." The Angel turned
and departed.
As it did so it lost Touji's form and reshaped
itself into the form they had first seen: a long, dark grey spindle with
long, flowing fins. Before it, a circular portal began to form, and
through it, Hikari could see an evening sky.
"No!" she shouted.
* * *
Kensuke had already synchronized with his Eva
by the time the Sea of Dirac began re-opening. The others, alerted
by Commander Fuyutsuki to the possible return of the Angel, were still
scrambling to get back to their respective entry plugs.
After him, the first to stand was Unit-02,
followed shortly thereafter by Unit-14. Shinji's purple Eva was the
last to activate, as Shinji had been forced to make a return trip from
the red Eva's shoulder.
The Angel burst out of the Sea, again, not
even leaving a ripple. This surprised no one, as it was non-liquid
anyway. Kensuke started firing with the palette rifle before his
HUD gave him a solid lock, tracking his fire into the elongated spindle
shape.
"Gotcha, you bastard," he mumbled, as the
AT Field seemed to vibrate in the air.
Below the Angel, the Sea was beginning to
shrink again.
Without thinking, Asuka raced Unit-02 up to
the edge of the event horizon and threw all of her colossal Evangelion's
mass at the hovering Angel, one hand outstretched to catch and secure the
landing, the other holding her glaive out at the side, ready for use.
Shinji followed her, but was too late to stop
an enraged Asuka. "Asuka!" he shouted, hoping she would break off
her attack before she, too, was sucked into the Sea of Dirac below the
Angel.
Already, Unit-02's massive feet impacted with
the Angel, digging into its fleshy body and leaving two short, bloody troughs
at the landing site. It gripped one of the fin-like protrusions to
steady itself, nearly tearing it loose in the process. Blood, a dull
ochre colour, spurted from the wound and poured through the Sea.
* * *
Don't you want to live?
The voice was back, whispering in her ear
again. The Sea wasn't far...it was enormous in front of her.
It looked like it was less than ten feet away...but so far for one as badly
injured as she was.
The crater in the upper right corner of her
chest seemed to be getting deeper with every passing second.
Hurry! The voice was a little
more panicked, now. Look! It's closing!
So it was. The very edge of the circle
was shrinking back towards them.
Hikari dragged herself forwards again, covering
a few feet before the pain collapsed her again.
You're just a soul, the voice said, a little
louder, this means nothing to you!
Through the hole, Hikari could see Unit-02
slam into the Angel. It screamed at its attacker, a high-pitched,
keening wail, but Unit-02 rammed its glaive through the centre of the Angel's
body, tearing off a fin in the process.
There's not much time! If she kills
it...
"I know," uttered Hikari, groaning as she
neared the opening a second time. Her fingers touched the surface,
which seemed to ripple above her head. Suddenly, she felt like she
was rising from the deep end of a pool, breaking through the surface at
high speed, the pressure relaxing on all sides. And she let the peace
carry her.
* * *
The edge of the Sea suddenly snapped, like an elastic band towards the Angel as Shinji joined Asuka on the Angel's back, his palette rifle abandoned.
"Shit!" muttered Robertson, as he watched the
scene on the screen. "Is there any sign of the Sixth's return, yet?"
Yamashita shook his head.
Only Fuyutsuki didn't seem worried.
Just as the Sea looked like it was about to
close, it was suddenly halted by an invisible barrier. Enormous quantities
of energy were instantly converted into visible light as the combined AT
Fields of Unit-01 and 02 held the event horizon open.
Finally, Unit-01 drew its prog knife from
the shoulder mount and stabbed it hard into the Angel's back. It
writhed and bucked like a bull at a rodeo, but Shinji managed to shove
the blade in up to the hilt. Asuka, too, drew back her glaive, and
plunged it into the Angel's body. She must have struck the core,
because at that instant, the Angel and the Sea of Dirac were consumed in
a massive pillar of fire that climbed up to the heavens and beyond.
As it reached its apex, the burning column bulged, then spread out at the
limit of the stratosphere, mushrooming over the city.
"We've got an ego-border, sir! The pattern matches!"
