december.31.2004

» break almost over « with a blink of an eye, this winter break is almost done. gosh, i'm barely done with any of my break assignments, and already it's new year's eve??!!? two more days till school starts again. aaaah! there's sooo much to do still. ARGH. screwed. f*#$%&..*sigh* getting really depressed from all this work. anywayz, i'm currently completely dead so i'm just gonna go now. poopz. -.-

4:30 pm

december.27.2004

» overall accomplishments over the past 4 days «
1. watched DVD movies all night on the 23rd
2. drove to rag shop on christmas eve to get yarn (most terrifying experience of my life...i think my dad was cursing at himself for letting me drive on route 10 when he saw all the cars lined up, but then he let me drive back so...er? LoL ^_~)
3. watched oceans 12 w/ family on christmas ^_~
4. shopped all day on the 26th (boxing day?) ^^
5. loboda's ap chem brunch today =)
6. knitted a pair of woolen shoes for my mom =D
7. for once in my whole high school career, practically read the entire lance newspaper front to back (but this could be due to procrastination in facing my break assignments LoL.)
8. slept a lot....
9. touched none of my break assignments! =\
it's been a great break so far. unfortunately, i should start paying more attention to my break assignments. i have sooo much. thanx to certain *cough* teachers. grr, english project is so pointless. i don't want to do it. blah, i still have to read two books. omgosh, i'm soo freaking out right now! i wish that for once i can have a break where i'm not stressing over this and that assignment. great, dream on. *sigh*, newayz, nothing much left to say. life's faring well for now. ^^

6:28 pm

december.22.2004

» happy winter solstice! « even though i am a day late, happy winter solstice anywayz! haha, finally winter is here. i don't know why i want winter to come except for the fact that it could give me snow days, delayed openings, and early dismissal, but, of course, the weather never cooperates so i don't know what i'm talking about. anywayz, really tired. i kind of did all-nighter but not really. like i slept from 7-ish to 11-ish but that's only four hours. idk. i can't wait for break to come. man, i'm like literally counting down the hours because there's only two days left but they seem to be going on forever and it's killing me. blah =(. well, at least, after today, all the testing will be done, and truthfully, i'll only need to focus my energy on the electronics lab, which is a good thing. only one thing to do versus a million and three =P. and then break, but so much work to do still. teachers teachers teachers. have i said enough? ^_~ okay, time to go and prepare to do something for an hour or so before school starts. argh! =)

6:42 am

december.20.2004

omfg..i so failed english, and this isn't an A- failing. i really friggin failed that stupid fallen apart essay. so in a sense, my essay truly did fall apart. omfg. wat am i gonna do? i'm so friggin scared. my grades are slipping thorugh my fingers. i can't control them anymore. they just keep coming to me worse than the ones before. i dunno wat to do. i never understand english. i dunno wat she wants. i'm too stupid. i feel so friggin stupid. i dunno wat to do w/ english. i just don't see anyting. i dont' feel anything. i don't understand anything. omfg. i'm so friggin freakin out right now. i dunno wat to do. help. why do i have to be so stupid? even so, i wish i was just brilliant in one thing instead of being relatively good in all subjects but not good enough and then being extra poor in english. omfg. why?? i woudl give up everythign if i coudl just have one special talent that brought me out of all my miseries. but no, i'm fuckign failing every fucking class i have now. i can't do well in stat or calc or physics or biology. ok fine, i'm doing okay in bio right now. but grades seem so whimsical. they just decide to drop whenever they want. i coudl be averaging an A in the beginning of hte mp and then i get a friggin C and my whole average drops a grade. omfg. why why why. i wish i was just uber smart in math or science instead of being just okay. then i would at least feel better about not doign well in english all the time cuz at least i'll have one strength. but instead i'm just okay in everythign and then super poor in english.and i dunno how to do better. i'm so frigign screwed. omfg. i'm so depressed right now. omfg. =[..someone help me...

although i finally did get an A in physics, but that's really not cheering me up. omfg. that grade was so friggin bad. omfg. help......

5:56 pm

december.17.2004

» mario.let me love you «
You should let me love you
Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need
Ooh Baby good love and protection
Make me your selection
Show you the way love's supposed to be
Baby you should let me love you
i'm just listening to the radio right now, and this song was playing and i thought it was pretty good. so that's why it's here =D

» growing up « today while dana's parents were driving me and dana to baja fresh, and they were talking about their younger days, i just started thinking how i was so not ready to grow up. no matter how much i talk about how i hate my home and everything. in the end, i'm really not ready to pack my bags and leave the comfort of this house and try to fight my way in the world. i'm not ready to leave everything that i've known for the past seventeen years and go to some place strange. i'm not ready to leave my childhood. i still want to stay here and update my stupid nonsense blog, play random games, talk to people online, and act as carefree as i can be. i dont' want to go. i want to stay here a little longer. just a little longer. =( i'm such a "scaredy" cat. i'm scared of the future. i just want to recoil and go back in time to when i didn't even realize i was living a life. i miss elementary school where everything seemed so easy. i never cared about homework. i was never scared that i had no friends. i was just a big head and an obnoxious kid. i thought i was always right and knew everything. sure i was a "bitch", but at least, i was immune to all the pains of loneliness and stress. i knew nothing yet i thought i knew everything. the wonders of being young and naive. i want to go back to that life. i don't want to move on any further. i think i'm going to cry now. *sigh* i don't know what i want to do with my life. everyone seems to have a path. everyone seems to know where they want to go. their dreams. their passion. their goal. i'm sitting here just waiting for things to happen to me. i'm sitting here and all i see is a big world and no small area where i can fit in. where i can make my mark. i just a confused girl in all this mixed up rush.

» kelly clarkson.since you've been gone «
But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone
(this song was on the radio just now. LoL) ah, i really like kelly clarkson. i don't know why. i think she's got a good voice. idk. all her songs that i've heard of are good like breakaway. wait, hang on, i don't really like that first song she had. i forgot wat it was, but it kinda got sucky after i heard it for a while. like all songs. blah. you know wat song i really dislike? drop it like it's hot? (i think that's the name) by snoop dogg. ack. that song really bothers me. i don't know why. it just does. idk. anywayz, i really like ryan cabrera's song "this is true". it's such a pretty song except it kind of gets repetitive after a while, and that song begins to annoy me too. okay, wow, i get annoyed by lots of things. pah wah =P. alright time to go.

» jesse mccartney.beautiful soul «
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
sorry, i couldn't help myself. i heard this on the radio, and i really love this song. so i had to post it =P.

9:29 pm

december.16.2004

» =\ « concert went very well yesterday! yay! except when i got home i was like butt tired. but of course so much work to do still. i've just realized that over this weekend i need to get a bio lab done, study fifty sections in calc for a three day test, get an electronics lab done, finish book for english and write an analyzation about some stupid passage and prolly a shitload of statistics to do. yay! so much fucked up work to do. so friggin screwed.. omfg. i hate this. argh. life sucks.

» fencing « so i'm taking fencing in gym class this marking period or this second portion of the marking period. i finally get away from having my ab muscles hurt cuz i'm too stupid to know how to use the machines in the strength room properly, and now yesterday, mensch made us do squat walking and all that crap and now my LEG muscles hurt soo much. the bad part about this is the fact that i need my legs to walk. so now of course, my legs hurt so much that i can barely walk properly. i'm like half limping half walking normally. it's really bad. plus, my legs started to hurt yesterday two periods after gym. i was fine walking up the stairs. it hurt a lot but at least it still looked like i was walking properly, but after school, when i was walking down the stairs, my legs hurt so much i practically almost fell down the steps. i was like holding onto the railing for my dear life and slowly painfully limping down the stairs, and this girl behind me was staring at me like i was a maniac. and i was just like GRRRR! okay, haha, yeah, this is how pathetic i am. =P

3:02pm

december.15.2004

» complaint #1 « i hate it when people tell me to stop worrying and that i'm in college. true, yes, i'm in college, but still, am i supposed to just drop everything and not do anything for the rest of the year? no, that would be so irresponsible. it's just the impression everyone gives me when i start worrying about grades or like the material we're covering in class. i start talking about a problem i'm having, and immediately, they tell me stop talking, you don't need to worry, you're in college. yeah, well? whether i like it or not, there are still six more months of school, and techinically i'm still in high school even though i got accepted to columbia. i'm happy, but at the same time, i still have the right to worry as much as everyone else.

» complaint #2 « also, people are beginning to get this idea that i'm like a genius or something especially in the area of....statistics. i mean, i have no problem helping people out if they're having trouble with a certain topic or w/e. but i'm not a genius, i don't know everything. i mean, i can't just read a problem and within 2 seconds be able to supply you with an answer. i'm not a f**cking text book that you can just extract information out of. i need time to think over the problem too. i don't know everything.

» summary « at the end of all of this, i just feel that sometimes because of this frustration, i can't control myself so i lash out at people in what seems to be a matter of seconds after they talk to me. sometimes, though, people just drive me to the brink of insanity and perhaps i should tell them to stop. but of course, i'm socially inept so i don't know how to get rid of them in a kind way. okay, i think more people come to this site than i like to imagine. and i don't want to hurt people more than i perhaps already have or really want to.

3:15 pm

december.14.2004

first off... happy belated to swetha!! =D
second, BIG congratz to carra for getting into princeton! you rock girl ^^. i'm so happy for you. :P
also congratz to ....
dave huie - princeton
will hui - cornell
and good luck to ... dana, amy, and charlie who are still waiting for yale early decision! =) good luck..i hope all of you guyz get in =P.. hehe.

» rambles « currently, i should be typing up an approaches for othello, but, of course, instead, i'm typing a blog entry about nothing. go figure. okay, since i thought i was gonna write about something but forgot wat i was going to write about. i'm just goign to go back to othello...*sigh*.......

4:27 am

december.11.2004

» wooohoo! « wow, i just realized that i was soo mad thursday night (or really midnight on friday) about not getting my e-mail that i was so out of it and dated my last entry december 15 instead of december 10 ( i fixed it now)...haha i was just reading back now and was like...december 15?? did i travel into the future?? LoL..newayz...well after a whole night of being moody and angry about getting no letter, i finally received the email friday at around 9:00am (had to check during my study) and found out that i got in!! yay!!!! go columbia!!! class of 2009 ^^ w00t w00t..soooo happy. no idea. i'm just so relieved and want to thank everyone for all the hugs and congratulations =) you guyz made my acceptance even more special. wow, this is all still sinking in. i can't believe it. this is really awesome. after four years of working my ass off and those late nights actually pays off, i'm going to columbia!! haha, i'm still shocked. it's such a weird idea. i'm in college, yet i still have six more months of high school to go through school. oh man, i dunno if i can handle myself. now i'm at shp!! haha, i'm like looking around and thinking this is where i'm gonna be in next year. i can't believe it. i'm sooo thrilled and excited i can't even properly focus and type this entry. haha, i feel kind of bad though especially for my other classmates who weren't as lucky as i am. in fact, i was real surprised about cornell this year. they only accepted three early decision and deferred and rejected lotz of people. and it's weird because i felt some that were deferred really should have been accepted compared to some of the ppl who did get accepted. anywayz, just real shocked in general. but don't worry! good luck to all those who are still waiting!!! i really hope you get in! and good luck to all those who are still applying. you'll still get into a good school!! =D. and here my entry ends =P

11:40am

december.10.2004

still haven't gotten an e-mail from columbia...so pissed...everyone finds out except for me. gosh. kdsajf;klsj f;klalksf d;akjladfkls f;ldsal. i'm so irritated

12:42 am

december.9.2004

» rambles « today sucked...whooppee dooo dayy...another bad grade for physics....yay yay yay.. life is too short to care about grades or colleges or all the other stupid stuff that stress us out, yet the world we live in just enslaves us into this state of stress, confusion, and anxiety. why couldn't we all just be apes running around in ...err..w/e they run around in. why did we have to become so society-like. so stupid. given any day, i think i'd rather be a bird or a rabbit or a chipmunk (chipmunks are cool!). but of course, dont' really want to be hunted down by a stupid hunter so that leads me back to mehbe a fish in the dark deep ocean where no normal human eye will ever penetrate except for weirdo marine biologists. ok scratch that perhaps not. but seriously, if i could be any animal minus all the predator factors, dangers, etc., i'd really like to be a bird. you can soar high into the sky. the sky is the limit, yet it's not b/c it seems forever. i'd be sooo freee. free from the chains of high expectations, perfectness, etc. this is my form of escape.

1:02 am

december.7.2004

» why can't i run away? « and once again, my patience fades away. life is so complicated and confusing. why can't anything ever be simple? i'm just driven crazy by this and that, and then i feel the burden eating away inside of me. and then i pretty much can't stand the sight or sound of anyone around me including most of my friends. i just begin wandering away in my mind to a better place and leaving my physical form to just walk through the days in a blah and irritated mood. i just can't stay in the present or let's just say the real world. i can't stand pain. i can't stand problems. i can't stand difficulties. i don't want to solve my problems. i just want to just run away. run away from this mess to a place that doesn't exist where nothing exists where you're just a spirit floating around in the calm wind. ok, i don't know where i'm going. i just want out. there's just so much to do and too little time to do it.

" I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each others dreams, we can be together all the time. " ~Hobbes (Calvin and Hobbes)

2:38 pm

december.4.2004

» columbia « currently at columbia, doing nothing..LoL haha. well, the actual teacher isn't here today, and we spent most of the half hour lecture just talking about sockets. now, i have two hours to waste on the internet since i really have no ongoing projects. LoL, hmm, so now to waste up some time i'm reading sparknotes for midsummer's night dream :P since i'm watchign the play tonite, and i would like to know wat's going on. so this is how i spend my time! weeee ;D

» animation! « do you like that nice little paper clip? LoL, so the other day, i was chatting with christine, and she had that buddy icon but the text was too smalll to read. so i offered to enlarge the text, and in doing so, i made this nice little animation! hehe, i think it's soo funny :P. newayz, i was fooling around, and i came up with that. of course, this animation was too large and i was forced to cut it down so much that now the animation that i gave christine to use moves so fast that you can barely read the text anywayz. :( oh wellz, hehe, if u have fast eyes you could prolly read it. ;D ok, i kinda have nothing left to say except that i'm hungry!! wahz, i need food :P

10:54 am

december.1.2004

» this month « wow, we have finally reached the month of december. it's been three months of school, and already i'm begging for summer to come when i'll be in college, whichever one it'll be (at this point, i don't care..i want OUT). so this is a big month, december. really it is. besides the fact that yes i will be impatiently waiting for the early decision from columbia (i hope i don't get rejected...*sobs*), this will also be the last month i will be doing college applications (thank GOD). college applications are torturous. truly. i mean, the essays just keep coming and coming and it's a pain. also, chorus concert.. and erm other events. okay, and then x-mas break (which we got ripped off .. b/c the first day of vacation is x-mas eve..?!?). there's just so much work. i just got off thanksgiving break and already i'm begging for x-mas break to start! so sad. anywayz..

» senioritis « so at the beginning of this year, i promised that i wouldn't get senioritis (i dunno why, don't ask). now i can feel that promise slipping away, but it's not because.."oo i'm in college"..which i kinda am.. i mean..rutgers finally accepted me (woohoo!). it's more like i can't take the stress and i just want to slip away from it and pretend that the work is not there. i mean, right now, i should be doing biology, but instead i'm updating this blog. now i'm feelign this entry is falling apart..kinda like my inclass essay today on things fall apart...haha...oh the irony.. -.-;;

well, anywayz, time to update some stuff =)

1:47 pm

november.30.2004

4:07 pm

november.29.2004

i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz i hate mr. raiz

btw....happy birthday to annaly ^_~

3:05 pm

november.27.2004

» memories « wow, sudden memories just flowed into my brain. so after hassling with the computer to be able to sign in on geocities and update and then giving up and trying again and succeeding, i was just about to update this blog, but accidentally clicked on an old link that used to be part of an old layout (back then when i had the time to hassle with frames), now i don't anymore =P. newayz, back on track ^^. hehe, i was just browsing through an old site of one of my friends (i dont' think she updates anymore, but i dunno, will have to ask =)). it was pretty and just reading it made me go back to those days of my freshmen year when everything was just so carefree. haha, okay, maybe not too carefree, but i was wayy less stressed then than i am now. i dunno, i miss those days when nothing seemed to bother me too much. i was just out there in the clouds. i wish i was back there now. =[.

» work « so today, i decided to ditch the college apps and look over my thanksgiving break and knew immediately that i was headed for trouble. i have a whole shit load to do, and all i managed to do so far was the calc hw. i mean that's good. i finished one assignment, but now i have fifty other million ones still left to complete. *sigh*. when will this hell end? anywayz, calc wasn't too bad. if you aren't checking your work over to see if you get the answers correct (like i am), it shoudl take u only a good 1 to 2 hours so no fret. but now i have to attack bio and that's a huge mess. three body systems (circulatory, respiratory, and digestive)?!? wat is that idiot thinking? raiz is such an ass and idiot. whatever, he's so unreasonable, but he'll never realize it. tough luck for me. why did provost have to leave?!? i miss her soo much :( *sobs*.

» proud accomplishment « btw, i'm liking this layout more and more. haha, yeah, i'm soo modest. LoL, but seriously, it's a little more colorful and prettier. altho it is a little bit too blue. blah, but that's okay hehe :P. i'm really liking it :D. hehe..so yeah, happy about that. well, i think it's about time to start working on homework again. good-bye! ^^

11:14 pm

november.26.2004

» overall « so far, i've had a pretty decent vacation i suppose. i mean, in terms of not doing too much work, just working on college apps and getting the majority of two of them done, which is pretty good i suppose. no complaints there. wednesday afternoon, i went to see finding neverland w/ ang and carra and linsday and saw marina, jason, and dave there. it was a really good movie and kind of sad at the end. thursday was ok. mostly finished the common app and supplements for carnegie mellon and cornell. my two second choices after columbia :\. today was pretty much the same. we did try to go see national treasure but it was sold out. mostly work free but still, i got so much to do. i really don't think i'd be able to finish this weekend which makes me pissed at the teachers for giving so much work. even tho they're not due by monday, i kno they're stilll gonan pile other hw on top of the already existing one, and it makes me mad. some of them are so unreasonable like *cough* raiz *cough*. *sigh*

» hiding « there's so much i want to say, yet, surprisingly, i dont' really wanna type all that i want to say here on this blog. at least, not right now during this period of time when we should all be thankful, yet, the problems that are hovering my head are burdening me. they keep troubling me everytime i'm caught unawares with nothign else to think about. they are there around me and slowly seep into my brain the second i let my guard down. truthfully, it's driving me crazy. i don't know wat to do. now i say this often, but right now, i'm not referring to like the "immediate" people around me, well no..that's wrong. well i feel that people are just cold and so judgemental (if that's even a word). this is not referring (as it usually has in the past entries) to friends and classmate/peers. i'm just referring to the people in general. i really want to let it out, but i feel as it's too out of place and perhaps a little too radical (if that's even possible for me..me w/ opinions? naw..complaints? perhaps :P) even for my tastes. yet these thoughts still linger in my head. i'm constantly bothered and tortured. i feel so suffocated by my own thoughts. sometimes, i wish i just go brain dead. just stop thinking. okay, perhaps now, you are going crazy trying to think of what's troubling me while i am continuely being vague. and since i dont' feel like revealing what i'm thinking as of yet, i will stop pulling your strings (or wateva).

