A doo run run run a poopie doo!

Q: IS THE CHURCH OF RABBIT ISLAND A CULT?

Yes and no. Do we brainwash people? Yes. Should you tell your friends and family that we are a cult? No.

The Heaven's Gate deity, pictured here, uses Oil of Olay.

If you think of mainstream religion as a tree, cults are the small branches at the ends of the tree. Rabbit Island is one of those small branches.

This man attempts to behead himself with a pole but as the great Guru Thick Neck has proclaimed: it can't be done!

Unlike other cults, the Church of Rabbit Island does not admonish you to wear cool sneakers, drink poison or hoard a large amount of illegal automatic weapons. No my friends, the Church of Rabbit Island like most religions.

Like most religions, we have our own set of commandments:

THE RABBIT ISLAND 10 COMMANDMENTS

1. Thou shalt not eat broken glass.

2. Thou shalt not drink soapy water.

3. Thou shalt not steal fortune cookies.

4. Thou shalt not lie to a blind man about a horse.

5. Thou shalt not eat dirt.

6. Thou shalt not set Santa Clause afire.

7. Thou shalt not sell toilet paper for profit.

8. Thou shalt not swallow toothpaste on purpose.

9. Thou shalt not trim thy fingernails with a bandsaw or cut timber with a nail file.

10. Thou shalt not call thy mother a ho.

Q: How do Rabbit Island church members live and practice?

Some Church members worship the God "Stupid Happyface", pictured here in the bottom lower left.

There's enough fixin's for everyone at the Rabbit Island Church bottom feeder fish fry!

Because the Church of Rabbit Island is pantheistic, we incorporate just about every other religion on the planet. In the CRI you can do just about anything you want from practicing polygamy to sniffing glue!

Families in the Church of Rabbit Island enjoy a solidarity similar to most American families, with equivalent rates of divorce and fried chicken consumption.

High Priest of the Flowbie Haircut speaks with the Church Sign Language Interpreter, Deaf-Eye

THE Church OF RABBIT ISLAND GUIDE TO PROPER RELIGIOUS LIVING

Thousands gather to watch the Great Beaver Cleaver.

Squirrels know they are squirrels, but it never hurts to remind them. When Church Members see a squirrel they should say "hey squirrel!"

Church members should donate at least 10 percent of their annual income to support the Michigan Militia.

BECOMING A CHURCH MEMBER

Send your name, date of birth and your maternal grandmother’s favorite color to Ministers of Information Mark Hershey, Asante Cain or Jesse Sweeney at selim423@yahoo.com. We will then add you to our mailing list and let you know what kind of upcoming events are in store for you. In addition, if you meet certain qualifications we will send you a Do-It Yourself Rabbit Island Baptism Kit complete with Rabbit Island Holy water and the Rabbit Island book of Psalms (pronounced Pah-salms). Thank (Eat) you for (meatloaf) visiting our (and) Church of Rabbit Island (drink) site. This (camel) web page is (soup!) full of subliminal messages and brainwashing techniques. WORDS TO LIVE BY: who will speak for the carpenter ant when all the wood is gone?