Hi and welcome...to my world

Hi! You've entered Natsumi's deep realm, Monogatari: A blog. This is an online journal and/or a blog for me, Natsu Sawa. This layout was made by Komet Tails Designs. Many many thanks! Domo Arigato! Since (maybe) you're new, I'll introduce you around.

First, what is 'monogatari'? Monogatari, in Japanese means tale or story. It's rather simple and absurd, but I can't think well lately ^^ My knowledge and creativity are falling apart...So, what is this site anyway? I told you this is a blog. If you don't understand that, online journal already explain much. Me, natsumi sawamura always wear a mask (we all do, right?) to cover my ugliness. But, there's time when we can be ourself and exposed everything (wow, not in that matter) and take off our mask. And that's when there's nobody we know on the internet, he he he. I wrote what I feel honestly, and if some of you think I'm a bitch, you're right. I realized that myself and I had enough being hypocrite.

Anyway, I wrote my daily activity here too! Not daily, but if there's something interesting at school (or depressing) I wrote it here! I also have very high temper, and I feel relaxed writing here ^^ Dizzy after those long introduction? Have some more...

Monday 20-09-2004//14:44
Currently Singing: Maybe by Emma Bunton Currently Waiting: Project 5,5 from Revie^^ [AD]

I JUST HAVE TO WATCH MARU-MA!!!!!!!!

Gooooddddd.... It has reached episode 20... I only have it from episode 12!!! My internet is uber slow, there's NO WAY I can download from the internet! I KNEW I have to work so I can buy it but the only Indonesian distributor of Maru-ma which is Naruto Corner only have it up to episode 16... T-T

Okay, enough maru-ma-ing for one day.

Today Indonesia is having it's election... again. God, I really hope everything goes well now... >_< But you know, when there's an election, there's a NATIONAL HOLIDAY! So here I am, proscatinating when my homework is piling up... ^^ Yup, I have math... and then some economy, and Indonesian too... Man, life is GOOD! ^^

But still, I NEED my dose of maru-ma slashiness, shonenainess, fluffness, and everything!! I JUST NEED them! NEED!!!

T-T

I think anime and yaoi is beginning to look and feel like narcotics... only without side-effects... much... oh, and it doesn't cause death.. only make you addicted, and a little fly....

See? I can't even control my own brain!! I just have to spread this anime addicted-ness!! Yes, soon enough, I'll start selling anime school-wide... ^^ I just need to be more careful so the teachers don't find out about it... ^^

Okay, I think we have enough ranting for a day... My parents are out now and hehehehe.... It's party time!!!!!!

Sunday 12-09-2004//19:06
Currently Singing: Spin the Wheel by Bellefire

Okay, blogger is being a JERK so I have to move back to geocities ^^ I mean, what's wrong with it??? It won't post!!! Man, I'm pissed off....

Anyway, I've changed my current obsession!!! My current obsession iiiiiisss.... the one and only..... MARU-MA!!!

Yeah! Go go shounen-ai! ^^ lolz
And have you known? Now, I'm totally full charged and full of motivation to start being serious in my study!!! Because I just HAVE to study to AMERICA! And when I mean I have to, I HAVE TO. This is all because of my new new NEW motivation (No, it's not you Tacchun, sorry). What is that? That is...

to go there and purchase ALL the BL Games on the net!!! Yeah BL!!!!!

