| The final week |
Day 10: We arrived a bit late to our campsite in Fayetteville, West Virginia. Yes, West Virginia. During this trip I found out Kate could hold her breath for 2 minutes but Mencher later refuted this fact in a pool in DC. Again, don’t ask how I know this. Still in shock of being in West Virginia, we pull up to our campsite, aptly named, “The Rivermen” I was none too pleased about notions of “Squeal like a pig” and “you’ve got a might pretty smile there son.” Think about every drop-out from your college. For you Gators – think about those whom AGR or KA rejected. Put them all in a drunken state early evening in a mud filled Bourbon Street dirty campsite. Include a ratio of 5 guys to every 1 female and keep in mind that the females were of the Hoss variety. Make sure you include country music blaring from the trunks of 1986 Buicks and Ford Rangers. Welcome to Rivermen! Despite thinking about the last time I had a tetanus shot, I slept well as could be. We got up early to go on our White Water Rafting tour on the New River, WV. Our tour leader was also named Walt. White Water Walter (WWW) had a big wad of chew the whole time. He fit the role of what I expected. WWW told us all about worst case scenarios while rafting. Snake bites, current undertaking, etc. After hearing all this, I was a bit nervous. And I was look ridiculous in a nasty ass life preserver and roller derby like helmet. We were divided up into groups and our Suntrek group had our own raft. This wasn’t exactly a good thing as both Frank and Egon didn’t come with leaving us with the 5 women, Mencher, and Jung Ho (who last seen in the water was tubing down the Ichnetucknee with his just his head and arms above water on the tube!). Mencher and Jung Ho were appointed to the front positions. The “you paddle your ass off, get hit by every wave head on, and most likely to fall out” positions. After Jung Ho realized this, I was switched out with him. So the Beta’s in control. Our raft leader was named Jake. He also was a funny guy, when introduced to the Austrians, he quoted a Dumb and Dumber line about boomerangs. Even I had to think about it for a second. Jake was good though as he made lots of American jokes only Mencher and I got. The river was running 10 feet above normal which means very very fast. What normally takes 2 ½ hours lasted less than 2. Between paddling and getting bounced, I was a sore MoFo however this was a awesome experience – kicks the crap out of any lame ass them park ride. Nobody from our raft fell out though I was launched off one time but lucky straight in the air. Non stop adrenaline. I was talking shit the whole time and making inside jokes with Mencher. So lesson learned: DO NOT stay at the Rivermen camp ground but DO go on the rafting trip. |
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| Day 11-12: Shenandoah National Park The Smokies were going to be a hard act to follow. However we saw more deer than we ever knew what to do with. They were right in the camp grounds and were grass munching right in our own camp site while we were there. We also saw our first (and only) baby bear parading around. The hikes here were not as scenic or dramatic as the Smokies. We did do a meadow hike in the evening led by another cute ranger. Deer were everywhere. As part of the interactive nature of the tour, I got to act as a frog and say “ribbit-ribbit” – yes welcome 2nd grade flashbacks. Abi, who has a strong Brit accent had to do another frog and that was pretty funny. I learned that one kind of frog says “Hey bebe- hey bebe” and another “jugorum” – my kinda amphibians. I think by the end of Shenandoah we were ready for civilization again. Our next 2 nights would be outside of DC in College Park, MD. Days 13-14: DC! Our campsite in DC was as good as they get – it had 2 pools, a hot tub and sauna, a clubhouse with TV lounge and internet connections, a nice little store, even had a hay ride in the evening. This place had my vote as I now bordered campsite novice rating status. Mencher took us to Arlington National Cemetery and then to the Pentagon where we were bounced for taking pictures. Don’t ever do this or you’ll likely get deported. We almost lost Frank on this fiasco. The church we saw was the biggest one I had ever seen and was like something Medieval, minus any Spanish Inquisition torture devices in the basement, though these days the church has been a bit kinky. That night we headed to Georgetown for dinner out. Mencher wanted to take us to a Ethiopian place that was well known. I was skeptical on this Ethiopian experience – you know when youre little and if you didn’t finish everything on your plate, you’d hear your mom say “ (insert name), there are starving people in Africa who would kill for this meal” – so my fear was if I didn’t like it, I’d really be doing a double insult. Talking myself into this one, I decided to be adventurous. Mencher, Kate (who takes pictures of everything like Marissa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny), Jung Ho, Egon (whom is not the most adventurous of people) and myself. We bordered the range in dress – me in the Florida attire, to Mencher who had flip flops and t-shirt. I was surprised we even got seated. I think he was too. The place was called “Zed’s Ethiopian Cuisine” – A note on Zed: “Zed is not dead” and Zed is a she. We met her. True Pulp Fiction. Our meal came out on these pancake type breads with the food on top – you took pieces of these wrapped pan cakes and scooped up the food. This is not a type of meal where you can eat and go – its more like a “no hurry” meal. No silverware. Hands down this was the best meal I had during the trip (not including the buffet in Atlantic City). We then headed down to a small bar district where parking was about as likely as Osama Bin Laden walking in to the US Embassy in Iraq to turn himself in. After circling around forever in our big ass van and dropping everyone off, Mencher parks the van a few blocks over in a place where I wouldn’t exactly hold out my wallet. He later forgets his ID and has to walk all the way back. The first bar where we were at was a little club with a mixed crowd, but the men outnumbered the women 3:1. As bad as it sounds, most of those men weren’t playing for the home team and the women most likely were Kissing Jessica Stein. I did like the music – bartender just threw in his favorite CD and called it good. He later drank shots with the women in our tour group…of course as a male, I got nothing. Suppressed again. We went over to another club after I watched Jolene and Abi play the worst game of pool of ever been witness too. Blimey! The next place was a bit more speed, a hipper crowd with a outdoor area right off the street, café style so we could look people watch. We met up with another tour group and joined there table. There I met Ingrid from Germany who looked a lot like Jodi Foster…..except Jodi didn’t have a kid at age 17 or chain smoke…”sometimes you gotta let those hard to reach chips go” – Clerks. We went home pretty late as Mencher was good enough to show us the back alleys on the way back (he wasn’t lost, he wanted us to have the full DC experience). |
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| Day 14: Atlantic City We left early so we could make a stop over in Philly. There the return to the Fishman birthplace (not a historical landmark like every building there) occurred. After a search that like an airport security clearance, we saw the Liberty Bell. Lucky for us, some big wig from the Department of the Interior (ie- head Ranger Big Man) was there so the tour guides did a better than average job. Afterwards we went to South Street – a big party type district at night and eclectic stores during the day (reminds me of Westport, KC, or Ann Arbor, MI). Mencher and I went in to a place called “Condom Kingdom” or something like that. Its like a Spencers except NC-17. I felt bad for the guy who worked there. Phallic place…not that were feeling inadequate, but when youre seeing dildo’s the size of rolled newspapers, you get to wondering…. Should I subscribe to the Wall Street Journal? Lunch was at Gino’s Cheesesteaks – world famous. Pat’s Steaks was across the street but it was pretty dumpy looking so everyone went to Gino’s except me and the Austrians. No such thing as a chicken or turkey philly apparently at Gino’s. A block over a little Italian place had them but you don’t order a turkey philly at such a place so I had a great slice of pizza there and Canada Dry Vanilla Crème soda (you can’t get that down south) – Later Mencher drank the rest of mine in true Beta fashion. “Mar-sha!” (Korean for “one-shot”) We were camped about 15 miles outside of Atlantic City which seems close but it was really about 40 minutes away with the one lane highways and speed limits lower than my age. Going from Camp Ground paradise to this was going to be hard but knowing it was the last night in a tent for me was enough to get me through. Mencher dropped off us in to town so we could go on the Boardwalk. I went to the beach and started calling friends in Kansas to rub it in….”because that’s the kinda guy I am!” I walked almost the entire length of the boardwalk – certainly more of a family atmosphere. My disillusion was that Atlantic City was going to be like Vegas and I was dead wrong. Everything was high priced and people weren’t partying it up. Yes there were hookers though but we only saw that at night and nobody was passing out “hooker calling cards” like in Vegas. Our night buffet at Bally’s was great – somehow we got special VIP treatment and nobody knows why but we got to cut in front of most of the line. “When somebody asks if you have reservations, say yes!” Mencher did just that and subsequently when we passed by all the angry people, Mencher had some woman bitching about this to him. F-her! And there we dined like kings…while it was no Vegas buffet it was close. We ate everything there. Mencher had even a system (only in theory) of he would space out his plates so he could eat more. This included alternating between chocolate milk and soda (acid breaks up food)…we certainly enjoyed this meal though and I was full till lunch the next day. The reunion: Guppy met us in Atlantic City – I haven’t seen him in 6+ years! He looks the same except he has more tattoo’s than anyone I know. Even more than Pressman. We have a picture for photo proof. Fish Cartel represent! “Very suspicious” – that both Mencher and I knew Gup. Im sure that’s what the rest of the group may have been thinking…oh well! Atlantic City at night was pretty boring – nobody was having fun in any casino and it took me an hour to find a bar!!! I got harassed by Hudu Guru for carrying my beer around the slots! Supression: Nickel slots required 5 bucks to play – whats up with that!!!!??? It didn’t take nickels! False advertising! And my beer was 5 bucks. What’s up with that? Day 15-16: NYC With the Blackout getting to NYC was quicker since all the tolls were out. Mencher made us wash the van at a truck stop which likely was worst car wash I have ever participated in – with the exception of the times I used to wash my car in the winters in Michigan (water would freeze to the car in less than 2 minutes). First of all – New York drivers are maniacs. This is well documented. I think the Cabbie’s must have a competition for Psycho Driver of the Year. I think they should all take some Prozac. Or smoke some hash. You get fined $500 bucks for using the horn but people scream louder than horns anyway. I guess I could understand some of the frustration with no power in 2/3 the city. I’d be a little unnerved myself. We got a good driving tour of NYC and got to walk around on our own – it’s not a hard city to navigate through if you can read a map and not get hit by a cab driver who’s only license expired 20 months ago in Bangladesh. After lunch on Pier 16 where I saw a contortionist stick himself in a box (this guy needs to be in porn), we drove around some more and finally Mencher dropped me off at my Uncle’s up on the West End where they have power. That night I bonded with my family whom I haven’t seen in 12 years, drinking gin and tonics on the roof overlooking the Hudson…not too shabby in my book. # of hours it took before I was offered a ROLEX by a guy in a big overcoat: 3 Major purchase: The Iraqi playing cards 2 packs for 5 bucks! The Iraqi Information Minister is my favorite guy. The next morning I took the most expensive limo of my life with my new friend from Bangkok. I was traveling in style and arrived at LaGuardia in less than 20 minutes. All the lines were backed up except Air Tran which was mine. Score! Who’s your daddy? I’m not going to write about the 3 ½ hour run way delay and missing my connection flight – that’s a whole nother story! |