my lyfe & timez...
Now I would have to deal with my aunts bugging me about all my flaws, deal with my cousins stealing my stuff, breaking it, and then getting away without punishment. Also, once again, living in fear of my dad. Being afraid, wondering if he would come home drunk, or maybe I would get lucky and he would be sober, or maybe not come home at all. I had to try to act my best around him, I had to be careful not to screw up, say please and thank you, elbows off the table, and most of all, obey him. If I didn't, then well, bloody nose for me. Finally one day I guess my dad had enough of spending money on me, and said I could stay at my grandmothers for awhile. I was SO happy. I was there for a couple weeks, then something bad happened. Some thing bad that would make my lyfe better again. One sunny afternoon while I was starting my hour and a half walk back home from school 8th grade year, my dad rolled by in his car. He saw me and my friends, but he was driving the opposite direction. My friends new what kind of guy he was, and after we saw him turn around in our direction, we RAN. We ran for our lives, well at least I did. Of course he caught up, and he got out of his car, and came up to me. In those moments I don't know exactly what was going through my mind, but with all my friends watching and some other kids, my dad grabbed me and slapped me. Luckily he had a hold of my backpack, and I let that fucker off me and I ran. I just remember running, I had absolutely nuffin flowing through my mind. I didn't WANT nuffin flowing through my mind. I wanted to deny everything that juss happened. I didn't want to feel the embarrassment, or the pain. I ran to an old folks home, and I asked if I could use the phone, and I called my bro. The following weeks after the incident I stayed at my Grandmothers, with no contact with my father. While I was there, it didn't go too well. Nope. I got hit a couple times, and there was ferocious yelling between me and my Grandmother. Over STUPID shit. A lot of things went through my mind during those times. This was supposed to be my last hope, my "paradise" that I had looked forward to living in for 5 years! Why was it so upside down? Suicide was an option in my eyes, but I cared about the rest of my family enough not to do that. Over the months, my mom managed to get custody of me. Well, my father didn't even bother showing up to court, so it was kinda easy. Deja vu`? Haha. Anywayz, I moved in with her while I was 14, in Oct 2001. Its been about a year and a half since. Its been cool, far from perfect, but I'm thankful I'm away from my Dad, and what my family has done for me. I have a lot of cool friends at Torrance High, and around the neighborhood, and I'm grateful for that. I'll just wait and see what the future has in store for me. Oh, and don't keep pain bottled up inside, talk about it with someone. Also, it's not healthy ; ) If you actually read this, I THANK YOU so much from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for taking the time to read about my confusing, depressing, emotionally degrading, but none the less, happy life.
* On March 4, 2003, for the first time in almost 3 years, I paid a little visit to my Dad. I made the choice to do so. When I went to his house, I said hi to everyone, except for my dad. He didn't even look at me. He just sat in his car, minding his own business. Putting him past me, I looked around the house for awhile, seeing what changed, talking with family, when he finally came out of his car. I was in the living room when he came in. We looked at each other for a couple seconds, and I asked how he was. I gave him a hug, and despite all the harsh feelings I had for him, I cried while he was holding me. That was the last thing I thought was going to happen! So I ate dinner with them, and we did our lil catching-up. Even though I spent a couple hours there, the little "reunion" in the living room with my father was the only time me and him really bonded. I haven't really spoken with him since. Oh well. His loss.