^^;;;; *swt* I mean, I've just known what good will happen to me if I go there!
1. DSL internet baby, I'm going to leech all the BL animes and games all night there >=D
2. They have ANIMEs around there, and it's NOT DUBBED!!! Yay subs!! >=D If you feel the same as me about dubs (that is: hatred) please sign this petition and help our friends that feel the same. They're about to be beaten by a monster called dubs and the monster will eat the only anime channel they can watch at the moment: Animax. Sign this petition here.
3. The best part of it is of course the same anime otaku like meee ^^ I will have a lot of people of my kind there ^^ Plus, all those convention... all those yummy yaoi doujinshis.... I SHALL HAVE THEM ALLLLLL.....!!!!!! *nosebleeds*
4. GOOD FOOD!! Yes! Free from my parents supervision, I shall eat pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!!! *heart heart heart*
5. And of course, last but not least, GOOD friends ^^ That will understand me, accompany me, help me, and have the same interest in anime... ^^ (not that I don't have that good friend here... I have Miyuki-chan, and Chika-chan, and Yuuki-chan... and Satsuki-chan... and Selly-chan)
6. *defeated sigh* And okay, Tacchun, of course I miss you too.

Okay, I think I'll end my babbling for now, I have to play Ms. Goody-Goody-Girl in order to convince my parents to buy me some pizza or asuzoko shuz...

Wednesday 01-08-2004//20:25
Currently Singing: Friday's Child by Will Young

There's no such thing as love and affection, it's only BULLSHIT.
Humans live for themself, no matter how you put it.
Humans are born alone and will die alone.
So what's the use of having a family?
No, there's none.
And I learned it in the hardest way ever.
Even though we're lonely,
so lonely that it hurts,
so lonely that we want to die,
nobody will notice
and nobody cares.
Yes, even your family.
Families can be a useless piece of SHIT.
It's mortifying and annoying
How they all pretend to care
How they all pretend to be a family
How they all just... lie
How they all just do it because they have to.
How they all just do it because 'that's what all families do!'
How they all just be a hypocrite self.
How they all just be... a .
Humans are all selfish, really.
There's no such thing as "I do it for your sake!"
No, it's only for their pride.
No, it's only so that they can show off.
No, it's only because they feel that they're right.
No, it's only to show that they're more powerful than us and can tell us what to do.
It's sad how DOGS can be more loyal than humans.
At least DOGS don't betray their master.
Unlike humans.
DOGS don't leave their masters alone and lonely.
DOGS don't pretend to be affecionate, they're really are.
DOGS don't pretend to care.
DOGS don't lie.
DOGS aren't hypocrite.
And if you look at it in many ways, DOGS are better than humans.
So if you're reading this and don't agree with me, call me anything you want.
I DON'T CARE.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HUMANS ARE LIKE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M HUNGRY.
Maybe that's what make me nasty.
But, you know what?
I DON'T CARE.
I just don't care about my own life anymore. If it's going to be ruined, then let it be. If I'm going to die from the lack of nutrient, then let it be. If I'm going to be left with skin and bone, then let it be. Whatever. I don't want to care anymore.

Let God see my fall from above.

Monday 05-07-2004//19:48
Currently Singing: Half-Pain from Witch Hunter Robin

Witch Hunter Robin ROCKS!!! This dark anime turns out to be my favorite! Everybody in this world should watch and worship Witch Hunte...

Sorry.

Anyway, I have this song Half-Pain (the ending) by Bana stuck in my head and I can't stop singing it ^^ (and for your information, I stink in singing...)

Okay, enough with the Robin talk. You probably realize the seldomnessnessness of my post. It's not because I'm busy, it's just I'm so free these days and I'm lazy! The reason why is because I GRADUATED!! Nyah nyah nyah... who would've thought I used my brain for something GOOD once in a time ^^

Anyway, this is my current:
Fave Anime: Witch Hunter Robin!! Do you even have to ask? (Audience: *roll eyes* Riiiiite...)
Fave Shojo: Yamato Nadeshiko Shichihenge (Perfect Girl Evolution). The artwork is different from the other shoujo, but it's very funny ^^ Go d/l it @ AnimeWaves
Fave Yaoi: Koi Cha no Osahou by Sakuragi Yaya. Done by [hochuuami]
Fave Shoujo Mangaka: Ryo Azuki (W Pinch, Seishun Shiterukai)
Fave Yaoi Mangaka: Sakuragi Yaya (Koi Cha no Osahou, Mizu no Kioku)
Waiting Shoujo: Yamato Nadeshiko Shichihenge
Waiting Yaoi: Koi Cha no Osahou and Yellow
Doing: Nothing! That's EXACTLY WHY I'm bored!!

