| Internet Translations 4.4 Him: “Hi! A/S/L?” What you should say: “F/U/C/K O/F/F” Ok, simple directions – read the first statement and then the next one is what it REALLY means. Its as easy as a hooker in Tijuana! (Hi Mencher) Him: “I’m new to this on-line thing” = “I’ve got carpal tunnel because I spent all the hours on my Free AOL for a Month trial offer” Him: “So you have a boyfriend?” = “Even if you say yes, I still want to get in your pants” Him: “Wow, I haven’t seen you in awhile!” = “I’ve been incessantly stalking your ass, waiting every moment to see your screen name pop-up” Him: “Yeah I work full-time” = “At a pocket-pool hall!!” Him: “So do you have pics?” = “The last one I bagged on-line wore a cow bell” Him: “My friends think Im cute” = “They also put in my yearbook “You’re so nice – keep in touch (KIT) “ and never called” Him: “My friends think Im cute” = “These same people happen to be regulars on Springer and drink T-bird with their Spam” Her: “I could lose a few pounds” = “The Stairmaster pleaded for mercy last time I used it” Him: “I’m a entrepreneur” – “Ever see Who Dropped the Soap? I produced it while serving time in the NY penal system – get it? Penal?” Him: “How many people have you met on-line?” = “What are my odds?” Him: “…wow, that’s what my friends say about me too!” = “my friends also say Im a raging bi-sexual necrophiliac chronic masterbatin’ jizz monkey” Her: “That sounds interesting” = “about as interesting the NASA station” Him: “Ok well I gotta go” = “Rerun’s of Who’s the Boss are more entertaining than you” (authors note: “Alyssa, bring back the handcuffs and blindfolds, you little vixen”) Her: “Yeah I know Seth” = “When is that crack smoker ever gonna get out of Fargo?” |