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| The ppv opens showing a man in a cloak and dark black mask, with only one hand protruding from the side of the cloak, walking down a dark alley, with black-and-white scenes from SwC past taking place on either side of him. As he walks, the voice of Sean's father, Patrick, speaks in a blood-curdling rhyme...) From the depths of darkness... from the pits of despair... Rises a beast from hell, with evil to spare... He alone turns the page to the next chapter... Light moves fast, yet he moves faster... Where are our heroes... where have they gone... We thought it was over. We were so, so wrong... And as the time draws near, he unleashes his power... The End is here... Soon... all shall be over... (And when the rhyme is complete, the cloaked figure has come to the end of his path. He stares up at the brick wall, and raises his hand in front of him. Suddenly, the wall crumbles away, revealing what some would no sooner refer to as: Hell. This man walks into the firey reaches of this hellacious catacomb, with eyes blazing. Around him are steep ledges, overlooking a sea of flame. He makes his way to one of the steepest ledges, and stares downwards, toward the blood red heat. Somewhere from within this hellish cavern a wind current blows through, whipping this man's hair forward, covering his mask with his thick brown hair. He lifts his arm into the air... grabs onto his mask... and rips it off!!! (As soon as the mask is removed though, the "The End" logo sweeps across the screen. The camera then comes on in the arena, as huge amounts of pyro are set off on stage and around the ring. The audience is screaming their heads off, chanting the names of their idols, and holding up their many hand-crafted signs. The camera switches to the announce position, where Good ol' BJ, Ben Joss, and The Cat are calling the action.) BJ: Good evenin' folks, and welcome to THE END!!! Cat: Tonight, we will pay witness to... Uhm... We will pay witness to... Somebody betta' call my lawyer, cuz I can't read this damn script! BJ: ... Cat, that's a Denny's menu... Cat: So that's where that red stain came from (rubs some off on his finger and licks it off) mmm, honey dejoun. Me likey! BJ: ... 6 matches folks; Peter Pan will be facing someone that he has NEVER faced in his entire carreer, in the Ultimate Mixing Championship octagon! We will have a 6 man tag team table elimination match between the Third Rock and Star Trek casts! The IC-US title shall be defended in the first ever Semi-Ladder match, featuring 6, count 'em SIX superstars! Javex and his former best friend KO will be squaring off inside the confines of the Hell on Earth cell for the coveted British championship! And in our main event, Adio Slim has challenged any man whom he has never had a match with to a Hellfire and Brimstone contest, and if that man wins, he will be entered directly into the Undisputed tournament!!! All of those matchs are SURE to be some big-time tuna-bakers!!! Cat: Yo cracka'! You best be slippin' up off me, foo'!!! BJ: ... Cat: But right now, we begin with a triple threat tag team title TLC match! You pin to win. Let's get this thing rollin'. BJ: ... ======================= Peter Pan/Bounty vs Abel/Jigga vs ??? ======================== (Chairs, tables, and ladders surround the ring. "Turn the Tables" hits on the loud speakers as the original tag team champs, Abel and Jigga, come out to a wave of cheers. Abel kneels down on one knee with his back turned to Jigga and lifts his fists in the air, while Jigga busts out a few crotchchops, with pyro setting off behind them. They then come down to the ring and hop in. Jack Hoff then grabs the microphone and begins to speak.) Jack: Ladies and gentlemen, I would like now to announce the second challenging team in this triple threat... They are greats in the tag team field, and have made their mark in many different federations... They have a legion of fans, and are still going strong to this day... Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages... They are here, they are unlike any other... They are... THE BUSHWACKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSSS!!!!! (The crowd breaks out into a resounding amount of total and complete indifference, with a smattering of golf claps here and there. Bo and Luke charge out to the stage, throwing their arms up and down in their trademark gesture all the way down the ramp. When they arive in the ring, Abel and Jigga toss a couple of clotheslines their way, but Bo and Luke grab their arms, and then... begin licking the SwC and WECWF legends' heads! Abel shoves Bo off, and rubs frantically at his hair. He then bounces off the ropes, leaps into the air, and lands a forearm across Bo's face, dropping him down to the mat. Jigga kicks Luke in the nether regions, and then hits a swinging neckbreaker. Jigga leaps to the top of the turnbuckle and soars off, looking for a body splash, but Luke rolls out of the way, just in the nick of time, and Jigga crashes face first on the mat. Abel runs toward the ropes, swings through the top and middle ones, and hits Bo just as he got up and draped himself over the rope! Bo careens backward, and lands in a heap over his cousin, just when "Three Minutes" hits on the speakers! It looks as if Pete and Bounty are FINALLY coming out to join in this melee...wait a second... the music stopped... Somebody tell me what in the green hell is going on here!!! ("Three Minutes" hits once again, but this time, a ref comes running out and begins speaking with