15 July 2003
Things have changed
hitherto dark and unwholesome,
The angts of existance
replaced with purpose
A bloody rush to the head
the culmination of pent up frustrations
into the flow
I feel peace..
.. and contentment
20 May 2004
Hmm.... i'm stuck trying to think of what i can
write in this long long awaited update to this webbie.
Will be back again to try
24 January 2004
Chinese New Year came..
and is in the process of going. It is becoming more and more a weird and surreal
experience. A festival which i used to enjoy very much when i was much younger.
But somehow as the years go by, the feeling and spirit of CNY seems to have
I guess, in part, Chinese
New Year became less fun for me as an individual. I remember how it was such
a big occasion then. Preparations were painstaking and elaborate. The week
before, all us siblings would be given different housekeeping jobs around
the house which we had to carry out under the careful scrutiny of my mother.
There were windows that needed cleaning, floors that needed scrubbing... new
year goodies to buy, decorations to be put up... offerings to be made to the
ancestors and the gods...
On the actual eve itself,
big preparations had to be made for the reunion dinner and kitchen duties
that we had to help out in. Food to be prepared, spring rolls to be rolled,
and the charcoal to be fired for the traditional steamboat (that was the time
when we still used charcoal).
And after the steamboat reunion
dinner, was the highlight of the whole entire year, Firecrackers. It was fun
to stick 'huo jian paos' into the sand and watch it fly into the sky and explode
in a colossal bang. More fun when at the stroke of midnight, you light up
the entire length of red firecrackers together with the rest of the neighbourhood
to usher in the New Year after which you head on inside the house to say some
auspicious greeting to your parents in return for red packets....
Yeah.. in the good old days.
Its gone now. CNY has just
become another date on the calendar when we usually get a rest or a day off.
It has somewhat lost its special meaning, lost that sense of wide eyed wonder
that i used to look forward to.
i was wondering about this
sense of detachment this new year as i was spending time at my sis'. I thought
that it was the environment that has changed. That for some reason or another,
CNY has slowly lost its significance over the years. That people have somehow
forgotten the Chinese New Year as the most important festival to the chinese.
Then something struck. It
wasn't the environment. It was me. I have changed, i have lost that wide eye
sense of wonder precisely because I have lost that wide eye sense of
I dun really know when it
started, but i guess over the years, i got more and more resistant to the
idea of steamboat dinners, half hearted attempts to get together, and visiting
relatives who i dun really know and could really care less about. Little
by little, the god of fortune is dying in me.
Sometimes i wonder, if and
when i do have children of my own, would they have the sense of wonderment
that i had? If the god of fortune had died in me, would it be reborn in them?
Is this sense of detachment somehow an indicator of maturity? Would i be able
to give them what my parents gave to me?
For fear of sounding cliched,
i think i'm getting jaded..
or maybe i wonder too much...
or maybe i just want to wonder
18 January 2004
In the midst of exams...
is most interesting...
5 January 2004
5 days 10 hours and 52 minutes into the new year.
out as a pre-New Year entry has now become a post-New Year entry. Maybe one
of my new year resoulutions should be "Stop procrastinating".
But then again, i don't really
believe and stand by resolutions. Its a somewhat illusory cliche that is always
mentioned in the weeks before and after the turn of the year, but yet somehow
forgotten as the year goes by and things start going back to the dreary reality.
But then then again, the new
year is a good time to reflect on things that have been done, not been done,
and should have been done in the year past. It is a time for "soul"
searching (if i may use the word), for contemplation on action, and perhaps
setting some sort of goal to look forward to in the year to come.
Looking back, 2003 was a year
of change, one where i left my short-lived career in the frustrating tourism
industry and started on a new path and hopefully, and optimistically a new
beginning. Studying again gives quite a feeling of nostalgia, of lectures,
sleeping in lectures and trips to the arts canteen for lunch. This was life
as i remembered it.
It isn't easy, and i do expect
pitfalls along the way. But with much optimism, i look ahead.
Happy New Year Everyone.
3 January 2004
Good Bye Lenin
If i had just been an hour early, or booked my tickets
online, the title would have read "Love me if you dare" and i would
have missed this wonderful piece of work.
There are many aspects to
the themes of this movie. Political ideology, a country in transition, an
interesting look at a society prior to and after the fall of the Berlin Wall
and most importantly (to me at least) a pretty touching portrayal of fillial
Go watch it.
23 November 2003
Whats up with the kung-fu fighting Wachowskys?
I thought that the kung-fu fighting at the end
between Smith and Mr. Anderson quite extreme.... whats with the flying in
the air, and the mini sub-nuclear explosions and fists moving through the
air/ cutting through the rain in slow motion. For a moment there, i thought
i was watching a bad repeat of "Dong Fang Bu Bai". That
was quite overdone, Wachowskys...
I was disappointed. What seems
to have started out on a really cool idea and concept seems to have fizzled
I liked the idea of the Matrix
because it painted a gloomy future that i thought was quite possible, given
what little i know of the excess of human nature. I liked it because it made
sense to me because i do believe that the mind is quite almost everything.
I liked it because it made me think about my own existance and made me ask
the question, am i real, or am i just a brain in a vat? I liked it because
I thought the idea of the One was cool. I liked it because it made me think
about reality. I liked it because i thought bullet time was cool. I liked
it because the idea of the mind being encapsulated by and imprisoned by a
non-reality appealed to me.. and i guess i liked it because it was more than
a movie... it was.. just simply... The Matrix....
Which was why watching Revolutions
was quite the unfulfilling experience. Reload (scroll down to May 21 entry
for that review) was already somewhat hanging in the air... But.. to quote
Morpheus, i believed.
I believed in the willing
suspension of disbelief. And right now, i feel damn suspended. Gone was the
cool novelty of bullet time, gone were the introspective look at human nature,
gone were the cheem innings of a philosophical future. In its place is the
weird mix-match of HK kung fu and hollywood science fiction. Not to mention
Agent Smith and the weird apocalyptic ending.
Errmm... yeah sure i understood
that Agent Smith needed to be there to "balance" the equation. That
Neo needed to die so that the equation would be unbalanced and Smith would
naturally cease to exist.. But its so ..... weird...
17 November 2003
I think i have degenerated....
Watched my first episode ever of "Are you Hot?",
America's Search for the sexiest people around.
admit.. I was entertained.
kind of funny watching people parade around and letting other people rate
them on their face, body and overall sex appeal while they stood around preening
in an effort to garner support.. Even funnier when the buzzer rings and they're
officially "Not Hot" and they have to saunter off stage in embarrassment
amidst much crowd boo-ing. Even much more funnier to me, when they are interviewed
backstage on their being categorised as "Not Hot". Call me insensitive,
but I couldn't help laughing out loud when this previously macho-looking "Not
Hot" guy looked at the camera with tear-stained eyes in an absolutely
abject look of dejection.
What a weird world we live
Am being a couch potato
today and sat and watched TV for hours straight.
Haven't had the luxury of doing this for quite a while now. Managed to catch
a rerun of Friends... from way way back when they first started out....
Is it me, or do they look
Is it me, or do clothes look
really weird only abt 5-6 years back??
I still remember my first
contact with Friends was in TH. Still remember squeezing together in Blk A
TV Lounge to catch this show... it was quite the weekly ritual.
brings back memories man....
11 October 2003
This is not the first time that i start an entry with the words...
...It has really
been a long time since i last updated this website, and it probably won't
be the last either.
This past month has been a
gruelling one of school, revision, programming and work... School, obviously,
is my biggest preoccupation, taking up the main bulk of my time. It was good
and manageable in the beginning, but i'm starting to feel the pressure add
on as i dive deep into programming in C#. I am probably nearly in the process
of drowning, although in my state of oblivion and cluelessness, i may not
even know it yet.
But, where there is adversity,
there is hope, in classmates who knows much better, and in late nights spent
at the comp lab just trying to figure out how to make the bloody computer
calculate mathematical equations. All in all, life's good, tougher than it
has been before, but with a fulfilling, and somewhat sweet aftertaste, brief
though it may be.
So, while i struggle to make
sense of my codes, i feel just a little detached, and cushioned in semi-isolation
againts the rest of the world. What of Arnold becoming governor, Bush deciding
to screw up more of other people's lives, Malaysia losing face, and local
economy bouncing up in the 3rd quarter. How insiginificant they are to my
coming assignment on how to program codes for a fictitious bank with fictitious
customers and accounts. How ironically unimportant the rest of the world.
So, while i down green bean
soup lovingly made by my landlady for her husband (no innuendos here..), sweet
in the comfort of an act of human compassion while i wallow in the feverish
throes of a crippling fever and sore throat, how is the immediate rest
of the world doing? How goes dilligent automatons faithfully working OT to
fulfil the aims of Singapore Inc.? There is much i would like to catch up
In other words..
KNN, when are u all ever
going to find time to meet me for dinner?
1 September 2003
to thank me, I'm your father."
always, a trip home is full of warmth, relaxation, rest, reading, irregular
quality of home-cooked food and good old nagging. I
was glad to go back and see my parents, to go back to a place where there
are little pressure on work and life, where i can feel totally comfortable
just lying in bed the whole day reading, and not feel in the least way inconvenienced
by my own presence.
Anyway, as an allusion to
the title, i had a somewhat interesting talk with my father. Was reading in
my room when he came in with a glass of Liang-Cha
Me: (Drinks..) Thanks,
Pa: No need to thank me....
I'm your father...
Me: .... errmm... ok...
Pa: You know how you can
Me: .... err... how?
Pa: Find a good girl, get
Pa: Find a smart one too...
if she comes from a rich background, even better... thats how you can thank
me... make me happy... ok? ....understand not?
Me: ....errr ....ok...
I didn't even try to argue
because we've talked about this before.... and resistance is futile. I guess
now with my sis getting married soon, the pressure is all on me as the "only
one" left. a somewhat unsettling fact.
School is good.... It
feels good to be back in the lecture theaters. Good to actually be present
for a lecture. As usual, the first day of school is filled with introduction
lectures, tours of facilities and getting all rabba with your group members
As usual though, there are
the really nerdy people who cannot stop talking about what their computer
specs are, and how hot their machine is because they have 4 hard disks, and
there are the know-it-all who keeps talking about their previous experience
in programming and scripting macros with such arrogance it makes me wonder
what else they could learn from the course if they are already that good.
Its going to be a tough 11
months... But oh! The glorious pursuit of learning! How it exhilarates!
26 August 2003
"That's not art, thats just a bum with two plastic bags" -anonymous
girl on photo exhibition in underground tunnel leading to Esplanade
Been back for a week now
from HK and things are settling back to a comfortable famliarity. The past
few weeks (minus my holiday) has been one of rest and nothingness, and i do
feel quite at ease and at the same time pretty eager to start on my school
Which i think... gives me
a really bad excuse for not updating my website as frequently as i used to.
Anyways, bear with me while
i make my sojourn back to JB, probably my last one for the next 6 months before
my term starts... Lets see if i have something to write about when i come
18 August 2003
Hong Kong SAR
"Tui Mm Chi, Ngoh Mm Sek Kong Kwong Tung Wah"
Probably my most used phrase there. Check out pictures
and travel notes here, or click "Photo"
Last column from
Kheng. He's got his own site
5 August 2003
Been reading quite a bit
of this book called
"Philosophy - The pursuit of Wisdom" by this guy called Louis Pojman.
Yes. You read right. PHILOSOPHY. Was inspired much by Loe's Buddhist inclinations
as well as my gaping lack of understanding of the questions and words that
many have asked and pondered upon.
Anyway, came across this little
gem which i would like to share. On this chapter i read on the question of
the existance of God (or non-existance for that matter), i came across this
thing called the "Problem of Evil". Its simple, but yet quite difficult
to refute. The basic argument works on logic. (Yes, kookoohead, now i understand
your pain when you were taking that philo module and you were trying to tell
me about the p's and q's)
Please allow me to paraphrase
from the book:
1) God is all-powerful (including omniscient).
2) God is perfectly good.
3) Evil exists.
But if God is perfectly good, why does he allow evil to exist? Why didn't
he create a better world, if not with no evil, at least with substantially
less evil than in this world? Many have contended that this paradox, first
schematized by Epicurus, is worse than a paradox. It is an implicit contradiction
for it contains premises that are inconsistent with one another. Consider
4) If God (an all-powerful,
omniscient,omnibenevolent being) exists, there would be no (or no unnecessary)
evil in the world.
5) There is evil (or unnecessary evil) in the world.
6) Therefore, God does not exist.
Necessarily though, the whole
argument cannot be won over by such a simplistic logic (although I do think
there are no direct counter-examples to this). There are several other perspectives
on this issue, and perhaps i'll share this on the guestbook if you people
are interested to discuss it.
a quite unrelated note. Made this small observation quite a few weeks back
which sort of intrigued me. I had this very vivid dream which at one point
in the dream had me trembling in total fear and submission. Upon waking up,
I could still feel the emotions running through me and the fear which i had.