Shigeru let out his breath. Even the
normally vociferous and complaining Desaint relaxed visibly, and sought
out a chair.
Masaharu's forehead crinkled. "But she's...horribly
burned...all over..."
Fuyutsuki turned to Dr. Robertson. "Have
her brought here. But do not, under any circumstances, remove her
from the entry plug. I will provide further instructions later."
Unit-01 landed on what had once been the floor
of a lobby in a somewhat affluent block of apartments near the centre of
town, its massive feet crushing several hundred thousand dollars of marble
into a fine dust.
"And Hikari?" Shinji asked, watching as Unit-02
stood from its landing.
Touji's holographic box reappeared in his
cockpit, relief evident in his voice. "She's back. I think."
* * *
The sun rose on a glorius day. Other
than the sounds of heavy construction coming from somehere near the city's
centre, it was a day like any other in Tokyo-3.
Shinji woke up at seven, to be followed fifteen
minutes later by Asuka. Only Hikari was missing, but that was expected,
seeing as how she was still in the hospital, or somewhere. Evidently,
her stay in the Sea of Dirac had not been kind to her. Shinji, when
he'd gone through, had had all of Unit-01 to protect him from harm.
Hikari, on the other hand, had not.
Asuka had only gotten a fleeting glimpse of
her before the emergency crews around her Eva ejected the entry plug, but
she'd seen Hikari was unconscious, and that there was a lot of blood diffusing
into the LCL. She'd almost forgotten about the blood, seeing as how
she had been trying to land Unit-02 safely.
NERV's staff had reassured them that she would
probably pull through, but the apartment still seemed kind of lonely without
her. Granted, Misato had been absent much of the time, always pulling
late shifts or out drinking, so Shinji and Asuka were both used to living
without a third party.
But, since Hikari had never really been absent
since she moved in, it was harder not to notice that she simply wasn't
there. Especially with Pen-Pen complaining continuously and whimpering
at the door to her room.
* * *
"Whaddaya mean, you can't find her?"
Kensuke lifted his hands innocently from the
computer keyboard. "I can't! We've already searched all the
hospitals in the district and the geofront twice!"
Touji leaned over his shoulder, and typed
in the class rep's name again. "You probably misspelled it."
The search engine came up blank, again, giving
only a short list of people with similar names.
"Huh."
Shinji and Asuka walked into the classroom.
Touji waved them over.
"Where d'ya think they would be keeping her?"
Shinji blinked. "Who?"
"The class rep, ya dunce! Who else?"
"The hospital, I guess. Why?"
There was a funny slapping noise as Touji's
hand came up to his forehead. "We're pilots, right? Don't we
have some kind of duty to find out where she is? What's with you
guys?"
* * *
Dr. Robertson coughed hard, retching up the
LCL in his lungs. Shigeru laughed, watching him.
"Oh, shut yer bloody trap. Or I'll schedule
you a dip in the tank too." Since it had been determined that Hikari's
condition had stabilized, all the tension and worry had bled off rapidly.
Hikari had been losing blood too rapidly to
prevent death, so Fuyutsuki had ordered that she remain in the entry plug.
Since LCL had roughly the same fluid characteristics of blood, and carried
a high level of dissolved oxygen in solution, it could be used to completely
replace the blood in her system. On top of that, all clotting agents
had been filtered out. By not allowing her wounds to clot shut, she
would likely be able to regenerate the damaged parts of her body without
much scarring, if any. Still, though, this was mostly because of
the properties of the fluid she was bathed in. Stem cells would be
grafted later, to finish the regeneration and differentiate the new flesh
properly.
Really, LCL was quite a versatile liquid.
Of course, since it was, after all, the very basis of life on earth, this
was to be expected, especially in a biological context. Years of
research, much of it performed on Rei, had identified many of its properties.
Surgery had been performed to excise the burned
sections of her body. While it did seem to open the wounds more,
it ensured that there would be no dead tissue to interfere with the healing
process. This had been done in the liquid itself, and the doctors
had been forced to submerge themselves as well. Dr. Robertson himself
had just emerged from the pool.
