Sheelako


Sheela - Cross Dresser

Hello Dear!

I am a M2F cross dresser living in Delhi, India . I am seeking company of other cross dressers who are willing to share their life, experiences and feelings with me. Like many of us I have always been dressing in privacy. Now and then a sense of loneliness creeps in and my heart craves for someone who will share my feelings. This is an experience for me. It grows as the time passes. I have no guess where I will be but let’s not worry about that I am born with a destiny. Whatever will be, will be.

If you want to contact me, send a mail to me at sheelako@yahoo.co.in  I will try to reply as early as possible.

 

 

Last revised: on 09.12.2001                                                                                                             

 

*   About myself

*   Personal Interests

*   Story of My Cross Dressing

*   Contact Information

*   Favorite Links

*   Tips

*   Information

 

About Myself

Name                   : Sheela

Age                      : 33

Sex                       : Male

Marital Status         : Single

Height                   : 5’9”

Colour                  : Brown

Body                     : Average

Location                : Delhi

Education              : Post Graduate (Delhi University)

Languages             : English & Hindi

 

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Personal Interests

*        Music

*        Movies

*        Reading

*        Poetry

*        Nature

*       People

*       Internet

*        World Affairs

*        Spirituality

 

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Story of My Cross Dressing  

Seeds of transgender were buried inside me from birth and started germinating at early stage. The very first time it started, as far as I recall, when I was in my 3rd standard.  I used to go to a co-ad school and there was an activity class and subject was knitting. All the girls were learning knitting sweater and I felt that this knitting is very nice thing and I should learn this.  Next day I asked my mother for a pair of knitting sticks and some wool and joined the girls. No body raised any objection.  And I learnt a few steps.  I started observing girls.  How they dress, play, what they talk about etc.

One day I saw a girl with her hands beautifully coloured with henna.  I took fancy to coloured palms and one night when everybody in my family was seeping I chanced upon to have henna left by my mother after she had done her hands.  I applied henna ('Mehandi') on my hands and in the morning I saw it had turned out into beautiful colour. I was happy but also keeping my hands from other’s eyes lest they ask me why I had applied henna.  My mother and father saw that but ignored as child’s play. 

When I came into 4th standard I went to a new school and there I had a friend.  His house was close to the school.  One day he took me to his house. His father was manufacturing nail polish and he presented me one.  At home I hidden that and in the night when all were sleeping I used to wake-up and colour my nails and used to admire my hands. I used to feel very happy and at peace by doing these small things. At that time I was 8yrs old.

When I came in 7th standard, I went to yet another school.  There I saw a boy and I still recall his name –Ajay.  His younger brother P... was sharing desk with me in the classroom. Ajay had a beautiful face and body and still has. His manners were all girlish. He used to keep his hairs neatly arranged.  His hands were beautiful and nail pained in natural colour. In my heart I used to admire him. I really wished that he and I were friends.  Ajay got many opportunities as he used to take part in dance and drama on the occasion of cultural programs and annual day functions. When dancing it was really hard to distinguish between him and a beautiful girl.  He invariably used to win first prize.  Now he is married and has children.  Now when I have come to know about the phenomenon of transgenderism. I believe that he is a transgender person.  I want to confirm this from him but am afraid of his reaction.

Time was passing by and my passion for cross-dressing was also growing. I remember that I was in 10th class then I purchased a bottle of hair-remover and cleaned my legs and arms.  This was a joy to me to have clean hairless legs and arms. Along with all these queer things I was learning all household chores and being the eldest child helping my mother in her household works. My mother used to tell my younger sisters that I should have been a girl. I was happy to hear these words and deep inside I wished I were a beautiful girl.

At the time when I entered in college my younger I started wearing my mothers bra and I used to stuff the cups with pieces of clothes.  Afterwards I started helping my father at his shop and he used to give me about 50-100 rupees for my pocket money.  I save some money and purchased a dark cherry nail-clour, foundation, mascara, eyeliner, eye shadow two three shades of lipsticks and a mirror.  In the night I used to put on undergarments and make-up and admire myself. Afterwards I felt need of a pair of high-heal slippers.  This was a real problem as it was quite embarrassing to go to a shop and ask for ladies slippers. Whenever I happened to pass by a shoe-shop I used to stop for a moment have a good look of lovely slippers and wished that one day I would have one for myself.