Jack.) Jack: I have just been informed that Peter and Bounty will NOT be able to make it to this match, due to Peter having a match later this evening, and Bounty catching a stomach virus. And so, they have chosen a replacement. Please welcome... (the ref whispers to Jack) ... El Taco!!! BJ: El Taco??? Who the hell is THAT??? Cat: Man, I don't know, but SOMEBODY BETTA' CALL MY MOMMA'!!! BJ: ... Damn you're a dumbass... Cat: Huh? ("Chimichanga" by the Senor Locos Tijauana Cabasa Mucho Deniro Mui Bueno Burritos plays, & out comes... some dude in an outfit very reminiscent of that worn by the great Juventud Guerrera. Everything except for his mouth is covered, so it's very hard to see who this is exactly, but nevertheless, he scurries down to the ring, and slips in, and the match is officially underway, with three teams... or atleast, two teams, and one man representing the tag team champions.) ======================= El Taco vs Abel/Jigga vs Bushwackers ======================== Abel and Jigga are still going to work on the Bushwackers, as El Taco timidly stands in the corner. This new guy is strangely awkward for someone who was picked to be in a title match on an SwC event... Anyhell, Abel has gotten Luke in the opposite corner, and has propped his legs up on the ropes to both sides of the Aussie. Looks like Abe is about to let out a Dustin Rhodes special! He heads over to El Taco, and acts as if he's going to hit him. El Taco shields his face, and Abel chuckles. He then sends himself at Luke, and just as he's about to land a knee to Luke's nuts, Bo GOREs him from the side!!! Damn, that was an uncanny burst of energy, especially for a Bushwacker! Wait, what's this? Bo is reaching to his face... and pulling! It's a mask! It's... it's... it's Bounty!!! Bounty was Bo all the damn time!!! Bounty high-fives Luke, and charges at Jigga. The Rastafarian Rage turns around from scaring the daylights out of El Taco, and catches ANOTHER Gore! Bounty hops up and drags his finger across his throat, signaling... something... He grabs onto the head of Abel, and lifts him up, just as Luke has set up a table behind him. Bounty hooks Abel into a front waistlock, and tosses the Abester backwards through the air!!! Abel crashes through the table, sending splinters flying everywhere!!! Luke sets up a ladder in the center of the ring, and lays Abel atop his partner. Bounty climbs the ladder and signals to the fans that it's time for the finale'! He soars into the air, and drops an elbow deep into the heart of the former SwC champ, sending the pain through him and shooting through the bones of Jigga as well!!! Bounty goes for the double cover, and... El Taco slams a chair over his back! But it wasn't enough, and Bounty just gets up and stares the newcomer dead in the eyes. El Taco backs up a bit... Bounty follows... and... Luke slams another chair over Bounty's back!!! This one sends Bounty to his knees. Luke grabs onto his face and... pulls it off! It's... it's... Jack Bull?!?! What in the green hell... Jack calls for El Taco to cover Bounty, and so he does: 1...2............3!!! I can't friggin' believe it!!! El Taco has just beaten Bounty for the tag team titles, and it's all thanks to that damn Jack Bull! But why? Why Jack, why?!?! Jack grabs a mic and addresses the crowd. Jack: Bwahahaha! That had to be the best damn swerve I've ever been a part of. Well... except for when I joined the sWo. Or when I turned on the sWo... But other than those, this is DEFINITELY the best damn swerve I've ever been a part of! Ladies and gents, please allow me to welcome you to my esteemed colleague, and brand new tag team champion partner... (pulls the mask off of El Taco to reveal- ) ED THE ELECTRON!!! Yup, that's right! I told ya before and I'll tell yuz again, You just can't trust a Texan! Well, I may've not said that before... so I'll say it again: You just can't trust a Texan! (Jack holds Ed's hand up in the air while half the crowd boo, and the other half... well, they boo as well. The ref hands the titles to Ed and Jack. I'm in a total state of shock, and I truly can't believe what's just gone on here! Let's get our commentator's perspectives.) BJ: I'm in a total state of shock! Cat: I truly can't believe what's just gone on here! ( ...Uh... ok... Well, let's see what's going on backstage...) (We head to the lockeroom of Adio Slim, where our champion is sitting on a bench with a towel around his neck. Sean stands beside him, going over tonight's strategy.) Sean: Ok Adio, as you know, there are MANY men in this company who would LOVE to have a shot at your title. And there are also many men whom you've not faced. So that doesn't narrow the playfield much. There is only one thing I can tell you that I honestly know, without a shadow of a doubt, and that is this; No matter who it is, I'm sure, no, I'm HELLA-sure that you can take any of 'em! Just go in there and bust out that Fuck-off F5, and they'll be lying in a pool of their own blood. And then you have the weapons... the fire... the barbed-wire... all things you've grown accustom to in your long and storied history. You can use these things to your advantage Adio. It doesn't matter WHO the hell it is. You've got 'em covered. (Sean pats Adio on the back, with Adio still staring at the ground. He raises his head, and throws the towel down on the ground. He walks out of the room, leaving the camera focused on Sean's concerned face.) ============================================= Peter Pan vs ??? - Ultimate Mixing Championship ============================================= (The