Game: Zuma Deluxe from PopCap
Hunted Anime: Kodomo no Omocha and Kyou Kara Maou
Top of 'da WiSh LisT': CABLE INTERNET!!! It's all I need for my unlimited access to animeness-ness-ness!!!
(Sorry, got a little carried away there)
Channel: #animewaves@rizon, #aku-tenshi@irchighway
Hates: Being alone and SLOW INTERNET SPEED.
Loves: Pizza! No... juz kiddin... Money!
And the list goes on.... to infinity.
Thanx for listening to my babble! Buh-byee...

Thursday 24-06-2004//21:07
Currently Singing: Agape from UFO Princess Valkrye

Let we all say this in a dialogue form, 'k?
Narrator: Once upon a time, in a faraway southeast asia country, live a girl with her computer

Narrator: The computer was a bad, bad computer, and often makes the girl angry. Well, actually, the bad one was the connection, not the computer.

Natcchan: Everyday everyday, when there's a LOT of good good manga I can leech on the IRC, and the connection is always this poor! Dear Lord, what shall I do with this?!

Natcchan: And to make the matter worse, it always disconnect after I get what I QUEUED SO LOOONG!!! Goodness, it piss me off

Narrator: The computer stares at the angered girl, dare not to make a sound.

Natcchan: Shut up you stupid narrator, I'm furious.

* Narrator whack whack Natcchan

Natcchan: Kay, quit the stupid drama-like dialogue. I'll get straight to the point. My computer STINKS. Yeah, the two of them.

Computer: S y s t e m D o w n

Natcchan: Gyaaah! I was just kidding, compu-chan! You're da bezt!

Computer: S y s t e m O n

Natcchan: Phew >_< Anyway, since my internet connection is dial up, despite the poor pooor poooooor connection, slow, and also disconnect VERY often. Well, y'see, whenever there's a phone call to my number (421-XXXX -- the one that's connected 2 the comp), it DISCONNECTS! And it always happen when I was getting 2 the best part! Maan, it's distressfull! T-T *sob sob weep weep*

* Purin pats pats Natcchan

* Natcchan thanx Purin and wipe her tears

Natcchan: Anyway, so u might get it, I'm already got the IRC virus and I'm addicted 2 it ^^ The channels I often visit is #aku-tenshi, #hochuuami, #atlantisdream, #peccatore-sanctuary, #sweet-lunacy, and probably #animewaves from now on. IF someday, maybe SOMEDAY, my connection is going 2 be better, I'll d/l anime episodes too. That way, I don't need 2 upset my parents by GOD-DAMN-SO-HIGH-TELEPHONE-BILLS-PLUS-ANIME-CDS. ^^

Jya~!

//21:48

See? See? See? It already disconnected 7 TIMES already!!! To make matter worse, it happened when the d/l is already 88%!!!!!! And I have to queue it ALL OVER!!! And you know what? That 88% is reached by resuming for almost 5 times!Man, I think the Irc ops in the channel is going to hate me. More or less, i think my computer hates me. Gee, I wonder if the feelings mutual.

* Natcchan is pissed off REAL BAD

//22:22
Wai! Wai! Finished downloading finally!! The second chapter of Koi Cha no Osahou [Hochuuami] is very good! This is going to be my favorite series ^^. And for shojo lovers out there, I would recommend Yamato Nadeshiko Shichihenge by [AnimeWaves]. It's very good and very funny ^^

Saturday 12-06-2004//00:26
Currently Singing: Tatoeba from D.N.Angel

Been 3 months since my last post 0_0 can u tell that i'm actually TOTALLY busy? Yup, I'm entering high school this year. And as a third grader, u know I can't play around, so I neglected this site for several months -_- For the clique owners, I'm totally sorry. But I really can't help it.

