| Summer of Seth Statistics, part 1 Yeah its been awhile. Hope some of you are enjoying summer lovin’ and drinking some Boulevards (for you Midwesterners – what’s up homey’s) or whatever you can score free. I’ve been busy traveling about but I know y’all seem to have short attention spans due to the heat so I will just give you random stats, quotes, and thoughts about my summer trip to Arizona. I went to AZ to visit Sturtsman, one of my pledge brothers from back in the FAU day who was living in Phoenix and had some time off from work to show me around the state. Flagstaff: This is the city where all the hippies who aren’t delusional not only go to college but to retire. Think of a western town with a granola-tip. I liked though, even if all the women here don’t shave. The Grand Canyon: Ok so not really a city. Yes it was grand. And some people do live here. We call them mountain men. Last thing we did the night before: Drink British beers from a paper bag from a gas station. Famous last words: “I’ll be back in 30 minutes” – Sarah, my awesome friend, who was going to go see her boyfriend who lived right near her place. She came back 6 hours later. “Professor, whats another name for pirate treasure? Why I think its booty” – Beastie Boys What we had for breakfast: I had a cinnamon bun and Sturtsman had a granola bar and a water. What we had for lunch: Uh, nothing! Great for the hangover! Famous last words, part two: “Oh the trail head is only a quarter mile away” (It was over 2). Don’t ever ever let me judge things like that because…. “We don’t need lunch, its only a hour or so to get to the bottom of the canyon” – yours truly….2.5 hours later, we stopped and weren’t even half way there…. # of miles hiked in GC: Approx 5.5, 2.5 descending into the canyon on the Bright Angel trail. # of miles hiked on the GC that we later told people: About 5. # of yards we had to stop on the way up so Sturtsman could catch his breath (ok I wasn’t the trek king but I could make it 200 yards): 100 # of times I slipped on the trail: 6. Sturtsman: 5 Estimated tonnage of donkey poop on the trail: 3 “Yes, he was squirrelly” # of rabid squirrels who chased us on the trail because they heard we had food: 1 (the damn thing practically ran into my bag!) Odd encounter: On the way back up we were racing a older German couple. The guy later petted the above squirrel while his wife sprayed us with a misting battery operated fan while singing “Singing in the rain” in a German accent. Song I sang (among others) to Sturtsman to keep him moving: Chariots of Fire theme song. Number of people at the hotel bar at 10PM: 3. So much for Sturtsman plan of meeting up with Japanese tourist women….I thought it was a brilliant idea at the time too. Method to read the bus map at the stop which was unlit: Digital camera flash. Sedona: This is the city where those who are even beyond Flagstaff come to spot flying saucers, be healed by crystals, vortexes and other side shows. Other than that though, its pretty cool! # of wanna be AZ gangster fights we saw at the bottom of a ravine: 1 Off the beaten trail: We had no idea where a trail was so we just made one that ended a mile later in a thatch of thorns that I wanted no part of. Besides, Sturtsman ran out of water and wanted to start drinking my last bottle while still going further in! This had the beginnings of bad ending so we headed back. # of cuts over one inch suffered through this trail of sweat: 4 Beer bottle we found full: Corona Light. I offered Sturtsman 5 bucks to drink it but he refused. Phoenix – doesn’t have a big city feel to it however speaking Spanish is ideal. The heat rises from the concrete. One day it was 110. Saguaros were also everywhere – the fallic larger than life cactus of the world. Cool thing to do: Phoenix at Night – all the art galleries host little socials on the same night and you just walk around. Some even have free cheapo beer! Open container laws never really sat well with me anyway! Chasing Amy….again…Just keep in mind…..that many of the gallery women weren’t playing on my home team. Damn it. Local knowledge imparted to me: We were in Crips territory. Not a good thing to say to me while I was drinking canned beer on the corner. Fish out of water: Sturtsman took me to my first Goth club….oh yeah, I wasn’t gonna get any action at this place….not even from the femme vampires. Best eats: I forgot the name of the place, but great, price worthy Mexican food was a highlight. For under ten bucks, I had a monster meal with a Tecate with good service. Place I will never likely eat at again: Jack in the Box – overpriced Hardees! Sometimes you gotta just try things: Sturtsman had these ginseng little drinks that looked like Insulin bottles that you popped open. I’m sure if I had scored some action that night, I would have been a sexual nuclear reactor. Tempe – a upscale college town. Cheap drinks were actually hard to find! So while it was really a nice place, if youre looking for Gainesville quality drinks, stay in Gville. Holy biker cops: Ok, many of you know that besides a general disdain for open container, jaywalking is my number 2. Less than 30 minutes, I was getting a lecture from a Tempe bike cop about jaywalking – but heck, I was in the freakin’ pedestrian walk! Pedestrians have right of way in Oxford, Ohio and Kansas City, Missouri so why not here? Savages. “Let me be your manager” – Sturtsman and I met Miss August 2003, Colleen Marie. She asked me what I did, and I couldn’t lie so I told her I was a stand-up comedian. Ok, what?! Well I am funny, right?? So she wrote her autograph “to the funniest man in Florida” (after I told her some other jokes, etc. I was on a roll, or the supersize Samuel Adams was just kicking in). Anyway, if you don’t believe it, I have the pics to prove it on my homepage! Oh, and the best looking bar tenders I have ever seen (and I’ve seen plenty), we’re at that place which was a cheesy Cancun rip off but worth my 5 bucks. No studying here: We went a bar called the Library. All the women working there dressed up as hoochie Catholic school girls and danced on bars– every Jewish guys dream of course! I have a pic with our waitress online too….plaid and white….reminds me of the time once when I was with this girl and sh……sorry, tangent…..no need to rehash old times ? |