december 22, 2005

well these past two days have been quite interesting. with the mta strike, i had to find alternative transportation. fortunately there was a shuttle bus to port authority so no biggie and it was already there by the time arrived so that's good. so now that FINALS ARE OVER, w00t, it is time to do some good quality vegitating as the sagely kat says. hehe :P.
anyhoo, this winter break of three weeks will be dedicated too:
1) spending time reading
2) watching movies (in & out of theatres)
3) knitting!
4) finishing the 1000 crane foundation site for bea
5) chilling w/ bea :P..
6) hanging out w/ hs buds
7) shopping for clothes and more school materials
8) and many many more.. which i can't think of now :P
this better be a relaxing break ^^. hehe, okay more update later i think. i'm currently too happy!!! hehe :P. let the vegitation begin!

4:22 PM

december 19, 2005

wow, it feels like so many people are back in livingston. it seems so weird they're all done with their first semester and finals, and here i am just begun. so today went okay. physics was a handful *sigh*. econ was even worse. hopefully i'll pass that class. *sobs* i mean, this day has passed by pretty fast, and it wouldn't have been too bad, if i didn't feel so iffy on all my answers i put down and the fact that i only have a couple of hours to study for intensive chem final tomorrow. x.X yeah.. oh well, i guess it's over with, and i'm done with two finals. those three hours seem so long at first, but it went by quickly or maybe it's because i handed in my econ final an hour early, but it was really short plus the fact you don't really know any of the answers, and you're just guessing really helps decrease the length of time you're gonna spend on the final. hmmph. oh well, must study more again. i can't wait till 12:00 on wednesday...

9:37 PM

december 18, 2005

when updating a blog has become an obligation instead of really wanting to do it, should one stop all together? i don't know, but i've suddenly lost any desire to blog at all. it just seems so hard for me to set aside a couple of minutes just to type wat's on my mind. it's like my mind has suddenly decide to close itself and not let anyone know me anymore. i think i'm just becoming more self-conscious. in high school, i had no trouble blogging wat i felt at all. in fact, i became so obssessed with it senior year that i would start thinking up of blogs to write in the middle of classes. nowadays, it's like, "oh wow, i haven't touched my blog in a long time. i should prolly write a lil something in it so that it hasn't died out.."
maybe, in high school, i always felt like i was a ghost. nonexistent - as in no one noticed i was even here or alive. they only noticed me when they wanted someone they could compare answers with in schoolwork. i've always felt like i could say something absurd, and no one would think twice about what i said because they didn't even hear to begin with. so by discussing my thoughts on this blog, whatever they were, i felt that i was safe because i felt no one really read this blog anyways. here (columbia), i feel like i have a voice in the crowd. or maybe it's just me and my illusions in that i think i have a voice, and people hear me, but really i don't and i'm only tricking myself with this illusion. i'm not sure. it's something that bugs the back of my mind, but then again, i don't allow myself that sort of situation where i'm in a big crowd of people. maybe, i'm just avoiding the inevitable because, i've noticed that i mostly hang out with a small group of people. as in fellowships, i chose csfc because of its convenient small size (although there were other factors involved), but definitely it's smallness was one of them. but then i'm wondering if my decision based on the points i had was a good idea.. but that's a different story. anyways, the point is that i've sidled towards small groups a lot since i've been here at columbia. although, considering i feel that not too many people at columbia know about this blog, i don't think that's why i feel i can't write anymore. but then, i always feel there's that rare chance people will bump into it.
or perhaps, i've lost the desire to blog because i'm too spread out. i have too many blogs. as of now, i technically have a total of five blogs. i think the dilemma of where i should update has made me lost the desire to blog because i have to spend some time figuring out where to blog my thoughts, and by the time i log on, i forget what i want to say, and the entire entry becomes unreadable that i just delete it anyways. but then again, i feel the fact i have five blogs, three of which i truly update, is a small factor.
it's probably that i get distracted too much. i'm online, and i start talking to people in the middle of my blogging, and then after i stop talking to people, i realize i've forgotten what i wanted to say eloquently or somewhat eloquently so i just delete that blog, and hope the thought will come back to me, but of course it never does.
i also noticed that there are some stuff that i think to myself,"wow i really want to blog that just to keep a memory of it." like fun events that happened while i've been at columbia. but when i finally find the time to write about them, i find that my memory of that event has become sort of hazy and that it's been two weeks since that event occured, and by that time, it feels like it's too late to write about it, or that a blog about it now would be so out of place. although i have noticed that since i've been to college, my perception of time has completely warped. what happened maybe two or three days ago would feel like ages to me now. time moves by too quickly x.X.
well so this has been an ultra long blog of me just brainstorming why i don't blog as often anymore. but i must say, when i do, i do give you guys lots of reading material ^^. well, enough procrastination on my finals studying. must get back to it. i'm sort of in a twist. i kind of want these three days to be over as soon as possible so i'm finally free from all this studying and work and out of this first semester and at the same time, i sort of want it to drag out so i have a lil more time to study and try to do well on my finals. *sigh* i guess i can't really get both. oh well, >.< time to go. hope everyone does well on finals and have a nice winter break!

