By SMF 1998

So anyways, by popular request, especially “…and when you gonna mail me another story?” I dedicate this one to certain Alpha Xi who wants her koozie (those things that “supposedly” help keep can beer cold…anything that rhymes with floosie and uzi makes me think twice about its effectiveness)

Well most of you were fortunate enough to get my last story about what my high school pals wrote in my yearbooks. As funny, twisted, and confusing as many of the little “odes to Seth” were, I wasn’t quite satisfied… so, heres what I WISH people wrote to me in high school:

-“ Seth, thanks for all the rides. Since we never did pay you for gas, enclosed on page 26 is a check for $1727 (this includes interest compounded at 10%) Thanks again- signed the class of ’94.”

-“Seth- I will never tell anyone that you rode the bus for two years. –the bus drive”

-“Hey sexy! What a body! I really hope that someday I get to run my hands all over your six pack stomach and give you full body massages whenever you want. Just thinking of you makes me so w… (edited out for explicit material…) xoxoxoxo, Julie, Prom Queen ’93

-“Hey sexy! She’s right, you have a great body. I’m envious. I lift weights all day and am pretty much a testosterone roid monkey and you still look better. Maybe I should quit before my balls shrink. Your
pal, John (future UF linebacker)

-“After seeing how you can throw a football like a quarter mile, it has motivated me to try out for college football. Noah Brindise (he really went to my high school)

-“Sexy Seth. We are having a beach party out on Sanibel, yeah the nude beach. Just you, me and a bottle will make three tonight” Bunny Varsity Blonde

-“Hey babe. After airhead has her way with you, stop by on over to my place so we can hit the hot tub. You, me, and my twin nymphomaniac sister.”

-“Seth Matthew, this is your father. If any of those young ladies really want to do what they say they want to do, then you can have an extended curfew and borrow my car. I will leave you $50 bucks too- Dad”

-“Heya Sethy. Well even though I totally shafted you when you were a sophomore and lead you on for 6 months and then made sure that none of my friends dated you just to torture you, I am truly sorry and I realized how good I really had it and what could have been. Please forgive me…”

-“Seth. I am drinking milk baby, and working out. Sure I may not be one to look out now, but in a few years you will be having dreams of me that will leave you in pools of sweat. But I still adore your charming charm and the way you always make me laugh, even if you get a detention for it. Luv ya, Nikki Taylor

-“Seth, while you were never the most serious of students, I admired your style and charisma. Maybe you will make something of yourself at FAU… to motivate you, I gave you an A in Alegbra II” Ms. Jackson

While none of this would have ever happened back then, who cares! Most of the guys from my high school will probably be mowing my lawn someday while those snobby girls probably are fat, barefoot and pregnant in some yahoo town while working at Waffle House. Ok, hope you all enjoyed this one!

“All high school really is, is bad lunches, alegebra, and infidelity…” Clerks
“Seth is still my dream guy” Nikki Taylor in a recent interview