11:00 pm

november.25.2004

» new layout! « so i have decided to choose today to bring forth my new layout to the public view. i hope you like it. i've rearranged the links so everything else is a brought over from the previous layout except for this page. with time, i think i may change the layouts of the other pages. we shall see =). for now, enjoy the new main page!

» thankful « originally, i was going to type an entry about how much i hate my life and, you know, the usual complaints, but then i realized that today is thanksgiving, and that topic is just way out of place. so, on second thought, since today is a day to be thankful, i took some time to think about all the people who i'm thankful for. so here it goes.
i'm thankful for...
my mom-> although she can be a pain in the ass sometimes, i'm thankful for her always being there for me and teaching me how to be a better person and how to deal with life and so on. =P
my dad-> although my dad does have his annoying traits, i'm thankful for him for helping me get through my college applications and my school work (aka physics) and for all his funny jokes and insights in life.
my bro-> although he can get on my nerves for the random icky things that he does =), i'm thankful for him for always doing random things for me and keeping his cool and his kindness even though i can be a real ass to him some times.....or maybe perhaps all the time.....>.<
friends-> although sometimes i get angry at them for not paying attention to me and all that, i'm thankful for my friends for always taking time to talk with me whenever i need it the most and for trying to make my life less miserable. i'm thankful for their support and for their kindness. thank you to angie, dana, christine, amy, and all those out there who make me forget all my troubles! ^^"
once again, happy turkey day! =D

» weird.. « you know wat's really weird? sometimes, when i have some free time to think about other stuff besides schoolwork and stressing out over my huge pile of it, i start composing new entries for this blog. it's like all the sudden i'm thinking about wat to write, and then i begin actually composing the actual sentences that i want to write and revising them to the way i like it in my head. of course, after a few hours, i forget wat i want to say and how i want to say it that by the time i'm typing the entry, i have become inarticulate like i am now. there are so many things that i think about that i want to say, but i just forget how to express them the way i wanted to. it shows how much i'm obssessed with this blog/journal/diary, whichever you like to call it. it's so weird. newayz, with all that said and done, it's time to get back to those college apps. over and out =)

4:42pm

November 20, 2004--

» Somebody.Bonnie McKee «
I sit alone
In the dark theatre watchin' the people go by
hand in hand
everybody but me
I stay behind
watchin' the credits roll by
roll roll roll right by me...
~ basically, this sums up what i was jibbering and jabbering about in my last entry. so there's a quick summary for those who do not want to decipher my poor english for which i do not blame you. anywayz, thx to jenn from who i leeched these lyrics off of. =P

» overview « busy saturday today. although i did miss columbia *sobs*, i had a math competition this morning at Seton Hall. not bad, livingston got third place, but, of course, i most likely scored in the 1 digit range, but tis okay. then i had my columbia interview two hours ago. that...err..went..okay as well. probably now the guy thinks i'm inarticulate and there goes my chances of getting into columbia =(. aah. i'm too stressed. still lots of work and college apps. i really have nothing to say right now. more laters if i think of something to say or want to bitch and complain about my life. but for now, =]. have a nice day. "a weather fit for ugly ducklings"~ HAHA. or however that math teacher @ gov school said it.

5:26 pm

November 19, 2004--

» very late « yeah...so it's 1 in the morning...i was gonna come on the computer to do a lil stat before i hit the bed but now i'm just updating my blog. well to start off with some random stuff from the comic spirit again titled "the wit of oscar wilde"..
"Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success."
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live."

» selfishness « i think i've become very selfish lately or maybe i'm just feeling extremely guilty for the little acts that i do. i dunno, is anyone noticing it or are they too busy with their lives to notice my change in mood?? see?? there goes me being selfish again. well this is my blog so being selfish here is pardoned. LoL, okay, perhaps not. i feel it's more of an inward thing. maybe i'm not showing it, but inside of me, there are things that are just waiting to burst out of me. i feel like i'm waiting for someone to make that one stupid silly nonsense mistake, and then i'll be ready to burst out on them and use them as an outlet for all my troubles. well, i guess i try to keep calm around people, but yet i feel like whenever i'm around classmates or people at school, i always feel like i'm the one acting cold towards them or always wanting more out of them. i dont' really know. it's just i feel so selfish right now. for example, just today at the library, i practically burst out at someone for going on the computer instead of sitting at the table with me, but then again, i don't think she recognized my tone of voice as being angry. either that or she dismissed it as something else just as to not make it seem too awkward. i don't know. i just want to break away from all this mess. fly above the clouds and never be seen again.

» going back « i remember a few years back i was talking to a classmate, someone i wanted to be friends with, and for some reason out of nowhere (either that or i can't remember how we came to the subject), she told me who she liked. then she asked me who i liked, and believe it or not,(i tend to be really secretive about these things) i'll admit that i've had a couple of crushes (blah), and i had refused and still refuse to tell anyone who they are. it was something i kept to myself more because i was probably embarrassed about having one to begin with (i guess since i always felt i was invisible..so maybe it was more of a pride thing if you can understand that). so newayz, getting back to the actual topic of discussion, for some reason or another, i wasn't very reluctant or hesitant about telling her who i liked (which was a big deal at that time). i remember several friends who always bugged me asking who i liked and i refused to tell them, but then again, they never were really serious about it. i think they just wanted to know so that they could make fun of me about it (hence, perhaps the usual reluctance). and with the exception of her, there was only probably one other person who knew who i liked. blah ~ i dunno why i was so eager to tell her, a person i didn't know too well, i was more eager to tell a "stranger" then i was to tell a closer friend. well, actually, i didn't have too many close friends back then so erm..yeah scratch that. but the point being is, i was very surprised that i told her. my usual response to anyone was "no, no crush...moving along?" but for some reason, i told her. i guess, i just wanted to gain her trust. i mean with friends come trust, right? okay, i dunno wat i was thinking and wat the point of me typing this is. i guess, i'm just hurt right now and venting my feelings on any random topic with no point. or i just need somethign to think of and while i'm thinking i'm typing. alright.. new paragraph

» hurt « yeah, (if you are even reading this regularly...it's a lot..i don't blame you ^^) remember how a few entries back i thought i had gotten over the whole being totally out of the group thing? yeah, well i guess i lied or just thought i could overcome it. but those feelings just rushed back in all of the sudden today as i sat in the school library looked around me and realized how alone i was. so in a sense, even when i try not to think about it, i'm still hurt. the library after school is not a place to study, let's get that straight. it's really a place to hang out and annoy those fussy librarians. horrible environment, well at least for me. i mean, i just look around me, and i see people laughing and hanging out and fooling around and just wishing that i was really part of all that. but i'm not. i'm just this loner sitting at a table where everyone dumps their fucking backpack on and then just leaves to do something else without so much as a hello, how are you doing? it's like a mere wave and I MUST RUN OUT OF HERE! i think that's probably why i practically burst out at her today. (refering to first paragraph)okay, newayz, it's 2 o'clock..i've spent an hour typing nonsense. o wellz, i hate deleting blogs tho b/c it makes me feel like i really wasted the hour. so no matter wat, this entry stays. but in the end, i go to sleep w/o having done a single bit in statistics. go procrastination =).

i want to scream,
i want to escape,
i want to fly away to a place
where there's no boundaries,
no limits,
just me and the empty space

2:07 am

November 14, 2004--

» printer problems « alright, the following is just me musing. newayz, so i finished typing up my language journal for ap english. i go to print the damn document but of course as usual my computer and printer likes to complain to me. so a message pops up saying that there was an error in writing to some specified device and blah blah. then afterwards, it tells me to click ok, which i found very funny. the whole point was for me to print my stupid journal. now it's telling me that it can't print it, and then it wants me to tell it that it's okay??!? of course it isn't okay! but of course there isn't another button for me to click that says print goddammit! yeah newayz, that was just a pointless thought. again, that was just me musing. shall we go on to more interesting topics? or perhaps not. ^_~

» new keyboard! « newayz, good news for everyone! the cryptology days are over, and, of course, me cursing at my screwed up keyboard. my dad has finally acknowledged that, yes, there is something wrong with the keyboard. the failing d-key and space bar key has finally frustrated him so today he went to staples and bought a new $10 keyboard! haha, so now i have a new keyboard so you guyz no longer have to fill in the d's and space's whenever my IM messages never make any sense, but, of course, my typing is never that great so you'll still have to decipher wat i say online! haha =), but no longer fear the d's! okay ^^ however, the backspace is now so friggin small that you'll prolly see a lot of \'s because i'll attempt to backspace but can't and then give up from frustration =P. so yeah, my break through story of the day, shall we say ^^. oh yes, and btw, i was just browsing through people's profiles and i found this picture, which i found very funny ^^. hehe so click the link and you shall see!! =) the picture is a little big to put on this site so gotta put it on another page ^^. hehe, iono where andre got it from =P. this reminds me that i should probably find a way to get thumbnails of the pictures and have them enlarge when the person clicks it or have a pop-up window that's a lil more stylish...hmmm *shrugz*..with time with time =P cuz i have none now =(. oh yes, btw, if you are very observative, you would have noticed a new link under misc. i was simply fooling around and bumped to an old site that i had experimented with. i made it during my freshman year i think reading from the single blog entry i wrote. haha. so enjoy!

» beautiful soul - jesse mccartney «
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul...

» gathering songs « yeah that's a really nice song. i'm wondering who really sings it now on the radio because jesse mccartney's a guy but the singer sounds like a girl. iono? any insights? haha. maybe it's a different person who's singing the same song. perhaps like a remix or something. i dunno. newayz, i've been thinking that i should make an entry with just all lyrics from songs that kinda relate to my life and all that. i think maybe welcome to my life, breakaway, perfect, and some other songs, which i can't think of at the moment. aah...we shall see ^^.

7:26 pm

November 13, 2004--

» mit interview « AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
argh..i'm sooo scared...i'm currently at columbia (updating blog instead of programming ^_~)...buuuuuh...i got my mit interview in 4 hours!! i'm sooo scared >.<....i kno ppl are like be yourself...but i feel like i won't know how to answer any questions correctly..truthfully i'm just a lazy bum who can't stand too much hw that doesn't make any sense and don't understand the english language...which is very great...bah...i'm goign to have an MIT interview..i dun think the interviewer wants to hear that.dfkasjl;fajf;jslaf..i'm just sooo scared..freaking out right now...five minutes till this class is over..spent most of the time loggin on and off the unix server at columbia b/c i'm too stupid to kno how to navigate in unix or however u call (and i'm having an interview w/ MIT and i dun even kno computer terms etc.) ack ! i'm so nervous and stupid..yeah this is not going to be an uplifting entry so quit while you're ahead..newayz..yeah..and the rest looking at xangas..and commenting on a few..but not too many. *sigh*. ack. so scared...i just want to go back into my bed and sleep forever. ok..gonna go...over and out

12:27 pm

November 11, 2004--

» comedy « hiya! long time no blogging! LoL...yeah i've been very busy..and as you can see i've dropped that idea of typing in full sentences....as u obviously well noticed with all these dots floating around this entry right now....yeah..shows you how smart i am..*sigh*..newayz, so we got a book today in ap english called the comic spirit, which is supposed to help us on the author humor project. well i was just browsing through it a while ago, and i came across a section titled "the devil's dictionary" by ambrose bierce. some of those entries in the dictionary were so funny! haha..i think we talked about him last year in ap english too. i think i read one of his short stories. it was pretty gross and depressing. i think it was about a deaf boy who got lost in the woods and when he finally gets home, he finds that his whole family has been murdered and his house raided..yeah..really depressing..well newayz..the whole point of me actually bothering to type this entry and fighting the malfunctoining d-key on the keyboard that refuses to type out the letter is to share some of his entries =). so here goes:
apologize: to lay the foundatoin for a future offense
bore: a person who talks when you wish him to listen
hospitality: the virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging
man: an animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies which such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth.
politics: a strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
war: a by-product of the arts of peace.
well here they all are!! enjoy! some are a lil funnier than others, and some i thought was just so true even though it wasn't too funny so i posted them anywayz. well time to go! good-bye! =)

6:06 pm

November 1, 2004--

» independence « how do you learn to be independent? you learn to be independent by going out, experiencing new things, learn more about the world around you, and discover what is really going on out there. you do not learn to be independent by staying at home all day, doing homework from day in to day out, go to sleep, go to school, and then come back home for more homework torture. NO, Mom, you do not all the sudden become independent with the blink of an eye. you do not become independent by imprisoning your daughter everyday in the house and then screaming at her to work on her homework or college applications when she is simply trying to find out when the libary closes or some other information on the computer. independence is gained through time and space.

4:45 pm

October 31, 2004--

» trapped « i feel like i'm living in a living hell. i feel so trapped, and there's no way of escaping. no matter how hard i try to break through, no matter how fast i run, how far i run, i always return back to the same place. back to square one. back to the origin. back to the very place where i wanted to get away from. it's depressing really. i always find myself in the very place i dont' want to be. i dunno, this was something i just thought about while i was sleeping in my room a little while ago leaving the bickering over my college app to my parents because i just couldn't deal with the shit anymore. *sigh* anyhoo..
» BIG thanx to.. « i'd like to take the time now to thank all those who attempted to comfort me from my last blog entry. special thx to louis- for taking the time to have a lil chat w/ me, jill- for trying comfort me at like one in the morning ^_~, and ang - for the comment in the guestbook. oh yeah and also to c² (LoL)- for her past comments on my blog entries ^^. it meant a lot to me to know that i still had people to depend on and talk to =P. thanx you guyz!
basically i think my depression has passed on about that subject. i think i've just learned to accept my fate ~ prolly influenced by the stranger by albert camus. existentiallism ~ learn to accept death (or that's basically wat I got out of it)... so basically i've learned to accept my fate. that i'll prolly always be some social outcast, always out of tune with the group. i dunno. i think i've almost sort of given up. people seem so cold sometimes, and i feel like i can't handle the stress anymore especially with all the other work and college apps piling up now. it's just not worth it. newayz, i figure if i can just get a few close friends out of high school and still keep in touch w/ them over college years and hopefully for the rest of my life. i'll pretty much be happy. =)
» accomplishment! « anywayz, on a lighter note, i just sent out my columbia application a few hours ago!!! w00t w00t. finally finished ONE college application! haha ^^. it's such a relief to get that app out..now it's all up to those college admission officers >.< ... i really hope i get in..i dunno wat i'll do if i don't..i guess if i don't..i better get into cornell or carnegie mellon..cuz those are the only other ones i really have my heart set on if not columbia....aah =*(..wish me luck =p...wellz..newayz..now on to rutgers and the uc's application b/c those are due before the end of nov...ack!..newayz over and out =)

1:52 AM

October 22, 2004--

» thinking back « i was always afraid of being alone. i don't know why really. i don't think it was something i was afraid of in elementary school. at least, i don't think so. but then, that was elementary school, and my memory about those times has become foggy. probably, it was a fear that started sometime around middle school. i guess i can see why. the first two years i spent in isolation being separated from my elementary school friends from every which angle to the point that i didn't even know them and, well, practically became out of touch with them. it was only in eigth grade when our classes finally clashed together again that i somehow came back to the "flow" again, but then again not really. throughout high school, they've grown even farther away from me involving themselves in activities that didn't include me.

middle school sucked.i spent 2/3 of it trying to fit in to a place i didn't belong. hey, i guess i tried. or maybe i didn't. newayz, middle school is becoming a bit hazy too. it's like i'm trying to forget all the bad times except for elementary school. at that point, i don't think i was really conscious of living to worry too much about things. well, newayz, the matter of fact was that i didn't really belong anywhere. i mean, i'm not saying i didnt' have any friends. but then again, i didn't really have any close friends or like a group of people who i could always depend on to be with. i was kind of like a loner just hanging on my "merry" way. i dunno. i also spent much of the time being under ridicule by so-called "friends" and non-friends. maybe partially why i try to stay hidden in class throughout my high school years. i just didn't want to bring attention to myself any more than i could.

well, eigth grade finally came along. i finally had classes with my friends that i tried to hold on through those two years of isolation. yet on the first week back at school. the thigns they talked about and the things they shared and laughed about. all those memories from the past two years that i was cruelly excluded out of for one reason or another. it just hit me. it just hit me on how much i didn't belong at all in the group and how out of touch i've become. and that feeling just left me uneasy. these were the friends i used to be able to laugh with. be able to get their attention so easily. all of the sudden i was just a spectator in the audience. they were the center stage. i dont' mean it in a way like "oh i'm an attention seeking person". but in a group of friends, everyone has their own "spotlight" and everyone should be able to share in the laughs. but i was just so not into the flow. physically, i was near them, but yet i was just soooo far away from them. i realized how much two years of isolation had done to me. and it hurt. and i remember, that throughout eigth grade, i changed a lot to the point that i think i might have scared even one of my closer friends. in an attempt to get back into the group and have them notice that i even existed, i became "loud" and dubbed myself "hyperfreak" and just kind of played with that stream throughout the whole entire year after one day of being hyper about somethign or another. i dont' quite remember anymore. i probably began to become obnoxious with my parents. i slowly changed my wardrobe. i ditched all those hello kitty & kerropi sweaters for the limited too and other of those type of clothing. i guess you would call mainstream? perhaps. my vocabulary still sux to this day. the only thing i haven't attempted to change (haha). i grew my hair out through not reminding my ever-forgetful mom to cut it to the ever chinese-rice-bowl-haircut or however christine had addressed it in her college essay.

so i morphed into a completely different person (on the outside, perhaps the inside, i really can't judge). high school came along. i sorta grew apart from them again, and they grew apart from me. but high school was slightly better in that i thought i finally found a group of friends that i might relate to. i've spent three years feeling like i finally belonged somewhere. and now this year, CRASH, it all falls apart. i feel like i dont' belong anymore. and now i wonder, maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me. maybe i never did. i mean, i didn't really do half the outside school activities they did. i never saw any one of them over the summer. we just had the same classes together. i saw them everyday after school at the library. but then i should have noticed, the roots of the relationships of the people who were around me. they go way back. me? they've only known me for three years maximum, if even. no, i'm definitely out of the flow. i'm just some random girl who they picked to be ranked #3 in the class because they don't have anyone else to choose. i mean it's not completely unbearable. i do have several close friends, but i never hang out with them outside of school. but still three years of trying to fit in and again i fail. i dont belong nowhere and i dont belong anywhere. look at all this insecurity. it makes even me sick sometimes.

i just feel like it's a never ending circle. kind of like homework. you finally finished half your pile, but then another inch is added to it. the process keeps goign and going and going. and you're just trapped in the mist of it.

anyways, after two hours of typing this entry (and trying to keep it in a sentence form instead of ....... all over the place ^_~), i guess what i'm really trying to say is that, well, i don't really know what i'm trying to say. i just feel trapped inside and out. maybe the reason this always happens to me is my personality. in the end, perhaps the real reason why i am so depressed is because i see the same process over and over again. and i just feel like when i'm off to college, it will just be the same process over again. i'm always going to be trapped being the loner that i am. it's like no matter what i do and how much i change, i'm still the same. and now i feel like i don't even know who i am anymore from all this changing and tryign to fit in. it's like those two years of being a somewhat outcast. those two years and now i feel like i have no one to go back with to talk about memories with because in a sense, i don't really have too many childhood memories with my friends. i feel like a part of me is now missing, and i just want to start over again. can a person start all over again? i thought i could in high school, but i didn't. well, if there's one thing i ever hope for, it's that tables will finally turn. but that's just a hope...and nothing more.