Anything else new? Well, I'm currently concentrating on making an layout now. Soon enough Monogatari will have a new original layout I made myself ^^. Also, I'm thinking of forming a clique myself. Hope it'll go okay ^^ Please don't stop your support.

Another thing, I learned IRC!!! So, I'm now busy leeching in 10 channels ^^ Yup yup, definitely, manga is da bezt!

Next subject, you probably already now, my mother has died and I'm getting a new one right now (all: don't say that so casually!!) ^^ But it's true. My father is remarrying, so I guess that hold me up quite a bit too...

Oh, I would REALLY appreciate if you leave a message on the tag board, rather than the normal, usual, same people there ^^ (me, T-bros, pucchin...) Especially if you come from the 'advertisements'I put on the magz ^^ Just 2 let me know that my way of promoting actually work ^^

Well, that's all I guess. It's in the middle of the night and I'm goin' 2 play RO 2moro. C ya!

Tuesday 09-03-2004//17:04
Currently Singing: Dear Diary by M2M

Dear Diary...

Something good happened today
He finally called me by my name
I didn't know how to behave
What to say or do, I was so confused

Dear Diary...
I want to talk to him again
But whenever he is with his friends
He keeps trying to pretend
But I already knew
The way he feels for me..

What can I do, tell me what can I say?
How do I let him know I feel the same way?
How can my feelings be so hard to show, when
I really want him to know...

Tuesday 02-03-2004//19:18
Currently Singing: Good-Bye Love from Kodocha

I don't know why I'm so relaxed.

I mean, there are five exams [for all subject] tomorrow!! Not 2 mention the homeworks!

But still, I'm happy today coz I met him! Yup! Man, it feels good 2 fall in luv.

Uh... and can anyone teach me IRC? I can't really figure it out. Or maybe you can tell me where they have any good tutorial for idiots like me.

Thursday 26-02-2004//16:39
Currently Singing: Stray from Wolf's Rain

Howdy everybody! Wow, it's almost been a year since I posted ^o^ Well, I u can't tell, I'm busy. VERY very busy. Yeah, but anyway, looks like I can drive some traffic to this site now, i've contributed a story to my school's magazine, and I put my site URL on it. If so, then I must take care of this site more carefuly ^^

There's a lot of things happen lately, and most of them are misfortunes T_T I can't wait for February to end, coz this month seems to bring bad influences to my life T-T

Yeah, and my final exam is coming!! Gyaaaah!!! Noo!! I know I should study harder and stuffiez, but I'm just a lazy bum T-T and I'm curious bout that RO! i won't stop until I turn into a knight!

You probably already know about how my life have messed up.

Well, now you do.

Post at the new tag board, will ya? thankies.

Friday 22-08-2003//20:16
Currently Singing: Jyukuji no News from Kodomo no Omocha

Yatta! I found my trusty map! Looks like I forgot it and left it at school. I was panicking the night before, but thankfully, God erased my worries..

I don't want to oppose atheists, but I pity them, since they don't have a root. Not one to lay your worries on. God is, afterall just a-guy-in-the-sky for you, right? (This sentence I ditched from some site owned by an atheist) I feel safer as I am now, because God will erase my worries and I can trust and lean to Him at every time. So everytime I feel worried, I can just rest assure and let God do the job... But of course me must work hard too! We're not just a puppet! God gave us free will! We just have to work a little, what's wrong with that?

In short: why do I believe in God? Because He's real. It's up to you if you want to believe your ancestor was a monkey. I believe what I believe.

Sunday 10-08-2003//16:00
Currently Singing: Ningyo Hime from Chobits

Okaaaay!! I need everyone attention to this post right here, because I need an advice and I need it fast.

I'm going to Jogjakarta for my holiday this October, exactly at 8th of October. 1st of October is my birthday. I've been thinking, I want a new cell phone. So I'm here to ask all of you a favour. I want you to suggest between this three:

Nokia 3300
Samsung V200
Ericsson T610

Please post your suggestion on the tag-board, please, I need your help right away.

