Random Spewings and Whanot
The Eyes
What does one see,
   When they look into my eyes?
Do they see what I see,
   Or am I blind to my own self?
In my eyes I see my hatred,
   Such frozen darkness reveals little.
Yet their golden state shows contentment,
   Decently relaxed, as in a warm hug.
Their usual brown holds nothing,
   Emotions are invisible in that void.
But tell me please, what do you see?
Is it what I see, maybe the real me,
   Or another well-placed shield of my lies?
Do you see how I feel, the life I live,
   Or something else, maybe something unknown?
One’s eyes can say so much, yet mine say little.
   What do they tell you?

Life is death, and death, inevitable,
all a never-ending waste of our time.
One's will to live is useless,
questions only wasted breath,
for the answers lie witin thyself,
but the search just ends in death.
Why does everyone bother to feel,
love and hate, pleasure, pain,
when all it does is distract you,
from time passing until your end?
Each and every one of us
has a demise not set in stone.
But one thing is highly certain,
we will all die eventually.
I don't know when it all will end,
nor have a clue to it's beginning.
But I know life is a waste of time,
so why not stop the clock now?
More Such  Writings
Defrost yourself
How do you deal with losing
something you never really had?
And in the painful midst of this,
keep from losing it all?

I've lost every shred of hope,
wanting something so close
yet still so out of reach.
Every breath is killing me.

The realization of truth,
of inexistence and invisibility,
that I will never be enough,
is most assuredly not pleasant.

But knowing all of this,
and the searing pain it caused,
I also know it's all okay.
I just never was enough.

I've lost before, sometimes,
though they never felt like this.
But I know I can survive,
so long as I really want to.
Tears pour forth, unbidden,
from eyes that shed thousands
over time unknown to all.
I never cry yet cry forever
in a life that will not end.
Pain ignored, broken heart unnoticed,
and myriad hatreds pent up inside.
Eventually, it will kill me, physically
and mentally, but not permanently.
I've lived and died, and lived again,
all a never-ending cycle of hell.
I am inexistent, yet here I stand,
invisible, yet still you see me,
or so the world believes.
You call me young, fifteen,
but you know not how false
that statement truly is.
I've lived so many lives,
all loveless, and doomed to pain.
The lives all blend, schitzophrenia,
they claim it now to be.
Inside, I'm violent and empty,
my heart refusing to beat.
I want to die, but can't bother,
for I'll only suffer through another
life I don't deserve to live.
Slip into the Void
into the eyes of fire
and tears of blood
let life fade to
Hide in the darkness
forget your past
defy the future
for there is only
This world is gone
it's people extinct
troubles hate pain love
all of it's gone numb.
Open your eyes to it
everything fades to
I have died tonight.
I am weded to the darkness
thatsuffocated my soul.
I have only loved the pain
which tore my heart to shreds.
My only real emotion
is in the pouring rain.
A sky forever crying
over a world so full of hate.
I built a life of glass shards
that shattered with my sigs.
The only warmth and comfort
was the dying fire in my eyes.
Now I no longer exist
life is not worth my time.
But you do not care.
You live in your own world
one so far away and fake.
You all are so controlled
having no mind of your own.
You never really saw me
didn't even know my name.
But one day your heart will die
and then you'll know my pain.
Enjoy that little world of yours
I'll be there to greet you in hell.
Pouring rain and unshed tears
drown me in their beauty.
Clouded skies and clouded mind
hide me in their darkness.
Shadows in this stormy night
provide my only comfort.
I live among these shadows,
the only home I've known.
White rose amidst dark thorns,
just an illusion of existence.
Survival of the social means
the death of the invisible.
Such is this eternal night,
killing me so slowly.
As the rose wilts and I m gone,
will this world even notice?
Shadows start to disappear,
thunder rolls into the distance.
The world now dries and crumbles,
and this white rose is just dust.
No point in life
Abandoned here
Without oxygen
Numbed flesh
Consuming ache
No will to survive
Pain ebbs away
Heartbeat slows
Truth hidden within
Suffocated all
Lonely tears drop
Acidic emotions
Disintegrated soul
Delusional mind
Hopeless heart
Barely breathing
Pulse fades
Empty of purpose
Lacking comfort
Nowhere is safe
Refuse to feel
Begin to bleed
Vision blurred
yet no tears fall.
The pain remains
that began this mess.
I feel so empty
though unsure why.
I love you so
but long to end this life.
My past is over
yet haunts me still.
Memories linger
and drive me
to disappear.
Mentally drowning
yet outward so calm
none could see
the truth hidden within.
Bloodthirsty, unstable
and wishing to be numb.
This is no way to live
but I know I cannot leave.
You hold me here
keeping me afloat
in this sea of pain.
I could never bear
the thought of upsetting you
and so I remain
my heart your prisoner