My question is, if dreams are product of the mind, of perhaps the firing of
the different synaptic nerves in your brain which causes you to have "virtual"
hallucinations, how is it that you seem entirely surprised by the events that
transpire on you in your dream when it is you (or more precisely your brain)
who is making up those hallucinations?
In other words, if dreams
are products of your mind, in which you sort of "planned" and orchestrate
it for your own self, why is there still an element of surprise when you actually
go through it? Is there a control center in which you are unaware of? But
how can you be unaware of that 'control' when you are the one who actually
created the 'control'? Is there a 2nd person or conciousness which is producing
these images without my main conciousness being aware of it? And if that is
so, how does this whole thing work?
Anyways anyways, in
a totally unrelated and lighter note. I've booked my tickets for HK and will
be flying this Sunday! Whoopee!
Hehe... what an anti-climax.
Oh, by the way
Kheng's article has been updated, click on the guest writer's link to access.
17 July 2003
After a somewhat blatant self-advertisement, the guest
writer's identity is henceforth revealed as ta-daa!! Our very own Kheng a.k.a
PukeBoy. Added in a new column to the right where you can access his link. Articles
from him will be updated on a weekly basis, so be sure to check on it. You could
also leave messages for Kheng on the shared common guestbook.
Anyways, here's an open invitation
to all who has something to say and no avenue to express it. Just email the
article to me and i'll try to post it up, subject to my scrutiny of course.
16 July 2003
Music is truly a balm for the soul. moments ago,
feelings of deject, rejection, anger, undue jealousy and total confusement
was reeling in my head in total ecstacy, prying me layer by layer until what
was left was but one bleeding heart soaked in acid. I feel incredibly vulnerable,
and somewhat tired of this whole debacle i call my life and whats left of
Now, after playing by "Toxic
Girl" "Daffodils" and "Out of my dreams" by our very
own Jerms... I feel kinda ok. The raw bleeding heart throbbing into numbness
of pains and experiences that have been felt by someone else and sung by someone
else. I guess... in a lot of ways, my experiences are not unique, and in no
way are they special. But i guess stuck in my own private world of wannabe
make believe, they are what experiences are, personal, and in one way or another
a part of my angts of my continuing journey of life.
This is my little escapade,
and i feel so much better now.
13 July 2003
a guest writer by the end of this
week. Basically a lazy bum who can't put up his own site hehe. You better
give me your article by this Saturday, you bum.
I am at a crossroad
in my life. I've quitted from my job and signed up for a course of study that
will take up the next 11 months of my life. Although i see this as a positive
move forwards, i must admit that i am fearful for the uncertainties of the
future and filled with trepidation on what might come up.
Events in recent months has
put things into perspective for me. I need a change. The way i see it, i don't
see myself going anywhere in the next 11 months in my old job, and if this
is the case, i should really take the opportunity to further myself.
i guess the underlying question,
like all changes and decisions in life is, would this make a difference and
as much as i would try very hard; in reality's terms, am i going to screw
Monday June 23 2003
Was helping my father sift through old stuff in
my house back in JB. Memories of times innocent and past swamp through me
as I looked through belongings that accompanies my growing up. Found this
'secret' diary which i used to keep for a while after getting out of secondary
school. Here's an excerpt:
"... Bored like hell,
holidays are here and as usual like in secondary school, lots of homework.
But this time, there is an added pressure. Common tests come after the holidays.
Problem is not too much to study but too few to study. Sounds confusing? (note:
can't really remember why i said this) .......Well... finally entered
JC this year. Orientation wasn't fun, too much cheering, boring programmes.
One of the councillors looked pretty though. Such a pity she wasn't born one
Seems like things don't really
Thursday June 12 2003
Things that go *bump* in the night
After watching so many horror films from Japan,
i realise most of them go by a certain winning formula of 1)damn eerie sounding
music and sudden sound effects, 2) normal day to day events that suddenly
turn into a potential scary encounter 3) scary female spirits and ghosts who
have long hair, walks/ crawl with a funny gait and who loves to stare at you
with those oh-so-scary eyes.
I guess needless to say, this
piece is inspired by the hot scary movie of the moment, "Ju-On".
For those who intend to watch this, beware spoilers abound and stop reading
beyond this point. For the others... go watch lah, i dun want to be the only
one who can't really sleep well at night after watching this.
Ju-on, is supposed to mean
'curse' or something in Japanese, and the curse in this movie refers to this
house where a man murdered his wife before. The exact plot is insignificant,
and not really well explored in the movie. Anyways, whoever comes into contact
with this house and its occupants will be 'infected' by the curse and will
be haunted by the wife and son who was killed until the haunted eventually
die in pretty bizarre ways.
The haunting in this movie
makes it a movie in the league of "Ring", absolutely the scariest
movie i've ever watched.
Imagine for a moment, at night,
you're sleeping all comfy in your bed, when suddenly you wake up, you feel
really weird, something is wrong, you look to the side, there... staring at
you is a young boy, you gasp, recoil in horror, then you hear this eerie wood
creaking sound, that grows louder and louder... suddenly you look up, there
at the head of the bed, is a woman with long hair staring down at you, you
gasp, scream voicelessly as she bends lower and lower towards your face....
Imagine, the same bed, you
asleep again. Suddenly you wake up, cold sweat sticking to your face, aware
that something is awfully wrong. Suddenly you notice, with growing paralysing
fear that something is forming up from under your blanket, it grows larger
and larger, and suddenly you're aware that something is below with you under
the blankets... you lie paralysed, then suddenly you gather the courage to
flip up the blanket, underneath you see a woman with long hair, lying prone,
staring at you... you scream as she reaches out at you with her hands.
Imagine, for a moment, while
you're reading this, someone is behind you, staring.....
I'm getting goosebumps already..
Wednesday May 21 2003
Ahhh... clever indeed... reloaded...
Architect: Hello Neo
Neo: Who are you?
Architect: I am the Architect.
I created the Matrix. I have been waiting for you. You have many questions
and although the process has altered your consciousness you remain irrevocably
human, ergo some of my answers you will understand and some of them you will
not. Concordantly, while your first question maybe the most pertinent you
may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant.
Neo: Why am I here?
Architect: Your life is
the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent in the programming
of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly which despite my sincerest
efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of
mathematical precision. While it remains a burden deciduously avoided it is
not unexpected and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you
Neo: You havent answered
Architect: Quite right.
Interesting, that was quicker then the others.
Neo: Others? (What others?
How many? Answer me)
Architect: The Matrix is
older then you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral
anomaly to the emergence of the next. In which case this is the sixth version.
Neo: Then there are only
two possible explanations, either no one told me, or no one knows.
Architect: Precisely, as
you are undoubtedly gathering the anomaly is systemic. Creating fluctuations
in even the most simplistic equations.
Neo: Choice, the problem
Architect: The first matrix
I designed was quite naturally perfect; it was a work of art, flawless, sublime.
A triumph equaled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its
doom is apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in
every human being. Thus, I redesigned it, Based on your history to more accurately
reflect the varying grotesqueries of your nature. However I was again frustrated
my failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because
it required a lesser mind a mind less bound by the parameters of perfection.
Thus the answer was stumbled upon by another, and intuitive program, initially
created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. If I am the father
of the matrix, she would undoubtedly be its mother.
Neo: The Oracle
Architect: Please, as I
was saying she stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99 percent of all test
subjects accepted the program as long as they were given a choice, even if
they were only aware of the choice at an unconscious level. While this answered
function it was obviously fundamentally flawed thus creating the otherwise
contradictory systemic anomaly. That if left unchecked might threaten the
system itself, ergo those that refuse the program while the minority if unchecked
would cause an escalating probability of disaster.
Neo: This is about Zion
Architect: You are here
because Zion is about to be destroyed. Its every living inhabitant terminated,
its entire existence eradicated.
Architect: Denial is the
most predictable of all human responses. But, rest assured, this will be the
sixth time we have destroyed it. And we have become exceedingly efficient
at it. The function of the One is now to return to the source allowing a temporary
dissemination of the code you carry reinserting the prime program after which
you will be required to select from the matrix 23 individuals, 16 female 7
male, to rebuild Zion. Failure to comply with this process will result in
a cataclysmic system crash killing everyone connected to the matrix. Which,
coupled with the extermination of Zion will ultimately result in the extinction
of the entire human race.
Neo: You wont let
it happen, you cant. You need human beings to survive.
Architect: There are levels
of survival we are prepared to accept. However the relevant issue is whether
you are ready to accept the responsibility for the death of every human being
in this world. It is interesting reading your reactions. Your 5 predecessors
were by design based on a similar predication a contingent affirmation that
was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species facilitating
the function of the One. While the others experienced this in a very general
way your experience is far more specific, Vis a vis love.
Architect: Apropos, she
entered the matrix to save your life at the cost of her own.
Architect: Which brings
us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately
expressed and the anomaly revealed as both beginning and end. There are two
doors, the door to your right leads to the source and the salvation of Zion,
the door to your left leads back to the matrix to her and to the end of your
species. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But we already know
we you are going to do dont we? Already I can see the chain reaction
the chemical precursors that signal the onset of an emotion designed specifically
to overwhelm logic and reason. An emotion that is already blinding you from
the simple and obvious truth, she is going to die and there is nothing you
can do to stop it. Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion simultaneously
the source of your greatest strength and your greatest weakness.
Neo: If I were you, I would
hope that we dont meet again.
Architect: We wont.
Just watched Matrix Reloaded last night. Wasn't
that terribly impressed at first, i thought there was too much on the Kung-fu
and action scenes which although was very nice eye candy, got a bit too much
after a while.
After so much anticipation
from watching the first one, from being impressed by the ideas and the effects
behind the whole movie, this was quite an anticipated film. Hence, my initial
disappointment after the first few scenes of the movie. I thought it was becoming
quite corny and stereotypical, and there was way too much of an act-cool WOW
the first scene, there's Trinity again, in black leather tights again,
wearing cool shades at night again, and doing the slick kung fu moves....
again... It was starting to feel like a bad rerun. Plus some of the
"new scenes" looked like pretty poor ripoffs from other films. The
scene where the humans gathered for some supposedly religious ceremony where
Morpheus does his "Martin Luther King" speech looked damn hell of
a lot like something out of Dune. Then there's the council scene where they
debated what they should do againts the incoming Sentinal army. That reminded
me very much of Star Wars: Phantom Menace...
Not to mention the pretty
long and arduous scene showing how humankind partied by participating in mass
orgiastic dances. You know, i would have thought that since most of these
people were plugged in to the matrix at some point in time, they should probably
lived their lives as we did, and if so, shouldn't their party music be some
techno-pop babble rather than tribal drums?
And somehow, that primitive
mass orgiastic dance scene just didn't blend too well with the initial high
tech look we had at Zion, with operators in cool looking skin tight uniforms
touching futuristic looking touch screens and this guy operating a robot a
la Mech Warrior. If they had all that kind of technology, it doesn't quite
make sense to me why they needed to light bonfires in the orgiastic dance
The over-dramatic lines which
Neo and gang spewed forth was also kind of becoming old and very much staged...
am i the only one who cringed whenever Morpheus goes on with his "I believe...."
And plus, i couldn't stand
the mushy lovey-dovey Neo/ Trinity relationship. Their love talk all throughout
the film was one hell of a turnoff of which the biggest is when Trinity pulled
a gun on the babelicious Persophone when she wanted to kiss Neo...... how
mushy are we going to get man... Although, i do agree that all the above has
to be done for the plot to remain coherent in the end.... but... please...
With all the above pretty
disappointing points, i was getting desperate, I was afraid that the Wachowskis,
like Agent Smith has lost their purpose. Salvation came however at the very
end of the movie in the form of the standoff (so to speak) between Neo and
the architect of the matrix.
TAADAAAA! Ergo lies the whole
crux and meaning and might i say purpose of the universe of the matrix.
If you go to this
forum, there are whole debates raging on about what's happening here. One
interesting view was that Zion, Neo and gang and the whole of humankind who
thinks they are free are actually still plugged in to the matrix. There is
a matrix within a matrix. The normal matrix for people who accepts and can
live in the normal programme i.e. "our" world. And another matrix
for those who reject the first matrix, i.e. people like Morpheus and the rest
of the people in Zion who wants to be free. Hence even when Morpheus and Neo
thinks they are free of the matrix, they are actually still in the
matrix, but in a different one, something like a back-up system. This would
sort of explain why Neo at the end of the movie is able to stop the Sentinals
with this powers which should only exist in the matrix.
Hence, the Architect reveals
that there has actually been 6 anomalies, i.e. The One since the matrix started,
and that the matrix has been resetted 6 times and Zion has been destroyed
6 times. And everytime it's destroyed the Matrix is resetted i.e. RELOADED.