Oh, I don't put Erricson P800 there 'cause I know I can't afford it T.T

Tuesday 05-08-2003//06:05
Currently singing: Amethyst Remembrance from Yami no Matsuei

Hitori de kowai.

I wake up this morning and notice how lonely I am.

Nobody stand by my side.

Nobody will stay at my side.

Friday 01-08-2003//13:37
Currently singing: Yasashii Gogo from DNAngel

Yup, I'm in a mood of posting right now ^^ My current interest is back to MP3s ^^ There's a lot of new good sites now, I'm also interested in korean flash games like the one in here, so if you have the site that got loads of things like that or just a link please mail me or just use the tag board. By the way, there's a lot of new animes with good soundtracks and drawings but I'm still looking for anything that got to do with Ranma 1/2! I prefer layout or MP3, but if you found anything please inform me!

Wednesday 30-07-2003//19:49
Currently singing: Omoide Ippai fro Ranma 1/2

Wow, it's been a month since I last post ^^ I guess I forgot to tell you I was on my journey to Jakarta and unfortunately, they don't have any internet connection in Mizuki-chan place. I'm back on 15th of July, but I'm so tired so I can't really do anything. Besides, I'm busy with downloading stuff [I'm trying to add my MP3 collection] Anything new? There is something...

I hate school.

I HATE school.

I hate SCHOOL.

Anything more?

I HATE HOMEWORK.

I HATE MATH.

I HATE PHYSICS.

I HATE MY CLASS.

I HATE SCHOOL.

Monday 16-06-2003//22:33
Currently singing: Horoscope Rhapsody from Galaxy Angels

Wai Wai!! New section de-su! I'm currently interested in Tarots! But only the major arcana, to much cards will make me dizzy to memorize all...Anyway, I uploaded a section for neat downloads! Today spotlight is my tarot deck to fulfil my crazyness of anime ^^ It's rather simple and I worked for it for about half a day [including the google image search ^^]...

Tuesday 10-06-2003//15:14
Currently singing: First Love from Utada Hikaru

There are times like this when I ask for God's reason.

My mother passed away just now, at 14:14

Somehow, I cried. But I can't shed tears at home

God make me strong to handle the reality and fate

I feel weird..I feel empty

I wonder if that what you should feel when your loved ones die

I can't cry. I can't laugh. I feel stupid. I feel miserable

I wish mom is back

Pat my head and hug me like she always do

Even when I think she wouldn't be able to do that anymore

I can't cry

I couldn't cry

Even when some people hate their mother

A mother couldn't hate her child

And so is the child couldn't hate her mother from the heart

But don't worry I'll be okay

Because there isn't any water or tears in Summer

Saturday 07-06-2003//06:53
Currently singing: Anti-Nostalgic from Gravi

I'm B-A-C-K!! I'm back from camp and I'm going to tell you about my camping [Don't complain, it is my blog]

To put it simply, it's heaven and hell at the same time and place. First, the problem is climate. I arrived there around 11 AM and it's cool. Aroound twelve or so, I started to feel hot, I took off my jacket but I'm still wearing my long sleeve shirt, which is a good thing because we're going into the jungle for hiking, and the forest is untouched there, except there's some kind of dirt road and ropes clinging on the slippery and slopy road. The hiking is sooooo much fun! I took some photos, if you want. Wait when I scan it! On the way we found some dogs, it's very cute! Then we had outing, I tried some of adrenaline-pumping sports, but can't get my hands on others because I'm an altophobia..[fear of height]

The hiking is okay, but at night, it's darrrrnnn cooooollllddd...I shivers through the night, and manage to sleep 1 hour. Have I told you the tent is dirty and and had holes everywhere? I slept with three of my pals, but it's really really cold! I almost froze there [no, literally, I almost froze there, really!] I can't feel my legs and palms, and my hand have frostbite here and there! Somehow, me and my friend walk near the campfire and feel warm a bit, but when we got in the tent, I feel cold again..T.T We manage through the night without dying [No, we're dying back there, make it freezing]

The second problem is food. This is not a very big prob, cause we can always make instant noodle, and downhill, we can buy meatballs and hot milk or coffee ^^

The third problem, is bathroom. Of course, any public bathroom is sooooo darn dirty. To make it worse, it has no lamp. The water will be shut down at 4 PM and not to mention the long line.