2:03 am

October 20, 2004--

» iron hills «

» broken.seetherftamylee «
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

11:13 pm

October 18, 2004--

» absolutely sick...« i dunno if it's just me or i'm just physically & mentally not capable with interacting w/ ppl..but some ppl just make me absolutely sick...i dunno..or mehbe it's just me pissing off and i just don't have any tolerance right now....iono..it just bugs me.....it's like..i hate my home sooo much...it feels like such a prison...i feel so trapped and confined with parents screaming about college apps every other minute ~ which also makes me not want to do the apps which is not good cuz nov. 1 is coming around the corner ~ but then...iono..i just feel like i can't breathe in the atmosphere..but then when i'm at school...all i can think is that i just want to go home....but then when i get home...i'm like fuck..wat the hell was i thinking?!??! iono...it' just school..iono ppl are just annoying me these days...or mehbe i've just become wayy too pessimistic and bitter to really handle ppl nowz..iono..it's just that half the ppl i see act so friggin fake around me..it's like soo obvious i mena just FUCKING stop ..you're driving me insane...and then there's others who just walk by you when u say hi w/o noticing like you're some kind of ghost or shadow or sumthing..and that drives me double insane..i'm not a friggin wall that u can use to lean on whenever the fuck u feel like it..so STOP! ...ionoz..or mehebe it's just my imagination ricketing off the wall (haha...)... newayz.. so far ...senior year has sucked..i mean..junior year was just soo much better and funnner...i had cooler ppl in my classs..instead of like this year...which there are a bunch of overegotistical guys and really ditzy like omg i dunno wtf is going on in this class ppl >.<...i kno..that's mean..and prolly not true...actually most likely inflated and overexaggerated..but it's how i feel okz? i dunno..i just feel like i'm being ignored by soo many ppl that i could have talked to last year...and it makes me feel...unwanted and everythign...iono..and it drives me down into the pools of depression and then to top it off i have my parents who don't care whether you're depressed as long as you can squeeze a fuckign college essay out..and i feel confined there too..like my dad's like say this..say that..no! wtf did u leave it out?? u gotta include that..college admision officers gotta see that..they need to see that..otherwise you're not gonna get into columbia..blha blah blah..i guess it's a good thing that at least he thinks i have a chance of getting in...but still it's driving me crazy..iono...i mean..i guess he's trying to help...but dont' u ever get the feeling that you just need some space to breathe in? who knows....newayz...i just can't stand school either..and since my life is just home & school...well...it's becomign unbearable at the moment right nwo....andi dun think it's the classes...or mehbe it is..since i'm not really in classes w/ ppl i kno anymore.....but in terms of..omg..you're driving yourself crazy...FIVE AP'S?!?! U SILLY GIRL kinda mode..well..it's definitely not that that's driving me crazy....*sigh*....iono..i just feeel so fucked up right now..it's not even funny....
iono....and i really miss the seniors from last year...iono..it just was a totally different atmostphere w/ them..and now they're gone it's like.....iono....the school feels so empty....i guess mehbe i had more friends w/ seniors..or i never had high expectations of them..like i'd never really expected them to "hang" out w/ me...so just talking to them was kinda fun..but i guess i'm expecting more of my peers now. newayz, yea..i really miss them =(...i wish junior year was back..just so much more fun....the only thing like enjoyable in my life right now is columbia shp...i mean..i'm away from my parents and all those ...."annoying" ppl at school....and i'm just hanign out w/ those that i like hanging out w/...or like i dont' mind hangin out w/......newayz....i just feel so much more free..and i can like breathe...but that's once a week..iono >.<...i need to get out of this place...but even as i say that..woudlnt' college be the same atmosphere..or mehbe it's diff....w/e...fuck..now it's friggin eleven..and i havne't done anythgin except read stupid electronics packet..and i have so much work....merde...

10:56 pm

October 12, 2004--

» ryan cabrera.true «
i've waited all my life to cross this line ~ to the only thing thats true ~ so I will not hide ~ i'ts time to try anything to be with you ~ all my life I've waited ~ this is true
wow ... that's such a pretty song..ryan cabrera is pretty good..haha i should check up his other songs..yeah..right..not w/ my 56K modem cani really...w/e i dun d/l music anymorez either..cuz it screws up my comp and all that...*rolls eyes*.. newayz..so i'm just sitting here listening to music on the radio..and i heard that song above..and i was like..wow...soo good...so that's why i'm making an update right now...just to post those lyrics..LoLz well notz really but w/e =)...i did see him on the tonite show the other day...but he's not that good looking..or mehbe it's my tv...it's got lines all across the screen..it's amazing i can even recognize a person on tv through all those lines!

» xanga... « hmm..there's something about xangas. especially those that are obsessed w/ making new layouts all the time (which are btw really cool..and i wished i could adapt to xanga..but find i can't...which is why i just start from scratch instead..haha)...like yesterday...i clicked on a xanga link which turned out to be her old xanga...and on the last entry was a link to her "new" xanga...and that had a whole new pretty layout..but then that was also an old xanga which had a link to a "new" xanga..so in the end..i was like kinda walking down hall of fame of someone's past xanga layouts...i mean it was kinda cool seeing all her different layouts...the types of designs she played around with....but in the end..i was just chuckling to myself and wondering when will this chain ever end?? newayz..haha..i thought it was interesting...erf >.<..but then again..i guess i'm quite weird..and i should really be getting back to my unstarted bio lab instead of being distracted by random things like updating my blog..^_~

11:22 pm

October 10, 2004--

» my cousin ~ steph « when i look around me and i ask myself who my role model is, more than enough times, the answer points to one person~ my cousin ~ steph...granted she has many faults (that my mom more often than none would like to tell me at the top of her voice...) ..but then again, who doesn't?? yeah ..she does a lot of bad things...some that i would hope i would rather not do in my life time..but nevertheless...she's everything (minus the faults) that i'd want to be...she's kind, caring, likeable, outgoing, smart, talented, and just plain cool~ (haha..) i see her almost as my big sister even tho i only see her like two weeks each year..and most of the time..barely those two weeks since she's so busy w/ her life...and yeah..sometimes i get mad at her..sometimes i get bitter..sometimes i just dream about screaming at her and "knocking some sense" into her brain...but then...mehbe cuz i'm just being selfish...i dunno like sometimes i wish i could find someone who'd just BE there for me all the time but of course i'd never really find anyone like that so i just fantasize that mehbe she'd fill that spot for me..but of course she can't ..she's got her own life to run and she lives like 500 miles away from me...but i guess there's always that sliver of hope within me that maybe...just maybe a miracle will happen...but newayz..even if she's not always there for me, even in those two weeks that i come to visit~ she always try to find a slot of time....just to come over to grandma's to just catch up w/ life and hang out w/ me..and that small act just means so much to me .. i mean i'm nothing like her ~ pretty, outgoing, and cool ~ yet she still finds some time to hang out w/ her three years younger dorky four-eyes cousin and iono ~ it just makes me feel special and it just means so much to me...so yeah steph..even tho i kno you prolly dun read my blog...i juss wanted to say thank you

9:26 pm

September 25, 2004--

trapped...

         confined.....

              imprisoned.....

                   no where to run....   no where to hide.....

the tears fall....slowly.......then faster........

      sounds of sobbing can be heard but quickly stifled......



 -=- alone -=-




 :: i s o l a t e d ::

5:16 pm

Septebmer 18, 2004--

song of the moment: Diva, Ah Hey by Charlene Choi.. (dammit..it's like stuck in my head all day..)
»wow..wat an eventful day i must say...so i wake up around seven roll around in bed..hear the rain attack furiously at my roof..and finally get ready to go to columbia ~ then ...go out to the bus stop where it's like pouring like crazy that i still get wet under that overhang thing @ the bus stop. finally get on the bus~ not too bad of a ride..just read some of dana's steinbeck..watch her try to unlock her cell (=(..i hope you finally get it unlocked...LoL) .. and studied a lil bio...but it wasn't too productive..get to port authority finally.. then it turns out the trains are all down due to flooding..and me & dana & shelly end up following steph and elaine to an "adventure" , shall we say..as we attempt to get to columbia LoL~ it was crazy...went on the A train decided to get of at 110 and trekked all the way around just to get to 116 where columbia was >.< too much fast walking if you know wat i mean...and i was FREEZING..so finally found our classes and all that..had lunch @ a japanese place (cafe swiss or sumthing) w/ dana & steph..then we gotta rush all the way back to port authority, try and buy tickets but of course, due to our unluckiness, they decided to change the gate so instead of it being 306 it was 416 so we had to run all the way down and all the wayyy up to the 400 gates but of course the bus had left already..and we missed the 2:15 bus meanign we had to wait a whole other hour just to get back home.. x.X o wat a day~ so finally we get on teh bus..and finally got home..so i say...it was A LOT of running around everywhere for the first day back at shp..haha.. =)..well newayz..back home...and now dinner =d«

6:48 pm

September 17, 2004--

»feeling extremely lazy ~ don't want to do any of the school work or SATs or college stuff...*sigh*..well columbia tomorrow~ that should be fun...of course i'm still worried over my calculator..dunno why..i most likely lost it but still..i'm just so anxious to go to school and just try and get it back..tho fat chance~ kjflsajf...argh..just so frustrated right now...have to start on college essays but i dunno wat to talk about... it's just soo annoying this whole thing....i just don't want to deal with it really...btw~ starting to like the hk singers even though i have no idea wat they're singing about but the music is soo pretty and they sing pretty well..haha.. i'm such a weirdo..but now i have like one of the tunes stuck in my head can't get rid of it~ *sigh*..well newayz. gonna go and try and do something useful~«

5:07 pm

September 16, 2004--

»well so last night, i was just watching a movie .. just a random one..some chinese movie..even i dunno wat the title of the movie is...i think mehbe it's...one station down..station name? ok..that's prolly like the straight forward translation..but when i looked at the english title when i popped the dvd in..it said aah diva..something..and er...newayz..so basically, it was in mandarin..and since i don't understand a single word in mandarin, i had to tie my mom down and make her translate everythign to me (she reads teh subtitles and give me the gist of wat's going on)..so after watching the movie teh first time..i watched it a second time to try and figure out wat teh characters were saying..eerrr.not the least successful...spent three hours just wacthign a movie that's only like around a hour and a half LoL...but w/e..it was still enjoyable i suppose....there's just something about movies....they draw you in and it's like a whole other reality..and somehow i just stay in that "reality" world..and i can't seem to draw myself back to the real world..where all i do everyday is study study study...iono.it depresses me i suppose sometimes..how little i know of the real world..it's like..when i watch a movie..i just create another character...like a spectator of that movie and i live along w/ the characters and actually feel like i'm in the movie..iono...i feel like my head is always in a dream world..and i just can never capture wat's goign on in the real world..and then when i do..it just depresses me how much i'm missing from everyone else..and i go back to dreaming again and again....iono..just can't stand my life right now..iono..if it's the course load..or mehbe..i just can't accept the fact that i have one more year to life "carefree-like" before college starts..and then you have to take somewhat adult responsibilities..iono...it just seems like i've missed that whole entire part of my life in which i was supposed to be... a CHILD...and i wanna go back and relive that...and iono...and i think i've also missed the life of being a high school student..and i've got one year left to maybe make up for it..but instead..i do wat i always do..get locked up in the house and never do anything with anyone..and i try to..but then parents won't let me b/c of applications and this and that..iono..i just feel so trapped...confined...well enough rambles...my mind is getting twisted again....«

1:09 pm

September 13, 2004--

» wow~ yeah..it's the second week of school amazingly =(..kinda back into the school mode..the workload surprisingly isn't too much..but let's not get into the shcool hell too fast =P ..newayz..iono..life's still looking a lil dull >.<...mehbe i'm still tied up from the summer..iono~ i never feel like i get enough rest from summer break..i'm always @ some camp...then after that camp i'm zooming of to canada for a week or so...and then i'm back home locking myself up in the house just doing school summer work until teh breka of dawn on the first day of school finishing up...iono~ -.-...life seems so dull.. psh~ *sigh*.. tried out for chambers today...didn't do too well...ack ~ i don't even want to think about it..i'm just so blah now...it's like no life is in me...dude~ i remember feeling this way like two years ago...psh..iono why....feel so out of it...well newayz...should start doing work...«

8:30 pm

September 11, 2004--

» well..i finally finished Da Vinci code this mornign! sooo good ^^..u should read it if u haven't already! hehe ^^... now i'm trying to get my english hw done...but Paradise Lost is just soo boring...well it's not boring boring...it's just that..it's soo HARD to understand it...i need to take like breaks in between the paragraphs in order to understand what the poem is trying to say....wat a bummer~
oh yes..btw..if i have not mentioned already~ the gov school pix are finally up! i finished uploading all of them at last..so if you'd like to enjoy them go here ...=)
newayz...now time to jump off comp..i think someone wants it....grr....«

5:48 pm

September 10, 2004--

» TGIF! omg..it's been such a long week..and it's FINALLY the weekend....crazy...having to wake up early....i'm so back in the school mode already it's crazy...at the same time~ iono..kinda feeling lonely....i mean...i barely have anyone in my classes and those who i do know..well~ let's say i feel isolated from the whole flow and everything and i feel like i'm living the whole day by myself....newayz...had a restful afternoon...didn't do too much...read more of Da Vinci Code....did some SAT studying...realized i'll never get a high score *sigh*....and then watched a movie...and now i'm here...hmm...well...iono~ just kinda depressed lately...ok i'm veering off to a diff topic...oh well..i'm gonna go now and mull things over ~ bbai~ «

11:57 pm

September 8, 2004--

» yeah~ school started yesterday~ i mean..it was fun being back..but at the same time..iono~ felt a lil isolated from ppl~ like iono..i barely have classes w/ anyone..and yet i have classes w/ everyone? kinda hard to expain~ i suppose i mean..i know lots of ppl in all my classes almost..but it's not ppl i talk to a lot..and then the ppl i do have at least one class w/ ~ well..we barely talk at all..iono ...mehbe it's just me..or mehbe..iono..just..i dunno~ senior year hasn't started out that great yet except for the fact that i have managed to have two straight nights of restful sleep which normally never happens~ haha..well... senior year not looking too great so far..but the classes seem ok.....argh..not really......stat's not exactly the most exciting course ever ~phys c isn't too bad though ~ calc's the same as last year...i suppose....same ppl..just..*shrugz* nothing exciting...~english isn't too bad...bio's blech..and teacher..oh..man..i don't like him nemore~ specially wat he did to me today......long line to school as all of you know...i got on that line around 7:35...didn't get to the school until around 8:00..yeah...over a 20 minute wait..let's just keep it to the fact that it was INSANE...and so..i walk into bio late (obviously)..and i said sorry to the teacher ~ and then a minute after i sat down...he immediately announced that...sorry guyz...but after this week...long lines will no longer be a valid excuse for being late...and i was like WTF?!!? i was soo mad....u have no idea....i DID NOT wake up at 6 in the morning..just to make sure i can get to school on time and not screw over my brother for being late as well...and this is how i get treated?!?? i wait on a 20 min line just to get even within TEN feet near the school building...and STILL end up being late to class...and get this??!...well needless to say..i was really pissed....but thankfully...two minutes after he said THAT..the announcements went on saying to pardon all kids who were late to class BECAUSE OF THE LONG LINES so booo yeah! mr. raiz...u lil ass...geez..wat a stickler...i'd like to see him wait on the line..it's no laughing matter..hrmph..~ well newayz.. better start workin on my hw....«

8:34 pm

September 6, 2004--

» finally! i'm done w/ all my summer hw..and happily..i will not be sleeping late tonight..but early! ...or at least not my usual three o'clock or five o'clock in the morning routine! so now i wont' pass out on my first day of school like wat i was about to do last year..when i had so many essays to write on the last day of summer vacation~ hehe so proud of myself!..omg..now we're seniors...i can't believe it...>.<....high school has gone by so fast...well currently mixed feeling right now...still wanna have more summer vacation~ but same time..wanna see everyone at school..=(...oh well~ newayz... nice b-day shoutout -> happy birthday jieun!...hehe..have fun @ stanford~ kit...now w/ some new found freedom left...i'm gonna go wander off and find something to do~«

»» “Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.? - The Fellowship of the Ring
»»“Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.?- Galadriel,FOTR

6:15 pm

September 3, 2004--

»hey..yeah~ i'm back..i'm actually updating on the new apple computer!! the graphics on this computer..and the pictorial? design..haha..are lots cooler...but then half my colors on my website is gone...cuz i'm browser friendly!! haha *cough cough*....oh well too bad..but at least i can still update here...in blog-wise terms...i never really update my layout..i mean..i've had this layout for like a year already...and i've made a few attempts to have a different layout and picture..but that's never happen....and most of the times...i've already created a design and all that...but...then i get lots of schoolwork and i'm too lazy to find colors for text that will match and etc...i remember making a new design last winter...and then i was planning to put it up during winter break..but then i never got around to it ~ partially b/c of the english poetry assignment..but still~...but then i never really did like that particular design..so it's a good thing...this design was much better..but then i remember making one in like the spring...honey bear actually~ it was based on the character on my front page~ or entry page..whichever you like to call it...but then ...the comp started to go wacko and it always froze on me...so then that was my excuse for not putting up the design..and then...my dad reformatted the comp w/o saving any of the files....so i lost the design i made along w/ all my other ones....*sigh*....so now...that i have a new comp and a reformatted one..i could start on a new design..but of course i'm too lazy to install paintshop/photoshop..dunno which one to use yet...and school is about to start..and i still haven't finished my other hw..and of course...i have to start college apps..and yeah~ i won't get into all that again like i did in my last entry.....well now...i've only got the english assignment to do..seeing as i finally finished calc (wat a pain)....well..i've really talked a lil too much..i was just gonna post lyrics to songs that i enjoyed listening to...and felt somethign for it..or w/e...yeah~ i've been listeing to a lot of the radio unfortuantely..since i've been spenidn glots of time in my room locked up doign calc probs and english hw >.<..not a good thing..well here it goes~

Kelly Clarkson ~ Breakaway
grew up in a small town ~ and when the rain would fall down~ i'd just stare out my window....
dreaming of a could be ~ and if i'd end up happy ~ i would pray ~
trying not to reach out ~ but when i'd try to speak out~ felt like no one could hear me
wanted to belong here ~ but something felt so wrong here...so i pray...i could breakaway~
i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly ~ i'll do what it takes till i touch the sky~
i'll make a wish...take a chance...make a change...and breakaway
out of the darknessand into the sun...but i won't forget all the ones that i loved
i'll take a risk....take a chance...make a change.. and breakaway

Switchfoot ~ Dare You To Move
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?