12:04 PM

december 13, 2005

wow, i've become quite a deliquent in updating this blog, and it's not like i have some other better blog to go to. it's just i haven't found the desire to update any blog in general. idk... a lot's been going on lately, and i've been thinking a lot, but it's so hard for me to articulate it. mehbe that's why i haven't been blogging. or mehbe i'm just plain sick of writing in general, especially after university writing. that's why the entire writing structure here is currently falling apart...
well, anyways, things that have been going on lately this month (or will be going on).
1. CCP paper - i just finished my CCP sunday morning. FINALLY, that is over with. that paper was terror. i do not know what compelled me to write about euthanasia, but safe to say, i refuse to ever write about that topic again or at least in a 8 page academic paper. thank goodness it was only 8 pages. at first, i thought 2500 words was 10 pages. imagine my dismay that my uw teacher cannot estimate. it's a good thing i did word count at page 8, otherwise i would have been writing for nothing. good thing to. as i had nothing left to say.. okay from here on, i'll try to make this entry a lil more followable
2. Pride & Prejudice - i finished reading that book over the weekend! i really love it. and now, i really want to watch the movie, but i'm getting this feeling that it won't be in theatres anymore once winter breaks start. but i can't watch it till break, especially with finals coming up.
3. my cousin steph is coming down? - that's with a question mark considering that i haven't talked to her since a week ago, and since i do not know what the progress is right now, i am still under the impression that she still does not have a passport and did not buy airplane tickets yet, which is why i'm really scared this plan will not follow through. i hope she'll come down. it'll put a lot of brightness,fun, & something to look forward to at the end of finals. if she does come, it'll be from 21st - 28th. it should be a fun week! :D action packed indeed. although, when it comes to visiting, one week is soo short. (i would know.. visiting toronto for 2 weeks feels very short :(.. so one week in comparison? ) anyways, if she comes down, we're gonna make the best of that week!
4. Secret Angel - i have still yet to find a present for my mortal. regardless, i must say it was fun and a lil nerve wrecking since i don't really know what my mortal likes. anyways, funny story to this secret angel business.
last night, i was sitting in front of my computer minding my own business, when all of the sudden, i hear this loud scraping noise, and i got really scared b/c i had no idea wat that noise was. then i look at the floor near my door, and i see a CD, so i'm like okay, that must have been wat made the noise. and then seconds after the CD slid under the door, i hear this person running down the stairs like crazy as in i can actually hear the loud pounding ringing and echoing as she runs all the way down, and since i live right next to the stairwell, i hear this pounding pretty well. ROFL! hehe :D now that's a funny delivery! hehe..oh the suspense! i still can't figure it out who it is. people throwing me left and right. =\.
anyways, yep so it was a CD with Christian music on it that i'm listening to right now, and it's great! i love my secret angel! hehe =P thanks lots whoever you are~ hehe. other things that i've gotten was brownie & apple cider .. ooh i'm well fed ^^. hehe. and i also got a pretty daisy!!! yay =P. i'm soo happy. i've never gotten a flower before. thanks so much SA! yerp, cuz i'm a weirdo, i posted a picture of the flower in my photo album so go check it out!
5. Retrospective essay - even though i have finished my grueling CCP paper, i am amazingly enough not free from UW yet. i still have to write a 1200-1500 word paper about what type of writing i'll have to do in my potential major and how that differs from the writing that i do now in UW. argh! i mean, i see a purpose in this assignment, but how does one write a four page paper on it? not to mention that i'm majoring in engineering so that doesn't help too much. gar! i liked the other class's assignment better. seems more doable newayz. he kept talking about researching and citing source?? wth?!? *sigh*. i can't wait for when i'm truly free from UW
6. Finals - need i say more? i start on the 19th and end on the 21st. check my schedule if u'd like to know when these exams are >.<
7. MTA goes on strike this friday possibly? - this will be extremely annoying if they do, since that's like my only transportation home as well as around nyc. and if they do go on strike, i won't be able to show my couz around nyc granted that she does come down.
oh wow, what an extra long entry! well, this certainly makes up for my silence for pretty much the first half of december. good luck to everyone on finals, and hope you guys have a safe trip home!!