focus changes from the Kennel Arena in Spleenfork, Oklahoma to the nearby gymnasium, where a caged octagon awaits tonight's events. A lucky few are gathered in the bleachers, as Pete stands in the middle, with mic in hand.) Pete: Alright, alright. I know that this isn't going to take very long, so just get Stythler's mam out here so I can mix her muffins out her arse and get this thing the hell over with! (Suddenly, the "Third Rock from the Sun" theme hits, and out comes... Sally Sullivan!!! To those who haven't watched 3rd Rock, she's one tough b!tch, and she should definintely put up a bit of a fight against Pete here today! She rushes down, jumps into the octagon, and leaps onto Pete, wasting absolutley NO time kicking this thing off.) ============================================================ Sally Sullivan vs Peter Pan - Ultimate Mixing Championship: Battle on the Octagon ============================================================ Sally mounts Pete, and begins clobbering him with rights and lefts. She gets off and taunts for him to get up. Pete slowly makes his way to his feet. He charges at Sally, but she just steps to the side, and he slams into the steel mesh wall. Sally grabs onto Pete's hair and rams his head into the mesh, and rubs his face over the mesh like cheese through a grater. Sally walks over to the opposite side of the cage, and then runs at Peter, and splashes him, running him front-first into the steel. He stumbles out, right into a back bodydrop. Sally gets a head of steam and rushes up the side of the cage. She leaps into the air, turns around, and lands a HUUUGE splash over Pete's prone torso. Sally pulls Pete up, stands him up with his back towards her, lifts her hand into the air, and is about to reach in there and perform a bit of posterior surgerory, when the Flyin' man mule kicks her in... the sacred area. He grabs onto her head in bulldog position, heads up the cage wall, and goes for a Dudley Dog variant, but is cut off when Sally tosses him off her shoulders! He slams face first into the mat, and Sally locks on the anklelock! Pete reaches out for something... anything, but can find nothing, and begins tapping. But, because this isn't that OTHER, supposedly Ultimate company, submissions do not count, and so he must withstand the pressure. Sally finally releases and brings Peter up by the hand, and whips him into the wall. She careens at him, and hits a nice spear... but Pete leapfrogged over, and Sally slammed her head into the steel!!! She tumbles backwards, right into a rear naked chokehold from the Mix Masta', and soon she slumps down to the floor. Pete lets go of the hold and turns her over on her stomach, and lifts his finger into the air, to the cries of the women in attendance (and oddly, some men as well...) and is about to reach in... when the sound of metal being cut is heard... it's Victoria with a bolt-ripper!!! She's cutting right through the cage, and this causes Peter to lose focus. He looks over at Victoria, and while his attention is distracted, Sally gets up from behind. Victoria steps inside the octagon, and stares into Pete's eyes. Sally taps on his shoulder. He turns around, and Sally hits a smooth inziguri, smacking him right in the head! Pete twirls around in the air and drops like a sack of bricks to the floor. Vicky picks him up and demolishes him with the Widower. She then signals for someone to come out from the back... it's Trinity!!! Trinity runs down to the octagon, and walks up to Peter's backside up, laid out body. Trin reaches into her pocket and pulls out a vibra- ... er... well, she just pulls out a "thing". Trin lifts the "thing" into the air, and drops it straight down into Pete's rear!!! The proceeding scream vibra- ... echoes throughout the building. The camera is set on the outside of the building, and the sound is still heard, causing the birds outside to flutter away from their perches, and the cars to crash into the trees. I believe it's quite accurate to assume that Sally has won! Pete has just felt the wrath of not one, not two, but THREE women scorned, and trust me, he doesn't like it. Vick, Trin, and Sally lift their arms into the air, standing over the fallen EX-Mixing Champion, a title now co-held by the three toughest broads this side of Charlie's Angels. ...Or something like that. BJ: Now THAT was what I'd call a slobberknocker. Of course, I've never actually understood what the hell the term means... But if there was such a thing, I believe THAT's what it would refer to. Cat: Yeah, you said it man. Pete really deserved what was coming to him, and I think he won't be messing with any of my girls again, know what I mean? BJ: YOUR girls??? I don't think so, Ernest. Cat: DAMNIT! DON'T CALL ME BY MY REAL NAME! BJ: Ok, sorry Cat. Ernest: That's better. BJ: Heheh. Ernest Miller: What's so damn funny? BJ: Oh, nothing, nothing at all...heehee. Ernest P. Miller: I thought so. You BEST not be laughin' at The Cat!!! BJ: Sorry... Mr. P. Ernest P. "Me So Horny" Miller: Ok, just don't let it happen agai... wait a minute... Mr. P.??? BJ: Nothing. Nothing at all. Anyhow, next up is our 6-way Semi-Ladder Match for the IC-US title. We already know 5 participants: Deep Heat, Slash, Lear, Dump, and Spunkee. One other superstar will join to this list to make this a match of the year contender. This thing begins in the parking lot, atop a modified Semi truck, with 2 ft. high mesh barriers to try and keep the wrestlers from falling off, and a pole at the back end with the suspended title. The truck will be heading through