In the meantime, however, Hikari would have
to remain submerged in the liquid for at least a month, maybe more.
To keep her alive and prevent death by starvation,
numerous proteins and nutrients were added to the LCL. In this way,
basic trans-membrane diffusion would be able to feed her cells.
It was no wonder Kensuke couldn't find her,
though. She'd been transferred to the mega-depth facilities, into
equipment once reserved for Rei. Only they were sophisticated enough
to keep her alive during the healing period. Twenty-four hour a day
immersion in LCL was not something most hospitals were equipped for.
Shigeru couldn't stand the place. He'd
heard this room was something like the fabled Terminal Dogma. It
was certainly too dark, too forboding for his taste. On top of that,
there was always that eerie breathing sound. Even worse, that sound
seemed to be in sync with the movement of the injured girl's chest, as
if she was the one taking the titanic breaths.
* * *
Hikari slowly became aware of the presence
of another. Still, she couldn't seem to locate it, hear it, or see
it. Just a strange feeling that someone else was nearby.
Contrary to the featureless, frozen white
wastes of the Angel's world, this place was dark. Black. But
it was warm. Very warm. And comfortable, too. Very comfortable.
It was still lonely, but not so much now that
she could feel...whoever this was...near her.
Gradually, she found herself able to articulate
thoughts. I'm...alive.
It was redundant, really. I think therefore
I am. But it was good to know.
Then, of course, black became the dominant
colour in her world. She hadn't been afraid of it. Just too
tired to fear anything. She was still too tired to want to move,
and it would be days -- if she knew they were passing -- before she realized
that she had no control over her body as of yet.
She didn't want to open her eyes. She
felt rather at peace, this odd feeling of null-g surrounding her.
If she actually was back in her body, she was happy to find that her head
didn't hurt any more.
I must be going insane.
This thought occurred to her shortly afterwards.
She'd had such a terribly improbable week: stresses upon stresses, the
headaches, the nightmares, then the Evas and the Angel...and the strange
world where the Angel had taken her. Perhaps, in two seconds, she
would awake, sweating, Asuka sitting in front of her, asking if she was
all right.
The two seconds passed, uneventfully.
She sighed, perhaps a little disappointed
that she hadn't woken up.
The feeling returned again, like there was
somone standing right behind her, watching her.
She wondered, finally, who the presence was...if
it was the same one as the voice she'd heard in the Angel's world, or if
it was different.
Are you there? she thought, wondering if they
could hear her.
Again, time passed, and there was no response.
Oh, well. It was a little much to hope
for. Instead, she decided to keep herself company by thinking.
About what?
Anything.
Suzuhara would be good. She wasn't at
school, at home, or in her Eva. She could think about him here.
Still, what he...the Angel...had done in that place still perturbed her
to no end. She decided he wouldn't have done something like that...
No...she didn't want to think about him yet.
Not until she'd managed to sort out everything in her mind.
On the other hand, she did feel like she was
pushing him away again, in a different sense...and couldn't help feeling
a little bad about it. The voice didn't make its reappearance, even
though its help and view on the matter would have been highly regarded.
Hikari let her mind blank momentarily.
Then it struck her that if it had only been her soul floating around in
that void, what had happened to her real body during that time? Had
it died, only to miraculously resurrect when she returned? Had she
disappeared? What happened when the soul left?
Was she even back in her body?
What of the others? How did they react,
if she had died?
What about Suzuhara?
Too many questions with too few answers were
beginning to plague her, so she let her mind drift again. There was
no way she was going to get any answers to her questions at this point,
so she gave up searching. The outside world would elude her for now.
Still, she couldn't help thinking about it.
After all...she was supposed to be the class representative, and whatever
time she remained here would end up taking a toll on her duties.
On top of that...who would be taking her place? She also found herself
worrying about what the teacher would think of this prolonged absence.
And then, she would be far behind on homework as well. Not to mention
what new material she would miss.
She cursed silently to herself -- albeit without
actually swearing -- and hoped that when, and if, she woke up, it would
be back in her own body, among her friends, and in a place she felt comfortable
in.
