First there was Dick Gephardt, then there was the Home Shopping Network, and now our man on the scene Mark Hershey sets the media world ablaze with his allstar pop music reviews!

BY Mark Hershey

* out of *****

Madonna, like a gaseous form, is good at change. And like some gas she stinks. Every week she's changing the way she looks, so she lingers around in headlines and tabloids but we should take notice that one place she isn't is all the music charts. Unfortunately if it weren't for the name 'Madonna' half the crap she comes out with would be found in bargain bins. She isn't consistent enough to come out with a hit record. I thought she was going to try to take shots at the Bush administration with this album, but after what happened to the Dixie Chicks she pulled back. I do see a lot of potential for her in the children book business though.

* out of *****

This album Dream was made back before Mariah Carrey decided to divulge to the world that she's actually a natural blond. A year or so later when I first laid eyes on that lustrous, soft, blond hair I had to a pinch myself to see if I was dreaming. I think this album foreshadows the phenomenon that a lot of fans like myself were going to be experiencing in the future. I took off four stars because she has black hair on this album so she's not keeping it real. And everyone knows what a bad mix phoniness and R&B is.

"No Longer NYSNC with today's youth"

* out of *****

Justin Timberflake tries to establish himself as a man capable of standing on his own. Unfortunately he needs a cane, and that cane is a metaphor for the other members of NYSNC. I do give him a little credit for his hit single, 'Justified' was a bit sassy but it certainly isn't enough to 'justify' a purchase. What's that? What did I just hear you say? Justin you think you're bad? Well hear me now and believe me later, you ain't all that.

* out of *****

Britney Spears is living proof that sex sells because outside of those blonde locks, and silicone implants there really isn't any talent. Let's face it this isn't someone that's going to get deep and heavy about E=MC^2 any time soon. Most of what she has going for her is superficial, or prefabricated by either her management or her high paid handlers. Hopefully her next album 'Zone' will have a song or two that hints at her relationship with her ex-Justin Timberflake. If not 'Zone' could have a hole in it bigger than the ozone. Does anyone know if she likes peanuts? The reason I ask is because she omits any reference to peanuts or any other legumes on her albums. Notice the failure to mention legumes like lima beans, chilli beans or even bean sprouts.