the busiest freeway in the city at rush hour, and the first to grab that belt is declared the champion. Ernest "Goes to Camp" Miller: Let's do this! BJ: Bwahahahaha! The Cat-on-a-Hot-Tin-Roof: WHAT THE HELL IS IT?!?! ===================================================================== Deep Heat vs Spunk Monkee vs Lear vs Slash vs Dump vs ??? - Semi-Ladder match for IC-US title ===================================================================== (We head out to the- WHAT THE HELL?!?! Just when we went to the parking lot, Adio was walking along, when a white Hummer speeded by and SLAMMED into the champion! Adio rolled over the hood, and fell to the cement. What shall happen to the main event now??? But, we have no time to go over this, as the IC-US title match is begginning. Lear, Slash, Heat, Dump, and Monkee are all atop the semi, when... DEATHSTAR runs out and jumps onto the truck! Deathstar is the 6th man!!! And so the match begins!!!) ===================================================================== Deep Heat vs Spunk Monkee vs Lear vs Slash vs Dump vs Deathstar - Semi-Ladder match for IC-US title ===================================================================== The truck begins to shift into gear, as the 6 participants stare eachother down. The truck is pretty wide and long, so the superstars have a bit of room to work around. The garage door lifts, and the truck heads out and onto the road. Deathstar kicks things off by landing a Lou Thesz press on Heat and ramming his fists into Heat's forehead. Meanwhile, Slash and Dump are doubleteaming on Spunk. Slash whips Spunk into the barricade, he bangs his back into the metal, and stumbles out a bit. Dump lifts him up into a gorilla press, and drops him down into Slash's waiting arms, right into a bulldog. Slash hops up onto the barricade... what in the hell is he trying to do here?! The semi is now heading onto the freeway, and Slash is in extreme danger! He strains to keep his balance, and finally leaps into the air, and attempts to land an elbow on Spunk, but the Spunkinator rolls out of the way, and Slash hits his elbow hard on the hard roof! Spunk reaches down and grabs onto Slash's hair, when Dump lands a boot to Spunk's head from behind. Spunk wobbles over to the barricade and latches on, but Dump continues to put the boots to work. Dump picks up a steel pipe off the roof, and swings it towards Spunk... but he rolls out of the way at the last second, and the pipe bangs off the barricade, and over. It flies through the air and smashes an oncoming car's windshield! Dump turns around, right into a belly-to-belly suplex from Heat. Heat stands by the corner, and as soon as Dump rises, DH charges forth with the Gore... but Dump hops to the side, and uses Heat's momentum to cause his head to bust the left barricade!!! Heat falls off the side, but hangs onto the edge with his fingers, grasping on for dear life. Dump heads up to the top of the semi's car, and when a stoplight whizzes by, Dump jumps up, swings backwards, then forward, and goes for a splendid cross-body... but Spunk hits the Sweet Chin Music right in mid-air!!! Dump slams to the floor, and Spunk helps Heat up. ...Right before clotheslining him off! Heat flails his arms about as he soars through the air... and slams into a pine!!! The truck continues its path through the busy city whilst the action rages on. Deathstar hooks onto both Dump and Slash's throats and chokeslam them both off the back of the floor bed, flying through the air, and rolling along the pavement. The sound of metal hitting flesh can be heard as the camera is still focused on the intense brawling atop the semi. Lear is going to work on Spunkee, while Deathstar sets the ladder up under the belt. Lear whips Spunk towards the semi's car, but Spunk hops onto the roof, and leaps backwards, landing a cross-body splash to the Gothic Diva... Fortunately for her, she scouted it out, and transformed it into a body slam! Lear raises her hand into the air, and then jumps ontop of the car. Spunk slowly gets to his feet, and Lear leaps off. She hooks her legs over Spunks shoulders, and tries for the dragonrana, but Spunk reverses it into a HUUUGE powerbomb!!! Spunk jumps onto the car himself, and then leaps off and SLAMS the Ejaculator all over Lear. Deathstar is about to grab the title, when... Deap Heat comes out of nowhere and GORES THE LADDER!!! Deathstar plummets to the floor bed. Deep Heat resets the ladder, and climbs it himself. He reaches one hand out to grab the strap... but Spunk climbs the other side, and drives him off with the Spunk Bottom!!! All three men are laid out in a heap. Lear slowly comes to her senses, and draws energy from some source deep within. She stands up, and resets the ladder for a third time. Lear, the Goddess of the Dark, the Princess of Poison, the Queen of the Damned, gathers strength, and slowly but surely climbs the ladder... rung by rung... inch by inch... until she is a hair away... she reaches up... grabs on... and pulls the damn thing down!!! LEAR IS THE NEW IC-US CHAMP!!! BJ: (Back in the arena) OH MY HEAVENLY HICCUPS WITH A STAR-SPANGLED SPANIARD!!! Lear, a WOMAN, has just won the IC-US title, and she's a WOMAN!!! Cat: Amazin' man, simply amazin'. BJ: Did I mention she's a WOMAN?!?! Cat: Yes... yes, I believe you did... BJ: WELL SHE IS! A woman, that is. Cat: Ok, we get the point. BJ: BUT SHE WON THE IC-US TITLE! AND SHE REFERS TO A WOMAN! AND SHE's A WOMAN!!! Cat: Yeah... BJ: CUZ SHE'S A WOMAN!!! Cat: And you call ME a dumbass... BJ: Huh? Cat: Nevermind. (The