20October04, wednesday -- Inexplicably Grumpy

then again, i think i know why. i have a school-free day tomorrow and i must put it to "GOOD USE" ie FINISH UP THE WRITTEN REPORT. Then there is that little thing about MORE PW NEXT WEEK. and of course, the ORAL PRESENTATION. not forgetting how DISSATISFIED i am with my results, and that i have to hammer my red hot dissatisfaction into a sword to defeat the dragon aka the A LEVELS. and other nitty gritties clinging to my mood and dragging it down. hmmm.

today is another wasted day of Life. i cannot imagine what the holidays will be like. please, i beg, if you consider yourself my friend ask me out everyday so i do not have to stay at home and stare at the walls. when the time comes jo, i will celebrate with you of course. must go look for one/two month courses to take and learn something new. knowing me i'll probably never do it.

i need to become a stronger person. ha! goal of the year! and probably year to come.

off to do pw. urgh...

18October04, monday -- The Picture Of Dorian Gray

how pissifying. i'd considered closing my blog down just yesterday but i think it's integrated with my blood, just like my reliance on my handphone to keep me constantly in contact with people and drive away that nasty feeling of greygrey loneliness. also very pissifying: went to school today expecting to get all my promo papers back only to be told we'd get them tomorrow. wheeeee. wasted day.

borrowed this volume of oscar wilde's works from the drum, and been reading The Picture of Dorian Gray. very good. here's a particularly striking excerpt, taken from the conversation between the artist Basil Hallward and Lord Henry Wotton. Basil :
"There is a fatality about all physical and intellectual distinction, the sort of fatality that seems to dog through history the faltering steps of kings. It is better not to be different from one's fellows. The ugly and the stupid have the best of it in this world. They can sit at their ease and gape at the play. If they know nothing of victory, they are at least spared the knowledge of defeat.They live as we all should live, undisturbed, indifferent, and without disquiet. They neither bring ruin upon others, nor ever receive it from alien hands."

good stuff good stuff. =)

[i wish i could keep my mouth shut and hands tied behind my back.]

17October04, sunday -- I Don't Like Her

promise me you'll kill me if i ever turn out to be like my father.

16October04, saturday -- Moderation Is NOT Overrated, Obese Piggies

i can't put things into pretty metaphors, or neat allegories, so i shall be relatively direct. in your lifetime you will probably never get to be good friends with people whom you might be able to click with, even though they are right there beside you thanks to time, place, circumstance. it's a big fat tragedy and i mourn deeply for the loss, if you can call it that, of the possibility of a good friendship.

also i'm not sure if perfection is attainable. human perfection anyway. you give up sensitivity for frankness, boldness for manners. these are not true in every case, but there are numerous examples to be found within yourself and i think you should go reflect on it for a while. balance, is likely to be the only way towards that goal of perfection, moderation. but we are too fond of stereotyping others to contrast our strengths, and moderation is dull and lacking in variety. i don't have the answer, i wish God would tell me but i think i'd have to be dead then. That's quite a put off you see. anyway it is unlikely that everybody's goal is perfection, eh. perfection is a dangerous goal, and i would know, since it used to be mine. tsktsktsk. i'm not like her, or him, and i should be content with it, unless i find i am willing to pay the price of being as she or he is.

...i shall stop this 'querulous speculation':D it does no good. (correct me if i'm wrong dlxo, does it come from AP?)

thursday and friday were good days. on thursday hung around school with yeeli and kenneth, and we painted rocks. i painted a beyooooooootiful fox but no one could tell. ("fish?""basketball?") we went to j8 and had pastamania after that. i didn't know it was a THIRTY percent discount for students after two. urk. o.O" it was really funny, because kenneth and yeeli were crapping a lot, and kenneth was eating like a pig as usual, and they were gonna make a bet whether yeeli could finish her pizza. it was relaxed and all, felt really good. then yeeli trotted off home, to -sleep- X( sophia popped up and the three of us went to pasir ris park to read. left at five forty five around there cos kenneth was supposed to have the get real interview thing, which they cancelled in the end.

friday was good too. after enduring an hour long talk on eye care we were released. roughly an hour after a good breakfast of rice, towgay and fish for me, wanton mee for ginny and fried noodles for siew tee (who was most unceremoniously pang seh-ed by her classmates, lol) we went and played mini tennis. sadhana graced us with presence too, and me and she won the first game 3-0. shoe dropped by last minute, so ginny and her played against this griffin girl and griffin bitch (from science, btw) who thought she was the Goddess of Tennis or something. She scolded the organisers, snapped at her opponents, made noise when the ball did not land exaaactly diagonally ie WAS A BITCH. as a result everyone was rooting for ginny and shoe, even the tennis girls and their fellow griffin housemates who loudly proclaimed they'd "rather lose to dragon then play with THEM". a4 people i think, lol. so drama! there was a lot of cheering and encouragement, so it felt like a real match. everytime the griffin side gave a point away we screamed hysterically and jumped around. thaaat was how unpopular the bitch was. ginny and shoe emerged triumphant, 3-2 if i'm not wrong. most unfortunately, sadhana and i lost the next game, the finals mind you, 1-3. which was very disappointing but personally fine. at least that griffin neh neh didn't win. *gloats* think we were off form at the end, doing some really bad shots that we didn't do in the first round. pity really, but we're second!!! ^^

