Disclaimer

This blog is solely created for me.It consists the darkest and tremendous endeavours of my life. I purposely not having any comments box here is because I do not want your says. My life is my life. Your life is your life. You are just welcome to read ONLY.

the beauty
Diana,24,Female,Brunei,July 1982, Cancer,Swimming,Dancing,Striptease,Bely Dancing,New Body Reading

endless wishes
Laptop, Slim physique, Cabin Crew, To Migrate

other beauties
PuteriDiana
Diyanah


Counter
and when she speaks



her
FRAMED
BEAUTY
;;


The first moment i saw him, i was like 'urghh..not my type'. Becoz your face is so stern. Never smile one.

However, as time pass by, i saw him charming. His eyes, face and in fact his attitude is 'cool'. Secretly, i begin to like you.

I told a friend that i like someone (in fact its you). This fren of mine encourage me to go for it. Somehow, i stepped back again and say 'whoa'.

Why is that? 1st, im not sure if you like me too. 2nd, we have major differences between us. 3rd, i don't want to turn a good guy to become bad guy.4th, i am a loser. 5th, i don't want to ruin his career and good life. 6th, i am not strong to break you close family ties.

The lists go on and on, Huh. Well, in actual fact, IM A COWARD. Does a girl like me deserves a guy like him? But seriously, i like him becoz HE IS MY DREAM GUY.

Me wanting to tell him??? NO WAY!!!! MALU TAU...But when am i going to keep dump??? Since, i am already attracted to him. Among all other guys i met, only him can lock my eyes to be on him, create a smile no matter how pressure i can be at times..

Arrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh...HELP ME....I LIKE HIM..SO WAT SHUD I DO????????????

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i'm already 24. my life stills looks pathetic. i wonder when can the misery ends.

my dad kena sue di court. rite now, he has two different cases. rite now, all i really wanted is my dad to be thrown to jail. i know it's not a good things to say, but then again, it is the best for my family. my mum, my bro, my sisters and the rest of the family members.

the first i saw him, i thot he was serious guy. i took no notice of him. Nway, y must i notice him? he is just an ego guy. then as time pass by, i dunno when i began to like him. i guess it must be due to us bumping into each other oftenly. hmmmmm....but... No!! IMPOSSIBLE!!!!

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Yesterday, 14th May 2006 was Sutrisno's Engagement Day...

How i feel?

*DEAD*

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I really dunno how to confide, to vent the anger, to alleviate my anger,to cry, to feel confuse, to .......

I can't even make a wise decision. to think properly. Why is it hurtful?

Why must he lie to me? You know the reason I am coming back home is becoz of him. Now everything shattered, I don't think I am coming back.

There is no point for me to go back to Singapore anymore. Singapore is not the place for me. Let the legendary 'Tengku Diana' name fade off.

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21.02.2006

This morning when i woke up, my mum was boiling the water in the kitchen. After my shower, I heard the water boiling and it seems it is almost ready because of the sound.

Then when i came ou from my room, my mum is still inside the room and this time the boliling gets louder. I was so afraid and dare not tell my motehr. She seems so ignorance.

Finally, im too scared. Because now i can hear the boiling water gushing out from the kettel. I dare not enter the kitchen because im afraid of boiling water. I told my mum,

"Mi, air dah masak..."

Guess What? She was angry with me and replied "takde apa apa lah" and she stormed into the room right in front of my face after she exit the kitchen.

Now, is it wrong for me to criticise in my prude manner. Hit me if im wrong.

I wonder wat will happen if im not around.

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November 15, 2005

Tahun ni raya macam macam menimpa my keluarga. aku rasa serik dah dok kat sini. aku rasa, aku akan pergi tgl kan my family here demi my future. takde guna tgl kat sini. papa asyik dgn janji kosong dia je.

kejadian tahun ni betul2 menginsafkan aku. aku bertambah yakin bahawa Allah Maha Adil. takda sapa dapat menolak apa yg dia berikan, dan takde sapa dpt memeberikan apa yang dia tidak Dia mengizinkan.

Kalau papa tak menghalang rezeki aku, tidak halang jodoh aku, tidak halang perjalanan hidup aku, tidak menghancurkan kebahagiaan aku, Allah tak kan menghalang rezeki dia. semua balak yg menimpa keluarga aku tahun ni, punca dari bapa. papa terlalu takbur dan sombong hingga dia lupa siapa yg lebih berkuasa di dunia ni.

"Ya Allah, Syukur kau telah membuka pintu hati aku untuk menunjuk kan aku sesuatu perkara. Aku sering kali merungut dan berkata kau tidak adil. Tapi kali ini aku salah, Kau memang Adil. Kau Tuhan yg Maha Kaya dan Yang Maha Adil. Ampun kan dosa hamba mu ini."

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October 16, 2005 (11.19am)

Inside my hear i feel so scare. I dunno what lies in my future. All i hope is that my dad repent as soon as possible and he shud quit while he is ahead. I dun want to live like last time.

Today, my family situation is considered OK. However, when i heard from my mum that my dad is with 'this guy'. I feel so uncomfortable.

Ya Allah..Tolong lah Hamba Mu ini. Tolong Lah...Hanya kau saja yg tau apa yg aku fikirkan..

*kenapa aku tak dpt miliki keluarga yang normal* aku jeles tgk kehidupan my frens..

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Something happen to my family recently. My nenek nak bagi harta pusaka dia. so dia panggil lah all her children including my father. malangnye, my dad mcm tak suka. he saw that all his bros and sisters semua ada. dia mengamuk. he told to my granny, kalau nak ceta pasal harta, mesti ceta kat dia sorang je. aku heran. apa pasal pulak mesti ceta kat dia sorang? apa yg nenek tu buat panggil anak dia ramai2 tu betul.

pastu dia maki my nenek mcm2. yg paling aku sakit hati dgr, dia maki his own father. dia kata,

"kalau bapak mati, aku haram bapak masuk ke liang lahad. Kalau bapak mati, aku tak nak tgk..."

Aku macam terperanjat. Ya Allah Ya TuhanKu, apa lah nak jadi wif my dad tu..kenapa KAU tak insaf kan dia?

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"Ya Allah Ya Tuhan-ku, Hambamu yg hina ni minta pertolongan. Bukakan lah hati Bapa aku untuk bertaubat kepada MU. Dan tolong berikan lah dia satu pembalasan yg dpt sedar kan diri dia. Dan tolong tutup kan segala ilmu2 yg dia pelajari dan gunakan terhadap aku, keluarga dia, sahabat2 dia dan juga insan lain. Bukan kekayaan dan keindahan yg ku pinta di dunia ni. TOLONG INSAF KAN BAPA AKU dan BERIKAN DIA SATU PEMBALASAN untuk dia."

"Ya ALLAH Ya Tuhanku, aku pasrahkan keadaan aku yg lemah ni. aku dan ibu dan insan lain dah tak bermaya lagi untuk menjadi mangsa ilmu hitam dia, keganasan dia. Tolong sedar kan dia bersikap tanggungjawab."

"Ya Allah Ya Tuhan ku, TOLONGLAH."

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Life is Fated
Girls are Bastard
Can't Be Trusted
All Like IDIOTS

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Girls are Cheap
10 cents for two


this poem is written for me by my x-schoolmates from Damai Primary.

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