| Yeah, I know – "Its been a long time, I shouldn't have left you…without a dope beat to step too" – Eric B and Rakim and of course Timbaland. And with that quote I give you my latest story of random info. This is the first part in a series. I'm not sure how many I'll write – it just depends on how I feel about my clothes since this is what its all about. As much as I believe that I truly am the next cover model for Banana Republic, I wasn't always the mecca-man of fashion. Ohhhhhhhhhh no. So in a humbling tale or three, here without further adieu – "The History of Seth's Clothes" I don't know what evil trick the holy Lord was trying to play on me when I was born. I popped out of ole Momma Fish with a full head of black flowing hair. To this day I've never had as much. My mom likes to remind me of how the nurses used to do my hair - this I'm sure didn’t bother me and perhaps contributes to my personal desire to have some hospital nook – however that’s not the point. The point is this – so my mom was constantly asked whether I was a girl or not – forget CK-1! Oh no – I was years ahead with the androgyny look. My mom outfitted in the usual scarred for life type outfits. You know – things like the blue and white stripe sailor suit (insert sick Navy joke here) with matching little sailor hat. Anchors away, matey! Yeah, pretty scurvy! Since at the time we were living in Philadelphia, I was also wearing the latest in Philadelphia Phillies baseball attire. Yeah I had a little uniform! Whats scarier than that is this: #1 – I never played baseball and worse – if you were to visit my parents house in the motherland , they STILL have the shirt!!!!! Soooooooo, guess what outfit my kid (if I ever have any) is getting! Yeah well I figure the retro look will be in by then. My kid's not gonna be sporting now freakin ugly ass Old Navy Perfomance Fleece – F That! When youre at that age though, style doesn’t matter. The bottom line is that youre gonna drool, slobber, chew, puke, etc on whatever your wearing. My kids are just gonna be wrapped in Zip-Lock bags – they will be super stylin'. Its not until you get to be about 8 or 9 that you realize what youre really wearing. Yeah Momma dressed me in elementary school. Being the first child, this is the hazing you that you must endure. My brother had more to say when he was 8 or 9 – plus I had some vested interest in what he was wearing cause I didn't wanna be associated with him looking like a poster-boy for Dollar General. My idea of cool at 9 was sneakers. I don't know why but my Mom has always said "never skimp on getting shoes" so while we were outfitted at Clover (Clover would be the modern day equivalent of Kmarts image 10 years ago), for some reason we always had cool and good shoes. We usually went to this one sneaker store that was owned by one of the Philadelphia 76ers. I still have one of the freebie little gifts they gave the kids. This was the time when Reebok was becoming popular. I can say that I was on the bandwagon from the beginning. I thought I was the coolest guy in James Feinemore Cooper Elementary with my grey Reeboks. Of course I was wearing ugly lumberjack brown corduroys and Charlie Brown reject shirts but I had the best footwear……and yes, I had Buster Brown shoes. This was also the time that I had my first pair of "parachute pants" – in reality this things are just windbreakers. Of course I destroy mine in a matter of a year because I kept sliding on the damn things like I'm Pete Rose. I wore these things though at my 4th grade talent show in my rendition of Slick Ricks "La-Di Da-Di" (later remade by Snoop Dogg). Now it is also important to note in 5th grade that the "Jamz" phenomena was sweeping the nation. Again in reality all these things were shorts with prints on them. Of course, my mom had no intention of buying anything name brand for clothes so I got the Clover special generic remake. So one day during gym class (playing 4 corners), I had to show everyone my generic wanna-be Jamz. It must have been like 50 degrees outside but inside it was nice and cozy…..so I bust in with these white shorts with what looks like cave-painting animal prints. Ever see those famous cave painting pictures from like France? Ok – that was my shorts. I thought they were the coolest thing in the world till I got to Florida…and then I had a rude awakening………….but that’s gonna be chapter 2!!!! |