* * *
Touji waited for the crane to remove him from
the test plug, and began to make his way back to the change rooms.
On his way, he nearly ran into a fuming Shigeru, still annoyed at Dr. Robertson
for some reason or another.
"Uh...sir?"
"What?"
Touji signaled Shinji and Kensuke to wait
for him with one hand. "You wouldn't happen to know where class...Ms.
Horaki is, would you?"
Shigeru's face twisted a little, unsure whether
or not he had clearance to inform the pilots about the status of their
comrade. He decided it would be best not to.
"Yes...but access is restricted. Don't
worry about it. She's doing fine."
Touji didn't seem to have any further questions,
so he was left, thinking that it was no wonder Major Katsuragi had been
such an alcoholic. Her job was living hell. He tried not to
think about the enormous stack of papers on his desk.
* * *
"I...I never understood why I have to pilot
it..."
Somehow, Hikari was sitting...on a somewhat
comfortable bench. The train car was completely empty, save herself
and a girl she couldn't identify. The child's face was cast in shadow,
and the sun directly behind her was making it very difficult to identify
her.
The girl's voice...matched that of the one
she'd heard before. It was still distorted, somewhat, and she knew
it was familiar, but it lacked whatever would have allowed her to recognize
it.
"You don't like it, then."
She seemed...nice.
"I don't think so. It's painful...and
it's caused so many problems, too..."
The girl's obscured features seemed to smile
sympathetically. "You sound like Shinji. Do you hate it?" she
asked, her invisible eyes focused onto Hikari's.
"I don't know...but I don't think I really
hate it. I just don't understand. Why am I so special?
Why do I have to pilot Unit-15?"
The girl said nothing for quite a while.
"Because you can synchronize with it."
Hikari frowned. "But I keep hearing
that! And no one can ever explain to me what that means! What
are they?!"
A tremor of...some powerful emotion ran through
the little girl. "You fought the Angels. You felt yours bleed,
didn't you?"
Hikari half-nodded, not sure if she could
still remember what had happened during the fight with the shape-shifter.
"I think so... At least, I felt myself..."
"That is synchronization. To feel what
the other does. For it to do what you feel."
"Who is the other?"
The girl's eyes, barely visible now in the
slightly different light, narrowed considerably, her expression seeming
to sour. "The other..." There was a long pause. "The
other is the Eva. Do you hate it?"
Hikari was about to answer, when she realized
the question had already been asked. "No. I don't think I do."
The girl seemed unsatisfied. "Then do
you hate the Angels?"
"I never understood what they were.
I saw Kensuke's videos...but...they didn't mean anything to me."
"Nothing? You couldn't see the destruction
they brought? You couldn't see the pain and suffering of your friends?"
Hikari felt a little oppressed now.
The sun was stinging her, and the girl sounded perhaps a little less friendly.
The girl's voice raised another notch.
"You couldn't see how they raped Asuka? How they tortured Shinji's
heart and soul? Or how they impersonated your Suzuhara and nearly
destroyed you?"
"Yes!" she nearly shouted, "I did! But
I don't understand any of it!" She collapsed against her knees.
The girl's voice restored itself to a more
comfortable register. "Are you afraid of them?"
"I am..," whipered Hikari, not looking up
yet. "A little."
"Are you? You went into this last battle
without a second thought. Or the one before. Or the one before
that."
"That doesn't mean I like it," she whispered,
her back beginning to straighten.
"Of course not. Do you hate the Angels?
Even if only for everything they've done? For all the suffering they've
caused?"
Hikari still could not answer. As far
as she knew, she didn't hate them. Come to think of it, she wasn't
sure she really hated anything or anyone. "I...don't know."
This was truth. She didn't know what
hatred was, never having experienced...
"You do hate."
The girl's voice seemed strange, now.
Hikari was so used to being asked questions by this girl, like being interrogated.
The simple assertion seemed out of place.
"You hated the Angel when it kissed you.
You wanted nothing more than to kill it, didn't you?"
Hikari stopped thinking, to listen.
