chalky2

SMF 2/14/04

Happy Hallmark Holiday! As many of you are getting wined and dined, razzled and dazzled, wet and wild on Valentines day (and more power to you!) I have dug from the Seth archives an oldie and given it a revision.

Remember those chalky candy hearts with such romantic lines as “UR Cute” and “Bend me over on your king size?” (ok so guess which one I made up): Well in spring of 1999, I compiled the following list if I was given the opportunity to put subliminal messages on those candies:

Doink Me" "Spank Me" "3-some?" "Dont fake an O" "Im really a man" "Nice rack" "Are you rich?" "Switch hit?" "This is a roofie" "This is my birth control pill" "Im on the rag" “I need some nook!” “Want a protein shake?” “Bleach your mustache” “Boom I got your boyfriend” "Your impotent" and lastly, "That wasn't chicken"

Well times have changed and so has my sense of humor so with that, I dedicate these to all those suppressed by the (wo)MAN, Cupid arrows shot crosseyed, and those still in the dating world (it’s like a fleamarket out there – so much junk but once in awhile you come across a prize and don’t even have to pay taxes on it)

“My Nizzle!”
“One nighter?”
“Buy me a drink”
“Whats your pin number?”
“I’m sorry Ms Jackson”
“I’m Lord of the Bizes”
“Put it right therrrre”
“Bounce a quarter off your ass”
“Google me”
“Restrain-order me”
“Nothing wrong with porn”
“Hey Hooch”
“Hung like a horse”
“Let’s go make our own Reality TV”
“You look great drunk”
“Off probation?”
“STD-free”
“I’m your dogg”
“Whats one more line?”

As always, forward this to anyone ya like. Well hope ya’ll have champagne-drenched wishes tonight and e-mail me if you have a better than average Valentines Day!!

-Seth