Usher ft. Alicia Keys ~ My Boo
There's always that one person
that will always have your heart
You never see it coming,
cause you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that one for me,
it's clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby, you will always be my boo
~ it's a pretty song.....^^

Seether ft. Amy Lee ~ Broken
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away....

2:08am

September 2, 2004--

» hi~ yes i'm not dead..tho i may be in five days..cuz that's when school starts and i still have lots of work to do *sigh*...stupid summer assignments..calc is takign forever...and english i haven't started any of the writing assignments yet so i'm screwed..not to mention i havne't worked on any of the other goals that i had planned at the beginning of the summer but wat else is new~ that always happens to me..i want to do somehting...and i never really do it...cuz i always do some other things..or just never focus myself~ i feel like a failure sometimes..*sigh*...i can get really depressed..but i dont' really want to right now...so maybe i'll just wander off on a diff topic...but then i've been in my house since i've come back from toronto..haven't gotten out much~ so wat else is there to say? i mean..yeah i watched the olympics~ exciting...then became half depressed that i'm not even 1% as athletic as any of those athletes out there...=(...ok..yeah..i think i've suffered through a bit of a depression lately..maybe cuz college apps are coming round the corner..and truthfully...i really dont' want to get started on them..it seems that your future just depends on wat school you go to..i mean..it's not like a life/death situation type of thing...just that...the new people you'll meet, environment etc is gonna change in like a year..and iono if i'm ready~...and i have to look at all these random colleges and everythign?!?! it's too much for me~ and i just dont' want to do it....on top of that~ i gotta retake all my friggin standardized tests..cuz i'm too stupid to do well in them~ how sad is that...*sigh*...just sometimes i wish i've got nothign to do..workwise and everything..but then i just sit there with all the free time wondering wat i should do like i forgot wat it was like to have free time .....and then i feel like i got nothing to do..and that also depresses me~ geez..i can never be happy it's so sad...see the problem is...why should i think about college..i dont' even know wat i want...like wat i want to do w/ my life..wat i want to do PERIOD..i'm just sitting here daydreaming my ass away about wat i'd like to do...but when it comes to reality...to choosing..well...i just DON'T KNOW...i'm lost...i mean..yeah..i say..yeah i want to be an engineer.....and i mean~ it doesn't sound like a bad choice, does it? but then i sit back and think a while..and i'm like..do i really want to be an engineer?? would i really be happy? maybe i should be doing something else? see...u know...half the things i talk about..i just talk about it...like here in this blog..some of the things i have written i don't really mean..or i don't know if i really mean it..or...yeah..and the confusion goes on..i'm just confused..i dont' know wat i want.. wat i want to do...and....then i see other ppl..who see direction in their life..know wat they want to do...or wat they're doing or just wat they WANT...i just feel bad about myself..and..iono get a lil depressed..then the more i think about myself and about wat i wish i could be ..but i'm not..and prolly can't... i get even more depressed...and then i just enter a state of depression..for like a minute, an hour, an afternoon...or however long i think about it..so now..i must have written like a page of nonsense..and you're just wow..i'm confused as well too cuz you can't follow my state of thought..or w/e..and yeah~ i prolly veered from one topic to another ~ but w/e..this is how i think..i just type wat i think....and i dunno~ well newayz...i think i've wasted enough time...time to enter my mountain heap of summer hw that's still left..and watch the hours pass by until school starts~ and that means a whole more mountain of stress, confusion, nights of crying myself to sleep as well as nights of no sleep..etc...«

4:43pm

August 27,2004--

» whew! finally finished all that bio work! argh...took me so long to answer the questions...i just couldn't concentrate..LoL~ well now on to calc...(yeah...fun...*not*)... o well~ *sigh* ...still so much work to do =(...aaah!! i'm gonna die...i dont' want to stay up at 6 in the morning on the first day of school doing hw >.<...watch that's wat i'll be doing *sigh*...ACK! ok..i'm just freaking out right now..newayz...my dad got a new car...LoL~ cuz he didn't want the old one to all the sudden catch fire on him..so he got a new car =P..hehe...it's the same as the other "new" car except that it's a silver color...hrm..hehe yeah..i'm sure that was interesting..ok..hmm..errm.. mehbe i will update later with somethign more interesting ^_~...«

6:16pm

August 18,2004--

» so another summer has come and gone and i'm still not ready for school~ which is gonna start in two weeks or so (i think)...newayz...there's just soo much summer hw that i still have to do that i haven't even looked at and i dont' reallly wanna do an all nighter like i did last summer the day before school started doing english or us history or w/e the assignment was...well..it was a writing one..haha...cuz that's usually the only type of assignments that will keep me up till the dawn or morning...so newayz... i came back from toronto a few days ago...and i had SOO much fun...it was nice to see my cousins again and all that... and eat good food yum =d ..hhehe.. and shop around...A LOT actually..hehe..but it was really fun to just relax and have somethign entertaining to do...*sigh*...it was too short..i went there for less than my usual two weeks...and i soo didn't want to leave..but i had to =(..newayz, i took some pictures while at canada but of course i took them on my cousin's digital cam and since then i've been beggign them to send the pix to me or post them up on the web..but of course they have done neither =(...aaah...well when i finally squeeze the pix out of them i will show them to ya all..newayz here's a brief account of wat i did during my ten days or so? in toronto..hehe =)

day one: left on aug.4...spent the whole day in the car...ack! a full 8-hour trip! i was sooo tired..hehe.. spent most of the time sleeping and it's so painful to sleep in the car! =(...oh yea...since our car still wasn't fixed from the accident we had to rent a car...=( psh..not as comfortable as our own car...but o wellz..wat can one do =\...hehe..anywayz arrived around 6 in toronto and went to sam woo for dinner GREAT PLACE..good food ..one word: yum =d!
day two: went to pacific mall ~ it's a real nice place..i luv it =P..but my cousins are sick of it..haha..prolly cuz they go there a lil too much! hehe.. newayz...got new glasses..they look real nice..too badd i cant' show u a pic..b/c my cousins are holding them hostage so you'll just have to see me w/ them @ school! hehe.. oo...and i also got contacts...oo! it took so long to put them in! LoL~ iono..mehbe half an hour..or perhpas longer.. haha.. but it was cool~ (of course now..i'm getting lots better in putting them in =P)...then we went to a restaurant on the top floor of the mall..err..i dun remember the name..haha..i took some pix there when i ate there another time..but cousins holding them hostage!! tehehe ( juss playign w/ you guyz~)..and then we hung around market village (which is next door)...bought some DVDs..and then ate at a "french cuisine" there..but the food kinda sucked ..blech!
day three: went to fairview mall...and i tried on LIKE A THOUSAND dresses...psh..my mom wanted to get me a prom dress in toronto cuz it's cheaper *rolls eyes*..haha.i did eventually get one..it looks real nice..hehe ^^. funny thing is that that dress was in the first store i walked into that morning..and i dind't even see it! grrrRRrrrRR...could have saved me a lot of trying on dresses if i had seen it..haha~ .. but then u can't argue that the dress wasn't cheap ~ 80 bucks or so...niceee =P..
day four: went to Yorkdale mall...(yeah..i wasn't kidding about shopping everyday...haha)..well, apparently...(and i did not know this)...two of my relatives are getting married next summer so ...there's a chance that i might have to attend two wedding banquets..so my mom also wanted to buy her dress @ toronto too for next year...and sadly...my cousin knew about the weddings before I did...and she's on my mom side!! and the relaties belong to my DAD'S side...HOW SAD IS THAT?!??! my couz knew before I KNEW!..haha...yeah..i stil haven't gotten over it..newayz....i kinda got a lil bored instead decided to chill w/ my bro and my couz tim and my uncle & dad...@ the bookstore..cuz that's where my dad likes to camp out when my mom goes shopping w/ her sis~ and my couz steph had band practice so she wasn't there..so basically all i did was read some more of Frankenstein (joy)..well i did make a lot of progresss.so no complaints =)..haha...then had dinner w/ my cousins' family and another one of my cousins family..hahah...yup...a big dinner @ magic wok..then went over to jeffrey's hosue (that's the other cousin)...and watched Shrek (which i've never seen before..ahhaah!!!)....LoL so now i've seen Shrek! wee~ LoL
day five: err..went to church....chinese of course...so i sat through an hour or more not understanding a single word =\....*sigh*...it always makes me feel soo bad..and i hate going...*sigh* w/e...then err..went to fairview again..haha....just shopped around and looked at shoes =P...and then dinner @ grandma's ..tim and co came over! hehe...and i learned how to knit a shoe !! hehe my grandma taught me...very nifty! LoL~...
day six: went to pacific mall (again..haha!) bought a watch...and a shawl...w/ the prom dress.haha =)..hrmm... and dinner again @ magic wok..took pictures..but cousins still holding htem hostage =(...hehe
day seven: went downtown..to...MORE SHOPS AND MALLS! haha..^_~...took the subway & bus..haha..i luv toronto's transportation system...so clean..hehe =)....unlike..*cough* ny *cough*..LOL~ o well~...hung out in the bookstore (yeah *sigh*) w/ tim and bro again..hehe...then lunch at some chinese rest..(dun remember the name)..it was good though..tho we had to walk outside through the nasty wind and i was really really hungy...and i had to walk so far!!...and yeah...wasn't that great..haha...and then when we LEFT...it was pouring like crazy..a.rgh! brought m e back to those rutgers days when i woudl always be soaking wet just walking from the dorm to the cafeteria...CRAZY!! then my mom spent liek almost TWO HOURS..at this one store called Laura's....tim & i were soo bored..that we just started playign card games in this store..and this lady was eying us real weird..hahaah!! but i did do some shopping that day...haha =)..bought shoes and a purse...oh yeah! haha...while we were waiting for my mom @ that store..we were originally playign card games outside..but then my bro got a lil excited and he accidnetally PUSHED THE UMBRELLA off the bench...and it fell all the way down to the next floor!! i was so friggin scared it hit someone on the head...>.<..i totally refused to look....fortunately..it didn't hit anyone...and i was like *phew*..but then i had to walk all the way down (even tho my bro hit it off!)...and fetch the umbrella..of course..me being stupid...i went down a level too far on the escalators..and i had to go back up one level....haha >.< ..then i got back to our floor..and tim was like...wat toook u so long??...and i was like....grrrRRrrR!!..hehe then we finally got back to grandma's at like nine..and pigged out at sam woo again!! heh..good food though..i luv the food! =)..then cousins came over for sleepover~ steph drove over! hehe....so we played cards and chatteed..then slept aroudn 3...>.< OuCHiE!!
day eight: so my grandma's apartment didn't have ANY water (haha) from 9-12...so we were all just sitting around ..gooing...uggh...i feel gross! ahha..(well i was still sleeping..but w/e! hehe)... then went to...SAM WOO again..haha for lunch...then went to pacific mall (AGAIN!)..haah..for my glasses/contacts...then dinner @ magic wok (again..yeah..*sigh* ..i know..but each person has to invite the other to feel happy..so another family reunion or w/e u like ot call it...there again)
day nine: did some calc hw (blah!!)...and then went to steph/tim's house and watched Infernal Affairs III...haha~ eerr...it was kinda scary/crazy...the guy goes insane basicaly...and *shivers*..too much blood for me...i'm such a chicken! hehe..then dinner and we took some pix..and i begged my cousins to post them up on a site so i can have them..but noo...havne't done that yet (just playign w/ u two ^^)..
day ten: LoL~ dim sum in thd morning..hah but it was good! packed ~ ate at a restaurant.said good-bye to cousins *sniff sniff*..i was so sad...i was so not ready to go..and i still feel like i'm in toronto sometiems..or wishing i'm in toronto...*sigh* livingston sux...no cousins to hang out w/.....just boring =(...we also took more pix before we left...then went home...and watched the olympics opening ceremony...and slept..=(....last day @ toronto..i was very sad..

yeah~ i had soo much fun @ toronto..and i miss everyone there so much =(....*sigh*..i can't wait another year to go back..but unfortunately i have to =(...newayz..when i finally squeeze the pix out of my cousins...i'll show them to y'all but till then !! good -bye =)..

aug. 21 ~ 6:14 PM

August 2, 2004--

» wow~ just finished writing up a list to bring along for my trip to toronto..(still dunno when i'm going and how long i'll be there)...i'll prolly leave some time this week and be back some time next week since i can't stay for a full two weeks..cuz i got work BLAH...sux...newayz..mom keeps bugging me to get off the comp..sux...argh..~ can't do anything and always being bugged to do this and that..well still waiting to find neeta..so i can post up the pix...hrmph...kinda bored...mehbe be back lataz..when somethign interesting in my life pops up....bbai~ «

2:42pm

July 31, 2004--

» hey!! wow i'm back from gov school and i miss everyone already!! =(..think about it..at this time..if we were at gov school..we'd prolly be programming a lego to do some stupid trick..LoL..ok so the legos were a lil of a pain..but the sumo wrestling competition was still fun nevertheless!! hehe...funny to watch two robot legos fight for their life..haha...or not...=P..newayz..u guyz have to all send me pix so that i can post them up and show all my friends!! hehe =)...i'm really gonna miss you guyz =(..can't wait for the reunion in sept/oct (?)...i luv u guyz soo much...you were really special and i had soo much fun @ gov school~ down to the classes (where we all slept or passed notes! haha) to chilling out on the last night and getting no sleep watsoever! (except for laurie..haha)...newayz..now random shoutoutz~

to all my suitemates:
neeta: haha! my programming buddy!!! i hope you don't mind all those food and drinks that i stole from you over the course of the month! hehe =)...and i luv your white bunny!! (which kwan thinks is a ferret..but we all know better ^_~) ..remeber to send me those pix! or i'll bother you online until you do! KIT!!
laurie: aah...lego maniac!! jk jk..but i must admit that w/o you..we would never even had a robot at all to show off! hehe mad building skillz ^^ ... i luv ya lots..and remember RADIATION!! haha..i had wayy too much fun popping popcorn (lol..yes call me deprived)..hehe..well luv ya~ KIT now that you have an sn!! =P
jenn: heyy!! i luv your ramen noodles!! yum yum..even tho they're bad for you..but..WHO CARES?!? ..hehe.. newayz, hope i didn't scare you too much when i was in a hyper mode!
robin: wooo..i'm scared of you! haha just playin ~ hehe. so don't worry..i'll send u the site w/ all the photos uploaded..you'll get your fair share of pix..=D
brittany: last but not least, my roommate brittany (and breakfast buddy..haha)!! you were a cool roommate..LoL..our room must have been like the cleanest in the suite!
to my project group:
steph:..hehe..your website is soo cool =)...i luv it~ ..it was cool hanign out w/ ya during project lab and erm..your random outburst of laughs (haha jp)..LoL~ ..KIT
Sean: haha..u must prolly be annoyed w/ me for always buggin you to help me w/ the project!! hehe =)..you're one cool guy ^_~
natasha: wee our counselor for the group!! you're an awesome counselor..i luv hanging out w/ ya! thx for all the help for the biomed project =)
to others:
erica: you're an awesome singer =P..and i enjoyed working w/ you on the bridge project ^^.. KIT
kwan:haha you're soo funny & stubborn...i'm gonna miss you though!! it was amazing hangin out in your room and watchign movies w/ you...although you slept through them most of the time!!haha..but that's cool newayz..=P..i'm gonn a miss you...keep in touch !! luv ya~
kaitlin:so miss funniest at gov school!! haha =)...LOL..you are a compulsive liar..and u do rock back and forth a lot..but you're still cool to me =)..oh! look behind you..is that the dining hall manager or w/e!?!?..haha i'll never forget that one morning when you stacked those ketchup bottles! LoL...it was great meeting you..we better keep in touch!!
mark: haha..so kaitlin tells the jokes and mr. best laugh laughs at them!! haha..it was fun hanging out w/ ya..
jill:girl...you scare me wayyy too much!! haha..it was cool getting to know ya! ^^ hehe...thx for all those pictures!! i'm gonan have so much fun d/ling for like hours cuz my comp is slow and looking at them!! hehe.. KIT~
anna lynn: heyy..you're soo quiet...but it was great getting to know ya..hehe =)..
jacqueline: haha..you seem soo quiet in the beginning LoL...it was awesome getting to know you...kit..
and to everyone else at gov school...i'm gonna miss y'all so much =(...you were an amazing group of ppl to meet =)
well i had lots of fun @ gov school..i'm gonna miss it...i better see y'all at the reunion =P«

11:06 pm

July 30, 2004--

» aaah!! last day of gov school!! NOOOOO!!!...i've had soo much fun this summer...it was great hanging out w/ everyone and meeting new peepz..i'm gonna miss you all =(...it was fun....so we spent the whole day today watching presentations (or presenting one)...man...i was soo happy when i was done...ugh...presenting sux >.<...newayz...i'm trying to squeeze in an entry before i have to hand in this laptop and never experience cable connection or a properly working computer ever again..=(...aaah! i'm gonna miss gov school..going home means doing hw, studying, college apps...and everythign else...there's no time to hang out or anything...pooey...well..i've made a new graphic..and iono wat to do w/ it..hehe any suggestions...well check it out...hehe...i made it through photoshop..(very interesting experience)..haha..well newayz...now i should begin cleaning up or packign or something...shouldn't leave everything till the last minute...=)...newayz..laterz all~ «

7:49 pm

July 29, 2004--

»ok...first off...HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO SERENA! hehe..i'm glad your b-day was enjoyable ^^...newayz..so..i guess a lil recap..just for myself so that whenever i decide to reread this entry..i'll remember the good times..=)...
first off~ last weekend here @ gov school was SOO FUNN!! haha..first we had a sumo wrestling robot competition saturday afternoon...and none of us thought that we would even make it past the first round..turns out..we made it to the quarter finals!! haha...soo cool...but then many groups gave up - one didn't program the robot at all..so it got pushed off so fast...others had their robots just turn in circles or follow a circular path...in fact two of these robots faced each other that the judge (andy page) couldn't figure out who to let go on to the next round that he had the crowd vote..Lol (KWAN & KAITLIN I VOTED FOR YOU! =))...newayz..and there were other crazy things that went on...the battles were just soo interesting to watch..and everyone was so into the competition that it was just soo funny to see ppl rooting on some random lego bot! hehe =)...newayz..so we made it to the quarter finals but was defeated by the team that got first place (so we basically awarded ourselves fifth place..haha)...newayz..we didn't give up w/o a fight!! hehe..and it was just soo funny to see our robot zoom to the edge of the circle and then rush backwards and ram the other robot...and then zoom forward again and again..haha it was soo funny to see the other team's faces....they were like...wat's going on?!?!..hahah =)...newayz..it was a fun competition...then later that night we saw the talent show..and it was soo good!!...there was chinese yo yo ...dancing (INDIAN DANCING- GO NEETA!)..hehe..and singing...and raving (wow)...and dan's lil skit was funny~ hehe..good job all! it was really entertaingin...so fun..and then for the rest of the weekend...we just basically hung out and did nothing..LoL..(really neglected our projects..hehe)...then parent visiting sunday~ and i went out to eat again~~...ahh ...really good food...hehe...and now there's only two days left of gov school after today..and i'm really gonna miss it =(...all the freedom..the hanging out w/ friends and doing nothing...laptops w/ CABLE! hehe...and popping popcorn in a microwave! haha =P....hehe.. ^^ man...i had soo much fun..i'm gonna miss everyone =(...
lately..i've been fooling around w/ photoshop..and it's soo cool...i edited a lil butterfly pic...but iono if i should change the layout of the site..mehbe i'll post it up and show you guyz =)..hehe..i'm so scared for presentaiton tomorrow...>.<...i'm gonna mess up soo badly...well wish me luck! hehe. let's see, oh yes...a lil story to share w/ you all..and how my summer vacation to canada has officially been ruined.