In Delhi till two three months back there used to be a ‘Kabaari Bazar (A marketplace for all sorts of used things).  At that time I started visiting there and bought two three pairs of nice slippers. Back home I told everybody that I had bought those slippers for sister.  At that time my younger sister also grew up and I tried her dresses (mostly Shalwar Kameez) From then on I added slippers in my dressing. High-heal slippers are so sexy that I cannot tell. Mere idea of putting on high heals makes my dick hard.

Since then this thing is going on and on.  I have kept my secret guarded from others and even today I fear what will happen if anyone comes to know about it. 

Now I am facing a problem.  From the very beginning I am wearing my mustache.  Now I am looking for an excuse to do away with this. 

I don’t know how long this thing will continue. Perhaps I will die like this and nobody will ever know of other side of my life. Deep inside I feel that I will be more happy and comfortable living in woman’s body. But things are different in India. Recently, a few months back, I started using Internet and by chance somewhere I read about ‘Men turned into Women’. I got interest in this thing and enquired further. Then only I came to know that I am not the only one with this thing called cross dressing syndrome. A large number of people are out there and few of them have transitioned successfully to feminine body, which is in conformity with their mental sex.

I am seeking company of others like me who are ready to share their life, experiences and feelings with me.

 

Contact Information

E-mail address

sheelako@yahoo.co.in

osheela@indiatimes.com

Web address

http://in.oocities.com/sheelako

 

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Favourite Links

 

*  www.samabhavana.org/transgender.html

*  www.transgenderdir.com/country/india.htm

*  www.oocities.com/westhollywood/6200

*  www.members.tripod.com/radha95.html

 

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Tips

Makeup

Concealing Flaws

*       To achieve the perfect make-up and a look of a flawless complexion, more often than not you will find it necessary to do a certain amount of corrective work. This type of make-up is used to diminish or conceal complexion flaws.

*       To conceal flaws, it is necessary to use an opaque cream somewhat heavier than the foundation. If the cover-up is to be applied under the base, the cream may be a light beige shade. This shade may be used on any tone of skin from the lightest to the darkest, since the foundation will tint the entire face to an even colour. When used over the base, the cover-up should be closer to the skin colour. In any case, the cream must always be somewhat lighter than the make-up base.

*       The most effective method of applying the cover-up is with a corrective brush. For ease of application, brush the cover-up on in small areas and carefully blend with the fingertips leaving on just enough to cover flaws and unwanted shadows. Any excess cover-up, which is left on the skin, will create the impression of a flaw. In any event, it is important to avoid an excessive build-up of make-up. When applying make-up base over the corrected areas, pat it on gently so that the cover-up is not wiped away. A corrective cream is ideal for concealing under-eye shadows, eye circles, blemishes, moles, birthmarks, etc. We will be dealing with the remaining hair follicles that show on your face.

*       Apply the corrective beard cover with a sponge and then let it dry. Do not use an excessive amount. After it is dry apply the foundation.

*       Clown White was recommended for heavy beards, but the cosmetics industry has responded to a need of women that have severe blemishes or birthmarks to be concealed and these products will work just as well for beard cover. These extra-coverage bases are preferred to the Clown White, as you don't end up with several layers of "paint" on your face. One of the lightest weight of these extra-coverage products is Clinque's Continuous Coverage. Next come the heavier creams such as Lydia O'Leary's Covermark, Dermablend, and Recover. Red Lipstick could be used as a beard cover before applying foundation.

Beard cover

My favorite product is called tattoo cover. It's made by Kryolan and can be found in most theatrical supply stores. It was apparently created to cover tattoos for dancers, or entertainers, so it has great covering ability. It has a high orange pigment, which neutralizes the blue of hair growth!

If you attempt to get by using only foundation on your face, you are either very lucky, having virtually no facial hair growth at all, or have a beard glaring through the makeup, which will completely take away from anything else you have done. There are many important steps in creating a completely feminine appearance, but this one is as important as any of them.

Never use your fingers or a sponge to remove any cosmetic from its container as it can result in the transfer of bacteria on to the product.

Now, you can take a sponge and scoop the beard cover from the spatula to the sponge!

Apply the beard cover, in a lateral, downward motion, over the entire area of the face where you have beard growth! Cover over the lips as well, to insure nothing is missed. This is a rather dry product so use a fair bit of pressure when applying, as a thin coat is all that is required!