12:43 PM

december 4, 2005

i woke up at 9AM this morning. this is the earliest time i've ever woke up on a weekend besides the fact that i overslept by an hour and missed church. >.< *sigh* and i even SLEPT earlier so that i would be able to wake up for church, and still i didn't wake up...i think, partially, the reason i overslept was because i didn't want to face my ccp. yeah, so i figure, if this day never started, i would never have to research and work on my ccp. and my day does not start until i wake up. such as my mentality goes..
huh.. i find that when i'm really stressed my blogs tend to lose their somewhat existing structures and my entire entries become like this "...." all over the place. *sigh*
on a slightly happier note though, when i lifted my blinds this morning, i was faced with quite a wonderful surprise. the columbia campus was covered in a thin layer of snow! :D yay! i decided to take a lil picture of the campus from my window. hehe it's really quite pretty. it was still snowing when i went out to brush my teeth. however, when i came back into my room a few minutes later, it had stopped snowing! ahh, quite interesting. newayz, now there are ppl joyfully playing around in the snow. although, it's very little ppl since most columbians are still rolling around in their bed..i think i'm gonna go wake some up and get them to eat breakfast w/ me. laters~

10:52 AM

november 23, 2005

yeah. i am currently up very late when i have absolutely no reason to be up, and i have a 9AM class tomorrow. go me >.<... well okay.. actually there IS a reason. i spent an hour watching a very very (in my opinion) scary tv show, and now i can't stop thinking about it. and since it's scaring the heck out of me, i really can't sleep. blargh x.X so i currently have my door propped open cuz i don't want to be left in my own room by myself either. blahhh.. sam said it was like law & order!! FARRRR from it >.< law and order is not even scary at all. this was just ultra-nightmarish, and now i can't get it out of my head. yah, i spent the whole night afterwards in kat room reading a nonsense teenage girl novel to try and get my mind off it, but now that she's gone to bed, i have nothing to do =(. can't go to sleep.. well.. i should start packing i suppose.. home tomorrow for thanksgiving! =D

2:58 AM

november 13, 2005

10:09 PM

november 12, 2005

my my, time passes by so fast when you go to butler to work. it's already around five o'clock and i came here around 1:30 ish. it's already dark outside!!! the afternoon has passed by without me even noticing, and it was such a pretty afternoon =(. *sigh*. i can't wait till all this is over. i can't wait for next weekend when grace will be coming over! it'll be ultra-fun and hopefully i'll have less work to do aka just problem sets and nothing else. yeah, i know i wished. i cross my fingers.
newayz, yesterday was a good day. jill came over to visit me in the afternoon. it was very exciting. i haven't seen her since gov school, and i dun think i ever said goodbye properly to anyone at gov school since my parents arrived in a rage and were like we have to get out of here as soon as possible mode. *sigh*. anywayz, it was really great to see her again. we had lunch at cafe swish, which was quite yummy cuz i had pork chop! hmmmm, although they had quite a lot of fat on them though, but it was still good =d. then, we decided to be quite adventurous and order hot bubble tea for the first time! i must admit that jill was quite adventurous considering she got mango green tea hot. haha, i just stuck with hot bubble black tea =p. i went down a safer road, but she says it was yummie so mehbe i'll try that next time =P. hehe. anyhow, we went back to john jay where i smuggled her in. hehe jk.. well sorta smuggling in but not really. well, we hung out in my room for a while looking at jill's pictures ^^. hehe, then i gave her a grand tour of the campus =P. we stopped by the bookstore where i finally bought myself a door stop! so no more folding up a piece of cardboard to keep my door open! =P. hehe, afterwards, jill had to leave so we sadly hugged farewell =(. oh well..we're gonna meet up with each other again since you're moving to nyc! w00t ^^. yupp, tis a fun day and an absolutely no work day.
well, i must be getting back to work on my uw research paper. shooooot. i still have to study for two midterms - one of which i'm totally screwed for and another that i'm semi-screwed for. blarrgh!