» 7.27.04 « ok, so my mom's driving the car w/ my bro and she stops at the intersection between hillside and belmont waiting for a car two cars in front to turn left onto belmont. all of the sudden WHAM..a car behind rams into my mom's car [straining my bro's neck b/c he was stupid enough to turn around at the time of the crash] and PUSHES MY MOM'S CAR INTO THE CAR IN FRONT...so not ONLY IS THE BACK RUINED..but the FRONT IS RUINED AS WELL...argh. soo pissed...so now it takes three days to file a police report and get insurance and all that crap AS WELL AS getting the car fixed..so we won't be able to go to toronto on sunday as planned..and we dont' know when we can go or if we can go..and if we don't i'll be SOO PISSED..dammit! and the person who hit my mom's car will remain nameless..(since i'm not sure..and i don't wanna be too mean)..but i'm real pissed right now.

*sigh sigh*...so now i gotta go home..and apply myself for a week doign schoolwork..and hope that i can still go to canada the following week (even tho it'll only be for a week)...just SOO MAD...cuz that's less time to hang out in toronto..and i LUV toronto..i'd so wanna live there...but w/e...iono ~ newayz so that's the story. over and out.«

4:28 pm

July 14, 2004--

»wee...good past two days...so yesterday...i went to the princeton physics plasma lab..well the trip kinda sucked cuz we didn't see any inch of hte lab at all since the machines were on...and i guess they dind't want us screwing w/ their data anywayz...all we did was sit through a lecture..but then...(this is the funny part)...half of us went back on to one of the two buses and was eating lunch..and then all the sudden the bus decided to start w/ a looong beeping noise...and all we did was just cover our ears and go...huh?!??!...and then all the sudden the sound turned off...but the window wipers decided to turn on even though the bus driver wasn't in the bus and no one was controlling the bus...and then the window wipers turned off...and the door just randomly shut and locked the bus driver out..hahah..so he couldn't come back in...and then it turned out that the bus broke down and we all had to transfer to the other bus and go back to rutgers standing..and some had to stay behind and wait 1hr and 45min for the vans to come pick them up...LoL it was funny..and the good thingn was we had free time for the rest of the afternoon b/c the guest speakers were cancelled which is pretty cool...hehe~ so i spent the afternoon watching Pirates of the Caribbean and just haning out~ it was a fun day....
then today...erm...well nothing too eventful...except that for our lego competition we got second place on the first run! haha..which is pretty cool...but we prolly dropped a lot since many groups prolly improved in the second run...LOl~ it's alright..i had my glory for like a few seconds haha...well newayz...that was my fun for today as well....gotta go to sleep now..nitez!! «

11:40pm

July 13, 2004--

»have you ever felt like you were being turned away? ignored? or just plain unwanted? yeah...i always feel that way whenever i talk to people..it's like...they just prefer someone else over you and they just don't have the time to spare to talk to you...i dunno..sometimes i'm happy..and sometimes..i'm just downright depressed.. i dunno wat to think or how to act around people. it's like everything a person does or doesn't do...and the way they act...it always seems like i'm being pushed away...and i dunno if it's just me being paranoid (or watever it is)...or if it's really true...iono wat to do anymore...it's frustrating...
well newayz...on a lighter note... we are pretty much finished w/ our robot..so all we gotta do now is cross our fingers and hope that it actually runs through the maze..and now i'm really tired..and i should be getting to bed..but before i go..a birthday shoutout--

11:55pm

July 10,2004 --

»whooa...so...it's finally saturday...FREE,RIGHT?? ..haha ...nooo think again...gotta study statics b/c the lesson went completely over my head ... and dun get math...so gotta look over the notes and see if anything makes sense although i rather doubt it...eh...also have to make and program this lego robot to complete the mass..and all the robot could do was twitch for like the whole night..and finally we got it to be able to follow the line if the curve is to the right..but when the curve is to the left...it decides to dance in circles....argh....>.<...and i dun understand why...so (trust me) it's a frustrating experience..and i just want to throw the robot out the window...and still have the student proposal to do for the project...i have to research how females and males have different times to reach their maximum breathign rate...or w/e (i'm kinda lost on that..i know we just have to collect data and monitor their breathing..haha)..but why would anyone care about the results?? iono..if u happen to find a reason why you do care..please call me..LoL~ cuz i dont' see the purpose at all...hrmph..well,nothing more interesting...alright..gonna show a few good comics ^_~...go calvin and hobbes!! «

10:56pm

July 7, 2004 --

»well, i know it's prolly way too early to talk about this since my senior year has barely begun but i just felt like i needed to get it out~
while at my stay in governor's school(and at other camps), i've always found myself nowhere near being close to any of my fellow "campmates" shall we say. I've always blamed this on my lack of social skills (which i believe still holds true) but then i also realized that i'm never really going to be completely open to any of these people especially within the span of a month. Like i always find myself being isolated and i can't really be goofy or silly to anyone unlike several of my friends back home (as some of u know..^_~)..and it just brought me to a realization that even though i'm eager to graduate high school and maybe be able to begin living an actual life and not always be stuck in my house all day, i'm really going to miss all the friends i've had and made throughout my childhood but especially the people that i've met during high school years. i only have one more year to spend w/ each and every individual that i've met, and then everyone packs their bags and leave for college, and i know even though i'll try that i won't be able to speak with more than 50% of them ever again and it just saddens me because each one of you has really brought something into my life (whether big or small) and has affected me in some way. and i know senior year hasn't started, but i really will be sad when graduation comes around. i've grown close to some, and even as senior year begins, i feel as if i might drift away with some of you guyz because we're no longer in the same classes like junior year when everyone was taking physics, spanish, etc. but for senior year, i dropped all my "liberal arts" classes except for english and have taken all math/science classes and i know most of you guyz are takign languages and ap chem..and even though i wasn't in ap bio this year... my ap chem class was still very special to me..and i will really miss the seniors who have graduated..and i know it's been almost a month later, but i just realized the loss..although i only know a few of you..you guyz have brightened my life in one way or another and helped and showed me how to "walk down the road of life" and i really appreciate it..and i thank all of you guyz..and wish you success in the future..and i'll really miss you. i mean...all the ppl i have grown close w/...i normally don't see regularly except at school..so i feel as if i will be drifting away from all of you guyz and i will miss you sorely...the guidance and the friendship...even for friends in my own grade..i say the same to you..i mean together you guyz are a real special group and somehow i just dont' see that same connection here at gov school but then again..barely anybody know's each other..and we really haven't "grown up together" in a sense...but still..i just find that some ppl can grow so close so easily whereas it really takes me a year or perhaps more just to become adjusted and maybe grow close...or maybe it's the way i act..though i dont' feel i act any different..but sometimes i feel as if i'm shunned away..and i wonder whether i really should be going to these camps since i sometimes feel temporarily depressed b/c i feel really alone and have no one to talk to..this year is a bit better as i have a laptop and can talk to friends back home but still i will miss and cherish my high school years and the people that i've hung out w/ and joked around w/...and i feel as if i'll never be able to have these kinds of friends again and the thought of losing everyone when we go to college really makes me feel lonely and depressed.
yeah, i feel as if the few people who read this entry may now be rolling their eyes and perhaps smirking at my thoughts but i'm really being sincere and honest and i know i rarely ever become sentimental but still i really mean it..and i will half-heartedly be reluctant for the day when we will all leave ..because i know i wont' see most of you again because i've never hung out with you guyz except during school..so even when you guyz decide to hang out w/ your ole buddies i know i won't be asked..and i don't blame you....but i will miss seeing you guyz regularly.«

10:41pm

July 6, 2004 --

»heyy...i'm at gov school right now...and i got a laptop with a cable connection so everything is sooo fast now...and i can do wat i want finally without worrying about the comp breaking down!! LoL...haha i'm gonna get so spoiled this month...well everythign here is ok...today was kinda boring. I had to sit through three lectures and i felt like i was gonna fall asleep b/c i was just so tired from the moving in and everything yesterday...so now i'm talking to people and debating whether i shoudl d/l AIM..i know it's only 4MB but still...i dun want to go over the stupid lil limit..which is i believe like 2000 MB (yes i'm paranoid) ...haha..i guess i will...4MB is very lil compared to 2000 haha...well newayz...i should get a head on on frankenstein before there is no time left..hehe it's kinda boring..it takes me forever to get through one page...so i'm still on the second page..how sad is that..haha...well nite all!«

10:25pm

July 1, 2004 --

» well first off.....

9:54 pm

» wow~ i'm soo bored...*sigh*...nothing to do..no one to talk to...pooey =\....
well newayz ~ so my dad's had enough w/ this computer..so he bought a mac computer which is coming in a few days...so after a few switching around and setting up..i get to have this computer in my room w/ an internet connection i think..since i have a phone line..which is pretty cool...i finally get a computer that i can really use for school not like the current computer that's sitting in my room which is prolly like a 1992 apple macintosh or w/e computer...[yeah..it's really old..haha~ and i dun even use it anymore..for anythign at all.. and it has a printer as well which i dont' use at all either..LoL~ pretty weird...newayz...going to gov school in a few days...if you want to mail me ~ erm..check my profile ~ the address is there...hehe ..
so anywayz, i've spent the last few days cleanign up my room and rearranging things around. no most of the junk is in my closet and if it's binders/papers/materials from school then there still in the boxes or just lying aroudn on the ground...[that's going to be a killer to organize]..ugh..i can't deal with it..plus random things of mind are lyign aroudn the house..and i have to clean those up too....argh.. well newayz...gonna go find something to do..here's a comic for some kicks =P....«

written on June 30, 2004 @ 4:15pm

fortune cookie of the day: The only thing that's certain in life is that nothing is ever certain.

» wow~ i have no entries in june....it's been a long while since i've updated this blog mainly b/c my computer wasn't cooperating and it was sooo screwed up ~ prolly viruses and all that crap....newayz...my dad had to reformat the comp ~ so now we've lost all our files b/c we coudln't transfer them b/c the comp woudlnt' let us...pooey......DIE COMP! so not only dd i lose teh layout that i wanted to use, i also lost all my graphics....argh..so i have to find them again =\ pooey...they were soo hard to find...argh~ soo annoying..well newayz..paintshop is gone and i'm scared to ask if i could install it..in case my dad goes on a whole other row ~ yeah.. so i spent teh whole afternoon reorganizing my past entries part ~ so now it's all fixed up and everything is pretty much organized now =) very happy about that.. so now..a few things to catch up on......
congrats to the class of 2004!!! now i'm a senior..and it's freaky ..no one older to look up to....hehe~ i'll miss you guys lots =(...i hope you'll be successful in everythign you do in the future ^^
and happy birthdays to saira, mad, sonal, alix, and my bro...yeah =( sorry i miss you guyz..but the comp was wacko..hehe ...
well ~ so updates -> i got my license!!!!! wee~ so you guyz better watch out for me..cuz i'll be on the road...and..yeah (that's not a good thing) hahah! got lots of summer hw to do...didn't really start on any..i was on a row for a while..and finished reading dr. jekyll and mr. hyde and read some bio packets..but then i've stopped cuz i've started to clean my room (which is a comp;lete mess) and the computer was back again! hehe.. well~ i can't think of anything else to say.....so i think i should go off and continue cleanign my room and not waste more of my day in front of a comp! =P «

written on June 29, 2004 @ 6:40pm

» whooaa.....this site has been neglected soo long...=(...argh...it's not like may was a wayyy busy month..i mean..i had lots of things to do..but still..it's just the matter that the computer has been down varoius times..the internet did not cooperate and i couldn't get to anywhere and there were just soo many obstacles in the way that i had no time to think and update this site..now this site is in like a wayy pathetic state....and this page is supposed to be the current entries...well so much for that...look at it now...it's got entries in february!! argh..damn...when can i fix this site up..and i also had a layout ready..and i was supposed to fix that up..never happened..baah..i'm so afraid to open paintshop in case the computer decides to shut down b/c the program screwed it up..and then i can't turn it on..foor another couple of days....blah..well i missed a few birthday shout outs...=(..sorry!! BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAYS TO JENNY(5) AND ANGELA(14) luv you both...sorry...may just wasn't a good month...yeah...also right now..i'm up to my head w/ work..and i shoudln't even be blogging now..but i just felt soo bad...and it's been soo long..and i'm currently brain dead...pah... =(...currently have to write a fairy tale in the style of my author and have to write up the ap us research paper...(suxors)....yeah..now that i look back on it..may was a hectic and stressful month...with ap exams to not making the precalc team and everything just tumbling forward and crashing into pieces...and i'm just sick of it..and want it to end...there's no time for rest no peace..and i just want all this fucking nonsense to end..driving me insane..i think i just need weeks of silence and sleep...fall into a deep slumber..haha..that would be soo nice... *sigh*...and SATIIs are comign up next saturday and i barely studied for them..there's like no fucking time.....AAAAAARGH....i just want to curl up and die...honestly...iono...that's prolly a bit extreme...but there's just too much...and i'm sick of it...argh...and wat's makes me even madder is this...a new draft for men and women?? wtf are we doing in iraq to BEGIN with?? i mean it's none of our business we shouldnt' even be there and there's no such thing as fighting an intangible noun (terrorism?!?!?) i mean...honestly....terrorism is everywhere..wat do you think you're playing at??? and now everything is out of hand..and they want us to join?!?? always fighting the rich man's war....akfljdaslk;jf;lsadfas;lkfj..and i'm sick and disgusted at the world right now...so fuckign sick...just get away....sometimes i sit and wonder whether it's better off not being born at all....i mean save yourself from all this war and hatred and selfishness and everything...i'm sure there's lots of things worth living for..but there are just soo many many many more things..that just doesn't make it seem worth it...i mean..we spend half our lives doing things that seem soo...unimportant...like a US research paper...u write it..so what?? most likely wrote it at teh last minute..it sux..u get a grade..ooo a C..wow great..and then SO WHAT??? wasted half a time for a letter grade, A, B, or C or D or F....and then for what?? in the course of a life time, what does it matter?? nothing...nothing matters...b/c in the end..you die...and everything you do just crumbles and dies away... there is nothing left..one day..the human race is going to find its own destruction..nothing's goign to destroys us but ourselves......we're going to kill ourselves..nukes everywhere..oo ..wateva...and yeah..i'm basically mad at the world right now....so goodnight and goodbye...psh«

written on May 30, 2004 @ 10:38pm

» aaah!!!...i'm soooo sorry...haven't updated here in soo long =( pooey....this site is sooo neglected right now...and that's a lot of sooooo's LoL..hehe newayz..yeah...i feel bad...but i just don't have the time to update so often w/ tests and everythign..and i'm getting a lil addicted in playing games..haha ^^ i should stop...LoL..wow..i just checked and my last entry was on april 22..and it's may 1 now ^^..wow this is the longest break period i've ever taken...but w/ ap exams coming up and all this other shyt..man..it's been a rough period...can't wait for this school year to end...my stress level is currently to the max...as i'm sure everyone else's is...newayz.. btw...went to Columbia today...(second to last class)...last class next week...so sadd =(...i luv columbia..so awesome..hehe i totally wanna go there...too bad i won't make it =(...newayz..on a lighter note..i got into MIT!! hehe..i got off the wait list and was accepted ....but then..i still can't go =( b/c of governor's school =)...but now i'm not sure whether they even got my acceptance..haven't heard from them at all..*engineering and technology- and they still can't send a friggin e-mail sayign if they received my forms and everything..pah.....and now that i'm thinking about it..i vaguely remember that i promised to create a new layout and use that?? awww.. man...i guess it'll have to wait till vacation...but wat am i sayign?!!? i wont' have time w/ all the hw, sats, college apps, and shit....wtf!?!? ..never any friggin break...pshhh...took so long to make the graphics..and i'm goign to end up not using it...wat a waste...*sigh*...mehbe i will find some time..most likely the night of a final...*sigh*....life sux soo much...well newayz...was looking around the site for a poem yesterday...and jenn introduced me to such a cool poet! i luv the poet =P..i even put one of her poems on my profile (sara teasdale)..soo good...shoudl have done her for my poetry project instead....*sigh*...but hey..w/e..mehbe she isn't "literary" or sumthign..or i didn't notice her cuz i was soo busy tryign to find some poet who's name i've heard of before..so then for the author project i picked Edith Wharton..and she SUX!! ok..she's not bad..but after reading three books on the same THING practically (rich peope screwing themselves over and blah blah blah)...it's driving me insane..juusss soo stupdi..i hate the characters soo much..but then iguess it's the effect.newayz..i guess it makes it easier to do the theme chart..w/e...wish i had picked a lighter author or somethign..but i guess authors are only good if they're able to shed light on the most depressing htings ever..cuz arthur miller is good..but it does get depressing after reading two plays by him...*sigh*... well newayz...i've chattered enough..and i should start studyign and stop wasting my weekend (which i've already wasted half of)...DAMMIT!!! argh....=[...well ta ta «

written on May 1, 2004 @ 9:55pm

didactic: intended to instruct
discourse: verbal expression or exchange; conversation
eloquence: the ability to speak vividly or persuasively

»hey hey hey! i know..it's been a long while since i've blogged...sorries =(...hehe newayz....first off...a shoutout to...

yup yup...really happy for ya =P ..and you'll have lots of fun no doubt!! hehe..newayz..currently waiting for my lil cousin tim to sto pbeing away on MSN...wat the heck is that lil critter up to?? hehe =P well..got lots of hw to do..mehbe i should start...i'm soo busy with the ap exams and all this other shyt that teachers are making us do....BLAAHH!...well newayz...i'm gonna get going...i'll try to update sooner this time ^^..hehe bbai~ «

written on April 22, 2004 @ 8:51pm

assertion: a declaration or statement
clarity: clearness in thought or expression
cogent: convincing;reasonable
coherent: logically connected
cohesive: condition of sticking together

