First things first, Cindarella. You wanna show up in habib style.
A habib should always have a wardrobe full of habib brands - you guessed it - Adidas, Nike, Fubu...etc
Most of the time half of those sporting clothes aren't even yours. That giant adidas jacket with the emblem on the back is your cousin Mohammed's and when he asks for it back, you'll make like it was never his to begin with. So put that on, and dig out some of those out-of-date clip-on adidas pants which you insist are something of a fashionable item.
Either of your 6 pairs of Nikes will do - let's not be too picky.
Step Two - Your Hair.
In this lesson, we don't only refer to the hair on your head. A true habib always has some form of facial hair; the goatee being the most popular.
As for that one eyebrow, it's expected of you, so whether it is divided or not is optional.
Dig out as much gel/grease as you can and put that shit through your hair with no desire for a specific style. Even if you have styled your hair, no one will notice, so don't worry about that.
Step Three - Transportation and Company.
Any fool knows that the true habib does not rock up to the shopping centre driving his dad's old, beaten up Kingswood. A true habib either owns his own sports car (and whether he acquired it legally or not is not relevant in this lesson) or he knows someone who owns a sports car.
Either way, you're not rocking up on you're own. The minimum habib group is three, so you might wanna call two of your most sik looking cousins - Mohammed and Bilal to come along.
No true habib wanders around Bankstown on his own.
Step Four - The Arrival.
When you hit Bankstown in that WRX, CRX, or whatever other car it is that has an X in it, you want to alert the whole suburb of your arrival.
People should hear your bass approaching from a mile away - the likes of 2Pac, Snoop, or B.I.G are highly appropriate in giving people the impression that you are criminal material - even if deep down you are a law abiding citizen. DO NOT under any circumstances arrive with any of the following pumping on your system:
• Backstreet Boys
• Britney Spears
• Elton John's Greatest Hits
A true habib does his rounds around the perimeter of Bankstown no less than twice, before finally parking the car outside the City Limits area of Bankstown Square, where he and his legion of habibs stand around/lean on their "X" Sports car looking real cool and rough.
Step Five - The Entrance.
Arguably the most important part of the entire lesson, your entrance will play an important role in the type of habib your are perceived as. You don't want to look soft so follow these important steps:
• Enter Bankstown Square using either the doors near Reflections, or the City Limits Entrance. No habib uses any other entrances.
• Be in the middle of your habib legion and be sure to be standing at the front - you must be perceived as being the habib leader. You call the shots. You will be the baddest habib with all the attitude.
• Make sure your shoulders are arched back, with your chest sticking straight out. This posture is highly effective.
• Keep your head high - a habib is walking pride.
• Walk slow - you've got all the time in the world.
• Loosely hold your standard Nokia (you don't qualify as a habib without it, anything older than a 5110 is unacceptable) in your hand. People must be aware that your life is in that phone. You are more connected than lego and can have a dozen cars down there just by making one phone call.
• Most importantly, you must retain a confused look on your face. It's not about wearing an angry look that scares the crowd, it's the confused look. For a confused habib doesn't know what the fuck is going on. And when a habib doesn't know what the fuck is going on, he's ready to snap at any given moment.
From here on you can do whatever you please.
Remember, a true habib never leaves the centre without at least one phone number, or without having visited Maccas.
And this concludes our lesson on how to become a true habib. The map below will assist you in planning your cruising. Suitable habib entrance is located at G8 and K9
