By SM Fishman 7/2000
Ian had arranged for us to go attend a party in the boonies of Norway. If it wasn’t for this option, I would probably have attracted more 17 (and a HALF) year old exotics to talk to (and say to myself, “damn for once I wish I was 18 again”)
We were sleeping over at his friend Gunnars place in Vikasund, a community known for the longest ski jump in the country. We had to take a bus to get out there.
Suppression #1: Ian and his friend Anna (pronounced “Al-na”) got a discount on the bus for being a “couple.” Whats up with that! Of course that leaves me. I tried explaining to Ian to convince the bus driver to ask for the 3-Some discount but that just didn’t happen. SO heres another suppression by the Norwegian Man to the Single Seth. So make note of this- if you are a couple, go to Norway and you get bus discounts!
I wondered what I ate that morning because on the long bus ride (I sat next to this guy who was a chronic nail and cuticle biter- I wanted to smack him and say “women do not find this attractive" but he seemed a bit seedy and I didn’t want to get deported for getting in a brawl with the Viking Nail Cannibal) but back to my point- so I felt really dizzy- it was like some sort of hangover mutation. I couldn’t imagine what was going on (as we went up and down the windy and hilly roads………hmmmmmmmmmmm, can you say, Motion Sickness??)
When we arrived at our first destination I about kissed the ground. It was awful. Anna’s parents house was full of antique stuff and her folks were great hosts. Here I experienced “SOLO” – a orange soda type (is the name trying to hint at something?) Her folks owned 2 American cars which was not common out there.
We drove to Vikasund with Ian navigating. Directions were kinda whacky, but we realized that people had their names on their mailboxes so it made things easier to figure out. As crafty as we thought we were, it turns out that Gunnar’s entire extended family seemed to live out there but none the less we found our happy country road and home soon enough.
We arrived to help Gunnar set up for the big bash. After a leisurely lunch we went to set up the volleyball court. This seemed to be a process in itself. Gunnar and I debated about his property’s space utilization before ultimately deciding on his first choice in the first place. He had this dog tied to a moving cable fro the barn. I found this pretty funny as its just not something you see an American Fido rigged up. After clearing the land of his dogs “land mines” (yes, Norwegian dog poo is just as bad as ours), the set up crew worked on the volleyball net. This took about 2 hours for Ian, Anna and Gunnar to do (as head supervisor, I deemed it necessary to take a nap) because the net was the tangled mess from beyond. I would have just cut the bastard and then untied it but oh well.
Guests began to arrive a bit after 7. As the Norwegians entered, all I heard was the familiar “clank-clank” from the bottles being brought in. However this was a serious event here and so the quality of “gifts” was much higher. We were armed with beer and a pair of flasks. The grills were fired up shortly after and the feast began. I had some sort of turkeydog (or so I think!) wrapped in a Lumpa which is like soft taco. The salad had all sorts of onions that ive never seen before and other vegetables but it was good.
Being the only American there I wasn’t exactly lighting up the life of the party or making friends too quick. So I picked one guy whom I heard speak some english earlier and sat down next to him and his friends. Good move here as they had all been to the states. After some wine and conversation, the next thing I know the call for the volleyball tournament began.
There were 4 teams and some of these teams were pretty spirited (one even made t-shirts!!) Mine wasn’t that team. I don’t think half of them ever touched a volleyball in their life.
So the moving bar followed (you had to drink on the sidelines) and practice began. I was warned earlier that this would not be a normal volleyball game and that the referee really decided who won. I was told to bribe him. I promised him an American woman (so Beckles= you may be getting a call. You too Jewels, you were the “woman to be announced at a later date”) and this seemed to be a good move too.
I learned quickly that when the women hit a serve 20 feet out of bounds that it would usually be a “do-over” So that’s how its gonna be! One time I bounced a serve off some guy and it was called a side out. It seemed better to screw up than to take it serious.
My teammate, Christian, had a bottle of Smirnoff 100 in his pocket. After every we point, we took swigs from it. I knew things were going to get ugly after that. Amazingly we won- I don’t even remember how or why. So our team would face Ians in the championship.
While we taking a break, my new friends kept feeding me all sorts of drinks. I have no idea what most of it was. One was some sort of liquor from Estonia mixed with beer. Another was some funky wine. I did not see any “Hooch” though it was rumored to be available. As for hoochies…….oh back to the what I was saying…How to say “cheers in Finnish” – short version “Hep!” long version “Hep! Hep!” Im not sure if this true or not but I went around saying it with this one guy the rest of the night. Christian came back with a drink in a can called “Battery” (it looked like one) which is a energy type drink (ie- Jolt) I drank this and he mentioned it was mixed with vodka. What a combo!
Ians team beat ours in the championship (one of our players was put in the penalty box for being too good) so we took the ref and threw him in the pool. It was such a ludicrous game but really fun.
By now it was about 11PM or so and still somewhat light outside. The festivities continued inside where more mass consumption occurred. A acting out skit was begun and since it was in Norwegian, I had no idea what was going on but watching the actors was funny. I can now say I say Ian on all 4’s – I thought he was a dog but I was later wrong.
The music wasn’t as good as the previous night but none the less good enough. I was breaking it down with Christian who hit on every woman there (he’s married and his wife was there- he later got a talking too!) Ian saved me when I was getting a bit frisky with this woman who’s live-in boyfriend was also there. Thanks Ian, that’s brotherhood!!! Who’s down with OPP? Who’s down with Nor-we-gee?
One by one the Norwegians began to pass out or crash…some outside. I felt pretty good that I was still hanging with the big dogs. We then went outside where one of the guys began playing Beatles songs and we were all singing! I felt good about this since (in my mind) I knew the words. By 3:30 though I was worthless and was sent off to my 1856 Day-bed which was really small but at least I had one. Ian had went out way earlier.
The next morning we had an awesome breakfast on the patio overlooking a small hill and valley. One of my buddies passed out early the night before and he looked like death in the morning. “Im Hurtin” – Steve Simpson
So after kissing a dead moose (I have the photo and its funny) we bid Vikasund and Gunnar, et al a hearty good bye. It was a great time!!
(You can see pictures of the party on my website as well as a good one of a Vikasund barn)
Stay tuned for more from moi!
http://www.oocities.org/sethmatthew
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