The Eyebrows

The proper shape and correct position of the eyebrows are of the utmost importance in maintaining the overall balance of the face. Because of their mobility, the eyebrows can emphasise facial expressions and convey a vast range of moods and emotions. They can, thus, either increase or decrease the dramatic qualities of the eyes. The colour and fullness of the brows are of equal importance. Heavy, well-defined brows, for example, would be best suited for a woman with large features, whereas they would be out of place on a small delicately chiselled face and create unwanted emphasis in that area.

Types of products

Brow pencil: The best type of brow pencil has a very thin lead or is self-sharpening. The sharpener for this pencil is built into the cover cap and is used by simply pressing the pencil gently into the cover and turning it until a fine point is achieved. To keep a fine point on pencils that are not self-sharpening, you may use a pencil sharpener or a single-edged razor blade. Brow pencils are best for filling in, shaping and extending the brows, and may also be used for lining the eyes.

Brush-on brow: This type of brow colouring comes in pressed-powder, compact form and has a firm, contoured brow brush for easy application. It is best when a soft, feathery, natural look is desired.

Brow colour should be the same colour as the hair or a shade lighter.

The shape of the brows depends upon the size, shape, and general contour of the woman's face, as well as upon the look that you wish to achieve. There is no one shape which is perfect for every woman. It is up to you to decide whether the natural shape of the brows is the best shape for the look, or if you must alter it to the facial contours. In many cases you will find that, although brows are not what you would consider a perfect shape, they are right for you and add just the look of individuality so necessary if the make-up is to properly reflect the personality. In these cases, you will need concern yourself only with the position.

Here is a Link: www.eyebrowz.com/oval.htm and   www.eyebrowz.com/ tgf/virusc.htm

Here is a classically accepted brow design, which, if followed, can give a generally well-balanced look to the eyes.

The classic brow design is as follows:

The brow should start above the inner corner of the eye.

The high point of the arch should be somewhere between the outer edge of the iris and the outer corner of the eye.

You will find where to end the brow by slanting a pencil from the side of the nose to the outer corner of the eye to the brow line.

The beginning and end of the eyebrow should be at approximately the same level.

Designing the brow

The brow design must be decided upon before any make-up is applied to the face. If the brow line is not good, it can often be reshaped somewhat by plucking. If this is insufficient, further reshaping can be done with the brow pencil. If the brow is well formed and well placed, it need only be darkened or more clearly defined. The object in this case is to darken only the brow hairs, not the skin.

Shaping the brow

Any plucking that needs to be done should be done after the skin has been prepared but before any make-up is applied. Usually only the hairs on the under side of the brow are removed, since you will, in most cases, wish to increase the space between the lash line and the brow line. If, however, you wish to lower the brows or lessen the angle of the arch, you may carefully remove some of the upper hairs. In all cases, you must avoid giving the brows a too clearly defined look, since this will give a hard look to the eyes and appear artificial. In filling out brows which are sparse, or to extend them, use a soft crayon pencil the same colour as the brows with as fine a point as possible and lightly sketch in lines which will approximate the hairs of the brow itself. Remember, plucking is done before make-up and pencilling is done afterwards.

Cleanse the bows with cleansing cream.

Wipe off all traces of cream.

Stretch the area to be tweezed between the thumb and forefinger.

Pluck the hairs in the same direction as the hair growth.

Clean all straggling hair from the underside of the brow.

Make sure the brow area is clean of hairs; this is important so that when eye shadows are applied they will go on smoothly.

Top area of brow is tweezed when major changes are to be made.

When tweezing is finished, apply skin freshener or astringent to the area.

A well-proportioned eyebrow is thickest at the inner portion, slenderising toward the arch, and tapering off to a slim line at the end. Each face calls for an individual approach in brow design. Basically, the eyebrows should be proportioned to the basic facial structure; a heavy-featured face having a stronger, more pronounced brow than a delicately featured one, etc.

Brow shapes for certain face shapes and any ideas you may have of the "classic" brow shape will need to be modified so that they reflect current fashion trends. Even when you are adhering to the most currently fashionable brow ideas, you must make some changes in your design to suit a particular problem.

As the eyes are the most outstanding feature of the face, it is well to pay particular attention while doing a make-up, to make the most of this feature. Not everyone has well-proportioned eyes or perfect placement. The make-up artist however can do much to offset any imbalance. Some of the more common problems are detailed here. Corrections may be made with cosmetics, applying them in the following manner:

Closely set eyes

Tweeze brows slightly past the inner corner of eyes and bring them out well past the eyes' outer corner.