Hence the 2 doors present
a choice, sort of. The door to the right leads to Zion being destroyed, and
Neo selecting people in rebuilding the new Zion, and also the reloading of
the Matrix. And the door to the left leads to Neo saving Trinity and the end
of Humankind (or so says the Architect). We infer however that Neo under the
effect of love for Trinity acts differently from the 5 previous Ones who all
chose the right door. Instead he chooses the left door. Hence, together with
Neo, we step into a whole new world of uncertainty.
Quite some inexplanable points
here though which i'm still trying to figure out such as 1) Is there really
a matrix within a matrix, and if so, how the hell is this going to end? 2)
What is the source as mentioned by the Architect, and when he said rebuild
Zion, did he mean in the real world or in the matrix within the matrix?
But hey... before i get sucked
in the dialectic of all this..... I gotta remind myself... This isn't real....
Its just a movie....
.....Or is it?
Friday May 16 2003
In the sky the birds are pulling
in your life a curse has got a name,
makes you lie awake all through the night
She's intoxicated by herself,
everyday she's seen with someone else,
and every night she kisses someone new
You're waiting in the shadows
for a chance
because you believe at heart, that if you can,
show to her what love is all about
She'll talk to you with no one else around,
but only if you're able to entertain her,
the moment conversation stops she's gone
Wednesday April 30 2003
means you have to sit in garbage Robert" -Bucky Katt, Get Fuzzy
Saturday April 12 2003
Had another lesson in social inequality a few days back...
I was discussing something with another colleague
in the office i share with my boss and another assistant manager. Everything
was ok, serious discussion going on about how we're gonna deal with SARS..
Another colleague in my department
came in looking for my boss... I was still engrossed in my discussion with
my colleague, when suddenly i overheard raised voices saying, "i feel
its unfair lor, how come you're giving him so many things.... you're neglecting
us over him..... I don't know if is it because he has a degree??"
And all that while she was
standing about 1 meter away from me and the colleague I was talking to, notwithstanding
there was another assistant manager in the office. In the beginning, I thought
she was complaining about somebody else... then i realised that the whole
conversation is pointed to me.... I felt... damn uncomfortable... Was thinking,
"huh?? what the hell?? where is this coming from?"
It was damn embarassing...
and a pretty rude shock.. and i felt quite pissed.... Its like... even if
she wanted to complain... doesn't she have the sense to do it properly behind
closed doors and only when alone?? What the hell is she trying to accomplish
by complaining about me, literally behind my back?? I thought it was pure
stupidity on her part... Its like when she came to the degree part.... I felt
so damn tempted.... just because i wanted to spite her.
Did she have grounds for making
these accusations? In truth, I have been given certain perks, but i've had
to work harder and longer hours to prove that i deserve it. And that i guess
is the important thing she doesn't understand... She expects to be treated
the same without giving anything in return... and that.. just doesn't work
Friday March 28 2003
"When would you be free?"
........I feel so incredibly stupid....
Monday March 10 2003
Since we are on the topic..
that you are just a visitor here, a traveler passing through. Your stay is
but short, and the moment of your departure unknown.
None can live without toil,
and a craft that provides your needs is a blessing indeed. But if you toil
without rest, fatigue and weariness will overtake you, and you will be denied
the joy that comes from labour's end.
Speak quietly and kindly and
be not forward with either opinions or advice. If you talk much, this will
make you deaf to what others say, and you should know that there are few so
wise that they cannot learn from others.
Be near when help is needed,
but far when praise and thanks are being offered.
Take small account of might,
wealth and fame, for they soon pass and are forgotten. Instead, nurture love
within you and strive to be a friend to all. Truly, compassion is a balm for
Treasure silence when you
find it, and while being mindful of your duties, set time aside, to be alone
with yourself. Cast off pretense and self-deception and see yourself as you
Despite all appearances, no
one is really evil. They are led astray by ignorance. If you ponder this truth
always you will offer more light, rather than blame and condemnation.
You, no less than all beings,
have Buddha Nature within. Your essential Mind is pure. Therefore, when defilements
cause you to stumble and fall, let not remorse nor dark foreboding cast you
down. Be of good cheer and with this understanding, summon strength and walk
Faith is like, a lamp, and
wisdom makes the flame burn bright. Carry this lamp always, and in good time
the darkness will yield and you will abide in the Light.
(Some parts i don't agree
with and i think is difficult to achieve in the society we live in, but i
do think its a pretty good guide.)
Sunday March 9 2003
How do you respond when suddenly your mother turns
around in the middle of a perfectly normal tv show and tells you in a serious
tone what to do when she dies. What rituals to do, where to bury....
Quite disconcerting... and
very particularly disturbing...
I couldn't speak... just stare
and nod dumbly...
What could i say? Give suggestions?
There was nothing i could think of that i could intelligently say in contribution
to the conversation. It was... very shamefully for me... embarassing..
I guess if it was difficult
for me, it was probably much much more difficult for her.
I guess death is one concept
that everybody knows is coming... just that in our present mindset, we seldom
imagine it happening to ourselves or even immediate family.
I guess I've always taken
for granted that my parents would always be there. I mean, death and old age,
is not going to happen in many many long years right? But over the recent
past few years, i've seen my father physically grow old... streaks of white
where black hair used to be... spurts of physical weakness.. aches... illnesses...
I've seen my mother wrinkling just a bit.. complaining about sour joints...
its sad when you know the
road they must walk and you know, as they must also know, where it leads to...
Monday February 17 2003
a real nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans
Doesn't have a point of view,
Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?
Nowhere Man, please listen,
You don't know what you're missing,
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command.
He's as blind as he can be,
Just sees what he wants to see,
Nowhere Man can you see me at all?
Doesn't have a point of view,
Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?
Nowhere Man, don't worry,
Take your time, don't hurry,
Leave it all till somebody else
lend you a hand.
He's a real Nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making his Nowhere plans
Thursday February 13 2003
In a way, i'm pretty glad that i will be working
on valentine's day tomorrow. At least it covers up the fact that i won't really
have anywhere to go with anyone in particular. it'll put off those questions
that people who don't really know me will ask, and if people do ask anyway,
hey i've got a legitimate reason, cos i'm working. Hell it beats being stuck
at home watching tv blaring adverts after adverts of romantic dinners, good
looking couples pretending to be in love, and mushy sms messages and wondering
why nobody sends them to me.
Saturday January 4 2003
"...I'm like a pathetically lost suicide bomber
who keeps going to certain self destruction in the most deserted areas and
kills nobody but myself and actually thinks that what i'm doing would make
"One condition of
desirability is the perception of availability"
Monday December 30 2002
1 more day to the
turn of the year and the beginning of a new one. Looking back, this year would
probably recess into the deepest corners of my memory as one when nothing
was achieved by me which i could be proud of. Which is kinda really screwed
up in a way. But heck, thats life.
Looking forward, what do i
hope to achieve in the new year? or in other words, for fear of sounding cliched,
what is my new year resolution? Hmm... Job wise, would again, top the list.
That is my overwhelming preoccupation and thoughts. I somehow believe that
all the roots of my problems stem from my unhappiness from my current job
and position. And if i could correct that, i'll be happier. And if i'm happier,
i could probably solve all the other problems which i'm having right now.
So, one thing at a time... lets just make it simple and just have one resolution.
Yeah... that could work... i hope... Monty Python's "Always look on the
bright side of life" is gonna be my theme song for the new year. Damn
that whistling thingy is kinda catchy..
Happy New Year Everyone.
Sunday December 1 2002
Ugly... Thats what
some Singaporean uncles and aunties can be when given the chance... it may
be that this description should be given to the whole of human kind, but i
get more chances to be acquainted with the Singaporean species so i'll leave
this description as such here until i see more of the world.
Was at this road show for
the past couple of days for my company. Had a lot of freebie to give away...
free ice cream every hour... free coffee... free sweets... etc etc... Can't
imagine what some people will do just to get free things... A very sad reflection
on the state of society i feel. 60% of the people queueing up for ice cream
were adults well into their late 30s to 50s. And all of them vying with the
poor kids over free ice cream.... its really true that once Singaporeans see
a queue, they'll just join in first, then find out later what the queue is
The worse thing was in the
last hour, we decided to just give away anything we had, asked people to form
one queue, and suddenly you get all the old (very frail looking i might add)
uncles and aunties all swarming around, hands outstretched like hungry children
of ethiopia all asking for packets of ricola sweets..... Its so sad... so
ugly.... and these aunties and uncles actually get mad with you when they
are not able to get the freebies and scold you for not being able to give
them free stuff.....
I don't really know what the
problem is here.... I'm very sure these aunties and uncles are not poor....
neither do i think they really want the freebies... i mean... i doubt they
will ever buy ricola sweets from the supermarket for themselves.... but its
just the idea of "FREE!!". Just dangle the word and they come like
hungry flies to shit. I realize i sound high and mighty, but i do find it
a very sad state of human society to see frail looking uncles suddenly look
like he's gonna rip your arm off if he doesn't get that pack of sweet....
Tuesday November 27 2002
cycle of birth and rebirth, of worldly and material desires and common life
as we know it. The cycle which, according to buddhist philosophy, we are destined
to go over and over again, to live and die and be reborned again and again...
That is unless, we achieve enlightenment.
Samsara.... Christy Chung..
more of her than enlightenment (for me at least, loe in his present state
of zen-ness would probably deny it..) was on our minds as me and loe set out
to watch this movie a few weeks back. I didn't really know what to expect
of this show, but to be honest this movie turned out to be more fulfilling
than the skin flick which i thought it would be.... notwithstanding of course,
our desire to be poseur and act arty farty by watching an 'arty' show.
The movie begins with a lone
eagle in the sky who picks up a rock from the ground, flies high, and drops
it on the unsuspecting head of a sheep as a group of tibetan monks travels
to receives a young monk, Tashi who has just gone through 3 years of solitary
meditation in a cave. He is widely applauded for his achievement. However
he soon realises that even in his supposedly holy state, he is unable and
unwilling to let go of the secular emotion of lust. His master, A-po tries
to counsel him by sending him to a monk who shows Tashi pictures of couples
having sex (a la Kama Sutra) but which when held up to the light, shows the
couples turning into skeletons and symbols of death.
Undaunted, Tashi comes back
and questions A-po. He argues (full of teenage angts and all) that Siddharta
himself enjoyed a secular life until 29 before he saw his own mortality and
started on the path to enlightenment. Who is to say that the path to enlightenment
does not start with knowing and feeling the worldly states that you are supposed
to reject and look beyond? In other words, it is a question of relativity,
how could i know one extreme of enlightenment, if i do not know the other
extreme of worldly desires?
So then, Tashi leaves the
monkhood, goes to this village and becomes a farmer. Story here about secular
life is, i admit, somewhat typical. MAN meets WOMAN. MAN has a wild romp in
the woods with WOMAN. MAN marries WOMAN. MAN has more wild romps in the bedroom
with WOMAN. Its a perfect love story.... The WOMAN in question here is, of
course the subject of desire, Christy Chung. So then they get married, have
a kid they call Karma, plant grain etc etc. Tashi lives and learns the secular
life which he so desires. All thoughts of enlightenment are naturally the
least of his concerns.
That is until word comes from
his dying master, A-po. In his letter, A-po asks the question, now that you
have enjoyed secular life. Does it aid in your enlightenment as you indicated
it would. Is your path to enlightenment by knowing worldly desires made easier
by the fact that you now have to give them up? In Nirvana, if and when we
eventually meet, what would you have told me of your experience in the secular,
and would your enlightenment have been different from mine?
I guess here is where the
film director does his silent "Ta-Daaaa!!", where the audience partakes
in Tashi's "semi-enlightenment" and his decision to leave wife and
son behind (a la Siddharta) to walk on his solitary path of enlightenment.
The ending though is kinda weird, which i have not figured out. Tashi's wife,
appears as Tashi makes his way back to the monastery and asks the moral question,
could the path to enlightenment start with causing anguish to family and close
ones? She makes reference to Yasodhara, Siddharta's wife. Then as quickly
as she appeared, she disappeared... in a gust of wind and dust.. literally.
Anyway, here is the part
i don't get, the movie ends off with Tashi on the ground, crying after his
wife's admonishments, and as he looks up, he sees the same eagle in the sky
(as seen in the beginning of the film). For a split moment there, i thought
the eagle would drop a rock on Tashi. Luckily it didn't, for it would have
caused so much more confusion to a scene which i already do not understand.
Anyway.. there you have it.
As i said, turned out to be much more than i bargained for. Ostensibly just
a love story, but imbued with little gems of buddhist philosophy. I thought
the idea of using sex to exemplify the secular world was so extremely effective
for it is an emotion which all of us understand and embrace. Not to mention
the very interesting ways in which it was portrayed in the film. Learnt something
new about what i could do with a ceiling beam, an Indian Sari and a stick.