» yeaaahhh...so i decided to steal dana's idea and do a vocabulary a day thing..hopefully this will hold up or sumthing cuz i need to study vocab. real bad..and this is the only way i can think of that will help me study at least a good amount by the time oct. comes and a retake teh damn fucking test...yeah..my life is soo fucked up..and i hate it...tests grades..everythign so trivial yet it matters so much to my future..and i dun wanna here the bullshit ppl tell us about how it doesn't matter..b/c...that is soo not true...and yeah..i'm obviously am really fucking pissed right now at like the world..so you're going to have to bare w/ me...or stop reading this fuckign entry cuz i dont' fuckign care..
ok..i've steamed off a bit..so u didn't have to wait too long...right? =P...hehe newayz.. went to pre prom at sophia's house...OMG!!!! everybody looked so pretty and nice... i loved everyone's dresses and they looked so perfect in the dress that they wore...absolutely perfect!! =P..hehe...and i luv xing's all- white suit!! hehe =P...very different from everyone elses..hehe..^^.. and i'm sure you guyz all had a great time at prom and post prom...and..noo..i didn't go to post prom..buhh..i didn't go to school either cuz i didn't wanna be soooo alone friday..since no one's gonna be there...why suffer?? even though most teachers would have left me alone but still..i didn't want to hang around school all day..and i thought it be more beneficial to catch up on my sleep..so that's exactly wat i did!! i slept for pretty much most of the day..and the rest i just relaxed, watched a movie, read random books...and (my only accomplishment of the day...) finish reading the Death of A Salesman play...my..it was very....depressing...yeah..let's leave it at that..now i have to write the approach paragraph thingy...and finish t he HOuse of MIrth and other hw...*cough* I HATE YOU GETTTO!!!! *cough*....yes =P..hehe..but i won't start my rant on how horrible and what an ass he is right now..as i am always prone to do ... hehe...welps....right now..i'm tryign to get sophia to hurry w/ her picture uploading so i can see all the pretty prom pictures =P..relive the moment!! hehe ..well. newayz. while she's doign that..i'm gonna go fix some stuff up..and yeah..hehe .. =P «

written on April 17, 2004 @ 9:15pm

"Sunshine....On the window....Makes me happy....Like I should be..."

happy 17th birthday, MiMi!!
(on the eigth)

» hey hey gurl! sorry i couldn't wish you a happy birthdee on your actual birthday! LoL..i was away at cornell
=(..but i hoped you had a very nice b-day~ ^^
newayz...so i went to cornell..and guess who i met?!?!?!? JIEUN!! weee~ it was soo great to see you again honestly..hehe =P .. i mean, wat's the chance that we actually get to see each other when we're like all the way across the country from each other..haha~ weell...yup so it was really fun seeing you again and hangin' out w/ ya ~...so cornell was great...campus was sooo bigg LoL..hehe~ but i still luv columbia better =P..hehe but the tour guide was great..haha soo funny ~ but the engineeering session was sorta boring..and there was this really weird stuffed-up parent...uggghhh...buhhh that's alright..cornell still looks cool...really bigg..and LOTS of cars goign at like 60mph when the sign said to go at 20mph...errr...?!?!?...LoL..but stilll it was great...and reallly really COLD! haha..newayz..i've already accomplished one of my monthly goals!! (as you can see in the box!!)..finished reading one book in A DAY! i call that a big accomplishment (shut up...)..hehe...but it was kind of a badd book..LoL..hehe~ didn't really like it too much...too badd..welps..i also made a bit more progress on the new layout...it's not looking bad...but wheneve ri work on it..i need the internet and paintshop..and my comoputer resources go down to like 6%...so everytime i'm like scared my computer will just shutdown by itself..*sigh*..newayz...gonna go...and do...hom...WAIT! ...not sayign that no no no...haha =P..such a spazz..ok...lataz~«

written on April 9, 2004 @ 3:21pm

"You will fly and you will crawl. God knows even angels fall. No such thing as you lost it all. God knows even angels fall. It's a secret no one tells. One day it's heaven, one day it's hell. It's no fairy tale. Take it from me, that's the way it's supposed to be ..." - Jessica Riddle, "Even Angels Fall"

»» 11:39pm wow~ so now i'm really excited to go to cornell....one of my friends (jieun) from cty is gonna be there visiting!!!! hehe =P how cool is that?!?!? mehbe we'll see each other!! yup...so now i'm really excited ^^..juss found out a few seconds ago ...sooo cool ^^. newayz ~ this afternoon my dad forced me to do something useful like take two friggin diagnostic tests...history i did soo baaaaddd...omg >.<..i'm sooo getting a friggin two on the ap exam...dammit...argh!...but i did really good in the math SATII...so that kinda balances it out..to end my almost depressing afternoon ^^..hehe buhh..i am sooo screwed for the friggin ap exam...>.<...*sigh*...so now i'm chatting w/ mimi and doing nothign...but i should be studyign for us exam..or at least do some hw..or do somethign useful..*sigh*..but when will i ever be this free? never...LoL...well..i want to fix up the index page..so i'm gonna do that now...when i'm done i'll link it and show ya =P...till then bbai~««

»well, nothing much going on..spent half the day sleeping and the other half eating and now i just finished fixing up the entrance page for the new layout...it looks err..pretty peachy/orangey like..LoL...hehe..not too bad ~ just have to fix the scrollbar...i mean...it fits...not too odd..but i want to try and make it disappear sorta ..but i forgot how the coloring of the scrollbar works....LoL...so now...i'm searchign around trying to find out how to fix it...any suggestions? LoL..well mom's back so gotta cut this entry short and find some work to do...going to cornell this wednesday...and...hmm..dunno how long i'm going to be staying...~ack!...well newayz...lataz~ «

written on April 5, 2004 @ 5:07pm

» i got accepted to governor's school!!! YAY!!!...hehe..i'm soo happy!! weee~ goo meee~~ LoL =P..newayz...so that was my highlight of friday as well as the fact that my computer is back up and running agian!!!so i can go on the internet and do all my stuff!! weeee~~ heehe!! friday was such a goood day! =P...and saturday was just as good...went to columbia ~ then went shopping for the rest of the day..got some nice clothes =P..wee ^^..happy spring break for me soo far...but then...i've got soo much hw...but it's not ruining my happiness just yet!! =P...well newayz...i'm gonna start saving some of my things over to floppies so i won't risk losing things again! eheh >.< lataz! «

written on April 4, 2004 @ 2:25pm

"across the sea....a pale moon rises....the ships have come to carry you home.." -ROTK-Into The West

» AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! argh...i had SATs today..and i'm sooo friggin fuckin maddd!!!! LoL..last section -verbal..lost track of time..and had to leave five questions blank...shyt!!! omg..this will so screw up my score sooo bad....wtf...ugh..soo stressed..blaah...but in dana's words - at least it's over -...for the time being...i'm definitely gonna have to retake it in october..yeah joy wat fun...NOOTTTTT!!..*sigh*...newayz...got the ideas for this quote and the previous entry's quote(more like riddle) from jenn!! yeah!! thumbs up!! ^^..hehe thx muchas ~ newayz...gonna jot some notes down that i want to put on new layout..(whenever i decide to make it)...i want a friends page ~ w/ all their sites...and..hmm..comics(perhaps if i have time)...and that scrolly thing w/ lyrics somewhere on blog page...and..hmm...and like current events box thingy somewhere =P..hehe..yeah..ok..some random blaahhing...shoudl be doing physics lab right now..am at a lost for words..soo..buh-bye ^^ «

written on March 27,2004 @ 5:30pm

riddle: What's the difference between a drunk and a pothead?
answer: A drunk drives through a stop sign. A pothead waits for it to turn green!!!
-- thanks to jenn =P

»ok....so first off...there are two birthdays today =P and they are.....

woot woot...you're both 17!! hehehe =P..newayz..this week..and some of next week...is BABY WEEK..LoL....this is the time of year when all the seniors at the school have to carry around baby dolls!!!!...haah..i LAUGH at you...LoL...and to think...i have to do the same thing next year...>.<...pooey...i think i'll just let the baby die..LoL...j/k j/k..haha...but...it's not like they can die..it's like a doll..w/e...in figurative sense.or w/e....newayz....SATs coming up this saturady...i have one word for all of you......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! sooo not ready....=( ...blaahh....but then..i'm just plain scared..it's like the test that will determine whether i can go to any of the colleges i want to go....ugh..sooo friggin scared.....it's like..this is it...BAM...*sigh*...well newayz.. lots of work...so much fucked up programming....SCREW YOU GETTO....yeah..that's all i got to say..hmmph..and of course...end of the marking period is approaching...so all the teachers have launched forward their last-minute plans...TESTS AND TESTS AND TESTS...next week..fun fun..not not...and right after SATs...HELLO???!?!! i need time to recuperate....thank god vacation is the week after...or i would have died...but wait a minute....thank god?!?!...it's just going to be another vacation fulll of schoolwork..so no schooll..but still lots of stress and work wth?? *sigh*..newayz...think i'm gonna go find something productive to do...got one word for you....BLAH! «

written on March 25, 2004 @ 3:20pm

"To dream the impossible dream,
to fight the unbeatable foe,
to bear with unbearable sorrow,
to run where the brave dare not go.

To right the unrightable wrong,
to love pure and chaste from afar,
to try when your arms are too weary,
to reach the unreachable star.

This is my quest,
to follow that star --
no matter how hopeless,
no matter how far.

To fight for the right
without question or pause,
to be willing to march into hell for a
heavenly cause.

And I know if I'll only be true to this
glorious quest
that my heart will be peaceful and calm
when I'm laid to my rest.

And the world will be better for this,
that one man scorned and covered with scars
still strove with his last ounce of courage.
To reach the unreachable stars."

March 24, 2004 @ 1:18pm

(Goldwater is president. An aide rushes into his office.)

AIDE: Mr. President, the Russians have just launched an all-out nuclear attack on us. Their missiles will strike in 15 minutes. What shall we do?

GOLDWATER: Have all the wagons form a circle.

~ the delights of Garraty

edit[12:54 pm]: and as confirmed by marina...today is THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING!!!!! weeee~...happy spring everyone!!.....and there's still snow on the ground ~ and i had a snow day two days ago...how exciting 2004 is!!..LoL

» haha~ yes...definitely the delights and fun from reading Garraty and trying to outline this insanely long chapter...which (may i add) had a section called "The Great Society"...which is a GREAT section..blaah ~ took me forever to plow through that section of the chapter...*sigh*..and the above excerpt is from that section..LoL..one of the several funny things that garraty has ~ haah *cough*....newayz...woke up today ~ went to buffet ~ back home ~ did nothing/ outline chapter a bit/ mostly played games online...blaaahhhh ~ ate dinner ~ bummed out and watched movies ~ and now here i am writing an entry when i had just resolved to outline some more of the chapter ~ haha ~ yeah..btw...buffet...my brother ate sooo much...after it..he was like...i need to throw up ....?!?!?!... hehe weirdo ~ o yes ...btw....congrats to christine yoo in getting her driver's license!!! ...woot woot!! hehe ~ now you can drive...yeahhh!!! LoL =P...hehe....i'm never getting mine..soo gonna fail the test..haha~ ..so i feel like i've wasted the past two days (friday & saturday)...haha~ did nothing...but go online..and play games..which i shoudl really stop doing....shoudl have been studying for SATs or doing hw..or somethign else a bit more productive .. haha~ newayz...got church & musical tomorrow...then guess i'll start on....AAAAAAHHH I HATE PROGRAMMING!!!! (or more like i hate mr. idiotic-stupid-"i am an ass" - getto)....*sigh*...wateva! can't wait till this year's over..no more getto...psh...hah...triumphant at last...*rolls eyes*...newayz..should get back to work.....yeah...=D«

written on March 21, 2004 @ 12:46pm

"Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?" (Morpheus, Matrix)

»...whoaa...no school today..b/c of the non-existent snow.. *rolls eyes* ...newayz..so now i missed the musical...blahh sux...gonna have to go see it sunday..at two...=\..better be worth it! hehe =P...newayz..special b-day shout out ---

weee =P..hheeh ...so yup yup...doing nothing right now...hehe..~ shoudl go do some hw..or study SATs...blaah..at least that's what my parents are screamign at me to do..i just wanna relax...=(...pooey... well..hmph..kinda scared they'll scream at me again.....f*** them...so update lataz ~ «

written on March 19, 2004 @ 2:28pm

too tired to think of a quote...

» aaah...heyy...happy st. patty's day (yesterday) ...hehe..been meanign to update for a while...but yeah..never got close to updating..so newayz...getting really tired throughout this week...think i've finally "caught" up w/ the workload..except for the homework in calc (but she doesn't check) and programming...but let's not get me started there...so right now..i'm stuck doing this physics lab..which is majorly retarded..cuz i have to count tiny minuscule boxes...blah!....who cares??? no one...argh..newayz...it's a pretty ...*cough*..erm..interesting site..LoL..hah~...you can have some fun w/ frequencies!! (-.-)...enjoy! haha~..tomorrow's friday..almost the weekend..thank god..but then...i have soo much to do this weekend..plus studying for SATs AAAH!! in one week..i'lll have to take them.....-.-....the very test that will decide whether i have a fighting chance to get into a good college....*sigh*....- freaking out -....ok..my brain's kinda dead right now..so i'm going to resume counting boxes...and hopefully sleep early...lataz ~ «

written on March 18, 2004 @ 10:34pm

fortune cookie: To avoid hurting yourself and others, don't drive drunk.

» interesting fortune cookie message, huh? LoL..newayz...was on a retreat for the whole weekend..so i had like no hw done...and to top it off..i was sick throughout the whole retreat..fun fun..so while i walked around philedelphia i was trying to not have my nose run....ARGGH!....well i wanted to talk about it...but not in the mood anymore...although i have to say the church service was really interesting....had really beautiful songs...really cool in general..and different from the usual traditional service...newayz. ~ now..i'm coughing like crazy...and trying to finish up this chem lab....(stuck on the conclusion)..overall not a bad lab...=)...a lil happy about that~ got my MIT e-mail finally confirming that they received my application like a month ago...wow~ soo inefficient...pathetic~..like about time? it's been a month or more now...w/e~ now they changed the acceptance date to april 15...BLAAAH!!....*sigh*...newayz...gonna try and wrap up this darn lab...«

written on March 15, 2004 @ 5:47pm

"it never was and never will be... you don't know how you've betrayed me and... somehow you've got everybody fooled" (Evanescence)

» i feel like i'm in a cage...i push, i pull, but the bars don't budge one bit. i'm trapped. no exit..sealed off. day and night...i hear unpleasant noises...no escape..no where to turn.. why? because i'm trapped inside with no exits...nothing....just walls everywhere...caged in....who will come and get me?«

written on March 11, 2004 @ 10:42pm

fortune cookie: Nothing in the world is accomplished without passion.

»wee~ yeah..so i had a fortune cookie today..and this line reminded me of Legally Blonde(don't ask why) LoL...and so i just felt like using this as my quote for the day!! =P...newayz...currently at the public library...just finished reading the play Fences ...it's a really emotional ...*sigh*...in the end you dunno whether to hate the characters or feel sorry for them..but newayz...had physics team meeting earlier today along with an environmental club meeting...ech..both quite uneventful...-.-...newayz..have soo much shyt to do...not even friggin funny...have an ap us test tomorrow to study for along with the science league for phycis (currently third in the state! WEE~).....and then i have a spanish journal entry and english essay to revise..and just soo mcuh i can't deal with ....not to mention i have to finish reading Age of Innocence which i barely started...ARRGH!! feel so stressed...and i have a chem lab to do.... all of this stuff ~ i even stopped doing calc homework and caring about programming cuz there's just so much i have to do..that i had to give up other stuff...>.<...soo stressed...gettign so behind..and i'm just gonna get more behind cuz i stupidly signed up for this confirmation retreat...which is really going to suckk..b/c i'm gonna be depressed the whole time..cuz i know no one from my church....and i'm just gonna be ALONE...why am i soo stupid? ...w/e don't answer that ~ *sigh*...too much SHIT.....i just want to smack mr. getto into oblivion..cuz he's sooo stupid!! totally unreasonable...doesn't have any clue about programming and how long it acutally takes....he just opens the stupid idiotic goddamn book and just assigns all the fucked up programs that it offers to us...i mean....honestly..i bet he's never even programmed in java...that's ass...and he's making us do so much?!?!?!?? wat a fucking asshole.....argh...yeah...he must sound like a scapegoat for all my troubles...but let me remind you that he is the one who is causing all my troubles....unfairly too... (argh!)...newayz...i should get back to studying....haven't called my mom yet to pick me up..but i'd rather stay here where it's quiet and i can actually do work whereas in contrast to my home which is so fucking loud cuz all my mom ever likes to do is talk at the maximum volume to the point that i can't hear myself think....my home equals NOT GOOD for studying or homework anymore..can't handle the environment..and then she blames me for bad grades...how is one supposed to study w/ her screaming night and day constantly??? ....i know this sounds horrible..but when i woke up from my nap a few days ago..all i can hear was just her screaming her lungs out as she "tutored" my brother for gepas...*sigh*...and all i kept thinking as i lay sprawled in my bed was screaming my insides out for her to shut up for at least a minute so i could have a minute of peace...*sigh*..i know that's horrible..but that's how i felt..cuz she can't talk softly..EVER...and it drives me crazy..it's just she's gone sooo crazy ( to me) that i feel like i can't reason with her..and i don't bother too..cuz i'm tired and feel like shit myself.....but....i feel like i'm behaving soo immorally...>.<...it's just too much stress at the moment...i can't handle it... -.-..newayz.. gonna go study some more... «

written on March 10, 2004 @ 4:57pm

i cannot deal with these quotes anymore...