4:57PM

november 9, 2005

well, i finally got my lazy ass together and have decided to wash my potentially stinky sheets, duvet cover, and pillow case. hehe. now my bed is no longer violet-y but it's blue with a zoo of animal pillowcases. all prev roommates will remember it b/c i used to use it @ cty & gov school =P. although, the sad part is that i've pretty much lost all touch w/ all my roommates. *sigh* sorta sad. but then again, i guess i never really got close to them. it was more of like okay we can live together for 3-4 weeks sort of relationship. newayz, if you're curious about wat the pillowcase looks like, come on over to my room and visit! hehe.. hmm.. nothing much going on now. i just had my calc midterm which was okay. now i'm just killing time before my physics lecture.
hmm, i was just thinking to myself how i really do like this layout a lot. or at least i guess i'm quite content with the images that i've made. hehe. the entry page picture sorta reminds me of a magazine cover.. idk why. it just does. so yeah =P, if u don't like it, too bad. hehe. cuz i think it's gonna be staying here for a while. plus, i did have a new layout in mind, but i think i may ditch it. sorryy ^^.
hmm.. this entry is sorta becoming random..hehe before it gets any more ramblier, i'm gonna put a stop to it. hehe more laterz =)

12:03 PM

november 6, 2005

well, i do think that my head has finally stopped hurting from a few days ago when i was doing laundry. for those unfortunate ones who have not heard yet, i shall retell the tale once again....
» so, i went down to the basement to transfer my wet clothes from the washer to the dryer. lo and behold, however, none of the dryers were empty. although there were many that had finished their cycle and was just waiting for their owners to reclaim them. so i'm standing there wondering what in the world i should do when i see a girl and her bf walk in and start unloading a dryer. so i'm like "yes! i'm saved...i dun have to unload someone else's laundry". i stand there and am waiting for the girl to quickly unload the dryer. however, she takes the slowest time ever in taking out each pants one at a time and slowly folding them and putting them in a bag.. all the while talking and laughing w/ the guy. finally, after a good five minutes or more, she's finished unloading the dryer and i ask her if i can use it now, but she tells me that she still needs the dryer for another load. throughout this period of time, no one else has showed up to reclaim their laundry from the dryers. so i'm getting a lil angry and start randomly opening and closing dryers to see which one had the least amount of clothes in them to unload. unbeknownst to me, i decide that i'm going to open one of the higher dryers and while opening it, a sock accidentally falls out of the dryer. so i stoop down to pick it up, and on the way back up, the top of my head painfully crashes into the bottom of the dryer door. let me say, that really hurt...yeah.. so end result, i end up choosing a bottom dryer, throwing the person's clothes left and right cuz by this time, still NO ONE has showed up to reclaim their dry clothes. gosh.. wat a nite i say.«
yeah.. my head has been throbbing and all since wednesday nite till friday. buhh now i'm all better hehe =). so yeah, currently in the middle of fall break and am back home at l-town. nothing too interesting has happened but i must say it's nice to be back in the neighborhood for two reasons:
1. wireless internet @ home =P - hehe. i can goo newheere i want w/ my laptop and be connected to the net =D hehe. just great!
2. colorful leaves!! - i mean.. like a vibrant orange, yellow, and red.. not the kind of leaves at columbia that still look somewhat green and u need the sun shining directly at it to realize...oh.. it's actually yellow x.X. hehe. soo much prettier here. i'm gonna miss that..
hmm.. been surfing around facebook lately for no reason at all, and i've just realized how much i've missed my gov schoolers and lhs peepz =(. i haven't seen any of those in a longg time except for those who go to school w/ me. hehe.. yeah it gives me a tinge of sadness how i've fallen out of touch w/ them. idk, i feel so out of it sometimes. *sigh* i'm never sure about anything... x.X...
well getting a lil tired..should go to bed soon. hmm, got lots of stuff to do tomorrow including the beloved uw assignment. of course, i'm currently a lil confused, i was supposed to receive an anotated bibliography from one of my group members, but i haven't heard from them yet... quite odd.. blaargh.. this is a BAD weekend to assign a group assignment, but i guess better than writing a paper. ewwww.. i have to write a 10-12 page paper soon.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! i'm already freaking out. >.<