semi heads back to the arena and pulls into the garage. Lear holds the title over her shoulder as she stands atop the semi's car, breathing in deeply, & exhaling, before jumping off the semi & landing on her feet. Suddenly, Sean comes by and grabs the title and takes it back to Deep Heat because... uh... he had his foot on the ropes. And so, DH is still the IC-US champ.) ============================================= 3rd Rock vs Star Trek - 6 man tag team table elimination match ============================================= (Jack Hoff is standing in the middle of the ring, with mic in hand.) Jack Hoff: The following match is a 6 man tag-team tables match, pitting 3rd Rock against Star Trek. First, they hail from a planet far, far away, and have come to earth on a mission of learning. Dick, Harry, and Tommy - The Sullivans!!! (Suddenly, the big screen comes on, showing the Sullivan family laid out in a heap of tables backstage. Kirk, Spock, and Scotty come upon the bodies, and turn to the camera.) Kirk: This...is the... worst tragedy... that has ever befallen... this great sport. Spock: But Captain, signs report that the attackers were- Kirk: Us! Yes... they were. Or... we were... whichever the case. Spock: The diagonal point of the triaxolon prupulsion is therefore biased towards the greatest odds which rely on their source. We cannot bear witness to such odds, and force through the axis of the 360o turnstyle. It is unreliable. Kirk: What? Spock: I dunno, I just thought it sounded cool. Kirk. Ah. Well... it is... time to head... to the ring, for we... have won. Scotty: Damnit Captain, I'm a doctor, not a wrestler!!! Kirk: We... have won. Scotty. Oh. Then let's go out there and claim our prize, eh laddie? (And so the three men head out to the ring. But as soon as they come upon the curtain, they are whacked from behind with a bat! The camera pans towards the attacker, to reveal... Shadowman! He's wearing a "Kick it to Da X" shirt, and leather pants. Atop his head is a backwards "Get the C out!" cap. Shad walks through the curtain, with bat firmly in his grip. "X Gonna Give it to Ya" blasts over the speakers as Shad stands atop the stage, with the fans booing and hissing at the ex-X leader. He slowly saunters down the ramp and slides into the ring. He poses at each turnbuckle, and then grabs the microphone from Jack Hoff. He flips the bird at all the fans, and then begins to speak.) Shad: I shoulda known. Yet again, that damn Shane has messed with me, this time by not even giving me a damn match at his ppv! Well, no matter. I am going to sit in the middle of this ring until I am given a match!!! So all yallz can just: X YOURSELVES!!! (Shadow grabs and chair sits down for about 10 minutes, until the big screen comes back on and shows Shane himself standing in front of the Buzzsaw interview set. He has that trademark smirk across his face.) MB: Hey yo! So, you want a match, eh? Well, if you'll head up the bleachers, you'll find your opponent. But listen to me. If you want to win, you're going to have to toss him off of the rafter. And that's exactly how your going to lose! (Shadow stares at the screen until it shuts off. He then sprints up the bleachers, and into the shadowed rafters. Darkness consumes everything up there, so noone can see Shadow, or whoever his opponent is. Finally, a spotlight shines to the ceiling, and the oppoent is revealed. He is... STUNG!!! Stung, and his black bat! But from clear out of the blue, another black bat hits Stung over the head, and he is sent plummeting 60 feet to the mat below!!! Stung crashes through, leaving a giant hole. The figure with the black bat steps out from the shadows, and he is... Gary Coleman?!) BJ: Oh... my... God! Gary Coleman just hit Stung over the head with a bat!!! Cat: SOMEBODY CALL MY MOMMA!!! BJ: Why, may I ask? Cat: Yes, you may ask. BJ: Ok. Why? Cat: Cuz I think I hit my knee on the desk, and I want her to kiss my boo-boo. BJ: ... (In the rafters, the spotlight catches Gary stepping to the side, and along comes... Shadowman! Shadow crotch-chops the fallen Stung, and then high-fives Gary. Coleman then rips off his "Whatchoo Talkin' Bout?" tee to reveal an X shirt!!! He holds up the X sign, and "X Gonna Give it to Ya" plays on.) BJ: I can't believe it! It looks as if Gary Coleman and Shadowman have joined forces! Cat: Now THAT's what I call the X-Men! BJ: Yup. Cat: Get it?! X! Both of their names end in "man"! The X-Men!!! BJ: Yeah, I get it. Cat: Like the X-Men comics and cartoons and movies!!! BJ: DAMNIT, I GET IT!!! Cat: ... BJ: Sorry, but you can get annoying sometimes. Cat: ... BJ: Let's head backstage. (Adio Slim is backstage, being bandaged. The medic continues to protest Adio continuing with his match, but Adio vehemently proclaims that he will still be able to take on whomever it is. The medic finishes taping around Adio, and Slim hops up, and shakes his hand.) Adio: Trust me. I've got this all handled. Cuz I am that high-flyin', 6-1-9'in somethin' or 'nother! (Adio smiles broadly, and then walks off-screen. The camera switches to another area backstage. This time, to JVX's lockeroom. Javex is sitting on a chair, with title in hand. He stares at the reflection looking back. He likes what he sees. He then looks up at the camera.) JVX: This is what I breathe for. The gold. The prestige. I need it to survive. I need the title to make a living. It, and it alone, drive me to all heights, destroying any competition in my way. And tonight, I am scheduled to face my best friend. Well, in this game that we play day in and day