The central tenet of buddhism
as exemplified in the scene of the old monk showing sex pictures to Tashi,
is that wordly desires is temporary and transitory. It is not permanent, it
does not carry in to the next world (if there is one in the first place).
So why then, spend so much on your time trying to achieve this when you know
its not going to last? The goal of buddhism then is to achieve enlightenment,
see beyond worldly desires and by doing that achieve freedom from the cycle
of birth and rebirth and achieve Nirvana.
I've always thought that Buddhism
is more a philosphy than a religion. To be honest, i'm not a scholar of buddhist
literature. I've never really read all the buddhist texts, but i sort of think
that buddhism as commonly practiced today has somewhat left off the path as
it set out to be... We chinese in particular, took it and butchered it to
make it fit into the chinese understanding of the world.. We added in all
the chantings of sutras, and all the promised ideas of gods, bodhisatvas,
demons, wardings of bad luck and protection from demons, pure superstitions
etc etc which i believe was never mentioned in the original buddhist texts.
But in truth, Buddhism in
its pure philosophical form, is somewhat difficult to practice in reality.
I've always thought Buddhist thoughts and teaching is a very enlightened way
to live one's life. But... is it really viable and workable in the real world?
I mean, to embrace buddhism in its entirety is to give up the material desires
and wants which all of us very naturally have. And can we really give it all
up for an promised enlightenment which nobody living can claim to possess?
I guess the answer is pretty
obvious for most of us... I cannot... hmm... in fact i doubt anyone i know
Wednesday October 23 2002
Do platonic relationships
exist. Discuss. Strange
how such a topic could come up in a conversation in the office, but came up
it did, amongts discussions of male chauvinism and how "Nan ren dou shi
jian de" a statement which i happen to agree with... sad to say...
But coming back... do platonic
relationships really occur? Can a single man and a single woman really be
just good friends? Just that, a pure friendship devoid of sexual tension and
predominant thoughts of errmm... well... sex sex sex sex sex. This is one
question which i've explored for some time, as i'm sure most people would
I guess the underlying question
is, can we ever get the sexual tension out of the way and just enjoy each
other's company, and once we start purely enjoying each other's company, would
sexual tension inevitably come into place? Hmm... makes sense?
Personally i don't think it
exists. I think as people get to know each other better and closer, people
naturally want to get closer and closer to that person. Isn't that the natural
order of things? I mean if you really like the person, don't you want to move
on to a further stage of relationship other than just being good friends?
Call me bigoted, shallow and
narrow-minded, but i'm a guy... and i know what men think about.. and well
i might not be speaking for all men but.. it... just doesn't.. well... exist...
Of course i'll have continue
to say that all the other men who say that they do believe in it are bloody
lying through their teeth.
At least i'm honest about
Damn. Why the fuck do i sound
Saturday October 12 2002
The infectious power of Banghra cannot be underestimated.
Just back from
the opening night for the Esplanade. Damn hell a lot of people for a very
hot and sticky Saturday night. One of the shows they had was this Bhangra
dance by this local group. The power of Banghra is damn infectious... started
off as just the dance by the Banghra group... then suddenly, people in the
audience started joining in... first a small group... then just when you thought
things couldn't get any more interesting.. the whole audience was up and dancing
to the rather catchy beat.... So there me and Loe was, feeling slightly out
of place taking photos as everybody, and i do mean everybody.. pot-bellied
family men, mothers with kids, very cute and pretty local girls, very cute
and pretty foreign babes... everybody... even this little indian kid in front
of me showed some pretty promising moves.... Was kinda interesting.... Never
ever underestimate the power of Banghra.
Click on the photos link above
to check out the photos..
Monday September 23 2002
HMm.. what shall i say in this update... I sort
of had quite some fun last friday, totally glad i joined my colleagues. That
was quite a funny night. Kinda slow at first, but things started going a bit
wild once the alcohol kicked in. Too bad none of what happened was in my favor.
But, fun none the less.
Went over to visit my Sis-in-law
and the newborn babe. Damn cute little thing. Had a little trouble trying
to carry it. I have no idea how to carry a baby. Was damn afraid I'll do something
wrong and break something.. Feels damn nice to carry a baby in your arms though.
Gotta try it again some time again before they leave for HK.
Thursday September 5 2002
"Ji pak! Ji pak! lai ah lai!!" attended
my first ever Zhong Yuan dinner today at some chinese restaurant near Chinatown.
Was one held by the tour guide association so there i was, with one of my
colleagues, surrounded by guides, coach bus drivers, tour agency bosses, and
representatives of other attractions. Felt damn out of place.Anyway,
in case you're still trying to figure out what this posting's heading means,
its "$100!, $100, come ah come!!" in Hokkien.
I realise the peculiarity
of chinese auctioning. Nobody really cares about how much the item being auctioned
is really worth, but its just a bid on numbers, and to be more precise, 'lucky'
numbers. So u get numbers like 8 coming out really often. Its like a contest
of who can think of the most lucky sounding numbers, and when somebody comes
up with something sounding remotely auspicious, you get a whole round of loud
cheers and claps.... we chinese are a weird people...
Tuesday August 20 2002
"learned helplessness" -describes a
psychological clinical experiment in which mice that are kept in a cage are
electrocuted periodically. In the beginning, the mice would scurry about trying
to find a spot in the cage where they would not be electrocuted. After experiencing
failure after failure, the mice would stop trying, and would not attempt to
escape even if the doors to the cage is open.
right about now, i feel pretty
much like the mice.
ok, i'm being dramatic...
but i think a few more months of this shit would probably do the trick.
Tuesday August 13 2002
Austin Powers in Goldmember watched this yesterday
with joe. Totally love the starting with cameos done by the various stars.
Came as a total surprise to me. Downright funny. Like all previous Austin
Powers movies by Mike Myers, its pure senseless corny humor, but hell, once
in a while u need a movie like that. Enjoyable... very enjoyable.
Tuesday August 6 2002
Did a lone ranger today and went off taking photos
in Sentosa.... yet again... Fort Siloso is a total dump and waste of time...
Images of Singapore, i.e the wax museum however is pretty cool... Took some
pretty interesting pictures
(... or so i think...). Check out the 'ghost in the mirror', reminds me a
lot of Sadako.
Saturday August 3 2002
Just came back from Lian's housewarming. Like Rod
and Joe's place, looks damn nice. Kinda very classy and hippie place. Spilled
wine on one of his chairs and dropped YQ's phone, damn paiseh... Luckily no
babes i'm interested in over there.
Met KL for a little drink
after. Damn tired and took cab back... Saw this couple making out outside
a school fence, totally over each other, lots of groping and totally ignoring
the world... *sigh*... I feel so much like a loser...
Friday August 2 2002
NUS swamps over me when i went back to school today to meet kheng for lunch
and buy the infamous, highly recommended by darren, charges-in-one-hour Ray-O-Vac
battery charger for $49. Yeah, i just had to say that.
Anyway, was lunching in Arts
Canteen. It is just so different. Being there and just visiting. Its as if
i'm so much seperate from the scene, somehow remembering how it was like to
just bum around, skipping lessons and such, but yet feeling so detached, knowing
how it feels like, but unable to feel it... hmm don't think i'm making sense
I guess i miss it all, thats
Blood galore while
watching Battle Royale. Been wanting to watch this for damn long. It being
highly acclaimed and stuff.
The violence, when it started
was a bit... errmmm... funny.. to me at least. I totally went "huh???"
when the teacher whips out the knife and throws it at a girl and killing her.
Took a while for me to register that the girl was really dead, there the humor
for me ended. What followed was an hour and a half bloodbath with no holds
barred and all sorts of weapons thrown in.
Pretty shocking and disturbing...
the violence was a bit too much at times. This site
describes the theme pretty well. To me, i felt the movie also portrayed the
frightening reality of how people would behave when their own lives are threathened.
The ending was kinda weird, i don't really get it. But I thought the show
was pretty good... although i don't think i will want to sit through another
rerun of it in the near future...
to KL, sorry to hear that man...
Saturday July 27 2002
Just had a chat with my eldest bro. I'm going to
be an uncle soon! oooh sooo exciting... this news however is pretty old and
dated already since my sis-in-law is going to give birth end next month. For
some reason or another, my bro did not mention the pregnancy to us. So we
weren't supposed to know about it.. errmm... don't ask me why. I have totally
no idea what he's thinking...
Anyway, its the first grandchild
in the family, so its a pretty new and big thing for all of us. Asked him
how it feels like, and he replied with the typical male gung-ho 'ok lah, like
that lor'. although i do think its a pretty exciting thing for him as well,
it being the first child and all. I guess in a way, having a child marks another
step in life. Yeah, something like those insurance commercials that go 'your
first steps, first day in school, first love, marriage, your first child.......'
The whole cycle of life thingy. *sigh*... makes me feel kinda melancholic
all of a sudden.
Haven't talked to him for
quite a while now, so just caught up on recent stuff like jobs etc etc. Kinda
nice... oh by the way, the baby's a girl.
I remember once there was
this small toddler who got lost and couldn't find his parents at my workplace.
So there he was all bawling and sobbing. I carried him around the place, looking
for his parents. For that split moment, carrying that toddler in my arms,
and comforting him seemed the most natural thing to do. Felt damn fatherly,
which is kinda weird, for me at least. Never really imagined myself in that
kind of situation... plus he smelled really nice...
hey i gotta stop this or
i think the sensitive new age guy in me is going to cry... hehee..
Wednesday July 24 2002
Had some fun with my camera today. Went down to
Sheares Bridge with Kheng after he heard pretty good news from ESPN. Congrats
man... Tried to take some nice sunset photos with my newly bought tripod,
but damn never realised that the ground shakes so much when big lorries go
by. Most of the photos i took turned out too blur to really display and i
deleted quite a lot of them. Plus, lots of clouds makes for a pretty lousy
sunset... well at least it is so for a newbie like me.
way, i signed up for a PBase account, and now upload my nicer photos up there.
Click here or click on the "photos"
met up with Loe after for dinner and to offer condolences on a failed attempt.
Hai... sometimes i wonder why we even try.
Monday July 22 2002
bro seriously i dont think u should've done that
to make a fool of yourself
but then as a good young man with pride, we tried, we failed, now we move
Monday July 15 2002
Life is settling down into a pretty unsettling familiarity
and monotony of wake up, work, get back from work, sleep. Not exactly very
healthy. I'm getting pretty lazy again. Haven't sent a resume for quite some
time already. Don't really have the will and discipline to start on one. Plus
my preoccupation with NeverWinter Nights take most of my nights away while
i indulge in dungeon crawling.
Feels like i suddenly lost
aim again. I know what i want and what i have to do. But i'm too lazy to do
it. Gotta buck up man...
Thursday July 11 2002
Was pretty much in apprehension these past 2 days.
Was afraid that i'll black out again, expecially at work. Seems ok so far.
My gash is pretty deep though and have been attracting some questions. Have
had to explain quite a few times that i fell. Didn't really tell people at
my office about the fainting part. I think its best they didn't know. Anyway,
think all is well lah. I think low blood pressure. Gotta start doing some
Tuesday July 9 2002
Just had one of the freakiest
moment of my life. I passed out. Yeah i fainted. I don't really know what
happened. I was happily lounging on the sofa watching TV when i had the urge
to take a leak. While walking to the toilet, i suddenly started feeling a
bit woozy. I was still feeling ok then and was still walking there when it
I think i went into a dream
state for a while. Can't really remember much though. Kinda fuzzy and stuff.
Next thing i knew, i opened my eyes and found myself sprawled on the floor
facing the toilet door. First thing i noticed, drops of blood on the floor.
Then my bent spectacles amongts the drops of blood. Totally disoriented and
dunno whats happening. I went "What the fuck??" and my voice sounded
really far away, something like an out of body experience, plus there was
this loud ringing which kinda drowned any other noise out.
Dragged myself to the mirror.
Had this 2cm gash above my left eyebrow still bleeding profusely, blood all
over my face and dripping down my t-shirt, looked totally pale. Felt damn
I'm ok now though, sitting
down in front of my computer writing about something that just happened 15
minutes ago. I don't really know what happened, but i've had experiences when
sometimes i've sat down for some time and i stand up suddenly,i feel a bit
giddy. Hypertension i think. Never was as serious as to faint though. Don't
think i'm sick or anything, but i am just worried that this might happen when
i'm at work. Lets hope not...
Wednesday July 3 2002
I am a thorn, a sliver under the skin. a constant
reminder of something gone wrong. Something ambiguous and unexpressed but
which going by all the signs, should have been pretty obvious. I am an irritant,
a lone mosquito buzzing constantly around the ears, refusing to go away and
let alone. I fake nonchalence, not very successfully, although the facade
seems to mislead others well enough but is seemingly jarring in the Eyes which
i cannot look upon.