Apply a highlighter or lightly toned eye shadows such as white or beige at the inner area of the eye.

Coloured eye shadow should start near the center of the eye and should extend outward past the outer eye area.

Both upper and lower eyeliners should start past the inner corner and extend outward from the outer corner of the eye.

Widely spaced eyes

Eyebrows are brought in a little closer to the nose.

Coloured eye shadow should start near the inner corner of the eye, fading away before it reaches the outer portion of the eye.

Eyeliner should start directly near the tear duct and is not brought out noticeably to the outer corner.

Prominent eyes

Prominent eyes will appear less protruding when shaded with a brown, gray, or deep plum tone of eye shadow. The deepest colour tone should be close to the lash line and fade gradually up to the brow bone. A matte-finish shadow is preferable; avoid those shadows, which have a high sheen or pearlized finish.

If the brow line is not too prominent, a highlighter may be used.

A thin line of eyeliner can be applied down at the lash base and extended outward slightly to detract somewhat from the roundness of the eye. Lower liner may be applied above the base of the lashes.

The brow should be slightly arched, not rounded and not exaggerated.

Deeply set eyes

Increase the eyelid area by tweezing the brows from the underside and arch as high as possible.

Highlight the entire eyelid area with a highlighter or bright eye shadow.

If the brow bone is too prominent, it may be shaded slightly to make it appear to recede.

Use a thin lower liner applied slightly below the base of the lashes and extended outward past the outer eye corner. Fill in this corner with a highlighter to give an open-eye effect.

The use of very thin, long lashes can do much to bring the eyes out. The base of these lashes should be very fine.

Drooping eyes

To offset the droop of the eye, which is often accompanied by a low bone structure or a low lid fold, it is necessary to give the appearance of a lift to the entire eye area.

Tweeze the under area of the outer portion of the brow to allow a better arch.

Shading shadow is applied in a band across the fold and smudged outward.

Highlighter is placed directly under the arch of the brow.

Eyeliner, if used, is applied in a very thin lien and thickened slightly at the outside in a wedge-like point to give a lift to the eye.

Lower liner, when used, is applied in a straight line and then brought up at the outer corner to meet the upper eye line.

If lashes are used, they should be applied slightly higher at the outer corner of the eyes.

For easy to do makeup tips go to http://www.indianwomanonline.com/wpmenhome/Narri/Nikhaar/

Dressing

Every person has his/her own taste and liking to dresses.  But while going out please keep in mind that you should wear dresses like a common girl and should not be too stylish or gaudy or vulgar which may cause the passersby to stare at you.  This may result in embarrassment to you and others also.  Obviously you have got your privacy and you can enjoy your fantasies.

The easiest dresses to wear are Shalwar Kameez (Punjabi Suit), Skirt -Top, and other ‘western style dresses’. In occasional wears, like Lehanga Chunni.

Sari is beautiful to dress in.  It takes some practice to wrap it around with style and perfection. Moreover, it is being worn in different ways at different places. If you don’t know how to then check these links:

http://www.kerala.com/fashion/hwsari.htm ;

http://www.puja.com/sari/wear/wear.htm

http://www.sarimagic.com/howtowear/1/

http://www.webindia123.com/women/images/sari.gif

 

Outings

Going out fully dressed and get passed, I think, is the natural urge of a cross dresser.  For venturing out of the closet for the first time, if you have a companion then nothing is better. In a company of other you feel more secure, confident and at ease. After few times you will be confident enough to go out of your own.

As far as times are concerned, nighttime is better when few people are out there. Moreover night takes care of little flaws in makeup, jewellery, clothing etc.

When out there take care not to talk to any person.  Do so if you are convinced that it will not create any odd situation. Adopting a female voice & talking style is difficult, therefore, avoid speaking.

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Information

What Cross Dressers Are Not

Not everyone who dons the clothing of the opposite sex is a cross dresser. Society tends to perpetuate stereotypes on the basis of visible behavior patterns. Drag queens are usually gay or bisexual males who don women's clothes either to mock femininity and society's stereotypes of gays, or to find sex partners. Female impersonators dress to entertain. Transsexuals believe they are entrapped in the body of the opposite sex, and seek sexual reassignment surgery. Cross dressers do not aspire to any of these things, but are simply expressing the cross gendered side of their personalities.