» currently trying to burn more minutes on the comp so i can talk to my cousin a lil more haha~ so i decided to blog at the early wee hour of 1:37 am...then i have the marine biology questions (no clue how to handle them) and physics test and team to study for..neither of these that i want to do..so i'm thinking about hitting the bed after i type this entry and wake up at five to finish the rest of my hw...but then again..i don't feel like sleeping right now..so i feel like the time that i'm awake in bed will be a waste..*sigh* soo much WORK to do...it's driving me crazy..plus...i have a retreat this weekend..so NO time at all to do hw..plus SOO MANY FRIGGIN THINGS DUE FRIDAY ...mr. getto being the ass that he is..assigned another round of questions and programs for this friday~ have an essay for glucksman to revise (it totally sux..i dunno even how to fix it up) ~ and then ap us test ~ and prolly some other test or w/e that i can't even remember...*sigh*..soo much stress i can't handle it...oh yea..newayz..lots of stuff to do today after school and during school...AAAAAAAAAAAAAH..and btw...to one of my dear friends..a birthday shout out is in order! =P

woot woot..aww she's seventeen..=P good luck w/ the driving test...tho i know you're gonna get your license ^_~ newayz.. i've uploaded the images for the entrance page and main page (if i have not said that already)...and i just have to begin actually constructing it.. hmm.. the entrance page shouldn't be tooo bad...it's the main page that will take a lot of time and effort... hmmm.. it's just i want to get it done and use it..and get the design done for the old entries page...b/c the design i currently have was only meant to be for a blog that would most likely last for a year...but since i've gone past and am about to start a second year of blogging on this site..i gotta get a new design that will accomodate that~ mhmm... well..i should hit the bed..if i plan to wake up early to finish up the craappy stinkyyy hw...=(«

written on March 9, 2004 @ 1:47 pm

"Let us learn to show our friendship for a man when he is alive and not after the is dead." (Fitzgerald - Great Gatsby)

» so i have to write about this quote...argh!! such a hard assignment >.<...true/false? *sigh*..wish me luck cuz i'll really need it.. i was going to write about how it's a good idea to show your friendship to a person when they're alive but to also respect that friendship and prove you value the friendship even when the person's dead..but i have no idea how to expand and explain the idea..or even how to start the essay =\..i mean...what is there to say?!?!..i'm telling you a...real, hard assignemnt....
newayz...got a hair cut yesterday!! wee~ now it's a lil lighter since my hair isn't that long anymore =P nicee...LoL..and..i've done some more work on designing a new layout..i've got the graphics done for the entrance page and the blog page...i've got an idea for the past entries page...and now all i have to do is code it and put it on the internet..hopefully i can finish it up soon...and show it off!! LoL =P..hehe~ newayz..i think i'll begin uploadign the pictures while i think for a prompt for my gatsby essay...it'd better come soon....so friggin screwed....«

written on March 7, 2004 @ 5:19pm

"when you'd cried I'd wipe away all of your tears... when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.... and i've held your hand through all of these years... but you still have all of me... " (evanescence)

»wow~ so much work to do...and i've been slacking off for the past few days because of the HSPA testing..and truthfully..teachers shouldn't be giving homework ..but they still do...well today was the last day of testing..but i still have the science field test tomorrow..soo stupid..well newayz, currently i'm talking to my cousin and updating this site..but hopefully later i will start doing homework..study for calc again (today's test wasn't bad..SO happy!) and do chem hw and other stuff that i've been neglecting for the whole week...*sigh*...soo much to do..sooo little time..i just found out today that i had science league next week..oooh great....and then i have soo much english - write an essay and finish reading Age of Innocence (fuck)...and then..i have programming...and ap us history test...gosh..and then SATS to look forward to..(great)..and then i'm not sure whether i should go on the confirmation retreat especially since i have so much other things to do..and i'm afraid i'll just get behind even more...>.<...WHY DO THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME???? =[..and now my computer has decided to tell me that this program should be closed..i told it to close..but the same FRIGGIN WINDOW KEEPS POPPING UP..so i gotta go fix that by restarting this shit...omg!! so fucking pissed..you have nooo idea...ajf;kldjsklj;lkdj...(act of frustration..kinda feels good)...ack! «

written on March 4, 2004 @ 5:19pm

"when the night won't fall and the sun won't rise and you see the best as you close your eyes...when you reach the top as you bottom out but you understand what it's all about..." (Hilary Duff)

»wow~ today was the first day of HSPA testing...what a grueling time..LoL...argh..soo stupid though...it was just four sections of the SAME thing over and over again...=\..poopie..and they screwed up on one of the math problems...sheesh..smart them...but w/e..so the next two days will be english..and then we finish off with a stupid field test on science..ARRGGH!!...and then SATs a few weeks later..and then...i have this confirmation retreat..which i dunno whether i shoudl go to...SO MUCH FRIGGIN STUFF GOING ON....wat's up with this...*sigh*...i'm dying...-.-...*sniffs*..newayz..on a lighter note..i really need to clean this site up a bit..it's like falling apart completely..still entries from january in here...and it's march...but then the past entries page is slackign a bit...looking a bit uglly and all that..pooey...but of course..no time...i've designed a new layout..but still...haven't like worked it out w/ html...and of course..no time...argh!!..i wanna scream w/ frustration but i can't..and now my mom's screamed at me to look over HSPA stuff....GET A LIFE....who cares?? i d un anymore..so you shouldn't....wtf....my life totally s u x...-.-..newayz.fuming off..bbai~«

written on March 2, 2004 @ 10:05 pm

"gotta find that inner strength..." (Hilary Duff)

»whoaa..yesterday was february 29 ...b/c of course this year is a leap year! haha~ and of course...ACADEMY AWARDS...and Return of the King stole the night with ELEVEN OSCARS!! OH yeah...GO LOTR!!! hehe...well done, i say...=P..wow..soo cool...they got nominated for 11 categories and won in ALL eleven...=D LOTR rox ~ hehe.. let's see they won in best directing, adapted screenplay, music (score & song), art direciton, costume design, visual effects, makeup, film editing, sound mixing, and of course BEST PICTURE ^_~ most amazing night ever..heeh ^^..newayz..so now i'm soo bored and stuck because i have to write this impossible english essay....that i could care less about..and it's only a friggin contest but required cuz i'm in ap english BULL SHIT!! ARGGH..soo maddd..*sigh*...i'm not going to get any sleep...and of course..instead of tryign to work hard on the essay and getting it out of the way..i'm here complaining my ass off.....(screaming internally though)...and i also created a new design..which will hopefully sooner or later be transformed to a new layout...=\ w/e...still mad about this whole english mess..if it wasn't for english..i'd be asleep now...=[ «

written on March 1, 2004 @ 3:12 pm

Lazy Lazzy dd (9:15:09 PM): well, there's my personal favorite "Want to make you computer really fast? Throw it out a window."
..hehe..instead of lyrics or quotes..i'll start putting up random lines my friends tell me online =)

»omgosh..sheesh...i haven't updated this site for sooo long...-.- really crazy..completely neglected this blog for the whole vacation...but then i haven't been on the comp very much either..*sigh*..it's been quite a relaxing vacation..but i must say...i didn't complete a lot of tasks that i wanted...dint' touch any english material..did practically no hw..i think i've lost the school busy-ness kinda..>.< soo scared..not back into that mode yet...*yikes*...better get to it...newayz...nothign much happened during this break...erm..went to ny w/ friends monday...and that's pretty much my highlight of the week...=]..well..newayz...was looking through friend's profile..and i bumped into shirley's website...-.- omg..so pretty...you're my idol shirl! haha =P..newayz..takes a look =]...aaah..makes me wish i had actually kept to some of my plans which was to create a new layout for this site...but iono...it seems to need one..but i'm quite fond of this one..and can't seem to think up of a better one...*sigh*...i mean..i created one during x-mas break..but it turned out ugly in the end..ugh =\...now..kinda lost..kinda wanted to do a mashimaro layout..but he's not too colorful ..come to think of it.. a bit to white for me..LoL..if ya know what i mean...oh yeah...well i did accomplish one of my monthly goals!! [surprisingly...that procrastination one's kinda dead..but i'll keep it up for next month anyhooo =P]...I ACTUALLY FINISHED READING A NON-SCHOOL BOOK OVER BREAK~ LoL..pretty amazing..and it was good haha =P..absolutely good...^^ but it took up a lot of time..and i should have beeen reading another book for ap english...but this book was soo good..and much easier of a read than the other..*sigh*.....soo behind in work ...someplace i don't wanna be..but..argh! well..i guess..i should go look at some schoolwork still...while the night is still mine before the teachers take it away and pile more work on my friggin, small, deteriorating head =\...lataz ^^«

written on February 22, 2004 @ 9:05 pm

"let the rain fall down and wake my dreams..let is wash a way my sanity..cuz i wanna feel the thunder, i wanna scream...let the rain fall down..i'm coming clean.." (Hilary Duff)

» yeah..LoL..same song again..i think i'll just do parts of the song in order of how it goes if i like it..so as to keep the beginning part small and not long lines of lyrics..and if you want to read it..erm..then i guess you'll just have to ...hehe..read the entries backwards or something..iono the song is in my head so i dun need to ...you figure it out! hehe =P..kinda mean..but w/e..LoL..well..it's been a while since i've looked at this site in another computer (CAI lab) and not my home one..so ...this version is way out of proportion....>.< tooo BIG..it was supposed to be a bit smaller... so that floating layer wouldn't be in the way. ugh! w/e.. hehe ^^.. newayz...birthday shoutout--

yep ...my most favoritest cousin in the world!! well..i mean..one of the two ..LoL =D...hehe...erm....i'm believing that you are turning 20..which i figured out this morning..and it has totally like freaked me out..i mean...we only see each other once a year..so i still have it in the back of my mind that we're all like little children running around having a grand ole time when i'm in canada even though..half the time..your always too busy doing band, work, church, hangign out w/ friends...all the important stuff that comes before hanging out w/ your dear couz..but that's ok..i still LOVE YOU !! =P..hehe.. juss remember to leave some time to hang out w/ me..and not be busy all the time for those two weeks...and i would be a happy duckie =D...yup...so we've known each other since we were little kids running around..hehe..the good ole days...i remember...we play barbie dolls..erm..i dunno wat tim was doing but he was with us.. LoL... =P and role playing..aah~ ^^ hehe. now..it's like whenever i come over..we all have different agendas..LoL.you're never home cept for mehbe dinnertime...i just immediately go to the computer and camp out b/c i've been computer deprived at grandma's ...LoL..and my brother and tim...erm..camp out in the closet....uuhh...we'll just leave it at that, shall we?? hehe =P..newayz.. i luvz ya..and i wanna wish you a happy birthday..and i hope you'll come online so we can chat a bit..even though..yes..it's your birthday..so i woudln't want you to be camping out by the comp! hehe =D , me = computer dependent in order to live, haha~ but i still gave you a birthday shoutout on MSN ..hehe..so check my lil nickname out.. =]...well luvz ya..and happy birthday one more time!
peace (^.^)v«

written on February 13, 2004 @ 9:13am

"let's go back....back to the beginning...back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned..cuz perfect didn't feel so perfect...tryin' to fit a square into a circle was no life...I defined...." (Hilary Duff)

» Hilary Duff - Come Clean...is such a beautiful song..o.O..you should go listen to it...aah ^^.. hehe.. really good.. newayz.. tonite is the night of studyign..and it's friggin 11:16 pm..and i haven't started friggin studyign b/c of all the friggin hw..that the teachers who didn't give tests gave...fruck!!!..argh..so maddd...i got off the ap chem test..but the hw was soo hardd...wtf?!?!? also..so much physics..mmph...now..i'm trying to start gatsby...maybe..look over quickly calc..and then crash study ap us...which is going to be difficult..b/c i know nothing on WWII..?!?!...soo stressed..argh...when this week is over...i dunno whether to be happy or depressed...i'd feel happy b/c of no school for a week and finally done w/ all the friggin testing...but then i'm gonna be real depressed b/c of all the teachers piling up hw over vacation plus studyign for the SATs...so why does anybody bother to call this week a "vacation"?!? BECAUSE IT FRIGGIN HELL IS NOT!!!! wow ~ yeah...i'm real pissed.. -.-
newayz..think i'll calm down a bit....btw..AIM's got a new update! hehe..it's pretty cool..i guess..a lil different..but..the profile windows are now smaller..so if i want a bigger window i have to resize each time..and there's this annoying notification thingy that keeps popping up..which would be pretty cool unless you have like 5000 sns on your list..and the probability that one of those sns will sign on/off, away on/back, idle on/back, etc...becomes greater..so the boxes that keep showing up on the right bottom corner of your screen just keep piling up on top of each other so that you can barely see what's on your comp besides those notification boxes is a lil annoying ..so in the end..u just disable that certain feature making the whole installment completely pointless...but it seems like a good tool for stalking for all you stalkers ^_~ (*ahem* looks away JUST KIDDING!) LoL..ok..i really do have issues..newayz. ^^.. the only difference that i can see so far w/ aim is just different looks...and this new thing called linking sns..which i have no idea wat it does...*shrugz*..w/e..well newayz.. better get back to studying..shouldn't be dilly dallying too long here ^^«

written on February 11, 2004 @ 11:25pm

"these wounds won't seem to heal. this pain is just too real. there's just too much that time cannot erase.." (Evanescence)

»omg...soo much homework to do..and it's like midnight already...>.<...TOO MUCH WORK!! wat's wrong w/ these teachers?? four tests in ONE day??? omg...how's a person supposed to breathe??? i'm hoping i even make through thursday alive...too much too much...wow..i'm currently listening to the "My Immortal" song by Evanescence on Z100 as i'm typing this entry .. whooaa soo creepy...cuz i just chose part of those lyrics to post..hehe ^^.. it's such a beautiful song...aah...you can just get lost in the song...so pretty....perfect ^^.. hehe~ newayz..today was just madd crazy...had the AMC this morning... -.- i think..i did...reall..bad...*sigh*..w/e...and then right after an hour and twenty minutes of math testing...i had the friggin physics test which was pretty difficult >.<...omg...i barely finished..and that last question should have been taken off the test..wtf?!?!..took me foreveer..and i still dun think i did it correctly...pshh... and then...had the NJML this afternoon...eh...it went ok..better than my recent scores...so i really can't complain =]...hehe.. now..i have to write the two spanish journal entries...-.- ..i hate myself..the one time i decide not to do spanish hw...she comes right up to my desk ...and checks the hw...ugh!! i feel so guilty now..*sigh*...my life is like in constant turmoil..it's just circling and circling..and never stops for a rest..i have like no ideaa where i'm going ..i'm just letting the tides push me to whichever direction it wants to take me...i've lost control -.-..poopies..can't wait for this terror week to be over..but still..vacation is just going to be horrible...studyign studying for SATs..and of course..no doubt school homework over vacation...argh..well..it's time to start concentrating a bit...(-.-)«

written on February 11, 2004 @ 12:45pm

"Help me.. Figure out the difference between right and wrong, weak and strong, day and night.. where I belong.." (Nick Carter)

«hehe...isn't that pictures sooo cute??? hehe =D man...gotta give props to my bro who showed it to me...really funnie ^^...newayz...just finished talkign to an old friend (serena) from cty..haven't talked to her in sooo looongg... it feels so great to just talk to her again ^^..hehe..yeah..newayz..now i'm currently flipping out to marina...i'm soo stressed out ...ugh! this week is going to be insane...here's a rough outline..
Tuesday: AMC, physics test, and NJML
Wednesday: calc test and a whole afternoon geared to studying for the insane testing on thurs.
Thursday: ap chem test, ap us test, ap calc test, & english in class essay on great gatsby - just did some thinking over..i have only like one resting period in between these tests...this totally BITES...x.X .. o yeah..not to mention...Science League after school -.-
Friday: last day before vacation...but i'm already dead...not to also mention that admist this whole week ..i have to find time to finish up ap computer science assignments AND choose an author for the ap english final project...
UGGGH!!! WTF?!?!?...this is sooo not cooll....argh...wayy too stresssfull.... -.- *sigh*...but on a lighter note...i did get into both ap bio and ap physics c..so my schedule for senior year is set!! awesome...it's going to be SSOOO great...no history or foreign language..only ONE like "non-math/science" course that i'm taking which is ap english..and the rest is devoted to calc, stat, bio, and phys....woooot wooot!! hehe =D...well...it's still going to be a real tough year ...-.- pooey...why do i do this to myself?? ..just soo many courses one wants to take..but the combination..just isn't right...*sigh*..well...newayz..wish me luck as i go die ~ (-.-)v»

written on February 9, 2004 @ 6:06pm

"the road goes ever on and on..."

« wee~~ amy sent me a site..and it's soo cute =P..thx muchas..check it out! anywayz...the quotes thing at the beginning of each entry is beginning to lose its flavor..ack!!..mehbe i need a new layout...soon lol..dunno wat to do..newayz..went to princeton univ. yesterday =P fun fun fun...mhmm...LoL..the colloquium for engineering thingy..LoL..saw lots of things...ech..it was ok...they didn't really talk too much about wat each area of engineering does..like projects or stuff like that..iono...newyaz..played around w/ legos..haah =p fun fun! well...still have lots of work to do....>.<...*sigh*..gonna go..till lataz =D

written on February 8, 2004 @ 2:24pm

"so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past..." (Great Gatsby)

« Great Gatsby = good book..LoL.not bad..hehe =P..well newayz...no school tomorrow!! haha!! wee~...yeah...i've been thinking about making a new layout for this site...but pooey...can't find any proper images b/c i lack the ability to read anythign other than english..and its like the korean sites that have good pictures...or at least that's what is being hinted at me... pooey >.< well right now..my life seems to be on a freeze mode =\..argh...i'm just sitting here having to wait and wait and wait...wait for the friggin scheduling appointment for next year courses b/c my counselor is too much of an idiot to tell us during our meeting...blaah!...and also waiting for the ap science acceptance to come through...blah!...wanna take ap bio and ap physics c so baddly...butt..it's takign forever! plus..i need to know that those two classes are a definite...b/c if they aren't..then i'm in big deep shyt come time to schedule (if i ever do) b/c..i have no other courses to take its place...argh.. =[...*sigh*...feeling a lil empty at the moment...(-.-) argh.....i think i'm gonna close this entry for a the day..till lataz..^^ v»

written on February 5, 2004 @ 8:40pm

"how do you pick up the threads of an old life? how do you go on when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? there are some things time cannot mend. some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold."

«aah...lord of the rings =P..hehe..return of the king...was really good...depressing in a way...*sigh* but still good =D..newayz..FINISHED THE MIT APPLICATIONS AT LAST!!!! *whew*..thought i was gonna die..but then i am going to die..considering that i still have to outline the whole ap us chapter..and have less than two hours if i want to sleep at a reasonable time tonite...fudgeeee!!!..argh...still have programs and stuff to do...dammit...argh..so behind ALREADY1!! and it's the beginnign of a friggin new MARKIGN PERIOD!! wtf!!..argh...i feel so stupid....ugh..i'm currently disgusted at myself...and about to just fall apart into pieces ....psh...well newayz..new month...february 1! hehe...so gotta fix up that calender...anyone know of any february b-days?? well tell me..and i'd be happy to put you on! hehe =P...*sigh*..well school tomorrow..anywayz..my bro fell down the stairs today..and he's been complaining all day (driving me insane) about how his ass hurts..and how he thinks he's broken a bone..and how he thinks he hasn't had enough calcium b/c he didn't drink enough milke..feells like an old man..etc etc....geez..he talked so much..i frankly dont' believe himm whenever he says his ass hurts...geez...soooooo annoying...pah...well..newayz..i gotta go finish up outlining..lataz»

written on February 1, 2004 @ 9:59 pm

"I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure, of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you"

«an okay day today...*sigh*..haven't gotten started on the MIT apps..i'm sorta screwed...blaah..well newayz...today...i finally got more than just a "glimpse" of foreign exchange students that we've actually been having for the past few years at the high school LoL..the last two years ..i never saw as much as one glance of one exchange students and now today i've seen at least four or more exchange students who have been in some of my classes!! haha pretty weird >.< haha...well newayz..doing nothign much..have a long weekend comgin up..w/ so much homework and all..really wanted to get started tonite...*sigh*..and plus..have columbia tomorrow ..starting up again! wee~ hehe..wonder wat class i'll get into..and then..have MIT summer apps to finish up....ugh.....i dunno how i'm going to do this..w/ the ap us outline as well too....ffffuuuucccckk!!!! =\ sooo SCREWED!..why do i do this to myself?? argh..n o      o n e      a n s w e r       t h a t       p l e a s e  .....x.X well gonna go kill myself..(jk)...till lataz ^^»

written on January 30, 2004 @ 9:20pm

«no school today!! hehe..weee~ it's greaat =P.. hehe..i still have soo much homework to do...wow..and i'm real tired ...=\ finish up this entry lataz..sorry ...i'm so weird >.<

"you can't always run...."

