In a New York restaurant:
Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
38 years on the same spot.
In a Los Angeles dance hall:
Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
In a Florida maternity ward:
No children allowed.
In a New York drugstore:
We dispense with accuracy.
In the offices of a loan company:
Ask about our plans for owning your home.
In a New York medical building:
Mental Health Prevention Center
On a New York convalescent home:
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.
On a Maine shop:
Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.
In a funeral parlor:
Ask about our layaway plan.
In a clothing store:
Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
15 men's wool suits. They won't last an hour!
On a shopping mall marquee:
Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced
Outside a country shop:
We buy junk and sell antiques.
In the window of an Oregon store:
Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?
In a Maine restaurant:
Open 7 days a week and weekends.
On a radiator repair garage:
Best place to take a leak.
In the vestry of a New England church:
Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
On a roller coaster:
Watch your head.
On the grounds of a public school:
No trespassing without permission.
On a Tennessee highway:
When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.