Blood and Sand by Darkest Evil
Disclaimer: I don't own
pokemon. Hell, I wish I did.
I’ll put a WARNING here so
people hopefully don’t flame me: contains dark themes and suicide...Oh yes! And
Championshipping...references!
I give you...um...Blood
and Sand...it was originally called Epitaph because it sounded good, but it
turned out I had confused the meaning with something else and I changed it.
Uh...Ash is 17 and Lance
is...23. Don’t ask how.
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Nothing had gone to plan. The night had been a disaster, now Ash hung his head in shame as Misty looked embarrassed and wept. There was not even a moon to glow on the terrible situation between the Champion and the Water Master as they stood in the darkness.
“I don’t understand, Ash...” she cried out weakly, “Through all our travels, I thought we were meant to be...”
“So...so did I, Misty...” Ash replied, “But this is what’s happened. This is just how it is...”
Misty glared at him, then strolled off into the gloom. Ash turned around and walked back in the opposite direction. He had felt that it was somehow wrong.
But he had wanted it so much to be right. He had wanted it so much that they had things in common...
But they didn’t. Ash picked up a bottle from the ground and smashed it against the wall. He let the pieces of glass fly past his face and felt droplets of blood drip down. Just as he let the destroyed remains of his relationship with Misty strike back at him.
Ash turned the corner into the next street. He felt like his whole life had been destroyed now; one of the pieces of the puzzle had dropped into the abyss forever, never to be retrieved.
Train. Become a Master. Become Champion. Marry Misty.
Ash’s life.
The Champion wandered out of the city and to the shore. The wind ruffled his hair as he looked down at the waves that lapped against his sneakers.
Ash shakily took out an old shopping receipt and a toothpick from his league jacket. He dipped it in the blood on his face and slowly wrote on the receipt, then put it back in his pocket.
He saw the sorry look on Misty’s face as the tears of guilt streamed down and Tracey, her second choice of boyfriend put an arm around her.
He saw the looks on the faces of the Elite Four. Lorelei white with fear. Bruno with furrowed brow. Agatha with head bowed in sympathy. And finally, Lance, with an expression of pure shock and that hidden emotion engraved into his face...
Ash walked off along the beach, into the distance.
Then nothing else was seen of the Champion.
Kanto League Champion disappears, assumed dead
“But why?” Lorelei wailed. She threw the newspaper to the ground and sat down with head in hands. Agatha hugged her in empathy.
“I know.” she said softly. “I don’t know why. He was such a nice boy.”
“Stop saying was!” Lorelei cried. “He HAS to still be alive! I saw him before his date with Misty! He seemed happy with life!”
“Nothing said he committed suicide.” Lance said, coolly. “He could have been involved in a riot, or murdered. Also, people don’t just kill themselves, it takes months. We just don’t know...”
Lorelei whacked the tabletop. “HOW can you take this so calmly, Lance?” she screamed at the Dragon Master. “Ash Ketchum, the league Champion is probably dead, and definitely missing! Are you happy about that?”
Lance looked at the ground. “No.” he replied. “I’m certainly not happy about Ash Ketchum disappearing.” Then he left.
In his room, Lance sat down and slumped over his desk. He never showed his true emotion. In reality, he would be crying. But Dragons don’t shed tears.
He felt the pendant around his neck, running his finger along the dragon’s wings and its arrowhead tail. He looked at the little silver figure to notice that its heart was glowing with harsh red light.
Yes, Lance’s heart did hurt...but why?
The world was so calm again. Viridian city seemed to be dead in the morning sun and a thin covering of silvery cloud spread across the sky. A Dragonite swept through the air near the shore like a bird of prey, looking for something. Its rider scanned the area.
“Once more, Dragonite,” Lance said and the pokémon circled again. Past the entrance to Viridian city...near the forest...around the dunes...then he did see something, on the sandy beach...
Dragonite gave in to his master’s demand for it to fly down closer to the sea. He landed in the shallows and Lance jumped off. He moved over the sand in the direction he had seen the ‘thing’ from the air. Dragonite sat down in the water and sighed; he hoped this was just another of Master and Ash’s hide and go seek games...
