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These are some things I learned about protecting yourself in the adoption world.
One of the ways you are tricked out of your baby is by talking you into letting the potential adopters take the baby home with them. Eventually you figure out that you don't know where the baby is, where the adopters live and no one will tell you. Don't let this happen to you. It's simple, don't let any one take your baby until you are ready.
If your baby is given to potential adopters after birth your chances of getting that child back are slim and none. The baby has technically been kidnapped, but it looks more like you abandoned the baby. You are told that by letting your baby go home with the potential adopters you are cooperating in an adoption 'plan' also known as cradlecare or fost/adopt parenting. It's legally stealing your baby. It's not open adoption, though.
After the baby has lived with potential adopters for so long the courts will grant an adoption based on it being 'in the baby’s best interest.' I'm guessing that they figure the baby has bonded with the potential adopters. Doesn't make it right but I believe that's why they let the adopters have the baby. Not to mention they sympathize with the adopters who shelled out a lot of money for the baby. Still not fair to you.
DO NOT let your child go home with the potential adopters. If you do it's over for you as a parent. The best interest of the baby is to let the natural family raise her/him.
By keeping your baby to yourself for a few days, you will know whether you can parent or not. If you CANNOT raise your child try to get a family member to adopt the baby. Although there are problems with this type of adoption, at least you'll know who has the baby.
Do NOT sign any adoption papers prior to your baby being born. There is no need for that. You are basically saying you will place your baby for adoption only three days after birth. That’s not enough time to make a decision. You haven't even met the baby yet, how can you give her/him to some one you don't know. Wait until your baby is born, then decide. By getting to know your baby and your baby knowing you doesn't hurt either of you. It doesn't hurt potential adopters either. If they want to adopt your baby they will wait, or they can
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move on to the next baby. Babies are a precious commodity, not just because they are babies but because there are so few of them to adopt, it won't be hard to find a family for your baby, if you have too. You have time to place your child after you have met your baby and learned whether you REALLY want to parent or not. You don’t have to sign your baby away BEFORE she/he is born. TAKE your time deciding whether to place or not. Don’t let anyone pressure you into deciding about adoption or not. If they don’t want to wait then let them find another baby to adopt. It's no one’s decision but your own. The decision of placing your baby and who will raise your baby is YOUR decision. Nobody can make that decision for you, but they can lie to you and you can make the wrong decision. Take your time. You can place your baby ANY time, if you can't care for the baby. Just make sure you CAN'T care for the baby. THERE IS NOTHING STOPPING YOU FROM KEEPING AND RAISING YOUR BABY. Take your time in deciding about placing your baby. Here are some signs that the adoption process should be stopped immediately: When there is a lot of pressure for you to sign papers or commit to an answer. There are a lot of adoption agencies, attorney’s and facilitators, find another one. Just like car dealers, shop around, but find some one who has YOU and your babies best interest in mind. That should be that you can raise your baby. When adopters start referring to your baby as theirs, that's disrespect for you and your baby. They can never be a childs full biological parent. Those type of adopters are only interested in what's in your belly. The don't care WHO carries the baby just as long as they can have it. You don’t exist. When they make promises that you FEEL they aren't going to keep, you KNOW they are lying. When you buy the baby clothes and the potential adoptress says 'Oh, she already has one of those'. Normally, a person would accept the gift and not say anything. You’re still in the hospital and the adoptress pulls out her checkbook and informs you she has to finish paying for your baby. I didn’t even KNOW then that they bought babies. Of course, I wondered who got the money cause it sure wasn't me! |
When you ask for pictures and you have to wait because the adopters parents in another state paid for them, you have to ask, 'what did I do to my daughter? Do these people have enough money to raise her?' When your baby is being examined by the peditrician (in the hospital) and nobody will let you in the room, it's time to rethink the adoption. You ask to see your baby and get told that the adoptress doesn't want to take her around germs. That's the statement that made me change my mind about placing her for adoption. I'm not a germ. You call the adoptress to see how your baby is doing and you can hear the baby in the background, cooing. You ask the adoptress if that's the baby (they were at her work) and she leaves the room so you can't hear the baby. What's wrong with listening to my own baby? Nothing unless the adoptress feels threatened. You have a gut feeling something isn't right. Go with the feeling. A few years after the adoption my daughters adopter was arrested for DUI. Pay attention to conversations, they reveal lots of information that you should use in deciding. When they bring up Open Adoption but the only one going for it is the agency. These promises and 'plans' are a sales pitch. Just like the one you get when you buy a new car, or appliance, it's all lies. Written or not it's NOT legally enforceable. You have NO place to turn. Done is done. Don't be intimidated by the wining and dining. Just because the 'counselor' takes you to dinner and/or lunch and buys for the whole family, it's still your baby. Remember, IT'S YOUR DECISION. It's your decision unless you fall into the trap of letting the adopters take the baby home with them or believing the lies. They tell a tremendous amount of lies just to get your baby. They KNOW the lies aren't legally enforceable so there is no limit to what they can or will tell you until they get your baby. Lastly, done is done, once the adoption is finished you have LOST YOUR PARENTAL RIGHTS TO YOUR CHILD, PERIOD. It's a done deal and there is NOTHING you can do to reverse it. So again, take your time, make sure you want to place your child. Take the baby home, see if you really DON'T want to parent your child. |