I play with death
as if it's one of my toys
and I flirt with suicide
as if it's one of the boys.
I play with my blade
as it splits through my skin
and enjoy every minute
as i let evil forces in
I lash out in public
and scare little kids
and hit people i love
just like my daddy once did.
I hate myself dearly
and i wish i were dead
but so far no luck here
my phychologist said.
my mommy says i'm bad
and i should stop what i do
but just who is she to tell me
and who the hell are you to care?
I walk infront of cars
and i stab myself daily
i get joy out of blood
but out of my unbearable pain mainly
and here's the best part,
remember i said i wanted to die?
well last night it happend
wait don't yet start to cry
i went to my bathroom
and popped a couple of pills
and within a few minutes
my whole body went ill
i started choking and laughing
no one could stop me now
and here's the best part
my death, and here's how...
i guess the pills killed me,
oh and that one final stab
i took it through the heart
and that made me mad
i hated every moment of it
and i faught for my life
and funny, mommy helped kill me
she used her own knife
she knew i liked hurting myself
but i didn't like it when others did it
so then just before i died
i called my mommy, a stupid bitch
By Shayla Marie R.
copyright 2001 Shayla Marie R.
(October 21 2001)
Somewhere inside of me
i feel there's the type of perfection
that you would enjoy
taking advantage of the moon in the night
when there's nothing between us
except soft skin and the moonlit waves.
Maybe when you're gone for good
i'll remember that i lived without you
for 18 years
but i did dream about you
every night
until my fantasy conformed into reality
and i'm waiting for the last of the candlewax to melt
so i won't have anything to pour on your skin
except tears
but i don't doubt that they'll be any less satisfying
then kissing away the whipped cream
from your chest.
Maybe a few years from now
you'll remember the picture of me
i allowed you to take
inside your mind
and you'll remember
the beauty of our midnight love sessions
By Shayla R.
(To D.E.S. Jr.)
November 02, 2002
I see you
I love you
i think you know
do you care?
i breathe you
i need you
but are you
really here?
i dream of you
i live for you
all i want is
your heart to share
tell me you cant
just walk away
and leave me
feeling bare
all i want is just one night
to help me understand
all you need is just one night
to show me how you care.
Shayla R
Copyright ©2003 Shayla R
April 28, 2003
leaving scars is my way to erase it
finally i've hit the bottom
here i stand alone and forgotten
i can't feel my skin (where am i)
i cant feel my breath (where do i belong)
cant you help pull me out of here?
should i fall into line or make this the last time?
do i stand alone or did i choose this path?
did i find my own or accept the wrath?
is it me hiding or do i find a way (my way)
to escape today
slitting through my way to escape it
bleeding through my path to erase it
finally ive hit the bottom
do i stand alone? have you forgotten?
Shayla Marie R
Copyright ©2003 Shayla Marie R
April 28, 2003