They always used to get bored so easily at the Plateau, so Agatha would play snap with Bruno and Lorelei would read a good book. But Lance and Ash had to be silly and play childish games, like Scrabble or Charades or...hide and go seek. Dragonite smiled at the memories.
But Ash had been missing for days now, and it seemed like he had broken away from childishness and security, he was serious. He hadn’t chosen Monopoly or Cluedo this time; he was playing the Game of Life.
Or was he playing any more?
Dragonite looked up to see Lance standing a fair bit away, letting the sea breeze mess up his hair and buffet his cape. Something had frozen him to the spot.c6 He wasn’t moving the slightest bit. Dragonite could tell that it wasn’t that something had attacked him, neither was it something he had heard but something the Dragon Master had seen.
The aura of death settled like a blanket over Lance. He took each of his shuddering gasps of frigid air as if they would be his last. But that was not the reason he breathed so laboriously.
“Why, Ash?” he yelled suddenly and knelt down beside the body of the deceased teenager. “Why did you do it? I don’t know why! You didn’t know why!”
Lance finally broke away his gaze and looked around. Dragonite stood nearby looking shocked. The tears in its eyes looked like shimmering pools of sadness.
“I can’t believe this...has...” But Lance couldn’t finish the sentence before the tears streamed down his face as well.
The Dragon Master hugged Ash close to him like he had lost an entire piece of his life puzzle, before he had even managed to find out where it fitted. The salty tears poured down onto Ash’s lifeless face, as Lance simply sat there and let out all his emotions.
Dragons don’t cry for just anyone...
Lance looked in all of the Champion’s pockets as if there was something there just so he could remember, like the answer to that game of Charades Ash never worked out, or the iron that had gone missing from the Plateau’s game of Monopoly months before, but there was nothing. He just found an old shopping receipt that Lance stuffed down the neck of his dragon master’s attire.
“Why?” he breathed, “Why is anything as it is?”
By the time the sun had set that evening, the whole of Kanto, Johto and Hoenn had heard about the tragic incident. Lance had told only one person exactly what had happened, minus the emotional content; a journalist from ‘The Daily Kantonian.’
The rest of the day, for all three regions, was spent in mourning. Everything was as still and dead as the Viridian shoreline at sunrise.
All of Lance’s Dragons sensed his sadness and lingered outside so as not to disturb him. He rested for the last hours of the day, lying as still as he had stood that morning.
He clutched the only memory of Ash in his fist. At one point he decided to examine it. Only then did he realize it was Ash’s suicide note.
Did you love me?
Did anyone love me?
Did Misty love me?
I know you love me.
You found me.
You found my Epitaph.
Whoever you are,
You’ll know me best.
I took my flight,
Whoever you are,
I know your tears stand out,
Like the stars at night.
In my last hours,
I took a chance on life.
I shouldn’t have.
I carelessly dropped
The last piece of my puzzle,
If I’d done the right thing,
I wouldn’t have.
Please keep this expression of my
feelings,
Though memory it is slight,
Because you are the one I should have been with,
In death do we unite.
Lance let the paper flutter down onto his lap. He was breathing heavily again, as if he’d returned to the same state he had been in earlier. He was furious with himself. Fancy someone like him finding Ash, finding this. The note was supposed to be for someone who loved Ash. What would Ash think if he found out that Lance, of all people had found his last thoughts? An entire person’s life...wasted...on a coldhearted Dragon Master...
“No...I don’t...I can’t...” Lance held the paper at arm’s length. He stared at the text, written in Ash’s own blood, not even reading it. Slowly he ripped up the suicide note once, twice, a third time. The pieces floated down to the ground and lay there alone, just as Ash was.
5 months later
“Dragonair, Thunder Wave,” Lance asked. Dragonair hurtled through the air; its body sparking with static then began pumping blue bolts of lightning into its foe. The Tentacruel crashed to the ground as an unconscious mass of jelly.
“No WAY!” the arrogant trainer screamed and stamped his foot. “How dare you? A pokémon can’t defeat another with Thunder Wave!”
“My Dragonair can.” Lance smirked with grim satisfaction. He made a beckoning motion with his hand and the trainer growled then ripped the last pokeball off his belt.
“Go, Ampharos!”
