| Seth’s Act of Stupidity, Part One. Over the years I have made some pretty cognizant decisions and as with life, some of these weren’t the best ones. I don’t call these mistakes because in some cases there wasn’t a real mistake made but more so a few lessons to be learned or some time spent in ER wondering what the heck I was thinking. Here are a few in this Seth series: “Seth’s first attempt at impressing a girl when he moved in Florida” Age: Recently turned 13 Location: Erin Marie Court, Ft. Myers, Florida at the empty lot next to Stacey Gelber’s house Key witness: My brother The scenario: My brother and I were playing catch football in the empty lot next to her house. I had just moved here a few weeks prior and thought this chick Stacey was really “radical” however she wasn’t impressed with my first introduction (I had told her my full name and former address in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. Never used that line again!) Anyway, I decided to get all NFL and run backward to make a catch and basically landed off balance, breaking my arm in two different spots. To this day, I never ran the hundred yard dash faster and I was screaming like Braveheart (or a baby, same thing). I don’t think my brother even knew what happened and I assure you Stacey didn’t! Macho factor: Well it was cool being the new kid and having a cast for everyone to sign. I was a regular T.O (Terrell Owens) with the sharpie. Stupidity factor: Medium – it would have been more worthwhile if I was actually on a real football team instead of Seth’s Side Street Allstars. Did I get the girl?: Hell no! Girls don’t feel sorry for boys at age 13 Post-script: We did become good friends in high school and she turned out to be pretty good looking. Havent seen her in almost a decade… Lesson learned: “Breakin’ my back (ok so it was my arm)just to know your name” – The Killers “Philadelphia Fishman and the abandoned house of doom” Age: 17 Location: Abandoned house on Sanibel island that was ravaged by a tropical storm Witnesses: two of my high school goon squad members. The scenario: We had heard about this house that was abandoned on Sanibel by the beach for some time on a remote part of the island on the beach. I think we were looking for the holy grail…or a TV. The house was a total mess with floors halfway gone, walls missing, half a roof, etc. I was standing in the kitchen when the floor gave out and I dropped about 5 feet below. I suffered a massive cut an inch below my knee that required a ton of stitches. Oh this doesn’t sound so bad but…..i drove home since my friends couldn’t drive my car which was stick shift. So every time I switched gears, blood would spurt out from my leg. So there’s your visual! My mom who seems to remain amazingly calm during such situations like this, drove my ass to the hospital where I got stitches and ended my Cross Country season early. I also had to replace the floor mats. Macho factor: Medium-high. I earned cool points for driving back with the blood spurting like a Tarentino scene. Stupidy factor: Extremely high – theres a reason there were signs posted everywhere such as “Keep Out” and “Don’t be stupid or youll fall through a floor” Post-script: Another story for the grandkids. Lesson learned: teach your friends stick shift. “Little brother strikes back” Age: 11 Location: basement of my house in Cherry Hill Witness and offender: My little brother Scenario: Ok, little brothers are designed to be experimental labs. Like many of you, I tested the laws of physics on my brother at any opportunity. No, not Mr Wizard, more like Mr. Hulk Hogan. I learned early on that most wrestling moves really aren’t good for your health…or growth. To this day I think Ross would be an inch taller if it weren’t for that pile-driver I gave him when he was like 8. However that’s another story and I digress: A week earlier, I was getting ready for the Under 12 Neighborhood Olympics and my event that I made up for myself was the javelin throw. So I basically threw a sharp pointy stick at my brother from a distance and grazed his face. My mom was not impressed with my Greek skills and Ross swore he’d get me back by likely stealing on my Hot Wheels or feeding my baseball cards to the dog…but little did I know he had something better in mind, involving my mind actually. While horsing around in the basement, Ross decided that he was getting me back for likely 100+ crimes committed against him by yours truly, the Seth angel. Blindsiding me, he pegged me with a basketball right in the head! Sure that would hurt anyone but he did when I was directly next to a concrete wall! So ball hits Seth’s noggin. Seth’s head smacks musty concrete block. This turned out to my first concussion and perhaps the demise of my chances of being a rocket scientist as surely 20 IQ points bleeded out my ears. Macho factor: Little to none – heck I couldn’t remember anything for a week. Stupidy factor: Mild – I deserved much worse than this. Basically he got me back for several years of inflicted torture at one shot. It was his Yom Kippur on my ass! It was years before he tried anything else that brazen. Post-script: Well he made some assassination like attempts later on, including attempted foot to my family jewels (more than once) and blaming me for everything since my mom would most likely believe him. Lesson learned: Ended aspirations of javelins in Athens so I stuck to soccer…and that’s another story for another time. www.myspace.com/myseth - for the latest updates! |