www.oocities.org/SG/TANWUNHUIThe year 2007 has finally come to a close. It is now 2008. After almost a decade of uneventfulness of my life I have finally found my new found joy in life. Life has been unkind to me for past decade, it was filled with deceit, hypocrisy, betrayal, denial of the religious life. Finally after leaving the Catholic church I realise how happy I am now, things begin to look up and my life starts improving in terms of career, financial, love with my passion of the arts and music. Liken to a bird that was just released from its canary, I soar the clear blue skies, looking at the world with a bird's eye view... breathing the air that is even different when I was locked up with the idiotic confines of the Catholic church teachings and doctrines. I have not sold my soul to the devil, I just want to be free.
However the curse of the vicious cycle of unrequitted love remains. I thought I have outgrown it but it comes back to torment me, at least once a year. I take rejections badly, sometimes to the brink of losing my sanity. I am frightened and started to pen down my grief through gothic poems and proses. As years goes by, the manifestations of my sexuality surfaces more prominently and I am at my wits end in conquering it. I just hope for the year 2008 I wouldn't be cast into the vicious wheels of unrequitted love as it is always filled with unbearable pain, anguish and bitterness.
As for the question of religion, I prefer to be an athenist because inter-religion leads to conflicts of interests which eventually destroys relationships. I am want I am, I want to be myself and not be confine to anything. I believe in what my conscience in which I feel it is more than sufficient to lead an honest life.
(Hotmail): englishlords
Dawn of illusion
corrupt the illusion of my mind
as I pine helplessly in word and deed
Hopeless it seems to be
for where my heart still belongs to
Illusion of love and lusts
the fighting fear that strikes me dumb
the teardrops that cease the pain
as it twists and turn
the cruelty of the manifestation of true affections
Blaming no one but myself
The more I pine, the intense the pain
stem only by the administration of drugs
It's like a fixation
where sufferings creates sufferings
Nights goes by silent screams in the dark
under the sheets when grieving torments
So this is love
that creates tears of hurt and misery
Remembering how it begins
threatens my sanity to insanity
I remember the happy times we had
that brought smiles to my tears flushed face
The music of the falling rain
playing in the darkness
your name I whisper from my lips
Miles apart now
I have not seen you for months
but your sweet smile etched deeply in my mind
Your voice, strong and powerful yet assuring
remembering how you pacified the frightened kid in me
But I am still crying from the hurt you have inflicted upon
it never seems to go away despite the remedies I have taken
Yearning for your affections
liken to an addiction
Recovery is long and painful
Healing is slow and filled with uncertainties
But it has begin mercifully
I wish I could reborn
for where I could have start all over again
I wish I could go back to the time
where my heart was still intact
and not torn apart mercilessly
Following the diffusion of loneliness
I continue to pine for your attention
in search of desperate measures
with futile outcome
All these while
I spent trying to deceive myself
to dodge the painful reality
Under the camouflage of joy
lays the anguish agony of guilt
From grief turns to anger
and I felt myself rising to immerse hatred
I find myself losing my patience
in danger of unleashing my fury
for where the consequence is dire
Flashes memories of our happy times
staunch my dangerous fervour
Tearful nights awaits me
as blood of pain stains my pillow
only to be diluted by grief-stricken tears
It is like a curse
and a never-ending one
The mists falls with a silent sigh
cold and alone am I
the salvation which I pine,
seems so far away
It flares once, then dies,
devoured by own madness
All hopes must not endure
My heart desires no more
How could you abandon me?
for which you have torn my heart apart
it's crimson blood flows endlessly with grief
Surronded by dark emotions
Crying
I have lost my way
Sin, of all humans I was born with
Love, is a sin that spells trouble for me
Affections, is a sin that I crave for ever so helplessly
She, is whom I committed the sin of forbidden love
Forbidden Love, is the sin that is destroying me,
body, mind and soul
Despite the pain of forbidden love,
my love for her remains unchanged
Despite the hurt she inflicted upon me
my love for her remains unchanged
the sin of forbidden love shall exists between us
Ethereal, forever
FALLEN IS THY GOD
Fighting temptations
as angels shed tears of blood
Broken are the promises implored
Why God Why?
Eyes of the Saints with the Devil's caress
salvation seems so far away
The innocently born, with a guilty conscience
paying homeage to my Sins
Fallen is thy God
FATE DECREE, ETERNAL GRIEF
Shedding tears of blood
Flashes memories of the dark haunting past
bringing the felt of Shame and Guilt
As night falls, the nightmares return
threatening sanity to insanity
The silence of the night
where choir voices of the howling wind
further harden the heart of the grief-stricken
Memories long gone, but never forgotten...
Misere mei!
ETHEREAL
Night falls
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This website was created on 5 January 2006
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Disclaimer: This site is of no intention of commercial business but merely the manifestation of the author's passion of life and mood. Please read the literacy works with an open mind and respect its flair of composition.
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Website updated on 13 January 2008
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