12:58 AM

october 31, 2005

yeah.. it's been a pretty fast/slow day so far. fast as in wow it's already four and i should head over to ingrid's to do econ and slow as in .. lectures went by slowly x.X. lunch w/ michelle was fun. chicken club sandwich = good. and i luv pickles!! they're soooo good. yum! also had a green tea smoothie today.. which was pretty tasty tho i can still taste it in my mouth now.. and i had it 5 hours ago.. okay...kinda odd.. hmm.. was late to physics lecture again..x.X wow i'm soo bad.. aaah.. but i did go off campus a lil to do some shopping w/ michelle..which is prolly why i was late. haha. talked about gyroscopes in physics todai. darn. never did like gyroscopes.. altho it was my favorite class in physics c since we just spent two whole period playing around w/ gyroscopes but still. never did like that topic and always hoped that i'd never have to see it again. how wrong i am. x.X oh wellz.. time to head over for some econ pset-ing... wahh!

3:55 PM

october 30, 2005

wow.. four entries in one day. i've become addicted with updating my blog. kinda like those facebook addicts! jkjkjk.. hehe. oh man.. talking about facebook i currently know two christine chang's and two jenny lam's.. and i added both jenny lam's on the same day. whoaaaa so weird. haha. pretty cool tho. LoL.
yah.. i suppose why i'm back here now is because i'm not really getting the right vibe from my room to study...and i dunno where to go x.X. butler's too quiet and a lil scary.. and i dun really want to haul all my books over there to find that the only spot left is some cramped up spot on the fourth floor. *sigh*. aaaah. i should be getting work done... since there'll be no time over the week...
talking about blogs. i wanted to post something up that i found on annaly's site that's really sweet (which apparently she got from another blog). altho it leaves me more in sadness *sniffs*. oh.. btw, i really love the song on your xanga too ^^. hehe. okay here it goes:

"our hurting only shows how deep we can fall in love... and it's good to know that we have that capacity to love. If you are not sad at all, then you were not that deep into it "

"The person meant for you is the person who'll love you even when there's no more reason to love you.... for in your nothingness, the one meant for you will find what's lovable in you..."

"People change no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older, you mature and with each new level of maturity comes different ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at 20 could be the person you hate when you're 35. Find someone who will grow old with you, change with you, laugh with you, and cry with you. A person who fills in where you lack, a person whom you can fill in for when they are lacking. But what about the perfect person, you ask? They don't exist! There are no perfect people, only people who are perfect for each other....."

7:47 PM

w00t! just finished alcoholedu. hehehe =). all donee. pft. anyhoo, now i've just realized i also have another project to work with. i have to rearrange my alarm clocks in a way such that i will still wake up in time for classes. x.X i've realized i can't have that huge alarm clock by my bed anymore b/c w/ me rolling around in bed the plug will eventualy fall out of its outlet and then i can't see the time which is very annoying *sigh*. have to figure out where to put my alarm clock now.. AAAAARGH! well that and starting homework sometime soon..man i'm getting hungry x.X.. waahhh

