The History of Seth's Glasses

Ok, its time for a story, I havent dished one out to many of you in a looong time, but lately Ive been a slack ass. Anyways......thats neither here nor there.

It all started in back in the fifth grade, I was losing my eyesight pretty rapidly...being the naive 12 year old, my parents concluded that it was not due to "clearing the snorkle" as I had not yet discovered this for several more years..........so anyways I got these dorky glasses and with that, the onslaught of typical 12 year old comments (ie- four eyes..and someone even called me a dork, but that guy will be mowing my lawn in a few years)...

Then a few years later I moved to Florida....My folks decided it was time for a new pair of glasses so maybe I'd actually start wearing them (I rarely wore my first pair)...anyways I got these silver glasses that must have had enough steel to broadcast a small AM radio station....I had those for 4 years. I rarely wore those too. Actually I would sit in the front of the class so I could see....I had to go right next to the board just to read overheads...........this may correlate with my god awful math grades. To this day, I still have the math skills of a 10th grader.

well one day I actually lost those damn glasses! This was around february of my senior year. That sucked, but it was for the best.......especially for society, since i refused to wear my glasses when I drove during the day.........surprisingly, I never killed anyone, though several mail boxes were put out of their misery.

So I got the now famous and legendary Green Guess Glasses........and you all have seen me in them, since Ive had them for like 5 or so years. I actually liked these and wore them, all the time. In addition, I got the infamous Tom Cruise flight sunglasses, replics of Top Gun.......I dont know if many of you remember those.....

Well I ended the life of those sunglasses, sending them into mandatory retirement in summer of 96, those things had really suffered and I had to put them out of their misery.

I then got a sporty pair of shades that summer...a week later, I met my last ex girlfriend, the pyscho coke addict bisexual pathological liar with excess baggage and a homosexual borderline disorder ex financee, but thats another story.........

Well, half way through my fall senior year, I couldnt find those glasses......I looked everywhere.......of course, I crushed them in my bed....ouch....but they were bad luck anyway.

So then I got a pair of similiar ones, however these came from that real expensive joint in Town Center mall called lens crafters optiques....these were sporty and me feel like a Boca snob.

Well those took a dive this past semester up here at Lake Wauberg......I went canoeing with my roomies and a few AXO's and we ended up in this water fight and of course my stupid ass stands up in a canoe to splash someone and of course the damn thing tips over .......so my glasses titanic-ed to 40 feet of water....that was costly, as my new glasses cost over 300 smackers.

However, the new pair I have now is awesome, some Italian funky designer and they havent gone trendy yet,,,,,you will see this when Im over in Boca...they are also good cause they have spring hinges so i wont break them......hopefully I wont sink them either.

Now for the newest addition, late breaking news......while the green wonders have taken several beatings (such as lamp thrown through my face from a member of house of pain a few years back, or the hockey slapshot that busted a lens, plus all my drunken outings) I came home last night from a $10 anything you can drink in the bar till the whole bar is empty......anyways after raising some cain , my roomate (Matty) says, "whats with your fucking glasses?" now they have been acting up lately and i had to like superglue the screws in them to hold em togather, but when I went to take them off my face, I snapped the bitch right in half!!!! Meanwhile I was talking to a few of you on AOL (I appolgize for getting cut off, but I couldnt see a damn thing!!!) well they were old anyways............sooo, making a long story short, no more green glasses............thats a pretty big change in my life since like 90% of my photo's have me wearing them! Well now I got these more studious, grad schoolish glasses.........so maybe i will look my age and not have to get solicited by every high school girl in gainesville.

So thus an era has now ended. I hope this story amused you a bit. Its pretty amusing to wake up on your bedroom floor with your boxers on your head (I pulled a JT...."Guess what I am???? Im a Sheik!"), several empty beer bottles, a pizza box, some girls phone number who i have no recollection of and will probably never call or see again, my room totally deshelveled, and my glasses split like pea soup....Right now, my IQ is still wavering a few points...

Till then, Im off like a prom dress.