out, there ARE no friends. So KO, watch your back. Tonight, someone's coming to end you. Someone's coming to stop you dead in your tracks. Who is he? I AM... ============================================= Javex Valerius vs The KO Kid - Hell on Earth for British title ============================================= The camera is set on the ring, where the cell is lowering. As soon as it meets the ring, pipes are attached to the sides. These pipes will pump water into the cell at a random point in the match, forcing both men to scramble for the title. "Otherworld" hits on the speakers, and Javex comes out to a standing ovation! He has his strap resting across his shoulder, gleaming in the light. He makes his way down the ramp, when KO rushes down and mounts him from behind! Javex snapmares KO over his shoulder onto the steel ramp and drops the belt to the side. JVX then climbs the steel ppv structure, in the shape of a pendulum, and makes it all the way to the tip-top of the structure. He looks down at KO, and crosses his heart. He then leaps off the pendulum, going for a twisting 360 swan splash, but at the last second, KO nips up HBK style, and flies down the ramp, and rolls into the cell! Javex crushes his body into the stage, and you can hear the sound of broken bone all across the arena. KO, inside the cell, gets out a pair of pliers. He then smashes them repeatedly over a nearby pipe! The pipe begins to dent, until it breaks, and a flood of water streams into the cell!!! Meanwhile, the Deite's Dragon is regaining his senses, and miraculously stands to his feet. He sees his title slipping away, and so he runs down the ramp, and gets into the cell as fast as possible. The water is already up to KO's waist. Javex grabs onto KO's throat with both hands, and veils him into the wall. Javex then runs up the wall, leaps backward, and hits a massive hurricanrana, taking KO on a trip across the mat! The water has now risen to JVX's neck, and so he begins to float. As the water rises, Javex floats higher and higher, until the water takes up half the height of the cell. KO finally makes it to his feet, and swims up himself. He tries to hook onto Javex's leg and drag him into the deep, but the Dragon Master kicks him away. KO swims up to the surface and grabs onto Javex's head. He bobs JVX's head underneath, and makes him gasp for air under the watery blue. Underneath, JVX figures out a way to get away from the Bruiserweight champ: He grabs onto KO's legs, and pulls them out from underneath him, causing him to fall backwards himself. Water seeps into KO's mouth, and gargling sounds can be heard. JVX kicks him in the stomach, sending him downwards, using him as a pedestal to reach out for the gold, but he is still too far away. Javex leaps into the air for one last desperate try, but no cigar. He compromises the action by dropping an elbow right into the gut of the KO Kid. The two bob down a bit into the water, and when they come back up, they begin tussling around, tossing rights and lefts, and sending a few kicks eachother's way. Javex goes to ram KO's face into the wall, but KO reverses and slams JVX into the hard plastic. KO swims down and drags Javex down by the legs... when suddenly, Javex spears KO through the water! Javex hooks KO in a front chancery, and suplexes him into the wall, busting through it, and sending the water cascading out, flooding the ringside area!!! KO falls flat on his face on the outside. Javex runs to the ropes, bounces off, and soars over the ropes, spearing KO into the barricade! JVX then grabs onto KO's hand, jumps up on the barricade, and leaps into the air. Time almost seems to stand still as he's up there... so let's take a break. (Elevator music begins to play. "Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-da-doo-da-doo".) And we're back. Javex comes down, and hooks his arm around KO's head, dropping him with the ddt! JVX jumps up onto the apron, runs down it a bit, hops onto the post, and leaps over to KO. He tries for a frog splash, but KO gets his knees up, and Javex rolls off. KO gets up, and lifts a fist into the air. Looks like he's going for- THE KO KONNECTION! THE KO KONNECTION! THE KO KONNECTION! Which is what I'd be saying if he actually landed it, but Javex ducked at the last second. KO turns around, right into the- GLORIA POR DALORE! GLORIA POR DALORE!!! GLORIA POR DALORE!!!!! KO goes down in a heap, and Javex climbs back into the ring. He brings out a ladder from under the ring, one of those huge 20ft. ones, and places it under the championship. JVX climbs up the ladder, rung by rung... grasps onto the title... WINNER, AND STILL BRITISH CHAMP: JVX!!! Javex holds the title over his head, grinning the whole time, as the fans adulate their champion. KO is layed out flat on his stomach, looking to his side, at his former friend, with what KO wants... needs... We head backstage. (Shadowman is shown walking through the hallways with GC by his side. Gary stops at the exit door and turns to Shad.) GC: Ok, now we go over the terms. I'll make 10 appearances as your tag-team partner at various shows, no house shows, and I want a shot at the Undisputed title. And, of course, my pay for each appearance will be $3,000. Fine? Shad: ...You're kidding, right? GC: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Shadow? Shad: What am I talking about? WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?!?! Here's what I'm talking about: (Shadow kicks Gary in the gut, picks him up, and drops him down with a HUUUGE Shadowbomb!!!) Shad: THERE! Give Willis