Monday July 1 2002
Telok Kurau Rendezvous Pretty nice place joe, rod
and ferry has over there. First impression was, feels a lot like JB! Landed
houses everywhere, relatively few cars driving around. Very relaxed and "holiday"
atmosphere to it. The idea of the walk up apartment is pretty cool too. Feels
pretty spacious too, but thats probably because the rooms are seperated into
3 levels with 1 room on each level. Very nice..
Friday 29 June 2002
Disappointment. What a hard hard experience. Sometimes
things just don't turn out the way you think it should, and reality is seldom
the rational logical thoughts which you think about over and over again and
in which you think is so so right.... But... life just doesn't work that way.
Things don't turn out the way i think it should because i think it so. So
much variables to consider, but which really shouldn't be considered at all
because the complexities involved would totally make a waste of the effort.
For once, something i really want is there. And to just watch it slip through
my hands.. what a damnable experience.
Wednesday 26 June 2002
Home Trip Going home for a few days is always fun.
Good food, nice herbal soup, motherly love, hanging around just resting and
sleeping. As always however, there are the usual mandatory questions like
"hows your job? Got a new girlfriend yet?" and the naggings about
what i should do and what i shouldn't do. Yeah, the same old stuff... but
it was worth it i guess, plus i do kind of miss home.
Something my father said made
me totally laugh out though. He was talking to me about relationships and
"advising" me on the kind of girls to go for. Maybe a little background
info would help. My father is of the opinion that to "breed" smart
and good offsprings, you need to find a person of high intelligence, and marry
young (cos supposedly all the geniuses are conceived when their parents are
in the 20s). It is also important to find someone who is of sufficient wealth
and power so that she might help in your own career. Was telling him what
i think about his ideas, and he said, 'yeah, thats called idealism.' and told
me he has the benefit of hindsight. haha it was kind of poignant on so many
levels.... couldn't resist laughing out loud.
Friday 21 June 2002
Of dead computers...
Computer died again a few days back, thats why there
weren't any updates at all. Damn weird problem... it doesn't even get to BIOS,
no video signal, nothing.. fans and all were running all right, took out other
components, disconnected hard disk, reset CMOS, still doesn't work... Concluded
it was a mobo problem and took it back to Convergent.
to their service, damn nice front office people. No questions asked, no need
to see the receipt, just "ok we'll call you in 2 days and you can come
collect... service charge?? no need no need.." damn nice, not to mention
the recept girl was kinda cute too.
Wednesday June 12 2002
men are from Mars, women are from Venus
Overheard this as i was browsing through Kinokuniya
at Orchard today:
Guy: WHAT?! you're
Guy: I thought you just came from Burger King?
Girl: Yes, but all i had was onion rings
Guy: Why didn't you order a burger or something then if you were hungry?
Girl (getting a bit irritated): Because i wasn't hungry then...
Guy: But you're HUNGRY now??!
Girl (staring at the poor guy): YES
Guy: ok ok lets go
Monday June 10 2002
Photos uploaded, check it out!!
Sunday June 9 2002
6 geeky guys with 6 digital cameras made their way
into sentosa today. All guys outings like this can be damn fun. Just went
around the island taking pictures with Darren, Loe, Rod and 2 of Darren's
friends ManHon and Vins. Basically was just enjoying the view and hanging
Despite the recent downturn,
Sentosa Island still has a lot of cheap and fun possibilities. Entrance is
just $4 after discount, and you can basically spend the whole day inside.
Just don't visit the attractions, which honestly aren't really worth visiting
anyway. There's a lot of nice free places to go inside like the fountain gardens,
musical fountain area, the whole stretch of beach on the south (where all
the bikini babes are, hehee), and this really nice private club place which
has not opened yet called Sentosa Cove. Perfect date location for all the
Casanova wannabes out there...
Took a damn lot of pictures
too, pity i can't upload now because i ran out of batteries and i cannot transfer
to my pc. Will probably do it tomorrow. Damn nice, gotta do this again.
Thursday June 6 2002
I can be so indifferent
sometimes that i think its pretty frightening. My parents came back from HK
couple of days back. Wasn't especially happy that they were back... sort of
didn't realize they were gone at all.
Anyway, like all parents,
they were concerned about me and how i was doing in my job. I told them it
was sucky and stuff, and like all parents they were absolutely concerned and
encouraging, telling me stuff like "just hang on, things will get better"..
the thing is i've gotten this line so often it pretty much sickens me. i think
i'm guilty of using this to encourage others too, but... i dunno why, just
a pretty sickening line. kind of like a lame excuse gone really bad... Anyway,
in short i wasn't very enthusiastic and sort of ignored them.
The absolutely stupid part
is, how i always feel so guilty after behaving badly, and wanting to make
it up. But the next time it'll happen, my parents will be nice, i'll be an
asshole, and i'll start feeling guilty again. its a cycle which happens over
and over again, and i think parents are the only people who can endure this
kind of shit. The ironic thing is, i'll always be nicest to the people who
are almost strangers to me, but i'm an ass to people who care for me the most...
damn screwed up situation..
Sunday June 2 2002
I have totally no guts. period. but i do have a
digital camera to soothe my abused ego.
By the way, new "Photos"
Tuesday May 28 2002
100 days! since i started on this website. COol....
Thongy affair Damn
embarrasing lah.... got home after shopping yesterday to find out that the
pack of underwear i bought were thongs!! Didn't notice the small print at
the side when i bought... Embarrassment.... no wonder the guy at the cashier
counter was looking at me in a weird way... Cannot go back to change it too,
cos i threw the receipt away.... Damn... Better not let my mother see, lest
she thinks her son's turning queer.
Monday May 27 2002
The Boot Hai... gotta get out of this house soon.
Been ceremoniously shown the door. Seen it coming for quite a while, especially
after my bro's marriage. Gotta give the newly weds some space to live their
new life. Luckily for me, they'll be gone to US for about 9 months, gives
me some time to get my PR, then share and buy a smaller flat with my sis,
preferably in the area where i am now. Good in a way i guess, i think we were
starting to get on each other's nerves. It would have been better to stay
apart and maintain a good relationship, than to bitch it out in communal close
this yesterday, pretty nice. Effects seemed a bit fake and amateurish at some
point, but still enough to get a few wows out of me. Didn't like the way in
which he goes saying, "like all great stories, there was a girl involved...",
but i'll leave that argument for another day. Not gonna go in detail about
plot, i'm sure most people watched it already.
Kirsten Dunst, is over-rated
in the movie, i think. Sure she's grown a lot... but not pretty lah.
I thought the hover-craft, missile shooting thingy which the green goblin
rode was pretty cool though.
Friday May 24 2002
One thing i gotta admire about the government departments
in Singapore. They're hell of efficient. Went to do my EP and convert my driving
license at 2 different places today. Spent about half an hour at SIR waiting
for them to process, then just about 15 minutes at the traffic police to convert
the license. Very fast... I actually expected to wait a few hours. Kudos to
Blown out of the sky Still
pretty pissed about it. but there's nothing much to do now than to make the
best of my situation. One good thing i guess is it forces me to be more serious
in what i am doing now. Have to admit i had been slacking off a bit, now gotta
buck up. Shitty yes, but not the end of the world.
up with loe and KL for dinner, good as always to meet up, loosen up and hang
around. Kinda funny when I was describing to them about this sleepover at
sentosa i had, and they both knew at which point i started on the piece i
wrote on a previous post. Hahaa u guys are good...
Thursday May 23 2002
Mayday Mayday! Just got screwed so badly.... so
so badly.... *sigh*.... i'm still pretty much in shock that it could happen.
Received a call from SIAEC HR this afternoon, bad news indeed.... Apparently,
management decided to not select any candidates from the last round of interviewees....
seems they want to conduct another round of interviews with different criteria.....
HUH?? WTF?? u made people
go through 3 rounds of interviews, even spent money letting people go for
a medical checkup, then tell them that you've made a mistake, and that you're
going to start over???? "Yes, i'm sorry, its a management decision."
This is way screwed up man.....
At least i'm glad i didn't go fire off my mouth and tell people where i work
that i've got an offer.... damn fucking screwed up
Monday May 20 2002
Old Rocker Was talking to this new colleague of
mine who was in his 50s. Apparently, he was quite the rocker in the 1960s,
had a full time band for about 7 years. Anyway, he was criticising everybody
in his band for not putting in enough effort, and being lousy etc etc... I
remember one line very vividly... hehee... here goes, "....the worst
one was the bass!..... didn't know his chords at all, keep on just looking
at me and copying what i did....... useless!!" heheee... the way
he said it was damn funny... struck a chord pretty close to home too.
Feel, don't think. Let
the force flow through you I
miss the original Star Wars. Maybe its because i watched it when i was still
a kid, and the magic somehow felt a lot stronger and i was a lot more easy
to impress. But somehow, the new episodes that are coming out just don't carry
that particular magical quality which will make me wanna move things with
my force powers, use mind tricks on people who irritate me and have me, as
quoted from joe, making 'stoopid lightsaber sounds' ....
Well... watched the much awaited
Episode 2 over the last weekend. Lots of eye candy i agree. Very nice lightsaber
battles. Totally enjoyed the major battle scene where the Jedis were surrounded
and outnumbered by the droid army. The major battle between the clone army
and the droid army, however was pretty senseless, and looked to me like a
scene from Starship Troopers. Master Yoda's lightsaber antics was kinda interesting.
Soft spot i always had for him, most interesting, the way he talks.
I'm gonna share something.
When i first heard that Yoda will be fighting, i had a mental image of how
his fight will go. I thought since given his size and age, there will be constraints
on how he moves, so i thought Lucas will actually let Yoda control his lightsaber
through his mind powers. So basically, Yoda will just be standing still with
his eyes closed, then his ligthsaber will just be dancing around in the air
around his opponent. I also thought it would be cool, if Yoda's lightsaber
will be a shorter version of Darth Maul's double bladed lightsaber, and that
Yoda will control 3 of such lightsabers, which will be moving around the air
againts his opponent at the same time.... I thought that will be damn cool...
I mean, he IS the MASTER right??
Ok anyway, back to the plot.
For much of the love plot between Anakin and Padme, i thought i was watching
something straight out of some teen drama like Beverly Hills.... This is one
thing i was pretty pissed with Lucas for... Star Wars was never really about
this kind of love. Love in the original episodes was subtle and nice. This
is just too straight in your face. Not to mention the lousy lines they spew
out.The whole way in
which they tried to show how Anakin is going to the dark side is not exactly
very convincing either.
One thing which enthralled
me in the original episodes was the emphasis on how one must not give in to
the dark side, and how easy it is for someone to turn bad. It was this and
the idea about trusting and acting your instincts which gave a wholly mystical
air to Star Wars. (Actually i think it sort of inspired me to do the same
in my own life.) I don't know about how others think, but i just do not feel
that coming from episodes 1 and 2...
Well, in short, quite disappointing
and forgettable... just like any other sci-fi action flick....
Tuesday May 14 2002
updating frequently cos
too tired when i get back... i understand now why most people just go straight
to sleep. Not much things to say anyway, since the all consuming thoughts
that come now are always concerning work... i'm sure its kinda boring to read
the same complaints again and again.
I'm flying, Jack, I'm flying!
The interview went a bit different from all the
others i've been to. For a pretty big portion of time, i was discussing psychology
with one of the interviewers. He was saying how psychology is being undermined
by genetic science, about how geneticists have discovered specific genomes
for specific character traits and psychology is now irrelavant. And i was
trying to explain for the whole nurture vs nature argument...
Yeah.... i thought it was
pretty weird too...
In any case, i guess it went
pretty ok. left the place at 12pm, got the call from their HR department 3
hours later :) Dunno about the pay package yet though, and i still have time
to make my decision. Cool lah....
Thursday May 8 2002
Big Boss' Daughter Damn.... this poly girl who came
to be attached under me today turned out to be some big director's daughter....
damn sucky.... there i go all eager to meet her. Then it turns out to be some
big shot's daughter and i have to do their babysitting for them.... would
have been better if not for the fact that she's pretty tomboyish, and looked
strong enough to easily outwrestle me to the ground.... but then again, she's
a computer geek and gamer, so she's quite cool lah.... but.....WHY
My boss is
this 38 year old unmarried woman. There is just something about being relatively
old and unmarried which drives women to be quite mentally unbalanced, and
i think unhappy. In the beginning, i quite liked her, she would come down
talk to me... chit chat, etc etc. Now however, i find myself losing a bit
of respect for her as i talk more to her. For one thing, she keeps saying
she hates gossiping and office politics, but everytime she talks to me, she
keeps harping on what other people do, and gossiping behind their backs....
and despite her cheery exterior, i get this feeling that she's pretty bored
and unhappy... Incidentally, there's quite a number of unmarried women in
their late 30s in my office.... Imagine the combined power of so much raging
and unsatisfied hormones...