3:03 PM

yeah i'm bored again. haha, well i'm supposed to be working on chem, calc, and econ pset. but as u can tell that can wait. i've pretty much procrastinated so far by cleaning up my room and doing laundry. hehe... speaking of procrastination, i'm also procrastinating on doing that last part of alcholedu. idk why. but everytime, i think that i should do it, i always come up with an excuse not to do it. and it's only 15 min long. idk why i don't just do it *sigh*. lala. hmm. scheduling for the spring semester is about to begin in a few weeks after all my midterms. wow. so fast already. thankfully i don't have to decide much for my schedule except what time to have them and etc. newayz, i was reading allen's xanga yesterday where he had a list of natural high's. i think i want to start that up. like stuff that give me a "high" hehe. well just like little things that makes one's day =P. yup yup. just gonna list one or two things at the end of my entry that makes me happy =D. alrighty. best stop procrastinating and either do alcoholedu or psets. x.X

1:55 PM

just a quick update before i hop into bed....DAYLIGHT SAVINGS time.. hmmm. i'm in debate. should i timestamp this entry 12:45 AM or 1:45 AM... oh man oh man.. wat a dilemma. mehbe i'll have xanga tell me wat to do.
on another note, my hall became suddenly quiet all of the sudden. i wondered why. i opened my door took one sniff and got my answer. someone's at it w/ the weed again so everyone's hiding in their rooms to avoid the smell or hiding in THAT room to get high. whichever. take your pick ^^. blargh...
noises returning back in the hall. i guess they don't mind the smell after all. idk. hehe. i think there's a debate going on about the location of the source being different.. meaning that it's not the usual guy.. or mehbe it is him just hiding in a diff room. i heard he got CAVA-ed a few days ago. CAVA-ed basically means that you got too high or drunk to function on your own so your friends in desperate panic fone columbia emergency and get u to a hospital. it's happened twice on this floor already. x.X *sigh*. okay. i'm getting a lil paranoid..i think i can smell it.. and the last thing i need is to get high while i'm falling asleep. wonderful.
on another note, today has been a very good day. woke up at around 11 by bea. *sigh* soo dependent. if it weren't for her.. i'd prolly wouldn't have gotten out of bed till 1 or mehbe 12.. cuz i'd be getting a lil guilty for still being in bed while the rest of the floor's already up. newayz. yah.. then did hw for the whole afternoon and felt very productive! yay! ... then went to ddkn to have some cold dumplings and other chinese food. it was pretty good, guess it was worth the five bucks. just to make myself feel better =P. hehe. stayed for a lil karaoke and then headed over to coffeehouse which was major fun. hung out w/ jenny and sam mostly. watched performances which were really great. and i won a raffle for once in my life!! yay. hehe. i get to bake with the master baker =P. w00t. hehe.
thoughts of the week:.. so i thought i'd stop meeting new ppl now that orientation is over and pretty much everyone's comfortable w/ their surroundings and aren't really in the mood for intros anymore. but i was so wrong. i've met more ppl this week and it's pretty cool.
hehe. sam just came in for a massage. haha. =\. i'm not that great w/ giving massages but she seemed satisfied so it's all cool. now my hands are really tired.. oof x.X can't type anymore. so going to bed. x.X nitez! =)

1:12 AM

october 26, 2005

hmm, i'm sorta restless now. i mean i still have uw hw to do for tomorrow which i should get started on, but beyond that, i have nothing truly urgent that i have to do. so i'm sorta bored and dunno wat to do so i'm back here on my blog for the third time today. was bugging kat and sam before but they've got hw so i didn't want to bother them too much. hmmph. just procrastinating some more. newayz, fall break in two weeks. everyone's going back home. i guess i prolly will since there's really nothing much to do here if all your friends are out, you might as well be out too. idk ~ i suppose i just don't want to end up roaming around the hallways staring at closed doors b/c u know the person behind it isn't in. okay. this is getting depressing. i suppose i have made up my mind and am going home for the five days or so.
newayz, i have come to the conclusion that my hall must be the smelliest floor of this entire building. seriously.. u can divide my hall into three sections - east wing, center, west wing. well east wing used to be scent-free until some geniuses decided to add two humungous trashbins right outside of the bathrooms so now the entire end of that hall stinks soo much and i have to literally hold my breath when walking from my room to teh bathroom cuz it SMELLS so much. and all we asked for were recycling bins!! how did that translate to two huge trashbins.. gosh! ok, then, center smells like incense every other hour b/c some girl has decided that she's gonna fill her room w/ incense which travels into the hall. YUCK! and finally, west wing smells like weed b/c there's a guy at that end of the hallway who smokes weed like every other day. wonderful u honestly need to stay in your room for the sake of your own health x.X. and keep the windows wide open as ray the wise sage would say. hehe. except then u get like a cold current coming out from beneath your door LoL. newayz, mehbe i should start uw to get it out of the way so i can sleep whenever tonite. last update for today i believe....