The yellow pokémon zipped past Dragonair and a sudden blast of light pulsed across the gym. Dragonair bellowed in rage and blindly used Slam, which knocked Ampharos away. Lance’s opponent hollered in shock.
“N...no! I trained! I really did...I...”
“Didn’t train enough,” Lance interrupted. “I’m sorry, but I must ask you to leave.” The Dragon Master strided to the back of the room.
“I’d never be as good as Ash Ketchum anyway.”
Lance stopped and tensed up his shoulders. “There’s something called a mourning period,” he snapped.
“Well you’ve had a bloody long one.” the trainer replied and stalked out.
Lance sat down on the steps and put head in hands. It was true. He had had a long mourning period for Ash. He kept thinking about the suicide note. He kept thinking about that day he had cried for the Champion.
He kept wondering why...
Lorelei was watching the T.V. for a change. Lance peeked in at about 6 o’clock but wandered straight through the lounge to the balcony.
“Lance, its winter, don’t stand out.” Lorelei called. “Permanent brain damage starts at 1 degree below natural body temperature.”
“I know.” Lance looked up at the stars, glowing weakly through the grey clouds. He walked back inside. Lorelei was a pitiful sight, slouched on an armchair and staring unfocused into the screen.
“Some weird riot in Celadon.” she mumbled, as if expecting Lance to hear her.
“Why’s everything so depressing?” he groaned and pulled his one man game of Cluedo towards him.
“Your favourite question is ‘why’, isn’t it?” Lorelei said, but he didn’t answer. Lance was staring at the board. “What is it? Stuck already?”
“No...it’s just; I’m positive Colonel Mustard was there!” He pointed at an empty space about 10 spaces away from where the yellow pawn was standing. Lorelei rolled her eyes.
“Next you’ll be telling me that Miss. Scarlet was the one who used the dagger in the Laundry, not Professor Plum.”
Lance scowled. “There isn’t a Laundry.”
“Ballroom, then.” She turned back to the T.V. Lance commenced his game. “Why not get Bruno to play with you?”
“Anyone but Bruno...” Lance moaned and moved Mrs. White. “Besides, I want to play alone.”
“Fine by me.”
Lorelei turned the T.V. off at about 11 at night and retired with a yawn. Lance still played the same game of Cluedo under the light of a lamp. Everything was dark outside, even though the cloud had cleared away and the stars shone brighter. But Lance still puzzled over the game. He still didn’t have enough information to work out who...
“It was Reverend Green with the Lead Piping in the Bedroom.” someone said.
“Ugh...” Lance croaked and knocked all the pieces over in fatigue. “You had to give it away, didn’t you?”
He rolled over onto his back. There was something there. It lurked as a shadow in the corner of the room. Slowly it glided over like smoke and settled itself into a humanoid shape made of rippling flame.
“You cheated.” Lance said.
“Ok, I did purloin some of the cards whilst you weren’t playing, but it’s true. Check.”
Lance checked the three cards that had been put aside. Reverend Green. Lead Piping. Bedroom.
“Ok, you win.”
The flame-like spirit smiled. He sat down in mid-air next to Lance like a cloud. The Dragon Master looked up at the teenager with a competitive expression on his face just like on those boring days. He didn’t feel sad, because he was looking at Ash’s life, not his death.
“You miss playing them with me, so you play by yourself.” Ash said. Lance pulled one of his pained faces and looked at the carpet.
“Why did you do it, Ash?” he mumbled in a shaking voice. “One day you were there and the next you were gone. I never really realized how much I actually cared...I just wonder...why?”
“Life is Pain.” Ash said. “I made so many mistakes in it, so many wrong turns. I was standing in the wrong place when the dagger was thrown. It hit me and I just stood there, bleeding. It wasn’t worth it any more.”
“And how couldn’t I have seen what was happening?” Lance said. “Wouldn’t I have seen if you were unhappy with living?”
Ash paused. “I only just saw it at the end. My life as a trainer, with Misty was unhappy. I never really wanted to be the Champion. Then when I tried to be with Misty, still oblivious of my own feelings, the whole thing backfired on me. My entire life backfired on me, Lance.”