the rest of the afternoon was madness, running between the hall, the lit room and just about everywhere in school. jo and company dropped by rather late, their loss, hurhurhur. by the time they were done with that silly publicity talk it was four plus, so all the performances and interactive rooms were done for the day. tragic. i liked joanna's friend yingjie. she was very funny and not the least bit shy. i'm really sorry, however, for leaving ginny in the lit room. >_< sorry dear. mustn't have felt very nice there. :(

everyone's prematurely freaking out about their promo results. i'm not letting this filthy contagion infect me and the rest of my days left in ignorance. fazli said we'd be getting the promo raw score on monday, and when the time comes i shall laugh or cry but not a moment before. no point wasting your blood sighing (read somewhere that olden day ppl thought sighing cost u blood) and moping when u should be celebrating your last days of freedom. next week got pw~ =__= NONONONO. i'm not thinking about it. i shall think abt watching scary movies with charlotte and lolly and maybe denise if she can disentangle herself from her busy schedule and messy social network. SO THERE. i wanna go do something interestin, i have the feeling i NEED to go out. someone? somewhere?

13October04,wednesday -- All I Have I Give To You

title brings to mind a particular hymn they sing in church. the choice of title is probably influenced by what i'm hearing now -- that terribly romantic Wu Ding , its a cover if i'm not wrong, by jay chou and landy wen. landy wen has a strange name. last year i kept thinking wendy lan instead of landy wen. you have to admit it makes more sense that way. ^__^

i've been having weird dreams, and i can only come to the conclusion that sleeping in breeds strange thoughts in the mind. last night's was particularly vivid.
Siew tee called to tell me her water had burst, she was pregnant (please don't kill me its really not my fault!!! XD), so ginny, ruth and i swam from one side of the island to the other. the island here isn't singapore but a serious island, with ferns and stuff, with craggy brown cliffs standing high out of the sea's surface. so we swam to the other side, climbed up to this wooden bridge where she was, and we all ran into SCHOOL! they were having some a concert in the hall, and the multicoloured lights were uncannily similar to those used during the seventh month getais. the audience was seated at the tables as arranged during the promos period. we eventually ended up inside too, sitting at the tables after i had told siew tee to go down the corridor in the direction of the staff lounge. i wanted to go with her, but then the evil history teacher tan chee peng, who did not look exactly like tan chee peng but i could feel his evil aura hehehe, appeared and stopped me. he was furious. i was being rude and screaming BIIIITCH so loudly it rang through the whole school hall but he didn't care. Instead he got the judo girl (the one that won a lot of stuff, you know?) to beat me up, and this other judo guy too (this one should be purely a figment of my imagination). But they didn't, because he sent me off to the principal's office instead. that's where my dream ended.
yesterday's one was shorter, probably because i've lost more of it already.

was in the school canteen, and we were having a drum session, except that we were painting rocks. we had lots of juniors, so we took up all the benches in the canteen. and the sky was really dark outside. I was very angry, and i stormed out of the canteen and ran back to SAC. hahahaha

oh and yesterday was quite a good, if useless day. LOL, wouldn't you agree samantha koh? after yoshinoya at cine we went to borders. Borders, we discovered, has this whole section on being gay/lesbian, and also different versions of the kama sutra. we stood and flipped through the homo books and came out quite amused. went to kino, bought air gear 7 (never miiiind~) and stuff, then spent the rest of the afternoon walking around orchard and talking. the vegetable gyozas at old chang kee's are really good, and partially dissolves the guilt from eating fried food. cos of the veges and all, hahaha.

feet ached, especially thanks to Wild Wild Wet on monday. i feel like i've spent the past two days exercising. wild wild wet was good, if lacking in variety. screaming felt good, but i don't think there is much of a choice when you feel like you've lost all control and are being slide down a gigantic, nearly vertical ramp like a hotwheels car down one of those funny loopy things. hahahaa

i want to watch wimbledon, you cannot stop me. I saw part of wimbledon's full length trailer on the gigantic screen at cine. oooooooooooh. and i managed to borrow a knight's tale from my uncle on sunday. good show, even though the ending is predictable and most of the humour has been left out from the weave of the story. ahahahaaaa~

I'm suffering from manga/anime withdrawal symptoms. After the promos been rereading my manga, but there's nothing like a good, fresh, unread story to excite the imagination and throw the words "childish" and "impossible" out the window. URRRGH. I WANT ANIMAX.I WANT MANGA.I WANT ANIME. >__< Oh please borrow Fruitsbasket from me, it's really good and all of you should read it. it's a shoujo, meaning for girls, but the stuff is so universal. words fail me. that's how good it is. oh, i might start gushing. it's a symptom >_____< AAAAAAAAARGHHHH *tapes mouth shut*

off to blog hop. :D
PS could ppl with blogs kindly update, i think i'm running out of material to read.

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