Bumper Stickers, Seth Style

OK, so its been awhile- 3 weeks or so since Ive written anything. Call me a summer slack-ass but that’s how it goes. This one isn’t a story but more of a compilation. Ive been sent a few forwards on funny bumper stickers so Ive come up with my own list. All of these are originals- feel free to rip them off and make a profit out of them or use them in your literary conversations, I occasionally do. Once again these are written Seth-style and may offend the timid and I need some nook nook. 

Bumperstickers I’d write/market/ and collect royalties off of:

1. I shouldn’t have drank that much cough syrup!
2. I think my buzz is wearing off!
3. I don’t believe in sodomy so quit riding my ass!
4. Let me see your impersonation of a circus seal! (Clerks influenced)
5. Fueled by Anheiser-Busch
6. I swear officer, she looked 18 (Brain Donors influence, Mencher!)
7. The Horatio is 3:1 (Hi Arty)
8. Who is your daddy? Sure as hell ain’t me!
9. God bless open containers
10. Honk if your GPA is higher than BAC (blood alcohol content)
11. Im not drunk- Im overserved!
12. You’d look better after a 6 pack too.
13. My other car is on blocks on my front lawn.
14. Isn’t primer a lovely color?
15. Acid rain? Isn’t that a Grateful Dead song?
16. Yeah I used to listen to MC Hammer too…
17. I stole your Mercedes emblem.
18. This bumper sticker is really covering a rust hole.
19. Hey you in the Lexus- opposites attract, right?
20. I’m not lost- I’m a male who refuses to ask for directions until I run out of gas.
21. IGO2XS
22. Bring back the Pinto!
23. Chicks hate being called chicks!
24. Yes, I’m chewing ice because I am sexually repressed.
25. Volunteer at your local breast implant center today!
26. Vote for free drinks, 9-11PM.
27. Mean people suck, but nice people swallow!
28. How’s my driving? 1-800-Fuck Off
29. Tell your wife not to wait up for me.
30. Your man is staring at my chest.
31. Ron Bacardi for US Senate
32. This vehicle and the driver inside are kosher for Passover.
33. I will be willing to trade looks for a morally casual attitude (Animal House influenced)
34. I just want some nook-nook!!! (Hi Theta Fly’s!)
35. I need a happy helper.
36. No AOL chick is gonna FRONT me!
37. I’m smiling because my girlfriend is giving me a tune-up.
38. I’m smiling because YOUR girlfriend is giving me a tune-up.
39. This car is powered by nitrous….oxide!
40. Surf Kansas!
41. Just gimme a roofie and meet me at the Bambi Motel
42. Motel Mazda 626- we’ll keep the interior light on for you!
43. What the hell is a Pecan Log Roll?
44. Waffle House Rules!
45. Cough and turn to the right.
46. Don’t drop the soap near me, Private.
-1727- Bumper stickers are lame!