Paper Qualifications are
important..... I think it sucks when you have a lot of working experience,
but have to listen to very much younger people with more education than you.
There is a very real and big class divide here. People without the relavant
education is going to be downtrodden all their lives. Deviants from the norm
do appear now and again, but its pretty rare. From what i see now, there are
people who struggle all their lives just to get a miserable semi managerial
position... i have this security guard under me, who used to do office work
before, and i can sort of tell that he's uncomfortable when i tell him to
do stuff... its like, he's nearly 40+, old and experienced, but he has to
listen to someone like me.... Its real sad.... not to mention pretty uncomfortable
for me too.
interview next week! woweeee!!
Friday May 3 2002 -job
Bothers me how people in small companies with small
responsibilities and very little pay can be so political and such. its sickening.
everybody's telling me to be careful of such and such person, telling me what
this fella did to this fella, and that i have to be careful they would complain
about little stuff i did to the boss up above. Especially since i'm new and
totally blur. damn frustrating to hear, even more sickening when people start
chumming it out with other people whom they have just condemned. Maybe this
is just human nature, maybe i do it too without realising it.
So friendly on the surface,
but all the hidden snickering underneath. welcome to the real world? i decided
i am not going to care abt all this, just do my job, be careful, if pple gossip,
so be it lah... i dun think i'm gonna stay long here anyway. All the talk
about wanting to change the department's directive from the guy who hired
me seems to be a whole load of crap, so far no change. Talk cock only. Hire
me to make him look pretty.
Ahh... crap man.... even if
there are babes around, doesn't really justify me staying and wasting my time.
Lets hope i earn my wings.
Wednesday May 1 2002 -Luke,
Wah Si Lin Lao Peh
Received this damn funny Star Wars spoof yesterday.
Imagine Star Wars, in HOKKIEN! Super damn funny. Laugh like hell whenever
i listen to it again. Goes like this:
Darth Vader :
Luke, Wah si Lin Lao Peh
Luke Skywalker : Boh Ko leng! boh ko leng! Wah
lao peh si liao!!
Darth Vader : Lu kaki sio kua mai, lu jiu eh
chai yah si chin yeh!
Luke Skywalker : Aaahhhhhhh!!!
File is too big to upload,
icq me for it..... confirm chio kah peng!!
Monday April 29 2002
Globalization of popular culture undermines traditional culture in societies.
Discuss. Feels like GP all over again man... Answered
this question for this written test i had today for SIA. This was the only
question i think i could do, the others were asking about ecommerce and market
forces, pretty foreign concepts to me. Damn tiring, the whole test was 6 freaking
hours, nearly fell asleep after the essay. The rest of the test were mcqs
on critical thinking, some math questions, and something like an IQ test.
to say, i think i probably screwed up the math part. Cannot lah... Calculate
interest on bank XX on interest rate of YY% for account ZZ. HUH?? 1 orange
costs $A and Ahmad got X dollars and Ah Meng got Y dollars, how much more
must Ah Meng earn to buy 5 more oranges than Ahmad? HUH??? Can use calculator??
Yeah, like i said, i've got Dyscalculia.
Anyway, hopefully this goes
through... of the selected 7 for the test, only 4 turned up, that gives me
a 1 in 4 chance, and from what i've heard they need more than one candidate...
hmmm...if it does go through, i see ship jumping on the horizon hehe...
Saturday April 27 2002
Came back yesterday night at around 4am from supper
and a mini movie marathon on 2 shows. Damn tired, but i couldn't sleep.. Was
still feeling bit freakish from the semi-horror film i watched. Tossed in
bed, got up watch tv, finally tried reading before i was able to doze off.
i never quite had the stomach for scary shows
Raw Deal -A Question of
Consent Honestly didn't think the whole film was
going to be a 90 minute long documentary. Kept thinking "ok... when do
ugly people get off the screen and beautiful people come on?" I
quote the official review from the website :
"Lisa Geir King, a stripper
hired for the party, claimed she was raped by a student, and that his frat
house brother videotaped the incident. After viewing the tape, the police
arrested her for filing a false report. After some controversy, the police
took the unprecedented step of making the tape public. This film, which was
the toast of Sundance, includes the said video footage."
The film was, i think good
because it doesn't make a definite standpoint and allows the viewer to make
their own decisions by watching the video and making conclusions by the various
interviews with the state attorneys, lawyers, the frat boys, police officers,
the woman in question Lisa Geir King and her family. Interestingly, this
feminist group who was very vocal during the proceedings of this case, refused
to give an interview to the producers of the film unless they were paid $5000
and given a percentage share in the profits (which basically induces a BIG
'Hmmmmm..' as to their credibility.)
Ok anyway, what happened (as
i see it) was that these boys of a university fraternity house, Delta Chi
were holding some sort of initiation rite for newcomers and one thing on the
agenda were exotic dances by strippers. (all following "events"
derived from the actual home video shot by 2 cameras by the guys) So far so
good, nothing wrong with having a little fun. The guys are pretty much wasted
with alcohol, the girls come, they strip, they do lap dances, lots of nudity...
the initiation rites require some licking of certain parts... err.. go figure.
So its a wild night, everybody seems to be having willing, paid and consensual
The alleged rape happens after
the other stripper leaves, but Lisa heads back to get her belongings which
she left in the house. It becomes pretty ambiguous here, but from the video
clip she stripped, got into the pool with 2 guys, then there's this rather
generous clip of her making out with this guy called mike whom she says raped
I think the issue that comes
into question here is the definition of rape, which the film actually asks
in the title "a question of consent". If rape is sex without consent,
then most people, including me will agree that Lisa Geir King was raped. Wait
wait... before i get slammed, it isn't that simple... The truth was, the way
Lisa behaved in the video prior to the rape didn't really add to the her credibility.
From what i saw, she was nude most of the time when she didn't need to, she
seemed to be fondling the guys and enjoying it, and she said things which
could be very easily interpreted as a 'come on' for sex. And she did look
like she wanted to get laid in the beginning, but changed her mind halfway...
I guess the amount of intoxication
these people were under basically undermines all their credibility and it
is really difficult to establish as to what really happened. I doubt the people
involved themselves had a clear idea of what they were doing. I have a feeling
that they only had a vague idea of what happened, and it is only after viewing
the tapes and the physical evidence of what they did, then they started thinking
"hmmm... i don't really remember, but seeing me on the video i think
i did this because....". There's a whole lot of issues and angles to
view the situation from the video and i think everybody left the theatre with
a slightly different version of the 'truth', which i think is a winning point
of this film.
Quite disturbing at some points,
but i think it was good. Yeah, in case you think otherwise, REAL people are
fat, ugly, with distended bellies and floppy breasts. Not quite Sylvia and
Rocco if thats what you were thinking about.
once, I am actually glad that the audience in the theater watching this show
with me were loud, irritating and often laughing inappropriately at the scariest
parts. I don't think i can tahan another jap horror movie after watching
This movie starts off as a
rather promising horror movie with one person hanging himself. From the beginning,
the scary mood is set complete with dark gloomy sets, ghostly faces reflected
off computer screens and glass surfaces, and unsettling scary ghostly music.
There isn't really a plot to talk about though... this is where i feel the
movie starts going wrong. The movie is ostensibly about loneliness, about
how human beings live together but are yet so seperate and lonely and the
ghosts somehow represent a link to eternal loneliness in death. But i feel
that the mixing of the ghostly apparitions pretty much undermines the theme
of loneliness. I didn't know what to concentrate on, ghosts or loneliness.
The ghosts here looks and
move surprisingly like Sadako from "The Ring" complete with the
staggering/ nearly-falling walk of Sadako. One difference is they are usually
clad in black and usually appears from amorphous blotches of black color on
The plot here is just too
weird and disjointed to describe, i don't even know where to start. Try this
Thursday April 25 2002
Coupling Thursday 10.30pm on Arts Central, Coupling.
Pretty funny british comedy about relationships between 3 men who don't want
to get married and 3 women who do. Feels sort of like a Friends ripoff, complete
with hangouts at the cafe. The plots are pretty corny, but i love their lines.
One of the men were talking about marriage, he said "Marriage.... you
know.. its like death, you know its coming... but you get uncomfortable when
people start talking about dates." HAhaa... hilarious...
Jedi Knight Any
gaming fan of star wars would love this game. Been playing the multiplayer
for this online... damn fun... its a lightsaber battle dream come alive complete
with cool force powers... damn cool lah... I Luuuurve Star Wars
First impressions counts
Was re-reading one of my old psychology texts on
Industrial and Organizational Psychology. Came across a line which i think
would be pretty helpful to all of us looking to step into the "real world"
for the first time... i quote:
"Your entry into
an organization is of immense importance not only for the immediate satisfaction
it brings you -or fails to bring you- but also for your long term happiness....
your first job experience can affect your expectations about future jobs and
your performance throughout your career. Whether troubling or successful,
.... your first job can affect similar experiences for some time to come.
A study of managerial, professional, and technical employees of a large oil
company found that those who demonstrated success early in their career were
more likely to be promoted than those who were less successful early in their
career.In other words, employees who started out well, who had positive experiences
early in their working life, continued to do well.
The amount of challenge
your first job provides influences your feelings of commitment to your work,
your level of achievement and your motivation to perform well on the job.
The positive impact of initial job challenge stimulates a high level of performance
and technical competence that leads to continued success.
Finding the right amount
of challenge is of major importance in your organizational entry process.
It is vital that the challenge offered by your first job be compatible with
your expectations and preferences. Indeed it is crucial to you and your employer
that everything about your initial job comes close to satisfying your needs."
Hmm.... puts a bit more perspective
on my own situation, and the job i'm currently looking at and whether i really
should take it up, assuming my textbook is right in the first place......
Tuesday April 23 2002
Millenium Actress - Watched this over the weekend.
Wanted to catch at least one Japanese anime as part of the film fest... Well...
i didn't think it was that good...
Plot is in present time, and
about this small time producer, Tachibana making a documentary on an actress
Chiyoko who was famous around the 1950s. So Tachibana and his funny cameraman
visits Chiyoko and interviews her. Bits of her life unravels as the interview
continues and the memory of what happened comes physically to life onscreen,
with Tachibana and his cameraman as not so silent commentators. The movie
skips from memory to present very interestingly with several cameo roles by
Tachibana which comes out as pretty comedic.
Anyway, the reason why Chiyoko
becomes an actress was because of a chance encounter with an fugitive activist
painter whom she shelters from the police. The young and necessarily impressionable
Chiyoko is taken with the dreamy "vision" of escapism of the activist
and falls in love with him. The activist gives a key as remembrance to Chiyoko,
and leaves abruptly for Machuria the next morning, leaving Chiyoko pretty
much lovesick. Right about this time however, a film producer wants Chiyoko
to act in his films in Manchuria, and TADAAA... Chiyoko decides to accept
the offer so she could go to Manchuria and look for the owner of the key and
the man of her dreams.
This continual search for
the owner of the key is the main subject for the rest of the show. The director
of Millenium Actress interestingly interweaves "reality"
into the movies which Chiyoko does. Every single one of her movies be it ancient
samurai films or modern rocket sci-fi depicts her in a role of a woman going
to look for a man in a fulfilment of a promise that i don't think was ever
made... There's also an uncanny reference to this ghostly old woman who pops
up recurringly, invisible to others but Chiyoko and tells Chiyoko she loves
her, but hates her and that she'll suffer from love forever. The siginificance
of that totally flew by me. Something about inner demons i think.
Going into the more abstract
parts of the movie, i think the key here is symbolic of a search of a dream,
in this case, Love, but i think the movie tries to suggest it is more a search
of a dream in Life. The question here is also what will the key open? In other
words, the key is the key to what? Throughout the show, the audience
is left in suspense as to the outcome, of whether Chiyoko will find the man
of her dreams, and what symbolic representations the key has. Ahh..... here
comes the master stroke.... turns out the man died in prison long ago, and
all this while Chiyoko has been chasing after a shadow all along. But as Chiyoko
admits in the dramatic ending before she dies "after all...... (dramatic
music here)....... it was really the chase i was in love with....."
So.... all illusion crumbles,
and the movie does make a weird sort of sense... The total love part is kinda
irritating (which is why i didn't like it that much in the first place), but
i guess its a necessary distraction. Hmm.. reviewing it and thinking through
the concepts now.. it does seem to be pretty cool.. I sit slightly corrected.
Monday April 22 2002 -Waiting
Hai.. still another week to go before getting my
EP, getting a bit restless... feels like something screwy will go wrong...
Salman Rushdie Was
reading Midnight's Children by him, he writes in a very distracting
manner which jumps from scene to scene which basically left me pretty lost
and asleep on the sofa after about half an hour. Wanted to actually borrow
The Satanic Verses and see what the fuss is all about, but i should have
known better than to search a public library for it.
