By SMF 1999

Wrestling. I dont know what it is or why all of the sudden its made a comeback. Then again, we have disco and 80's nights at clubs here where you can shake yo' ass to the likes of Vanilla Ass and anything from the Grease soundtrack. Wrestling is like the guys version of Days of Our Lives. Its a soap opera. Like soap operas, wrestling is full of non-Oscar award winning scripts, lame dialogue and gawd-awful acting. However its in the plot that counts. Each week , some hairy roid monkey decides to betray his best pal and team up with another sweat hog that he couldnt stand a week ago and then some old-ass washout former ex wrestler turned pseudo announcer jumps in the middle and organizes a "to the death match in like a barb wire cage."

Case study -59-  "You were never there for me when the Hulkster was beating my rear all over the cement." (Roid monster #1)
    "What? I was in the dressing room doing my makeup- hey, Ive gotta look good for all the guys in the audience before I save your sorry self" (#2)
    "Oh yeah- well we are threw! (Tosses a chair into the crowd, maiming 2 kids) I challenge you for the Big-Crotch USA Belt next week on Monday night Nitro"
    "Ok sissy boy, and dont drop the soap cause I dont have your back anymore"

This kinda scenerio happens every other commercial break (in between the Slim Jim ads). There are few women involved in the show which makes many of these guys kinda suspect. Besides, who likes to go around parading their back hair and overstuffed package decked out in speedo's and tacky boots?? Makes me wonder.

Personally there is this one wrestler that comes out making a poor attempt to dance to techno, however at least hes got taste because his other partner (hmmmmm, i mean tag team partner, hahaha) comes out grooving and flexing the pelvic to some one hit wonder disco porn music.

However Ive learned from various sources that some of the wrestlers are jewish. Thats good, because the Jews in Sports book is a 4 page double spaced pamphelet.

>>>> Wrestlers that didnt quite make the cut <<<<

- Kosher Boy : He throws around pieces of gefilte fish and says "Damn, another goy". His secret move is the "Bagel Ball Buster." Oy!

- Half- Baked: He arrives pretty stoned in the first place and waves around a bong. His Jerry-Town entourage plays the bangos and eat Ben and Jerry's. Trademark move: The Kind Bud.

- Raver: He parades around with a pair of glo-sticks and a lollipop while listening to the last big underground rave-till-dawn hit. Trademark move: "The stop, drop and roll"

- Pony Keg: This former fraternity boy only weighs 130 pounds, and has had the same waist size since he was 15. He shows up wearing a letter jersey and has a following of pony tail sorority girls as his trainers. He can suck down a Corona like no tomorrow. Patented Move: "The Preparty." Free drinks 9-11.

- Eunich: Despite his high pitched voice and lack of the "boys" This biblical character can still pack a wallop. His secret advantage is that a groin kick will have little effect.
Trademark move: The Neuter.

Ok, thats it for now wrestling fans! Hope everything is going great for you all.

(Seth limits his wrestling to only a certain kind of ring: full/queen/king or an occasional waterbed)

"Is she a Manishevitz drinker?"