After taking about a 2 hour nap in the confides of my temporary home at the Jenkins Estate, we decided to go grocery shopping for the week. The store was about a 10 minute walk , if that. I was certainly expecting something much larger when we arrived. It was quite small, though much larger than the 7-11s that are everywhere out there.
First of all, beer was expensive. I paid about $15 bucks for a 6 pack of Ringes (not to be confused with ringworm) Light which came in 14oz cans. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t bad by any means, actually it was pretty good but it seemed a bit watered down. It was considered “light” beer. The rest of the beer was more expensive though you truly could get a Norwegian 40oz and be like Olaf in the Hood.
Diet soda is called “light” soda. So Coke Light. 2 liters don’t exist out there, the largest size is by the liter. Milk and OJ come in quarts and that’s the largest size. Since nothing has preservatives for the most part, your OJ and milk need to be sucked down that week otherwise they become lab experiments. Ditto for bread. The bread we bought was really great toasted. All bread is toasted or heated- this is a requirement.
Veggies and fruits were astronomical as well. Actually everything was 3 times the US price. C’mon I enjoy paying full price. I didn’t recognize most of the brands out there and if I did they were funky versions of what I was familiar with. Pringles came in rather interesting cans and labels.
For over 50 bucks (455 Kroner) this is what I got: loaf of bread, 6 pack of beer, 4 banana’s, 4oz of smoked turkey, 2 chicken breasts, 4oz of potato salad, 2 packages of frozen stir fry, 2 loaves of ready to eat/heat french bread, ground beef (for Ian of course!), a bag of pasta, the worlds smallest container of pasta sauce, and a yogurt. I also had to pay about 50 cents for a freakin bag for my groceries!! I remember when 50 bucks lasted me a month in Gville!!! (No $2.62, Mencher!) Give me Publix!
After dealing with the utter shock of this, we had our 10 dollar dinner and then Ian knew of a party being thrown by an undergrad student from his university. I was all about checking out a Norwegian house party.
We took the metro system called Tiabaum , which I'm sure I am spelling wrong. The metro bus was always covered in grafitti- similar to New York but actually worse. For some reason, Oslo youth are fascinated about leaving their mark everywhere.
We brought our backpacks (a must) full of beer to the party. You bring your own booze to parties and events out there. Kegs are unheard of as well as the host supplying. All you hear is “clank clank” in the nights in Oslo. Peoples bags are loaded. A new definition to prepartying (called “forspiel” which literally means “foreplay” so I'm all about this!!) Bless them. Preparty starts as soon as the first beer is cracked. Since it doesn’t really get dark in summer it doesn’t make a time difference…..
When we arrived, there was a DJ spinning loads of the latest in techno and trance music. I was in heaven until Britney Spears came on! Sad to say, but this occurred 3 times in an hour!
As I walked around I bumped into this gorgeous girl. So being the polite guy that I am , I said “excuse me” and she immediately picked me out as American! We started talking about America and music (she loved Britney- red alert!) Florida, and club life. All good topics for me. Even Britney but shes got a fake rack. Anyways, I could bounce at least 50 Kroner off her ass. For the record, her name was “Moonah.” (rhymes with tuna….hey, I like tuna!)
Her almost as impressive friend came over and stood 2 niches from my face. I could lick her forehead, that’s how close she was. I was like “Heia Norge!” She was pretty drunk and she went to go take her g-string wearing ass out to smoke. Almost all hot women smoke out there. Then this blond comes over and stops in for a visit with me. Im still drooling over the 5”3 100 pound brunette with the black g-string (What? Me look??)
Of course all great things must come to an end. Somehow we got on the conversation of age and she asked me how old I was. So I said to myself, “Should I really tell her Im 25 or go with the ever safe yet believable 21?” Well I said 25 (bad move). She then asked how old I thought she was. I said 19 (good move.) Boy was I off. So she’s like, “well I am 17….and a HALF” Sirens go off in my mind. DAMN! Im not messing with that! “Oops I done it again” Im a freakin magnet for this shit!
So my half Norwegian/Syrian (what a combo! Hey I like exotic women, what can I say?) went off in the crowd. I then experienced another surprise. Some little Norge guy pushed me as he walked by. So I wasn’t too pleased with this ballsy behavior. Getting deported for dropping Mini Thor wouldn’t be such a good resume builder. And then another guy does the same thing! Im thinking its because I had the teen Spice Girls talking to me and they were jealous.
I ask Ian whats up with this and he laughs and tells me that they don’t say “excuse me” in Norway, they just push you through at parties and the such!! Howabout that. I was ready to start dropping some elbows to test this one out! “Yeah hows that feel Bjorn?”
Since often your social calendar relies on the metro schedule we had to dip out or face an hour wait. We headed out early, at least in my book. On our ride back, a group of drunken teens (who were drinking on the metro, a common practice late at night) (see Later Gator for American example) were howling out the “Oops soong” and the Norwegian version of “When the Saints come marching in” They cranked out some Norwegian drinking games as well however I don’t know what the heck they were saying.
So ladies, never go with the “half” bit though you will certainly humor me!!
-Seth is 25 and a quarter.