Thursday April 18 2002
Dinner Came home smelling
of smoke and nicotine induced bliss after dinner with Kheng, KL, Bummer, Loe,
Lian and Fonsus. It was kinda fun talking about nothing in particular, and
i guess more importantly, catching up. Finally understood what KL meant by
"nang nang nang" and his references to the 6 million dollar man....
Sorry lah, u're too cryptic. Cool, lets meet up again some time.
another take on life
I guess having
a job offer now changes my life a bit now, well, for one thing it gives me
something to aim for, something for me to work upon and towards, a 'goal'
in a sense? I remember this conversation i had with darren once, we were talking
about how a person would 'degenerate' in a sense without a job, or i think
more importantly, without a goal.
Sometimes i think about these
issues and i wonder if a job is something more than just money and well...
a job. Maybe amongts all this struggle in this money induced world, there
is a deeper meaning to a 'job'. Maybe we need a job i.e something to do, in
order to survive. I remember this theory floated by the movie Matrix about
it being impossible for mankind to live in a virtual utopia where all is provided
for and there is nothing to do but live. Maybe the whole point of life is
the struggle for survival. Without that struggle, maybe there won't be a life
to speak of.
So while i complain about
having to work my ass off for the rest of my life for a pointless pursuit....
Maybe the job, the pursuit and the struggle for survival is all that is keeping
me mentally and spiritually alive. Taking a hypothetical situation in which
one day i achieve all my dreams and desires, i would most probably lose the
will to live because i will have nothing more to look forward to. So, the
point i'm trying to suggest is that while we all strive to achieve the private
utopia where we all want to go to, the whole idea of life is the hardship
and journey to utopia, and we must never ever reach it. Or even if we do,
we have to create another utopia to look forward to, otherwise we'll have
reached the end of life as we know it. Hmmm.... am i making sense here?
I guess thats why retirees,
even when they're financially secure, feel a need to find a job or something
else to do, because thats the only way they can feel alive. Maybe this all
is a process towards the end, but never about the end. Maybe Life is just
about the journey, and the destination doesn't really matter.
Wednesday April 17 2002
Brain quite dead... too much games... gotta play all i can before i start
Sunday April 14 2002 -Random
Been staying at home quite a bit these days, not
feeling well and everything. Had all the time to read and watch DVD.
watched this yesterday. Pretty weird... interesting story and screenplay though.
Plot is about this guy, Leonard, whose wife got raped and killed. During the
"incident", he gets injured in the head and develops a "condition"
which makes him unable to remember short term memory. As such, he remembers
everything before the incident, but everything after is a clean slate. He
does remember his wife was killed, and the entire movie is about his consuming
desire to find the killer and avenge his wife.
he goes around taking polaroids of people he sees, places he's been to, and
make notes on them. His whole body is filled with tattoos with words reminding
him who he was, and what he is doing. The movie is shot in a 'backward' way,
it shows the ending and bit by bit, it slowly reveals the past of what happened.
Totally bizarre, but damn effective, i was having trouble remembering what
was happening myself.
was this funny moment, when his memory 'resets' and he finds himself running,
and he doesn't know why, so he's thinking "ok.... what am i doing now...
i'm running... why am i running..... (sees this guy running a distance away
from him) ok i'm running after him.... (chases after the guy, the guy
draws a gun and starts shooting leonard) no, i'm running AWAY from him."
Hahaa.... the situational comedy is damn funny...
The puzzling thing was the
ending. I was totally confused, turns out to suggest that Leonard's wife wasn't
dead, and Leonard has been imagining things all this while.... I don't understand...
someone who's watched the movie enlighten me please.
To Kill a Mockingbird
Finished this yesterday too, good book about prejudice,
hypocrisy, black-white inter-relationships and courage in the face of adversities
in America in the 1930s. The story is seen through the eyes of the children
of a white lawyer, who steps up to defend a black man accused of raping a
the book, i feel that the emphasis wan't really on whether the black man was
indeed innocent. But rather, the author was trying to tell the reader about
the preset prejudices of the white community and the hypocrisy with which
society sometimes conduct itself. Pretty good, recommended if you have the
time. Interestingly, i saw this book in a website once with the title "Tequila
Mockingbird", it sounds the same as the original if you read it loud....
i wonder what that's about
Yeah, its more or
less confirmed, unless i get a better offer in the next few days (unlikely).
Will start work in 2 weeks once i get all my documentations done...
Wednesday April 10 2002
Went today with Joe to buy the tix for the shows
i'm watching. So many to choose from, so little money... Quite a few of the
tix are sold out, and some of the weird ones are still pending approval of
the censorship board. I hope they're approved.
Am watching Millenium
Actress - Jap anime; Pulse
-film about alienation and isolation among youths (i think it may be a
horror film, shown at midnight..) ; Wanted to catch Japanese
Devils but the tix are sold out, and Visitor
Q and Raw Deal is
still pending on the censor's decision.
Sunday April 7 2002 -Phlegm
I hate swimming in
crowded pools with lots of screaming kids. For one thing, its damn difficult
to manouvre around, and for another, pools look a lot dirtier, with more floating
pieces of unknown origin moving dangerously near your mouth as you surface
to breathe. The final straw for me was this middle aged man, who paused mid-breast-stroke
(for one swim-pede of children swimming breadth-wise), shook his head, gargled
and spit a healthy wad of foam covered spittle into the water. I never swam
that fast in my life....
I've always tried to keep
the view that such matters were all i the mind. If you do not think its dirty,
there's no problem with it at all. After all taking in mind that the stuff
came out harmlessly from a person's body, its really not that big a problem
ingesting it right? Hell, it might even be a much needed boost of protein.
I mean, taking a look at matters of 'hygiene' from a purely scientific and
biological point of view. That wad of phlegm is simply mucus with ample helpings
of micro-organisms and bacteria, which although might be slightly harmful
to the body, would probably not kill you, it probably wouldn't even cause
Ever watched "Fear Factor"?
Contestants are required to do crazy stuff to overcome their fear. One episode
i caught required the contestants to eat a glass of earthworms. It was kind
of gross, seeing this guy who managed to eat all of them, but actually vomitted
into his still-closed mouth, and to see him (very bravely) swallow his own
puke... I mean, everybody knows (in the purely logical and biological sense)
that such stuff can be eaten since people do eat uncommonc stuff in various
parts of the world, but its just the mental state which somehow prevents a
person from doing so.
Maybe this is an evolutionary
instinct, I mean the non-desire to eat uncommon stuff. Maybe together with
instincts like the adrenaline rush and sex, it developed as a automatic response
to a situation which is there to ensure our survival (exemplified by the emotion
of disgust). Maybe there really is something wrong with swallowing that piece
of phlegm, or eating worms, or all of the other 'disgusting' things people
do. In any case, despite me trying to see this in a 'scientific and logical'
way, i bowed down to disgust, and got the hell out of the pool.
Friday April 5 2002 -Movies
Beautiful mind meh?
Watched this Oscar winning show yesterday. Frankly
I don't think it deserved the Oscar awards it was given. While watching the
show, i kept having this nagging thought that this movie is so unreal. A story
of a reclusive mathematics genius, whose theories had wide ranging influences
on the other academic subjects, who marries a beautiful wife, subsequently
goes schizophrenic and recovers sufficiently in time to get pens from wowed
colleagues and a Nobel prize.
No doubt this movie is based
on on the real life of John Nash, but the movie has i think, portrayed Nash
as a very 1 dimensional, flat character whose acting gets increasingly irritating.
It didn't help that Nash was played by Russell Crowe, who i believe tried
his best. I'm probably biased, but his character from Gladiator keep coming
to mind. Comes across as pretty unconvincing..... Jennifer Connely looks good,
but i feel that her role as the long-suffering-i-will-stay-by-you-until-you-recover
wife was quite 'flat' too. Not to mention the damn corny way she was introduced
to the people watching the show, i could almost feel the ill-concealed 'Waahhhs'
that the scene was supposed to evoke.
But, I thought the play on
the fictional characters of the 'prodigal roommate', his niece and the 'government
man in the hat' due to his schizophrenic delusions was pretty interesting
though. The idea for the portrayal isn't exactly new, but it quite reminded
me of the Matrix....
Watched this feel good jap movie last week, damn
funny. Had me laughing so hard at some points. I remember seeing a short report
on CNA about the actual school and the boys on which this movie is based on.
They were dancing on the side of the pool, and at one point pulled down their
trunks to about half of their butts and waved it in front of hundreds of screaming
japanese girls... One line i remembered from the movie goes something like
"better to be a fool now, than to feel useless all your life." Pretty
good show. Go watch.
Tuesday April 2 2002 -Qing
I didn't realize it
was Qing Ming until i went back for the weekend, and followed my parents to
'sweep tombs'. Led me thinking.. sometime in the future, i would need to do
this for my parents... but the lingering question is, would i remember? would
i even know how to do it? To be honest, I would probably have passed the day
in oblivion if my parents had not dragged me along. And even if i remembered,
i would have no idea of how to go about 'sweeping the tombs'.
Elaborate rituals concerned
with this day has stopped passing down, we stopped wanting to learn. I wouldn't
know what offerings to buy, what kind of incense sticks and 'paper money'
to buy and in what quantity these should be offered and in what order. When
i was younger, this was a sort of a more family affair, and everybody would
have to endure the hot sun and manual labour of cleaning the gravesite, but
now with excuses of 'too busy', 'cannot take leave' etc etc... it has become
more a labor just between my parents. (that i happened to come back at this
period was just a coincidence).
I could feel somehow my parents
are worried, that if they go one day, would their children come to sweep their
tombs? Or would we just forget and be 'too busy'. Its not a matter of useless
tradition i feel, that even with religious convictions which may frown on
such practices or overall beliefs on the existantiality of humankind, but
really more a matter of reassurances to the living. For even if i might not
believe in it, my parents do. And it would make them feel a lot better if
they believed that their children did too.
But, its not just Qing Ming
alone, its all the other chinese traditions which i think will dissapear once
our parent's generation pass on. Festivals and traditions like "Dong
Zhi", or even common festivals like the mooncake festival, the "bak
chang" festival (sorry can't remember the name, Duan Wu issit?). Would
we even remember them if our parents were not here to remind us of them? I
guess the underlying question is, would we do the same for our kids what our
parents did for us?
Maybe, at the heart of all
this, is the question of relevance. Other than the gourmet connotations which
these festivals bring, these dates have no other relavance in our lives. We
don't care about qu yuan and how he killed himself and the emperor in a show
of loyalty, neither do we care that Dong Zhi is a sort of pre-celebration
to the Chinese New Year (i think, correct me if i'm wrong), its not relavant
to our lives, it doesn't affect the pay raise or our exam grades. But then
again, we do 'celebrate' things like Christmas or New Year's Day, what relevance
do they have in our lives?
To be precise, ear
wax, and to be more precise, getting it sucked out of your ears. Very unpleasant.....
Keep your ears clean you hear?
An explanation perhaps?
Hmm... maybe an
explanation is in order about the previous post i made, and the recent constipated
state of this column. Hmm... lets just say that on my continuing journey of
self discovery, I've learnt some old facts about myself, which in my subconcious
I've known all along, but which i've put in denial. I can't say that i'm a
totally changed man, i'm trying to, but i think these things need a little
more time. I'm trying to be more realistic in my viewpoint now.
Saturday March 30 2002
Quite a few things have been happening to me recently...
Gotta stop writing all the crappy stuff I've been writing all along until
i can figure out some things...
Saturday March 23 2002
Met this beautiful female in the corridor of E3
when i went back to hall for a visit. XiaoQin was gracious enough to be willing
to introduce us, but she was fast asleep when we approached and was shy for
a moment. But i persisted, and soon my eager fingers were running all over
her soft young body. She had large compassionate eyes and was of a form so
frail you felt instinctively protective over her. Being strangers mere minutes
before, we were uncertain and awkward at first, but in time we made sport
carelessly amongts the cold metal super-structure of tall forbidding clothes
racks and loosely hanging laundry. She toyed playfully with my fingertips
and scratched lightly across the back of my hand, while i, being careful not
to use excessive strength, caressed her back gently.
It was a rare moment of unbridled
innocence, and me knowing that XiaoQin had a digicam, requested a physical
permanence to remember this overture by. Again he graciously agreed. She purred
protestingly as i held her up againts my chest, putting her in unnatural positions
which no doubt were slightly uncomfortable for her. I tried to comfort her
while XiaoQin fretted over the lighting conditions, requesting that we pose
over and over again for a particular shot. By and by, we were done, and she
pranced gratefully away, tiring of me and my amorous flirtations, and presently
retired to bed. It was late, and i reluctantly said my goodbyes and left for
home. She was fast asleep by then, i didn't want to wake her and left quietly,
my mind already reminiscing on the brief but memorable time we spent together,
and my heart already hoping, one day to relive this moment again.
