"What would you do, Watson, if you were a bachelor?" His cool voice broke into my burning, circling thoughts. My mind was far away and I didn't think about my words, but answered in the confusion of my heart.
"Run to your arms."
"Despite thinking it wrong?" On the surface, he sounded amused; but I knew, without even wondering how I knew, that he did not really feel so.
I considered now, cheeks hot as I realised what I had said before. At last I shook my head, "I don't know. Do... Holmes, do you not think it wrong?"
"I have never loved a woman; I know I never shall. And I have never, never loved a man as I love you, Watson," he answered quietly. In all the years I had known Sherlock Holmes, I had never seen him in such earnest. His slate-grey eyes looked at the door, the window, anywhere but into mine. Holmes without his self-possession was unthinkable! That I was the cause of this loss disturbed me greatly.
And then he was rising and walking over to me, standing so close that I could hardly breathe and had to look up to see his face. Although I had always known how tall he was, in this moment I felt it to the inch in my blood and in my bones. I imagined turning my face up to him, and his leaning down. And then he would kiss me... my heart raced; the blood pounded in my veins; it was only with the greatest effort that I stood still and made myself speak.
"If only you had said something before! Oh, Holmes, things might have been so different."
"They could be still, Watson. You wife has given you the chance to change them, to choose again."
"Choose you or Mary? How can I?"
"I know it is hard, but you must choose! The decision must be yours alone, and I promise to abide by your choice. But if you choose Mrs. Watson, we must say farewell; for I could never learn again to bear it."
His closeness drove my mind away. The smell of him, part tobacco, part chemicals, part something else that sent me into the furthest circle of ecstasy, conquered all my resolution. The warmth of him was victorious over all my hesitation.
"Neither could I..." I whispered, and did what I had secretly, shamefully dreamed of. I reached up and kissed him.
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