| I dedicate this to the newly wed Aliotti’s, my friend Swain who just walked the aisle and newly divorced Britney– enjoy: Two weeks ago, I attended a great wedding between two of my friends, one being one of my fellow Beta’s. Of course as with every wedding, there are those unexplained phenomena such as “do all wedding DJs play the same 20 songs?” however in between the open bar (bless their hearts!) I had time to converse on the topic of wedding planning. Ok before you get all excited, no, there’s no upcoming Seth wedding to attend anytime soon. As far as the wedding ceremony is concerned, I leave that to my future wife. Im perfectly comfortable with Temple Beth-El-Vegas and a bottle of Manishevitz. However I think I will get to do the reception “and it goes a little something like this:” I believe every good party should have some sort of ambience, some sort of feeling toward it. With that in mind and the fact that retro and movies like Old School are very popular, I was thinking about an old school Fishman party throw down. “Awwwww yeah” Of course my venue now would be bigger than my dorm at FAU aka the infamous and now demolished “Club” Modoc Hall(RIP). All I’d want is an outdoor area for the Marlboro smokers and a few benches to lay people who passed out or need something to heave over! Tasty! Booze: F-that bartender in a tux lame-o get up. I can easily get my friend Little T to take care of the fru-fru drink schizzle. I’m thinking upside down margarita shots for starters. Oh don’t worry – the dubious Tiki Punch will be there, complete with pre-soaked fruit so you think youre getting some vitamins for your New years Resolutions. L’Chayim! I want some champagne to pour on my wife when Im licking the ras…..sorry, went off in a tangent…. Beer – you bet ya! Kegs of Miller Light and I’m thinking my friends in Kansas City can smuggle me a keg of Boulevard across state lines. And in the spirit of things, red plastic cups and I’ll even slap on some wristbands for those over 30+. Optional fraternity nicknames will be dealt as usual, Snow. Hopefully my wife will bring some of her soror sisters to keep the ratio at what it should be: 3 girls to every guy -3:1! Tunes: Awwww yeah. Certainly some shake your rump music! I like the warm up music – a bit of chill 80s/90s alternative at the beginning then break out the shake your ass like a salt shaker music later “Let me ride that donkey, donkey!” ………finish off with some nook trance to wind down the night. I think the first dance could very well be the Robot or the shopping cart/sprinkler but I’m ok with everything except the Vogue! DJ Sir Mixed CD Off Kazaa will save us money for more important things, like imported 5 Star Pizza. Speaking of which… The MC: Well personally I think Gilbert Gottfried would be good but after 2 minutes of thought, I think it could only be Snoop Double G….for hizzle, nizzle! Hey, he drinks gin and juice and 40s outta paper bags so we’d have that at the bar anyway, Bizes! The meal: I’m thinking buffet style but I think my friends would be as satisfied slapping a few boxes of 5 Star on the table and letting them have at it. Of course this wouldn’t happen until about 2AM when 5 Star is the best pizza south of the Mason Dixon. Prior to that, I’m really thinking about raspberry wings from this place here in Boca. They are most excellent. General Tso’s chicken as the main dish though I also like Indian food so we can get that as well as some Boca burgers for the non carnivores. I really like spinach dip so we’ll get lotsa of that. Goldfish crackers in a bowl too. I like honey roasted peanuts. I think ice cream sounds perfect – a few gallons of Edy’s works for me. Catering my ass! Nothing Albertson’s and a few fine imports can’t handle. Freebies: I guess youre supposed to give away some sort of schlock gift so I was thinking of something useful. At first I thought customized Pepper Spray mace would be nice and thoughtful however I think I have topped that with a copy of “The Seth wedding remix” – that way everyone can rehash old times when they get home, sans streaking. Photos/documentation: Jenkins I think has a camcorder still so that’s a must have. Everyone seems to have digital cameras and I really liked Jamie and Michelle’s ideas of giving each table a disposable camera for the guests to take pics. My buddy Chet is a professional wedding photographer and likely can be bribed with a bottle of SoCo – I just need to make sure he can still drink and flash (as in the photos, you pervs!) at the same time. Entertainment: I was thinking a rousing game of 3-Man and Asshole would be most impressive though I just don’t see my relatives lasting long here. I think my Mom wouldn’t make it through a “waterfall” and likely would hauled out early. However if we are lucky, she may rattle off some of her infamous dating stories about my dad or show you pictures of me when I was like 6. A note about my dad: I think he had it right when for one of my mom’s birthdays (this is the pre-Seth was born days) in her early 20s he just took her out for drinks and got her loaded. I doubt she even remembered what kind of gift she got that year. What a brilliant move in my opinion – all men, save this info for post wedding birthdays. Do NOT try this with any woman over the age of 26 – they won’t fall for it….they want the gift before the drinks usually….they know better I suppose! Back to entertainment: Seeing most of my friends in prayer (and not in church, mind you) and other fine moments like dancing on tables, getting the Heisman award from the hooch –dela- noche and watering the grass in countless alleys, I’m sure at least one of them will pull a Will Ferrell “Let’s go streaking” so I figure with that added attraction, that may save some bucks. I have a Beta brother who is not only a 2nd cousin of Lou Diamond Phillips but can also do some fabulous magic tricks and do a heck of a Riccola commercial impersonation. If not, theres always naked jello-oil wrestling! “Youre my boy, BLUE!” Gifts: Doubtful that my wife would be impressed with gift cards to ABC Liquor, Hooters, or Playboy, I’d hafta pick some registries with some places that are PG-13. I like Banana Republic and Kenneth Cole. Super Target works for me, though IKEA is pretty cool. Heck I’d be 100% ok with Albertsons and any Chinese Buffet. Restoration Hardware would work for me as well as Crate and Barrel. Oh for her….hmmmm _ Fredricks of Hollywood of course!! Or Vickie Secrets. Well whatever she wants, as long as she doesn’t buy any Carrie Bradshaw shoes or hats. Oh, I actually don’t own a toaster so I’d take one. ONE. Gifts that would end up being regifted: meat, gift certificates to any fast food place except Wendys, country music CDs, bottles of Jaeger, anything pink, anything that may result in a marital fight involving me defending you because you got a gag gift of a blow up Lady Lambert sheep, anything that came from Guido the street corner Pimp or fell out the back of a truck bound for Tijuana, Stetson, Brut or Old Spice cologne, scary movie DVDs, and any FSU paraphernalia. -Seth, of course is single and highly doubts any woman in her right mind would agree to such a wedding however he is willing to negotiate as need be. Right now he just wants a woman to have drinks with! Red cups optional. www.oocities.org/sethmatthew Pass it on! |