“You should have rebuilt it. That puzzle was too difficult for you, and then you lost the pieces. You should have tried an easier one, Ash.”
“It was too late. Even though no-one could see it, inside I was truly in pain.”
“It was Misty. Misty was the one who forced things upon you. Your training. The relationship...”
“Becoming Champion.”
“What?”
“Misty...she said that she and I wouldn’t be together if...if I didn’t become the Champion.”
“Oh, ASH!” Lance swiped at the spirit. “You’re honestly saying that you would have let Misty lead your life?”
Ash gasped. “I only realized...just then...but I couldn’t reach out and grab my life back. It was gone.”
There was a melancholy silence.
“Do you wish...you could still be here?”
"I am still here. I watch over your lives. But...I’m not really here to you, if you see what I mean.”
Lance looked up and out of the dark window. Outside the stars glinted and the waning moon shone down over everything.
“When I stood there...I thought about Misty. I thought about how guilty she would feel.” Ash said.
“Really?”
"Yeh. And I thought about you guys, the Elite Four when you saw the news. Lorelei was really pale and scared looking.”
“Sounds like Lorelei alright.”
“Bruno had a furrowed brow.”
“Hmm...Probably confused.”
“Agatha was just sympathetic.”
“Well, she’s seen a lot of death.”
“And you were kind of shocked...with a hidden emotion.”
Lance’s stomach twisted. “Really? Hidden emotion? I don’t really know what that is myself, but I know what you mean.” The Dragon Master remembered his favourite question suddenly...’why?’
“And...before I did it I wrote something, on an old shopping receipt. I haven’t discovered who found my poem yet.”
It just came out.
“Ash, I found it.”
Lance was standing about 6 feet away from the spirit. The flames that seemed to make up Ash’s gossamer body moved in a slower pattern as both of them stood in silence. Ash looked calmly at him, as if the guilt that Lance had been swallowing over the last 5 months shouldn’t have been. Lance let out a shuddering sigh like a death rattle and sank to his knees. His cape spread over the ground like a weeping willow’s branches on a still, lifeless day.
“You...you found me?” Ash whispered.
“Yes, Ash...I found you on the shore that morning.” Lance said. “But the suicide note came to me and it shouldn’t have. It was wrong of me.”
"No, it was fate. You were right to find my suicide note, Lance.”
“There are people who feel that you mean more to them. There are people who mean more to you.”
“That means you love me.” Ash said and glided closer. “Because you felt that you needed to find me. You were that worried. Don’t you remember how we always used to play board games together? It’s true!”
Lance looked away. “That doesn’t mean anything.”
“Of course it does; why do you think you’re always asking why you did things, or why things happened?” Ash grabbed onto Lance’s shoulders who flinched as a wave of chill soaked through him. “What do you think the hidden emotion is?”
Lance looked up again into Ash’s trusting, hopeful eyes. He saw a wise spasm of energy in them. This was something Ash was right on. The poem had made sense. Lance no longer needed to ask why.
“The day I found you, Ash, I cried for you.” Lance whispered as they leaned into each other’s warmth. “You’re right. In death we do unite.”
Lance freed one of his hands from their tangle of arms and pulled a few pieces of battered paper from his pocket. He put them together like a puzzle so the words were readable, the words of Ash’s suicide note.
Silver clouds stretching across the sky...
Lance woke up to find that he was sprawled across an armchair. He sat upright and looked around. The Cluedo board still lay on the ground with the pieces scattered over the carpet. The clouds had assembled in the morning sky again and hidden the sun away from the world. So quiet...
“Has Ash...gone?” Lance breathed. The clouds moved slowly in the sky as he looked up at them. “No. He’s here.” He smiled in reassurance and turned to leave the room, but something else caught his eye.
The Game of Life was lying on the ground. Next to it lay the pieces of the poem along with another note.
I’m playing the red car. You’ll have to catch up with me. :) Ash
Lance noticed the red car at the stop sign by the church. Ash had put two blue pegs in it. The Dragon Master sat on the ground and chose the black car from the box.
“Ok, Ash. Let’s play the Game of Life.”
He spun the wheel
END FIC
This is hosted by shadow/Phantomness with Darkest Evil’s permission.