The fourth problem, is insects. Have I mention I'm an acarophobia and insectophobia? I have a hard time with bumble bees and dragonflies there, not to mention unknown small insects that is very gross!!

Despite all that four problems, day two [which is today] is a living hell. First I manage to survive from the cold and came out of the tent at 5 AM. I had some "problems" there which make me uncomfortable. After that we had some instant noodles again for breakfast [two days of instant noodles. Noooot sooo healthy!] After that we have a game, very fun, actually, if I don't have that "problem" there..T.T Around twelve or so, it's beginning to feel very very very hot! I wore black that time and it absorbs heat, of course T.T I have to hear a speech from the principal with the sun burning my back and head, and I'm surprised I didn't passed out that time. Thank God we finally come back to civilisation. I'm sooooooooo happy I can't finally get in touch with good food, nice bath, and fluffy bed ^^ I'm not such a mountain person, huh?

Friday 06-06-2003//05:24
Currently singing: Carry On from HXH

Waaai! I'm going camping today! I'm going to left Compu-chan and Gen-chan for two days. The destination is kinda cold, so please pray that I won't catch a cold..^^

Saturday 31-05-2003//19:30
Currently singing: Super Drive from Gravitation

Aaaargh...!!!! There're times like this when I wan't to rip my laptop apart!!! First of all, it's slow. I can tolerate that. But what can't I tolerate is when the downloads already 97%, it timed out!! ARGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! You *bleeeeeeeeep* laptop! If I can't control myself, I would've *beeeeep* and *beeeeep* you right now!!!! And plus, It can't view any pages!! You damn server!! There's no problem with Gen-chan, but you??!! Noooo...you just give that "Internet Explorer can't download this file. The connection timed out" and "Cannot find server. The page you are looking for is currently unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings" and "Internet Explorer cannot open the search page" Damnit!!!!

Compu-chan, I understand if you're OLD, Gen-chan isn't young too. My aniki filled it over 70% of it and it still download stuff very well. You? I didn't even use 60% of you! You're still *bleeeep*ing empty! You have 3.56 Gigs for pete's sake! Gen-chan comes from 7.86 gigs to 1.72 gigs but it didn't complain! You? Ah...I guess the nick old *beeeeep*ing bastard already fit you.

Compu-chan, I DO love you. I love Gen-chan just the same. You're not just a replacement because aniki dominates Gen-chan, you're special too..! I have 2 computers. That's you and Gen-chan. You both are mine and my most valuable possesions. But now? I don't think I can be very proud of you anymore. Although I once showed you off, how can I show them your server error now?

Basically, Compu-chan, I hope you're the same when I first play with you. My most honourable electronic.

Sunday 11-05-2003//20:38
Currently singing: some other song from Gravitation

Happy mothers day! It's a pity that my mother is actually in the ICU on mothers day, but we visit her everyday, ne? And I'm so happy that my Aniki returned to normal ^^ He does make fun of me, but I took it as a form of affection (sure, call me crazy). I like it when he laugh, since I haven't seen him for a while (even before he left to Canada) He does have lotso talents, I'm still trying hard to not envy him ^^ Aah..I finally have school tomorrow...jeez..I'm so lazy! it rained today, so I feel a little better. I like rain! Because I can sleep well when it's raining ^^ It's ironic how I call my site Hard Rain ^^ I hope no problem occure tomorrow.

