My Grand Am Story
Back about 2 years ago, I wrote one of my first infamous Seth stories about my first car, the stylin’ Escort GT… due to my lack of foresight, I never thought to save that one, however I am the same idiot who spent all my $2 bills on Gummy Worms (I mean c’mon, those coca-cola flavored ones were the bomb!) and also the same idiot who once left his baseball card collection in a trashbag and then wondered why my mother threw them out….but anyways on to the real point here.

And that is, the story of Seth’s second car! This car was an 89 Grand Am with about 89,000 miles on it. A definite upgrade from the last junker, as this car was my father’s for a long time so I knew its history. Before I had the car, I used it to pick up my former girlfriend who lived about 20 minutes on the other side of town, anyway Julie and I once spent a hedonistic evening of nook fogging up the windows. I will never forget when I dropped the passenger seat down and then she took off her shirt and….well, anyways, that still ranks in the top 5 most heated/sexual moments….long story short that was one of the first of many high school relationships I screwed up cause I was idiot (see previous examples).

This is the same car that I once drove right up on our front yard after I cut my hand like in half. Oh yeah, a true story here, (see scars for Exhibit A) anyways, that’s a whole another mess, but long story short instead of driving to a hospital , I drove home thinking I had a bad papercut (or glass, same thing right?) and I didn’t want to ruin my Dad’s car with my blood so I let my hang out the window while I drove home. I donated enough blood on the highway…ok, you drive home 5 miles with 6 inches of glass through your hand and you see how it feels!!

This car also took its share of beatings and punishment. One time I broke the girl I was dating during my freshman year of college’s sprinkler system when I backed over a pipe. Hey, the damn thing deserved it. So this Old Faithful geyser erupted and there I go, driving off into the sunset. Besides, she later gave me Mono so screw her and her irrigation.

Another time after another Corona evening, I had to back out of this driveway that was in the middle of some sort Jurrasic Park. So I sent out a navigator whose BAC was about twice the illegal limit. So this idiot says I am clear and I back right up in a thicket. Oh no, Seth doesn’t get the normal shrubbery. No Sir-ree. I get the cactus thicket. Needless to say that I survived with minimal damage but did ruin my car’s front bra (it was a D cup, underwire)

The car had a CB radio that my dad installed. I think he just wanted the power of saying “Breaker Breaker, any Smokies out there Big Daddy?” Nothing was more entertaining than trying to rouse up some inbreds after a night of Gin and Tonics (god bless Club Boca). However just how many CB’s are there in Boca Raton? C’mon, this is a city where every car comes with a cell phone. Interesting postscript, the atennae was stolen in summer of 96…bunch of savages!

Oh the bastard car had great timing for when it decided to kick the bucket. The day I am driving home for Thanksgiving break, right when I get near the expressway, the transmission dies!!! How shitty is that, there I am all ready to go home for 5 days and my car decides to strike. This really upset me because it was the first time not being with the family for the Turkey day. In addition to this, it cost me over 800 bucks which is a whole nother story in itself which I will send out during Turkey day, so look for that!

Yeah the car took a beating after I got it back in 94, but I loved the damn thing even more than my first piece of shit. Now Ive got a Mazda which has some stories to tell, but so far none that can top the ones from the Grand Am…

“Its not what you drive, its what drives you!” (think about it)