« ahh wasted the whole morning juss sleeping..(downright tired last night)...and then spent the rest of the day out doing stuff...or watching movies..LoL..omg..wat a procrastinator i am...i barely started on the ap science apps..can't seem to really concentrate..so i'm just drifting here and there around the house..and listening to my new CD =P...clay aiken!! wee~ LoL..hehe =P...i basically bought it b/c of "Invisible" LoL..but the other songs are pretty good ..weee~~ hehe...aah..i dun want to write these damn essays...LoL..i dun know wat to write..i'm soo out of it...ugh...and it had to be essays ..last year was liek only a paragraph..but they didn't give enough time..so that's why.....*sigh* well now that we have all the times....i have to write two essays..cuz i want to do both ap bio and ap physics c next year...>.<..aiyaahhh..hehe =D.. o well...hehe..so many applications to do...so lil time..so stressed out..and it's after the friggin midterms!! i shoudl be relaxing geez..ugh..have to read great gasby..kinda boring....erf..i only got two pages in..haha~ .. *sigh*..janaury is ending pretty quickly...february's approaching... so many things to do...*sigh* big sigh..sigh sigh..i feel so hopeless..kinda out of control...i feel like i'm spinnign so fast..and i can't stop..can't grasp on to anythign..have nothing to hold on..just keep goign and going..until i finally just drop dead..and die..there's like absolutely no substance to my life...it's how i feel..like i'm totally nothing ..iono..i'm just out there drifting off into the sky....disappearing into nothingness...this is how i get when i'm depressed..*sigh*..i feel like nothing...=[...*sigh*..well..time to fade away...»

written on January 24, 2004 @ 11:07 pm

"Many that live deserve death.
And some that die deserve life.
Can you give it to them?
Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment."

« yep..so that's it!! the best quote of all time from Lord of the Rings =P...LoL one of them...it's just so deep..and thoughtful..iono...it's just somethign i so believe in..and like it explains it perfectly =P...lol...yep..newayz..midterms are finally over that i dunno wat to do w/ myself...actually i do..like write essays like crazy for the ap sciences and MIT...blaah..wtf?? hehe..never a rest *sigh*..well..right now..i'm just butt tired..dun want to work..but have like totally nothign to do..i feel like i have to go somewhere..but then there's like no where to walk to..haha...yeah..i can be a bit weird...
well newayz...i dunno..i've been thinking about trying to design a new layout..cuz the other one just turned out horribly wrong..haha..but then..it's so winter based..that...once winter is over..i'll have to find a new layout..so i want a layotu that's neutral..in that it's not related to a season..or something...but then when you think about it..this layotu could almost be related to spring..but it still holds some neutral force..i suppose...iono *shrugz*.. i dunno..i feeel like surfing aorund the internet..but for what i dunno...aaaaah!!..i'm soo bored.. i need to do somethign..but dunno wat...*sigh*..when i'm busy..i always hav esomethign i'd rather do..then when i feel somewhat "free"...i dun have anything in mind to do..pooey..well..kinda bored..gonna end this entry...bbai~»

written on January 23, 2004 @ 9:21pm

"the road goes ever on and on..."

«...i'm wondering whether this quote thing will last..b/c..hehe..i'm sometimes a bit too lazy to find a good quote..or even song lyrics >.<...i need to be unlazied~! =P hehe. well newayz..birthday shoutout to my dad !! hehe happy birthday, daddie ^^ ... yup yup plus chinese new year tomorrow!! weee~~ very exciting =P..hehe .. kind of a lil bored right now..shoudl study for comp sci tomorrow..have to finish up a friggin midterms...pahh wahh.. =\..hehe.. well i was flipping through the course guide book b/c my bro's going to be a frosh next year so..hehe =P.. and i found AP STatistics...hmm..i'm wondering if they're going to offer it next year..it would be perfect to add that to my scedule..and i'd be soo set for senior year =P..hehe.. well..yeah...i'll seee...poooey.
well newayz...if you don't want to visit the depressive side of me..i'd suggest u stop reading now......i was really feeling so bombed out yesterday night/this morning...calc has so depressed me lately..have u ever felt like ..iono...stupid..oro something..ugghh..it drives me crazy..i mean..i was like totally crying last night over studyign calc..i felt like i knew nothign..and ..i just felt like ..it' sjust soo hard to explain..i was like totally not into anything...and i feel so..apathetic...like i just really dun care for anythign anymore..except i care about some thigns liek math/sciences i feel like a total failure if i'm not doing well in any of those courses...like really welll..iono..mehbe i'm pushign myself too hard..but i really doubt that..or i'm askign for too much..i know..i feel i need mental help or something..life can be so bogged down with everything going on..and i just feell like i have to be good at math/sciences..b/c if i'm not..i feel like my total existence is gone..like i just need those two to hold on to to live..but at the same time..i'm not doing well in calc..and ..iono..mehbe i'm just exaggerating every lil mistake i make..or mehbe i feel like i'm slipping away..and i'm just lost..i dun know..that's the problem...i just don't know...and yeah..life is really killing me right now... ='[.... i just feel so depressed...*sigh*...mehbe it comes w/ the trade of takign 5 ap classes..or mehbe it's the trade of trying to be at the top when you feel like you dun belong there..or w/e...*sigh*...things i have to work out..but there's no one to talk to..like..who cares when they have their own problems to worry about..so ..i mean..i have my own problems now...everyone has their own agenda..and no one really takes the time to care but then.. if u demand someone to care and listen...it makes one look selfish or something..>.<...life is too complicated for me..there's just so many angles...i guess the real idea is..that one just can't be perfect...but then ......iono....my mind is soo messed up and mushed around too much..i juss dunno wat to think..dunno where to go..i feel so lost...x.X...well..i guess..my whole spilling out of my random thoughts is goign to end now...i dunno...»

written on January 21,2004 @ 7:30pm

"A black man was talking to a white man and said: "I'm black. When I was born I was black. When I grew up I was black. When I'm sick I'm black. When I go in the sun I'm black. When I'm cold I'm black. When I die I'll still be black. But you: When you were born you were pink. When you grew up you were white. When you're sick you're green. When you go in the sun you're red. When you're cold you're blue. When you die you'll be purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored? --Malcolm X"

well i found that quote on david's profile who in turn got it from louis (according to the profile)..so around and around it goes..LoL =P..ok..hehe i thought it was an interesting quote .. =D .. well newayz...had my first midterm today...good ole ap us...got rid of it..no more history midterms/finals for the rest of my high school life!!! feels so good..haah =P..i suck at history..and writing..and everythign..that mc was soo hard...and i'm bound to have failed the dbq..b/c i can't write....if my life depended on it..well...*sigh* it's alright..i'll live through it..heheh =P... newayz.. got math and spanish tomorrow..shoudl start studyign..*sigh*...not in the mood....welps..hmm...i felt so hyper earlier..now it's wearing off..and..err..nohting to say.. =P..ok! hehe till next entry when my brain isn't all gooey =P

written on January 20,2004 @ 9:15pm

"Wishing on a shooting star
But dreams alone will get you far
Can’t deny your feelings anymore
The world is waiting right outside your door
What are you waiting for "
[John Gregory - Ride of Your Life]

«OuCHiE!! my mom burned herself..and it looks ugly >.<...*yikes*...hehe...well newayz, i've decided to make another crack at redesigning this site....and finding a new name for it b/c someone stole simplicity for a stupid blog ring @ xanga...>.< and it's been bugging me lately..*sigh*...wahhhhh ='[... o well...it's alright...i guess something will come in mind...and if not..well i still have to redesign the site first...hehe..b/c the old entries is getting a lil stuffy..prolly have to change it into two web pages or something..hehe...i'll see =P.. yeah...
newayz...i should start studying for stupid ap us again...*sigh*..no time to do anythign fun..except update this site..and chat w/ some friends on AIM...=[..and i still have to finish the MIT apps...have to write three friggin essays...AAH! wat's w/ the essays??? i'm never going to survive college apps at this rate....pooey..-.- .. ack! yeah..i'm a lil weird >.<...and i also want to fix up my xanga site a bit LoL... o wellz..screw xanga ..it's alright..=D...yerps..well...i'm wondering whether i should find a new base for this site...or use the same picture..but do a diff design...here's the picture..check it out =P..tho u might have seen it already..hehe...welps..this will be a short entry..as i go wonder off about wat to do w/ this site..and how to handle that friggin dbq and the mc of the ap us midterm tomorrow ...-.- pooey »

written on January 19,2004 @ 2:47 pm

"things aren't always what they seem..."

«hehe..yeah..so that's christine's buddy icon..and yesterday afternoon..i honestly saw a sideways distorted(ugly) girl!! hehe..i was like whoaaaaa..why'd she use it as her buddy icon..but then.i was a bit high on the coffee...then...an hour later..i saw it again..but i think the high might have wore off a bit..so i saw wat most people would see...the falcon...hehe..but i was like...wait.....wasn't it a GIRL?? but it was the same pic..so my head just started spinning(hangover =P)..and then a few hours later..i looked at it again..and i could make up the girl..plus the falcon..so i started askign around..b/c i'm a lil crazy like that ^_~.. and..two other ppl saw the girl first....but most saw the falcon..so i was like just going crazy ..hehe...>.<...but then of course..louis had to bring it to another dimension and he like saw a million things...=\..hehe ...and he said he saw a cat..^^..hehe..and now i see it too...it's really tricky to find....but i totally see it...and yeah...so i've spent like most of my entry just talking about this simple buddy icon..which i'm sure..was initially supposed to be a bird...crazzzy =P..hehe...this is what happens when you drink dunkin donuts coffee! hehe..too much caffeine and ap us midterm studyign will do this to you!! hehe =D

well newayz...i'm currently taking a break from all this studying ... went through half of the us outline..still...have...another.....HALF ... to....go...i...am...so...screwed!! >.<...i've gotta finish studyign this tonite..so i can at least start on...uhh..perhapss...studyign for ANOTHER midterM?? fudgeeee!! ...omg...i hate this i hate this i hate this....erf...all this testing is goign to drive me crazy..not to mention havign to write essays for teh MIT summer apps...omg...=\..this is cutting way to close.... *sigh*...i'm kinda really stresssed now..but i guess not as much as that poetry project gave me. i felt like dyign honestly...geez... =\ well newayz..my comp is really screwed up now..so i can't see any comics @ ucomics.com ...darn...where's my daily dose of comics??? I NEED THEM!!!! =] hehe.. well..mehbe i should get a dose of xangas..or mehbe a dose of games?? or maybe i should really stop procrastinating and get on to studyign so i'm not screwed tomorrow..*sigh* either way...well...i won't think about it for the moment =]

why..don't ...we..think about ALL THE SNOW THAT FELL TODAY!! hehe =P...it was really pretty seeing it fall..until the friggin neighbors (including my dad) decided to come out and disturb the white beauty by shovelling the driveways..and movign the cars into the road ruining the perfectly smooth white layer...*sigh*..and then the snow plow truck (w/e u call it) came..and now..it's all ugly..icky..black..and it's jsut gonna get worse...o well.. ^^....hehe..like the loss of innocence?? guess if u wanted to make a poem..u can connect the dirtyign of snow to loss of innocence..ok..wait...NO POETRY!! i promised myself that after that inclass explication friday =P..hehe.. actually poetry isn't too bad...when u understand wat the poet is tryign to convey..it's actually pretty intersting..so i'm not a total hater..but when it comes down to explications...WHAM! wait..no schoolwork..so moving along now..LoL..my neighbor made a snowman!! hehe..it looks kinda weird actually =\ it's like....really thin..on the bottom..and like..real thick in the middle..i dun know how it even stays erect..well..i guess i shouldn't be criticizing since i dunno how to even make a snow ball....OOHHH!! HUSHHHH!!! =P..hehe. newayz..heeh snow makes me happy =P .. all the brightness!!...it's great. =D..hehe ..well this has been quite a long entry...it's time to call it quits i suppose =P ~ so long!»

written on January 18,2004 @ 9:44pm

"all things bright and beautiful,
all creatures great and small,
all things wise and wonderful,
the Lord God made them all."

« and the song goes on in my head LoL..each little bird that sings....la la la..yeah it's a beautiful song =P i luv it...brings me back to the old church choir days...ahhh..reminiscing...ok..jk..not really =\ hehe..but i always thought singing in the choir was fun..get to sit in the altar in blue robes..=D hehe..yeah..i'm weird >.< ..hehe..well newayz..that just came into my mind while i was shelving books at the library yesterday (volunteering)..hehe ..look wat volunteering @ the library can do to me!! hehe =P..well newayz..right now i'm just chatting w/ marina and jenn and sipping away at my coffee..which i'm convinced makes me fall asleep..dun ask me why and i won't tell you why b/c i dunno why =P..haha.. yeah..i think i'm getting a bit high w/ this coffee LoL..
oo wow..i was so high i forgot to make some birthday shoutoutz!! hehe =P

written on January 17, 2004 @ 4:46pm

"i've become so numb i can't feel you there, i've become so tired so much more aware, i'm becoming this all i want to do is be more like me and be less like you" [Linkin Park - "Numb"]

«wooohoo~~ had a snow day today...i would have prefered delayed opening but w/e...i actually did nothing the whole day and am now regretting it..b/c i really need to study for comp sci (which is boring my ass off) and for the english in-class essay (dammit)...*sigh*..but it was fun..i slept in till 12...then ate lunch (brunch more like LoL)..watched a movie..and then listened to the radio [Z100]...hehe..and yeah..but now i have to start studyign my ass off..i'm such a procrastinator..and i promised myself i wouldn't procratinate at the beginning of the school year b/c of the stupid summer hw..in which i stayed up till like 5/6 doing it >.lt;...and i did it again w/ the all nighter literally no sleep poetry project ...both b/c of english..yup..gotta love my life =\...and now i'm procrastinating again by not studying and doing other things...why?!?! ...it really pisses me off...*sigh*..newayz..it's like an inner struggle within me that i can't really explain in words b/c...i suck at writing and shouldn't be in ap english..but w/e =\..newayz..revised my top songs list (that i want) =P..hehe...too bad d/ling has become soo...argh!!..we/e..so now..i just have to get money and buy them...but i'm to poor...*sigh* =[ well here it is..

1. Invisible- Clay Aiken
2. With You - Jessica Simpson
3. Numb - Linkin Park
4. Come Clean - Hilary Duff
5. Up Against All Odds- Tarralyn Ramsey
6. This I Swear - Nicholas Shay

..hmm..did a lil renumbering and editing on the list...=D...hehe..well newayz...gonna go study now...hopefully..*sigh* =[..peace ^^v»

written on January 15, 2004 @ 8:27pm

"i remember...stormy weather...when the sky looks when it's cold...and you were with me...content with walking...so unaware of the world..." (Michelle Branch)

« whee~~ yeah...i'm real obssessed with michelle branch now as you can see =P hehe..it's "tuesday morning" ..such a pretty song =D hehe.. well newayz..had no school today practically! which was fun..missing all those boring classes..and they're just going to do review anywayz *sigh*..hehe..went to iron hills math competition..hehe ..and we got first place!!! o yeah!!! awesome!! hehe =P rocked my world...yup yup
also got back my physics test i took yesterday..hehe =P...100% baby!!! woohoo~~ and the odd part is i didn't even study for it...LoL..soo weird..wow~...i better do that well in calc or my A is screwed..*sigh*...wow..i've learned to hate math too through high school...soo sad... =[...well newayz...currently flipping through and updating my comics ^^ ..hehe haven't read them in a while...calvin andhobbes are soo cute =P..but foxtrot is just plain funny...and sometimes there are other good comics here and there..but those two are the best ^^..hehe..i promised i'd make a page just for comics..and i'd update it w/ good comics..but..err..that's never happened...i've got to design it and all..and i was trying to redesign this site..but the outcome didn't look too good..so i'm kinda back @ square 1...*sigh*...well...gonna finish reading the comics...and err..start ap us..>.<..soo screwed..have ap us...programming..and ap comp sci midterm to study for..omg..=\..and if no delay opening b/c the snow decides not to come...well..then ...english essay here it comes.....aiyah!! =\»

written on January 14, 2004 @ 8:13pm

"And I take it just a little bit. I hold my breath and count to ten. I've been waiting for a chance to let you in. If I just breathe let it fill in the space between I'll know everything is alright. Breathe every little piece of me, you'll see everything is alright. If I just breathe" (Michelle Branch)

« ok..i've moved all the old entries..and i'm trying out a new entry layout LoL..since the "winter" layout didn't turn out the way i wanted and i need something new to play around with so i'm just confining the styling to writing entries ^^..hehe..so i guess i'll start out each entry w/ like a quote or lyrics (most likely) hehe..like you see now in italics..hehe..those lyrics are from the song "Breathe" LoL..i'm totally obssessed w/ michelle branch right now..(her music)..dun ask why >.<...i'm soo weird hehe..newayz..so lots of things i want to say..so let's get started! heeh =D
well this whole week has been like crazy...testing after testing..bad grades after bad grades *sigh*...it just sucks how my happiness depends on some stupid letter..it really does..i mean i get so friggin depressed when i get a bad grade or feel like i did real bad on a test like calc today...i just really feel so out of it. and i kinda still do. newayz..yesterday, i had the ap us & ap chem test...today, i had physics, ap calc, and the ap comp sci midterm..i'm so overloaded it's not even funny..i get a "lil" break b/c after all these tests..all teachers feel like doing is reviewing..but still..and i've got iron hills tomorrow...so i guess that's more of a break..and i dun have to sit through classes...
newayz..got midterms coming up..>.<..this friday i've got the ap us midterm (yeah..not)..then tuesday: ap calc & spanish ...wednesday: ap chem and physics..which sux b/c i have a three hour period between these two exams b/c business is right smack in the middle and i dun take any business courses..so i get to hang around the school for three hours doing nothing *yay*..well i wouldn't say nothing..prolly more like studying..*sigh*
wow..i was just looking at this site..and as i was testing the new entry layout, i was just thinking to myself how much my site has developed since my first time playign w/ html..>.< .. i mean..the earlier layouts kinda sucked but now that i know more things..and i'm testing out new stuff..it's developed to something that i'm naturally proud of..but then again, i was always proud of what i came up with even though in reality when i look back..i really think those layouts sucked..and i'm prolly gonna say the same about this layout like later on..but still..=D i've seen development..and that just makes me a lil more happy =D..something school will never give me..haha..yeah..well..so for all you comp nerds and layout freaks who believe that this layout sux ass and you've seen better..well..u know wat?? i dun wanna hear it!! LoL..i'm rather proud of myself..and am very happy..and i dun care wat you think!! =D..hehe...yep yep..^^
well..now i should begin outlining ap us..and studying...argh..i hate this subject..throughout these two years..i have honestly learned nothing except to hate the subject *sigh*...o w/e...after this year..i will not be dealing w/ history ^^ hehe...o..college...well i'll worry when i get there..haha
well newayz~ better get started...and i like to leave off saying: good luck to all you people who still have to finish the poetry project!!..it's a killer =\...so glad i'm finished w/ it ^^»

written on January 13,2004 @ 6:41pm

january.06.03 .::. first off...happy new year to everyone!! haha..yeah..the poetry project has kept me so busy that i haven't had time to update this blog..and i've decided i can't stand the layout i made over break so i'm not going to use it..i'll just stick this through till i get a new inspiration or something..we'll see ^^..newayz...birthday shoutoutz to: