| Why I’ll never go to Ruby Tuesdays again or The bad aura of suppression in my life. It all started back in fall of 1997. I entitle this as the worst date of my life that was for the most part my fault (it’s a toss-up to one I had the next semester where I let the cute Uruguay girl pick the movie and she picked “Spiceworld” and I actually went…we were the ONLY 2 people in the theater and trust me, my head was looking the other way when I gave my tickets to the ticket-collector guy – he was trying not to laugh at me. Needless to say, I never saw Posh Spice’s rack nor Ms. Uruguay’s for that matter either) Anyways, that’s not the point. The point is that we went to dinner at Ruby Tuesday’s in the Gville mall. She had a salad and at least she finished that. I couldn’t figure out whenever I said her name she kinda looked at me like she just walked out of a viewing of Pink Floyds the Wall. So we get back to ole Melrose (next 20 minutes deleted from this story, pleading 5th) and then out to my living room where my roomie Chet was sitting out there with the Real Gainesvillian, Jeff. So I go to introduce her to them…and I introduced her by the wrong name. This is when I figure out that I had been calling her the wrong name all night and nights prior to this! She finally said something and got embarrassed and I felt like someone who just snapped off the happy gas from the dentists office (hi Ross) and wondered what the hell is going on! While we did make it to a movie – that was it for me! Lesson #34 learned: Natural Light beer may help you meet women but you’ll never remember their name. Lesson #29: Make sure you have them write down their name when you get their number if you’ve consumed more than 1/6 your body weight. Reflective moment back: She certainly didn’t look as good on our date as at that mixer – see #34 for proof. No loss to me – “rattle rattle here come the…” never mind! Interesting trend: She was the first in a series girls I had a date with that got bit in the face by a dog – the last one I dated was in October 2001….note to self: stick with fat ass cats. Side note: She was a Phi Mu I met during Homecoming and later had a scandalous evening at one of Gvilles premier clubs de sketcky – 238 West. Post script – while I did see her out a few times over the course of the next 2 years, nothing was said more than hi. Well at least I knew her name then. Quien es su padre? She was later in some nasty car wreck during my last months there but is ok now from what I heard…. Bottom Line – it all was downhill at Ruby Tuesdays. #2 reason: That same F-in semester I have this date with a much more attractive woman who I met at the house who seemed to really dig me. And once again , for some reason I give Ruby T’s a second chance. She orders like this massive pasta meal and doesn’t eat anything – I don’t think her fork dipped into the sauce. I was not pleased by this at all – ladies, take note! So conversation is going amazingly well, she is like hanging on every word I’m saying and this is turning me on like an all you can drink top shelf booze night at B-Bar (RIP). So this evens out her anti-pasta. Well we walk out of the place and I offer to hold her hand , ya know, cutsie dating type thing – but she tells me “I don’t hold hands on the first date” – I was floored like the car in Nat’l Lampoons Vacation in the desert. Titaniced. “You sunk my battleship.” Suppression! While we went to see a movie and talk some more – she ended up playing more games than the Niagara Casino (Hi BJ). Lesson Learned: if she won’t eat her pasta, she won’t eat your, yeah, you know what I’m gonna say… Post- script: The reason she hung on to my every word is that she was partially deaf in one ear… Lesson learned: Deaf women can still be sexy – at least they pay attention! Interesting trend: She was the last of the deaf women – ok, she was only like half in one ear but a year earlier I dated a FAU soccer player who was deaf in one ear and half in the other – but she had abs that you could crack lobster claws on and an awesome name that was the same as a foreign country…and like the Ijustwontcallyoubackbuttalkaboutyoubehindyourbackwench, I didn’t know she couldn’t hear either – so I’m blind and their deaf. Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. Post-script: I saw her throughout my 2 years there as well but I had about as much to say to her as I would to a phone solicitor. Side note: She was an AXO I met at our Bourbon Street. Youre right, I learned my lesson and avoided Ruby T’s like I do Jaegermeister. So 6 years later….I end up there to kill time with Barton waiting for Art and Mencher to arrive in KC to see me. Barton and I had a good table, some nice beers and were having a good time – things went well….I thought, “hey , make you need to give this place a second chance – thinks change over the years, look at Wendy’s!” A month later my parents arrive at the KC airport right around 7PM and were hungry – the closest place that didn’t have a “Pop’s” name to it was Ruby T’s. So we eat there and things seemed ok….until about 20 minutes later driving back to Lawrence. I had the worst indigestion of my so called life. I felt like the alien coming out of the guys stomach at the end of Spaceballs. I don’t know I drove home but I did. I get to the place where I was putting my folks up and I had the sweats. I felt like I got kicked in the stomach by the biggest shit-kicker on the KU football team. My dad gave me some crazy pills that would help for like 5 minutes…..it was a truly awful experience and I will never go back there ever ever again. Lesson learned: I now know what giving birth would feel like. So bottom line – Ruby Tuesday’s is the Diablo blanco. Its got bad karma, bad vibe and bad food! Pass this along to anyone who doesn’t like this corporate proprietorship of Suppression. Its yielded me with a bad memory, shady dates, financial shortcomings, and pain comparative to child labor! |