See pictures of our nocturnal
tryst here. thanks to XiaoQin for bearing
(Note: This is really wierd...
i started out actually wanting to make this piece sound like something out
of a B-grade teen sex flick movie (with references to unnatural positions).
But somehow or other, i started spewing forth corny 19th Century romantic
literature and i couldn't stop... Wierd... But anyway i quite enjoyed writing
this piece. Reminds me of my JC literature classes. Please go view the pictures.)
Friday March 22 2002-Assorted
reading about this girl in the Straits Times today with this disorder, i love
the way medical people keep coming up with explanations with what is wrong
with us. So now, (this goes out to KL as well), when people ask me i can tell
them, not its not that i'm bad at maths, but i'm actually afflicted with a
disease calledi Dyscalculia!
ok some of the symptoms read
here that person with this disorder may have "Inability to recall schedules....
may be chronically late.. Inconsistent results in addition, subtraction, multiplication
and division.. gets lost or disoriented easily... poor athletic coordination..."
hehee i wonder what my C Math teacher would have said if this information
was available when i was still in JC. Maybe she would have been more sympathetic
to my record never-seen-before-in NJ 1/50 test score....
Shows to watch
Been catching the
9pm Channel 8 show recently Viva La Familie. Quite hilarious. The main theme
is of family relationships and this retired father trying to deal with his
children growing up, and coming to terms with their success or failures. Relationships
are developed well and i particularly like the cat fights between the elder
daughter-in-law and the 2nd Daughter-in-law. Quarrels about extravagant electricity
bills and who has to wash the plates seems trivial, but i believe could be
everyday issues that happen in some families. Totally laughed my heart out
when yesterdays episode closed with the 2nd daughter in law freaking out over
a $375 electricity bill.
Another show is Son of the
Beach, damn funny parody of baywatch. With names like B.J Cummings, an anti-hero
called Notch Johnson, and conversations that goes:
Babe: Notch, i want to make
love to you badly
Notch: Sure honey, i can make love to you, badly.
I don't know about you, but
corny humor and a high bikini clad body count works for me :) Son of the Beach
shows every Thursday midnight, on Channel i.
Sites to read I
found this site a few days
ago. Pretty good reading site with quite a few classic reads. I just finished
HG Wells The Time Machine. Will go on to Stories of Thousand and One Nights
next. Very good selection of old but good books. Got time go try, you might
want to print it out first though, reading on the monitor is pretty taxing
on the eyes.
Thursday March 21 2002
Societal values can change a person. The problem
with people who live in Singapore is that they're so cooped up in their shell
that they cannot understand or shall i say, refuse to understand why things
are done differently elsewhere.
This was what i felt intensely
as i did my secondary and JC education here. My classmates were continually
interrogating me about why, there are so much traffic jams in JB, why the
cars there emit so much smoke, why the telephone ring tone sounds like an
engaged tone, why there's no street lights along some stretches of the North
South Highway (sooooo dangerous, Singapore EVERYWHERE got street lights one)
etc etc. The reason to me was simple and clear. It is so, because it is NOT
Singapore. I think people have to understand that there are differences in
different parts of the world, and just because you happen to stay in a more
affluent part does not mean that all the other parts have to emulate your
'successful' culture and values and you cannot expect things to be done in
exactly the same way. The question here, is i feel, of hubris. Too much of
I remember telling myself
back then that I'll keep an open mind and i would not be such a person, that
i'll not be bigoted and biased, that i'll be compassionate and understanding.
I held that viewpoint until last week, when i was discussing with my father
on some of his business plans, and i was protesting on the way he was conducting
his business, commenting that some of the things he was doing was inefficient
and inconclusive. He suddenly stopped and told me "son, you've been spending
too much time in Singapore, you must understand that things are different
here.."Then it strucked me. Has living in Singapore for the past 6 years
changed me that much? Got me thinking about the person i wanted to be and
what i had become. Am i, in my father's eyes particular and complaining, and
like what a newspaper survey discovered about JB-ians view of Singaporeans,
arrogant? I hope not, but if it is... what a sad relavation...
Quite a few years ago,
I took a taxi from this Malay taxi driver in JB whose words stuck quite firmly
in my mind. He first asked me what i wanted to do when i grow up. i told him
dunno, maybe business. Then he said, you chinese are all very different from
us malays, all want to do business and earn big money. For us, its different,
we just want something simple, maybe fishing, farming... we'll be happy and
contented with that. Honestly at that point, i was thinking to myself that
this self contentment and 'laziness' was probably why most of the malay folk
are more economically backward and poorer.
But as i pondered on the question
again, i think maybe they've been right all along and we were wrong. For us,
success in life hinges on the attainment of wealth and recognition. We've
been taught to earn good grades, be the best in class, get a good education,
a good job and earn lots of money. That is our singular point for living,
and in our arrogance we laugh at social groups who do not achieve that and
attribute their failure to inherent 'laziness' within the social group.
But, think for once on an
alternative perspective. Think on a different definition on success, where
happiness is contrived from family unity, stability, and an easy pace of life
which allows one to do whatever he wants and the contentment and self fulfilment
that follows. If you think about it, they do what films like to portray as
the "important things in life" -not just success and working hard,
but things like family, relationships and doing things which you like rather
than doing things which earn you a lot of money. Although usually poorer,
they are happy, and isn't being happy one major part of life?
And yet we look down on them
for it. Maybe we've been wrong all along, that our priorities have been set
on the wrong values which gives us a false sense of achievement, when really,
they are the people who really understand what life should be and they are
happy for it. And maybe therein lies our problem, we worry most of the times
about money and getting more of it, and is unhappy most of the times when
we don't get it. They on the other hand, are not that concerned about it as
long as they have enough to live by and are contented and happy with the simple
things in life not dictated by money. Could it be that we have been wrong
(i realise that this could
be quite a sensitive issue, if any have been offended, please email me,
i'll take it down right away. I want to clarify a few points though.
1. When i refer to the malays, i refer to them as a social group based on
culture rather than on skin color. I do not believe that characteristics are
inherent to skin color or genes, but i believe that certain characteristics
are built through culture.
2. i do not mean for this piece to be offensive to anybody, just my usual
Friday March 15 2002- New
New Layout! Ok its
nothing much, but did spend me sometime coming up with it. Notice the feeble
attempt to decorate by drawing 2 parallel lines, and putting in a decorative
font for the Title. Anyway, am gonna stick with this for a while.
New sections came out. I've
put in a quote section where you'll see quotes from people I know and some
others whom I don't know. Will change everytime you refresh and I'll keep
adding in as i get it. Also put in a voting booth, will change questions every
fortnightly or so. Also did away with film reviews because I think i will
comment whatever i watch in this column anyway. Problem is loading time seems
to be quite a bit longer. Will see what i can do to solve it.
Haven't been writing much
else in this column, been in a loafing daze recently with not much brain processes
being carried out. Anyway, gonna go back JB for the weekend, maybe will have
something to write by next week.
March 11 2002- Miss Universe Singapore 2002
Managed to catch this
show yesterday, I could say that this show is all about the assertion of the
feminine role in society, that it is a celebration of the female physique,
"a celebration of feminity", and as one contestant so aptly puts
it, that it is a competition where women "dare to reign, be the queen",
and that I watch it for all the above reasons to enrich my own little personal
world with ideals of equality and "girrrrrrll powerrrrrr".
But no. Lets be honest.
The truth is, like 95% of
the male population, i like looking at beautiful women. Thats it. Human nature,
pure and simple. The 5% who say they do not, are liars, hypocrites and errmm...
Friday March 8 2002- How
did they do that??
I gotta admit, making
a visually appealing website is not as easy as I thought it was. I've been
surfing through some of the local weblogs, and i must say i'm damn impressed!
Beautifully crafted websites, with cool flash animation, nice buttons, nice
layouts.....either the people who did this are really talented, or i'm missing
some crucial step or program. Saw this blog page by this 15 year old girl,
damn nice! and she's only 15! Makes me feel damn uncool man... all i'm able
to do on this is just simple layers and text, maybe some pictures... *sigh*.
Oh by the way, i started out trying to make a weblog, but gave it up cos i
dun really have anything interesting to say everyday and i don't feel that
comfortable telling people how i feel on a daily basis.
Wednesday March 6 2002-
"Ikinai" (translated-not to live)
Was watching this Jap show on Arts Central just now,
"Ikinai". Was about this group of people who are in debt, people
who've reached the end of their lifes, and they come together to end it. The
plan was to book a tour bus, and carry on as usual, and crash the bus over
some cliff and make it seem like an accident, claim some insurance, so that
those who live on might benefit from it and start a new life. So far so good,
complications occur when an innocent girl who knows nothing about their suicide
plan comes on board. As the day passes, she invariably awakens the desire
to live amongts the suiciders. The moral dilemma is then, whether they should
still carry out their plan, killing the young girl in the process, or let
her go and jeapordize the insurance claims which they had planned so hard
I didn't manage to catch the
whole show, but at one point, one of the protaganists of the suicide plan
asked the innocent young girl "Do you know what it is to live? not just
why you live, but what it means to live?" Struck me then as a pretty
poignant statement, that to live can be so painful that a person might want
to end it. I think everybody, has at one point in time paused and asked "Is
this worth it? Where is this all leading to? Does it have to be so difficult?
Is there an alternative to living? Is it just about finding a job, earn money,
get that promotion, get a wife, procreate, see the kids to university, get
your CPF, retire, and die happily ever after?"
For a person who does not
believe in God, or spirits, reincarnation, life after death, what does the
question of not living entail? I think the answer is personal, so here is
my personal answer, the alternative to living would be a state of non-existance.
When we live, we exist, we think, we feel, albeit for a small millisecond
in cosmic time, but we exist. To not exist, thats a frightening thought. To
be nothing at all, no ghost, no spirit, no angels in heaven or whatever, just
be nothing, to not exist, to not think, a deletion of a memory, thats frightening.
What then is the meaning of
life in a world ungoverned by a 'higher being', where in the real world, doing
good deeds would not always bring good results, "bad" people don't
always end up "bad", where technically speaking there is no such
thing as morality other than the preconceived majority ideas which we adhere
to. I don't have a definite answer to that yet, but I hope to find out soon.
March 3 2002- Human Jungle
Hmm... this column is becoming
my think piece for whatever i'm reading or watching... realized that whatever
thoughts comes into my mind, I gotta put it down on paper fast before the
'feeling' passes. Watched Amelie
about a week back, splendid movie which made me pause for thought. Actually
had a lot of things to comment, but procrastination has made me forget most
of them. No worries however, got the dvd rip. Will write after I finish watching
Anyway, what I'm writing now
is in relation to this book I'm reading now called "Human Jungle".
Its about how human beings have adapted to living in the city. It outlines
things that we already unconciously know and do, but its interesting to see
it explained in a more scientific and logical manner.
Really interesting things,
for example the "middle distance stare" which we all adopt when
we're walking in the street, is actually a defence mechanism which we adopt
to prevent overloading our senses. Because a glance or stare is a prelude
to a verbal conversation, if we look at everybody we see on the road, we might
be seen as trying to talk to all of them, which is impossible given the amount
of human traffic which will pass by, i.e overloading our senses.
Another thing which I found
interesting was that we as a city community have developed a certain system
of doing things. Even walking on the streets is systemized, try walking on
the street at 8am in the morning in the city area, and you notice that there
are strict conventions going on. People walk only on one side of the street,
and people keep the same pace in order to cooperate in getting somewhere fast.
When people enter the lift, they invariably stand facing the door and maintain
the middle distance stare. Anything not done within the confines of the system
is frowned upon. Next time try facing the opposite direction when you enter
the lift, and see what kind of reactions you will get.
Have you ever been in a situation
when you were walking along a crowded pathway, and you suddenly realize that
you're walking in the wrong direction and you want to turn back. Often you
try to offer an "explanation" like looking at your watch, muttering
something about the 'wrong direction'. It is as if you're offering explanations
to people you're walking with, people who are total strangers. It is as if
you know you're being watched and assessed in a potentially embarrassing situation.
The explanation is that you are being watched, city people are voyeurs and
people watching is one of our dominant sport. I mean come on, how many of
you actually got a kick out of watching the Chu Mei Feng video? I'm not proud
of it but i did, and I'm being honest.
Was talking to my brother
the other day, and he was telling me another aspect of cities. The city, he
explains is very much like a human body, with diversified organs serving to
keep it alive. There are several ways to kill a body, and you do not need
to kill off every single organ or body, you just need to kill off certain
parts. Similarly to the city, you do not need to kill every single person
to destroy a city, you just need to kill off the important parts. One part
he mentioned was the sewage system. Destroy that, and the city will eventually
die... Hmm... imagine one day when you toilets don't work. Shit doesn't flush
away, you bathe and the water remains, multiply that by the number of people
in your household, and you probably won't be able to stay at your house after
3 days... shitty situation :)