Understanding the "Woman Within"

There is within each man a set of feminine potentials that are part of his birthright, but that society says he should suppress. Cross dressers have made contact with these feminine potentials, this "woman within," and found this contact fulfilling. Integrating these into their whole personalities, cross dressers are able to smooth off some of the macho rough edges incurred by their upbringing. The result is relaxation and mellowing of the whole person.

But Why Do They Cross dress?

Much speculation has centered on why some men cross dress. No one knows for sure. While some cite hormonal or genetic factors, others favor environmental factors. It appears, however, that for many the clothing serves as a "lens" to facilitate focusing upon and developing the feminine side of the personality.

Is Cross-dressing a Sexual Phenomenon?

Human being is sexual creature. Especially early on, many cross dressers find the activity sexually stimulating. As time goes on, however, the sexual factor appears to become less prominent. Cross-dressing is more a matter of personality than sexuality. For many the need to cross dress becomes a part of the self, just as musicians need to play music, writers need to write, or ballplayers need to play ball. A life without cross gender expression is to some as tragic as the life of a musician forced to live without music. Like musical talent, cross gender expression can be a real gift.

What Types of People Cross dress?

Cross dressers come from all walks of life, races, creeds, and economic backgrounds. The phenomenon dates back many thousands of years. In some cultures, especially some Native American tribes, they were highly respected as shamans. Most cross dressers are well educated and come from conventional family backgrounds. The vast majority are heterosexual and most are, or have been, married. Most are happy in their masculinity, and only a small percentage opts to live as women full time. A few women are cross dressers, but they are much less numerous than their male counterparts. Perhaps this is due to the relative latitude society grants to women in matters of dress and self-expression.

Can Cross-dressing Be "Cured"?

The chief adjustment problem cross dressers face is societal attitudes. While these have been changing since cross dressers appeared on the Donahue Show in 1987, acceptance is far from complete. Because of possible consequences to families, jobs, and friends, many cross dressers live shrouded in secrecy. Wicked by fear and guilt, some cross dressers deny their feminine side and dispose of their clothing. Usually they are frustrated by this amputation of a significant part of their personalities, and eventually return to feminine self-expression. Some seek therapy, but as many therapists are not knowledgeable about cross gender issues, they sometimes find themselves educating the therapist rather than getting the help they seek. Nor are psychiatric drugs of benefit. There is no "cure" for cross dressing, and most cross dressers do not want one!

The Cross dresser and His Wife

How a cross dresser’s wife accepts him depends on his own degree of insight, the duration and solidity of the relationship, and the way in which the wife or partner learns about the cross dressing. Open and honest communication is the lifeblood of any committed relationship, and in the case of the cross dresser, communication is particularly vital. Once a wife or partner realizes her mate isn't leaving her for another man or for a new life as a woman, the two of them can seek a solution that suits their own unique circumstances.

The wise wife or partner realizes that her mate is the same person she has always known. She recognizes the risk her man has taken in revealing his innermost feelings, and appreciates the trust this represents. Many of the traits that attracted her in the first place sensitivity, kindness, appreciation of beauty, etc. - can now be seen as belonging to that "woman within".

The Cross dresser and His Children

A crossdressor's children don't appear at any greater risk of becoming cross dressers themselves. Indeed, children benefit from exposure to a father who is usually more sensitive, creative and involved in their lives than the average. The decision to tell the children about one's cross gender expression is a highly personal one, to be arrived at jointly by the parents, with the needs of the child paramount.

Cross dressers are usually torn between the desire to "protect" their children on the one hand, and the negative effects of deceit on the other. Telling the children at a time and under circumstances controlled by the parents, however, does forestall the children finding out somehow at a time when they are least prepared to deal with it.

In our experience, timing - when the children are told - is more important than what they're told. Adolescence, a time of struggle to establish social and sexual identity, is not the right time (especially if the children are boys). If boys are not told earlier in childhood, it is generally best to wait until adulthood. On the other hand, children who are told in early childhood accept cross gender expression as "no big deal". Such children are well prepared to deal with the diversity of modern society.

 

Looking For Support?

Support should be based on the following principles: 1) that every human being has the right to full expression of all personality potentials, both masculine and feminine; 2) that individuals should strive to balance and integrate both their masculine and their feminine aspects to produce a happier, more fulfilled whole person; 3) that needs of spouses and families are neither more nor less important than those of cross dressers; 4) that cross gender expression should not remain a matter of shame and secrecy, but be integrated into everyday life.

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Last revised: 09.12.2001

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