By SMF 1998
I always wondered if I whether or not the past 5 years of collegiate drinking has ever affected my memory… problem here was I always forgot think whether it truly did. However, 5 years later I realized that though I am sure a brain cell or two (million) have hopelessly lost their lives to a flurry of consumption and the fuzzy yet familiar aftermaths, I think it might be hereditary.
Exhibit A: my mother on a daily basis can not find one of the following: Keys or sunglasses. I have that same problem however I also had a problem with my wallet so now the keys are attached to that, narrowing down the items to forgot and making them a bigger target.
Exhibit B: my father has problems with the glasses- I have suggested contacts to remedy this situation but he tried them out in the early 80’s when contact lenses were like ½ inch thick glass…
Exhibit C: my brother who conveniently forgets when he takes something from my room with out permission thinking I will forget.
However I tend to take things to new levels- perhaps the Fishman family phenomena has mutated:
Stupid things I have done in the past few years:
Names: For some reason I’ve gotten slack ass on people’s names…Seinfeld example #33: I had a date in November with a girl I had drunkenly lip locked myself to at 238 (80’s night) and for some reason I swore her name was Rachel. Anyways, she never corrected me, except when she gave me her number (it was Sara). So I didn’t screw up until a crucial moment, I brought her home after dinner and I walked her into the living room and introduced to her to my former roommate and his ex-girlfriend…..”Heya guys, this is Rachel!” (SMACK!) Boy for some reason she had a real attitude and never called me back again. So to fix this problem, I now keep a running list of everyone I meet and something about them- I also say their name in conversation a lot so it sinks in- and it really works, even while having a beer or 5!
Case study #1: I have been known to frequently make instant oatmeal and putting it in the microwave….without the water! Or better yet- boiling water but putting on the wrong burner. No, there is not a streak of blonde in me either…so I’m not Chef Boyardee…hey, I try.
Screw-up #1727: I filled out a job application and the supervisor’s name was Winnie Cooke…anyways I go in with Mencher at my side and ask the secretary if I could speak to Winnie COOPER (Think Wonder Years here!!!!!) To make matters worse, Ms Cooke was standing right behind me…needless to say I never got that job!
Most recent casualty: I filled out a change of address form for UF and my credit card and put down that I lived at SW instead of NW…I even gave my own father the wrong address.
Otherwise the usual “how did I get home” pondering or “I did what/said what to ____(fill in the blank)?” or usual side effects from renditions of me “partying like a rock star” (heya Jenem!) are to be expected and I fully attribute those to the limes in my Corona.
Anyways, I’m in the midst of relocating so whenever Ma Bell (got the Ill Communication) decides to grace me with her presence and gimme my new number I’ll let ya all know!