How to interpret internet conversations
You think youre talking to the woman (or guy) of your dreams. You just can’t get over the description this person has given you and the conversation just seems so natural! Its like you’ve him/her all your life…..ahhhhhhh, all starry eyed! Well before you commit yourself to marriage, check out these translations – it may help you not commit yourself to an asylum!
What they say….and what it really means:
“I’ve never really met anyone online before” = “I’m online 24-7 and all my dates come off AOL IM’s and 20s chatrooms.”
“You’re right, looks don’t matter” = “Quasimodo looks better than me”
“What am I doing right now? Nothing much, just bored” = “I’m really surfing every porn site around with my pants down”
“I’ve got curves in all the right places” = “I can rest a 40oz Old Milwaukee on my hips”
“You wanna cyber?” = “You wanna cyber?”
“I’m in my 20’s and successful” = “I just turned 20 and can shotgun a beer in less than 10 seconds”
“Its been a little while since I’ve had a date” = “Moby Dick was a minnow when I last had some action”
“I can’t wait to hear from you again” = “I can’t wait to compulsively stalk you”
“You wanna chat?” = “Are you single and willing?”
“Nice pic” = “I am gonna get my jollies of this later tonight”
“LOL (laughing online)” = “LOL (Lying online)”
“Well, it was nice chatting with you” = “Listen you little freak, don’t ever IM me again otherwise I will block your punk ass”
“Well I gotta go” = “Well I gotta go get a towel” or “I’ve got better people to talk than you”
Seth’s homepage, complete with the archived stories and other modest endeavors:
http://www.oocities.org/sethmatthew