Saturday 10-05-2003//12:21
Currently Singing: some song from Gravitation

Wai~~I edited my personal site! If you want to know more about me (and my like and dislike) visit it @ Natsu Sawa no Heya. And know what best? I'm not afraid of dance (the subject) anymore! I got the last test finished (although not very smooth) and that's it! Only the big exam remains now..


He he, I'm obsessed with Penguin Brothers



Oh, and my aniki came home from Canada! There seems to be a lot of Canada anime lovers, so i thought there would be lots of anime merchandise...but, I doubt if he's going to give me anything (Of course he gave me lots of things, when we're still good brothers and sisters.. we quarell much often now..)

Oh yeah, when I posted a message looking for HanaKimi, a lot of people help me! Domo arigato..~~!

//22:04
I've just realized, I haven't told you about my family much, ne? There's 5 persons in my family. My Oka-chan, Oto-chan and my two brothers, Aniki and Onii-chan (Basically, onii-chan is closer, but I love them both just the same!).

My Onii-chan!Real name: Martin Wirawan
Age: 21
Birthdate: 17th of January 1982
Hobby: Computer
My Onii-chan is the biggest, he lives in San Diego, America. He's about to graduate from University this June. What I like from my Onii-chan, is maybe, because he's a computer freak, like me (he took Computer Science. I'm planning to take Graphic Design, or anything that have to do with computer) and I can say he's very similar to me, ignorant ^^





My aniki!Real name: Timotius Arya
Age:20
Birthdate: 17th of November 1983
Hobby: Otomotive, Music
My second brother. When we were small, we were very close! He likes to order me around (like other big brothers would do) and very strict. If you want to refer him to someone, it's Isshiki Shouei from Penguin Brothers (Yes, I'm REALLY obsessed with it now) But, I like my brother the way it is ^^. He just entered college, Langara College. He lives in Van Couver, Canada. He took computer engineering. I think that suits him very much. He often envies others, but I envy him. God gave him so much talent. He can play piano, that's what really cool. It's not that I have no talent, it's just he's smart, I'm just a lazy bum. He's not afraid of trying, and he can make friends easily. He have lotso fan in his high school, I don't know about college...^^

When he was on the 3rd grade of High School, it's the coldest time between us. We didn't quarell, we didn't meet. He go out everyday with his friends. That's why I don't feel anything when he left to Canada. Kinda sad, huh? I'm glad he's back to normal when he got home yesterday

If you see that I talk more about my aniki, it's because I haven't keep in touch with Onii-chan in ages. Maybe when he come back, I'll give you the whole page!

Wednesday 8-05-2003//15:54
Currently Singing: Ningyo Hime from Chobits

Just a word sorry
I can't say
To make a friendship last

Just a word sorry
I can't say
Because of my stubborness

 I feel very bad today. I yelled at my friend for no reason..And I can't say sorry because I'm too arrogant and stubborn. Y'see, the story start when I was having a test. We have different questions. Mine is extremely hard and hers are easy. Plus the teacher haven't thought us how, so I don't understand this at all. I'm sooo angry at the teacher, but it's my bad habit to take it all out on others. So I yelled at her when she said proudly "That was very easy, right!"

She was starled, at first, but she walk away angrily after that. It's no use feeling guilty right now, it's no use.

Tuesday 7-05-2003//21:07
Currently Singing: Karenai Hana from full.metal panic!

I'm currently obsessed with streamloading! Anybody heeelp!!!! I actually mean please send any manga you have (except hentai and/or yuri, yaoi is okay) to my account natsu89 also if you have link to any manga scanlation, please send! My website? IT'S DEAD. I'm getting bored of all this web stuff and decided to fill my Gen-chan with scanlations. I'm going to delete Zoo Tycoon (I don't play it often anyway) and other backup files. So, I will only do my website after my dear cousin MIZUKI-CHAN get me a Microsoft FrontPage or anything I can use to build my website. I'm finally bored of Anime Gakkou and WILD so I change the name (again) but with more considerate concept. Just hope I'm not bored with this one too ^^ Ma, it's not like anybody ever visit my site, right? I mean, it's just for fun and all...