The sun stopped being eclipsed by the girl's head, and rose above the dark
hair to glare even more harshly in Hikari's eyes. She wanted to raise
her arm, block out the light, but found she could not.
"You wanted to make it pay for all the suffering
it had just inflicted upon you."
Hikari remembered, the memory returning easily
to her mind. Flashes of it flickered about her. "I...did.
I...it hurt." Her voice began a gradual crescendo, rising in harmony
with her emotion. "It hurt...me. Like it hurt the others."
The girl nodded. "Like it hurt Shinji
and Asuka. Like it hurt...Suzuhara. Like it hurt me."
"It hurt...them. Yes. It hurt
Suzuhara!"
She looked up, searching for the girl's eyes,
again, but they remained hidden. Still, she felt like she shared
something with the youngster, something she knew she would find confirmed
in the little girl's eyes. Her eyes burned, and not solely from the
sun, but from the hot, flaming coals that now flashed in her pupils.
The energy was akin to her first scandalized reaction to Shinji and Asuka,
but it burned hotter, more fiercely. It was not outrage or shame
she felt, this time.
It was hatred. This...was truth.
Her voice dropped into a whisper. "I
do hate them," she finally uttered.
The girl seemed to sympathize.
"Then...pilot the Eva. Avenge yourself.
Avenge your friends. Avenge their suffering."
The train rushed into a tunnel, some kind
of klaxon screaming past, distorted. Slowly, the sounds of the train
faded away, leaving Hikari in her waking death once more.
* * *
Shinji, too, found himself staring at a sunset. Only he wasn't alone,
and could see very well the face of the person with him. It had been
a day and a half since the battle, and Asuka was still quite nervous about
Hikari's state.
Already, Shinji had been trying to keep her
thoughts off the topic, and when they were, he tried to be comforting.
Just now, he had done this, and they both enjoyed the silence of the lapse
in conversation. Shinji's reassurances, even though Asuka knew they
were only for her sake, had helped to ease her anxiety. The time
passed slowly, and Shinji used it to admire the red bands of cloud against
the sky.
"Shinji?"
Asuka turned away from the sun and put Pen-Pen
down on the ground, where he waddled off happily through the sliding doors,
through the living room, and into the kitchen.
"Yeah?" Shinji shifted his ubiquitous
cup of tea into his other hand. She'd already declined the offer
for one of her own.
"Thank you."
Shinji's brow furrowed a bit, in concentration.
"You're welcome...I...what?"
She shrugged her shoulders. Vintage
Shinji, that was. "For caring. That's all."
There was a short delay as he tried to puzzle
it out on his own. Obviously, he'd done something right, some time
ago. Or had that just been for the tea?
She flicked his forehead with the tip of one
finger, laughing a little. "Dummkopf."
"Thank you for what, again?" he asked as she
hugged him.
Pen-Pen walked back out onto the balcony with
his typical gait, holding an unopened can of beer in his flippers.
"You are pretty dense. Yesterday?
When you..." Asuka discovered she wasn't sure how to say it, so she
simply brought her hand up to his face and pretended to rub away at a tear
that wasn't there.
"Oh."
Somewhere next to them, the penguin pecked
his can open, and sat down against the wall to watch that funny thing these
two humans did from time to time. It seemed to be getting quite common
since about two months ago, and was now strangely fascinating to the bird.
The sun began to go down.
* * *
"What's wrong, Touji? You haven't touched
your dinner."
That wasn't technically true. He had
already eaten two servings, but hadn't made any attempt at taking a third.
Which was, under any circumstances, highly suspicious.
Touji didn't want to ignore his sister's request,
but didn't exactly feel like answering the question either. "Oh...nothing."
* * *
"Thirty-two percent synchronization ratio!" Kensuke pumped his fist in the air as he began reading through the NERV pilot's manual for progressive weaponry and use thereof. Even though the descriptions were fairly bland and uninformative, and the pictures simple line drawings taken straight from the blueprints, Kensuke could see them in living colour. The advanced progressive knife with the replaceable blade seemed to glint on the page at him, egging him on, encouraging and evoking further dreams of success and glory.