my regards. (Shadow crotch-chops Gary, and heads out the door to half the audience booing, and half of them cheering. The camera switches to footage of Adio heading out to the ring, ready and well prepared for his match, broken bones, bandages and all. Sean is in the center of the ring, taking over for Jack Hoff. The ropes have been wrapped in barbed-wire, and cables are hooked to the ropes in preperation for the flames to come. Sean begins to make the final ring intros.) Sean: Ladies and gentlemen, it is finally time. The time you have all been waiting for. In this match, the only way to win is by inflicting so much punishment into your opponent that they can not answer the count of ten. But first, we will introduce to you a special guest referee, just to insure complete fairness. He is a man you all respect; ... ME!!! (overpouring of boos from the audience) Yeah, yeah, go ahead, act as if you hate me. But I know it, and deep down inside each and everyone of you, you know it as well, that you all secretly wish to grovel at my feet for the greatness which I have brought to all of you through my birthchild: The SWC!!! But coming in July, this federation will change... FOREVER. But until then, (rips off his suit, to reveal his ref shirt) I've got a match to officiate! (6-1-9 hits on the speakers and Adio begins his trek down the ramp, dragging a dumpster full of hardcore tools) Sean: First, introducing the Undisputed champion of the world! He is that High-flyin', 6-1-9'in, kiss-stealin', wheelin-dealin... wait... wrong champion. He is the franchise of the SWC. Ladies and gents, please welcome... Adio Sliiiimmm!!!! (Adio tosses the toys of mass destruction into the ring, and then hops in himself.) Sean: And now... bring out the opponent! (He smiles at Adio, until an explosion of fire sets off on stage.) (A video plays on the big screen, to the tune of "THE END". It begins with three little girls playing a game of hopscotch. But through the scene, a picture continously flashes for a second at a time. A picture of half of a mask, with a dark hole where the eye would be, and a red glowing eye on the other half, where the eye of the mask would be. As the girls get closer to the end of the playing field, the mask flashes quicker... and quicker... until an explosion sets off once again on stage. The screen shows another video begginning at the bottom of the opponent's feet, and slowly going up, and as it goes up, Sean's father speaks once again.) The time is here. His time... their end... Forecasted it was, as a gust of wind... A gust so mighty, it brings death to all... It brings with it death... it brings their downfall... And now he has come, to fulfill what he said. To end them all, and to chop of their head. And one man stands before him, in vainess he tries... To stop him, the mighty... to stop all their cries... But noone, not even he, has the might to end the pain... For some call him pure evil... some others... just... (As Patrick finishes, and the picture is close to the opponent's face..., the lights shut off. The sound of crickets chirping is heard... and then... BOOOOM! Another huge explosion sets off on stage, and "Come with Me" by Sean Combs hits on the speakers. Blood red lights come on across the arena, lighting up the ramp, as the man from the opening montage comes out. He walks slowly down the ramp. He steps through the ropes, and stands before Adio. Somewhere from within the arena, a gust of wind blows this man's long red hair over his mask, and his eyes, and Adio and Sean stare at this vision of hellish glee with terror in their eyes. He pulls off his cloak and tosses it over the ropes. He lifts his hands in the air, and as soon as he pulls them back down, the fire surrounds the ring. The lights return, and Adio steps over to the corner, and Sean stands between the two men.) BJ: I have just been informed that this man is referred to as "Kruzifix". Cat: Welp, as you would say, I have a feeling that this is gonna be one helluva- BJ: Don't EVEN say it! Only I get to say this is gonna be one helluva tuna-baker! Cat: I was gonna say barn-burner, but whatever floats your boat. BJ: And with that, let's start this here match. ===MAIN EVENT=== Adio Slim vs Kruzifix - Hellfire and Brimstone: qualifier for Undisputed title tourney ++++++++ Kruzifix stares into Adio's eyes. Adio backs up a few, and begins to communicate with Sean over strategy. Adio: Sean, I think I'm gonna die in here... Sean:????????????? Oh don't be crazy. Now go kick his @$$! Adio: But... Sean: Go! I didn't cheat for you to win the title all for nothing! I knew you had it in you... so I just helped a bit. Now go prove why you're the champion!!! Adio: (sigh) Alright, whatever you say boss. And so, Adio runs toward Kruzifix... but the big man just knocks him down with a big boot! He picks up the champ and veils him into the corner, and then follows up with a huge elbow to the jaw. He repeats this a few times before choking him out with a foot to the throat. Sean: Come on Adio! You got him right where you want him! Tear him to shreds! That big, overgrown piece of crap isn't anything but a giant baby!!! (Kruzifix turns his head to Sean) See! He's about to cry! Cry little baby! Cry to your mammy! Kruzifix lets off on Adio, and begins to stalk Sean. Sean steps backward, with Kruzifix following him all the way... when Adio leaps onto the monster's back, hanging on for dear life. He locks his legs around Kruz's torso and hooks on a rear-naked chokehold. Kruz flails around, trying to grab onto the 619er's head, but no