I don't know why the countdown haven't start.I mean I'LL HAVE TEST ON SATURDAY!!!! I'm so nervous and all..but God wouldn't let me worry. Ma, whatever happens happens, ne? Daijobu..maybe..T.T I'm sooooo scared...T.T

Saturday 12-04-2003//13:19
Currently Singing: Still in My Heart from Naoki

I'm feeling really really down today. At P.E we run 800 meters, my throat are so sore and when at the Lang.lab I have to give respons (like always). I can't think properly today, and I also lost interest to continue that fic. I should've known that the theme is given. I have to wrote about football (soccer). I don't know anuthing about it, does she expect all students know about soccer?? Geez..how can someone be sooo insensitive???!!!???

I don't feel quite myself today. No, wait, it is me. It's me to take on my anger to inanimate things. I won't say anything today because of this throat. My stomach aches so much I think I won't eat anything.

Friday 11-04-2003//15:16
Currently Singing: B4U from Naoki

The countdown finally stopped but I reckon it'll start soon enough. Probably in May when we have that exam. I have to think of an idea of a new story somehow, cause we'll have a practise next Tuesday. I don't want to be an idiot with a blank mind and no idea at all. I have to finish the plot on Monday, and, if I think it's good enough, my website will have a new fic ^^ School is sometimes useful ne? I was thinking a fic about my current interest, firearm. I have to make it short, with correct grammar. Now that's the hard part. Anyone can give me an idea?

//15:23

Yosh! I have an idea! Inspired by Forte from Galaxy Angel. I haven't found the title yet, but I kinda worried it may be a little too heavy..and I hope I can go with the flow. The teacher allowed us to bring a dictionary, but all I need is a grammar corrector T.T Ma, ii janai? I hope I can make it short enough ^^ Wish me luck, ne? And the gun I decided is Browning Buckmark Nickel Camper. Whaddya think? The main chara is based on Forte, like I said. It's actually based on episode: "Downtown Soul Food: Oden". I guess anime is really useful, ne? Or maybe I should make a more humourous one..Or should I slip a little humour in the story? I'm used to wrote dark and gloomy fic, that turns everyone into bad mood..^^ Iya desu!! I have to create two stories, in case my mood changes..^^

//20:04

Well, the story flows well, and unlike others, I already decided the ending. Maybe I'll finish it sooner than I predict. I got my father to check the grammar, so that wouldn't be a big problem. I print-preview it and it's about two pages. But I'm afraid there wouldn't be enough time or space. Ma, we can always think about it later. I'm about to write the finishing line. Should I do an epilogue? Whaddya think?

Oh, before that, I must figure out a title first

//20:13

Oh no, I've just realized it's so alike that episode in Galaxy Angel. Not exactly alike but very alike. Why don't you read it and give it a comment?

Saturday 05-04-2003
Currently singing: Nothing

Yaah..yappari I can relax in front of my computer. No, nothing happened lately. Except I recieve my mid-test result and it was ... T.T dispeakable. Anyway, I don't feel...alive lately. I know it's Advent week, but I didn't really fast. I just don't feel like eating, but ironically, I'm very hungry ^^. I don't feel any will to live and I don't actually show emotion lately. Kyou, mazui ze. I forgot my handphone and purse as I go to school, at P.E I have to run 26x14m, I forgot my drink (actually, I never bring one ^^) and I forgot my purse so I can't buy any drink or food. Furthermore my test results are really bad, and I feel very gloomy today.

I wonder why my parents have me. I'm boring, rude, unsocialable, have bad-temper, too pessimist, good-for-nothing, useless, spoiled, and in short, all the bad things are on me.

I wonder why God created me. I never do anything to help Him. All I do is whine, whine, whine, and whine.

I wonder if I'm having a one-side conversation with Him.

Kawaisou desu ne..

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