luck. Kruz walks forward a bit, and then charges backward into the turnbuckle, knocking Adio off... wait a minute! Adio leaps backwards at the last second, falling feet first on the post. Kruz turns around, and Adio hops off. He hooks his legs around Kruz's neck, and throws the challenger across the ring with the West Coast Pop! Adio jumps onto the turnbuckle, signals to the crowd, who boo their heads off, and then flies into the air as only he can, landing... right ontop of Kruzifix's outstretched boot! Adio's head bounces off and he lands flat on his back. Kruzifix gets up, climbs the turnbuckle, and... Sean pushes him off into the flaming ropes!!! Kruzifix falls to the canvas... and then nips right back up! He stands tall behind Sean as he celebrates a move which he THOUGHT put down Kruz, but obviously did not. Kruzifix stands ablaze right behind the prez, washed with flames. Kruzifix extends both of his arms to the side, in a Ravenesque fashion, and as soon as Sean turns around, Kruz kicks him in the gut, and drops him with a HARD ddt, which he calls "The Krown of Thorns". Sean is left suspended on his head with his feet in the air from the impact, 'til he finally plummets back to Earth. Kruz gets to his feet, and signals to the back for someone to come down to the ring. He begins to raise Adio up, and then lifts him up in a Gorilla slam. He moves toward the ropes, and drops his outstretched body atop the burning ropes!!! Adio begins to yell in anguish, his skin scarring from the heat, his attire melding to his body. He rolls on the mat, trying in vain to extinguish the fire surrounding him, but to no avail. Kruz picks him up, and sits him on the turnbuckle. He climbs up behind him, and turns him over into tombstone position. He leaps off the turnbuckle, and drives Adio's skull into the ring, with the move he calls "The Sacrificial Lamb". Adio lays on the mat in litterally a pool of his own blood, and Kruz once again motions for someone to come to the ring... SHANE?!?! The man himself, the owner of the jWo, and one of the two men who made this production possible, Shane-o-mac Bry walks out to a mixed reaction, some hating him for just being Shane, while some others cheering him on because of what Adio and Sean have been doing over the last few months. Shane runs down the aisle, and the flames are shut-down. Mac Bry rolls into the ring, and... pulls off his suit to reveal a referree shirt!!! He lifts his hand into the air, and begins to count: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... Adio makes it to his feet, but is still stumbling a bit. He throws a few jabs to the air, and Kruzifix comes up from behind with a steel pole to the small of the back! Adio crumples to the ground. Kruz lifts the pole back up, and brings it back down over Adio's back, causing Adio to scream in pain. He falls on his face, and slowly crawls toward the ropes. Kruz lifts the pole up once more... he comes down... when Adio swings a baseball bat behind himself, hitting Kruz in the head! The bat breaks in half, sending half out of the ring and into the audience. Adio twists his hips so he's laying on his back. He kippups ala HBK, and bounces off the ropes. Sean kneels down on his hands and knees, and Adio uses him as a springboard. Adio then lands a dropkick to Shane's head, knocking him straight out of the ring! Sean follows the former sWo leader, as Adio goes to work on Kruz. Outside, Sean rams Shane's head into the barricade, and then reaches underneath the ring. He pulls out a table, and leans it up against the apron. Right when he turns around, Shane charges at him, looking for the spear... but all he gets is a hair-full of splinters! He lays down in the heap of lumber, as Sean rolls back into the ring. Adio whips Kruz into the ropes, and upon the return, Sean drops him with a toe-hold. Kruzifix's head drapes over the middle rope. Adio spins his finger in the air, and yells "Hoodie-hoo!", and rebounds off the ropes. He rushes to the fallen Kruzifix, swings through the top and middle ropes, and hits the wine and dine, just too fine, so d@mn painful, oughta be a crime; 6-1-9!!! Kruz sails through the air and slams to the mat on his back. Sean climbs to the turnbuckle, turns facing the fallen competitor, and begins the count: 1......2......3.......4.........5...........6.............7............8................9............................... 10!!! Adio has soundly defeated the man known as Kruzifix. Sean holds the 10 fingers up with a proud smile, then hops off the post. He motions for Adio to take off the mask... when Shane rushes in and spears the champion! Sean jumps on him, but Kruz rises up from behind and chokeslams the owner to the mat. Shane quickly rushes Kruzifix out of the ring and to the back, with the crowd left booing with every fiber of their being, whether at Sean or Shane, it is unknown. BJ: What the hell?!?! This couldn't have just happened! That was a complete sham d@mnit!!! Cat: Man, somebody betta NOT call my momma cuz I don't want her to see this! BJ: Ain't it the truth! This is completely unfair! We waited all this d@mn time, and we STILL don't know who the hell Kruzifix is!!! Cat: All we do know is; 1. Ed and Jack Bull have gained the Tag Team titles. BJ: 2. Javex has retained the British championship.. Cat: And 3. Ben Joss is the fattest tub of sh- BJ: Goodnight everyone! Sean lifts Adio's hand up in victory, with Adio's other hand gripping tightly to the golden strap, as the ring is littered with garbage. THE END |
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