9:39 PM

wow, i finally finished typing that conversation essay. oh man, that was terror beyond terror. sometime during the night i seemed to have calmed down and actually typed it. i thought it turned out okay. but i feel like my uw teacher will just rip it apart again newayz. *sigh* i don't care anymore. it's over and it's done with and that's that... yeah.. i suppose i type more laterz.. econ lecture now. bbai =)

5:44 PM

i have a uw paper to write.. bea told me to go write. so i've decided to distort her advice and write on my blog. *sigh*. uw is really killing me right now. i practically broke down last night. like almost seriously. it's killing me. i was just talking to grace, and it just dawned on me how much i miss high school in that i had so many friends in ap english who could just comfort me and help me deal w/ w/e problems i was having w/ my essay b/c we were all in the same boat writing the same essay. here tho is a lot different. most of my friends aren't taking uw right now, and so i'm pretty much alone on this journey. i mean i can try and explain wat i have to do for my essay but like they can't really tell me how to deal with a problem when i come upon it and i feel so lost and alone. i dunno. i mean ppl are great here but at times i just feel alone. i get a lil depressed once in a while. i dunno if it's cuz of all the work for uw that's overwhelming me or the fact that i just don't know what my future holds and it scares me. i mean. i'm a typical person. just want to find someone and have a happy good career. but sometimes i feel like both of those things are beyond my reach. like i'm gonna get neither of those and end up working in a supermarket shelving food and being all by myself. okay, my mind can do wonders at times. *sigh* just soo scared. so idk which one is really causing my sudden bouts of depression causing me to shut myself in my nice single room and sleep all day, which is wat i sorta did today. i've been cutting classes like crazy. i just cut chem lecture and gym todai. wow.. soo bad.. all that just to ponder more on uw. *sigh*. wow, i just got a sudden urge to jump on the elevator and run up to the fifteenth floor to visit michelle. trying to resist that temptation. all the reason to procrastinate more. okay, so everyone has pretty much left me to start their own work. i suppose that is a clue to start typing my essay. but as u can tell, i don't take hints well. it's just that i'm not like other writers. if i run into a block in my writing (such as right now trying to figure out how to start my essay), i just stop all together until i get some inspiration. i have to write the essay from beginning to end. i can't start w/ a body paragraph here and there and then go back to the beginning. that's like mentally impossible for me. but some ppl just don't get it and they scream at me to just start typing randomly. i can't do that. ARGH. yeah i'm really frustrated and stressed right now. the CD i'm playing has repeated at least four times already meaning that around four hours have passed w/o a single word on my document. well now i have a thesis. i'm seriously heading for dead trouble. AAAH. well four o'clock tomorrow i'll be free. regardless of whether i hand in a complete essay or not. *sigh*. this is getting on my nerves. i dun want to rant again on justin and kat. x.X so i'm trying to shut myself in my room. ok i just finished drinking this drink that apparently has three times the amount of caffeine as regular coffee... brilliant me. i predict a breakdown anytime soon. ARGH. x.X i'm so dead meat. i dunno wat to do. alright, i hope i have calmed down a bit. if i come back in half an hour, u know i haven't. x.X

12:25 PM

october 24, 2005

wow. i don't understand how i could have come back from ec so happy and right now i am completely stressed. this is insane. newayz, yeah, i guess i was getting worked up about uw and having to think about it again which really got on my nerves. i feel so stupid in any humanities class, it's not even funny. *sigh*. soo scared for this essay. have to meet up w/ uw teacher again and meetings w/ any writing teacher never goes well. *sigh* i'm already freakign out.. aaaaaaaaaah.
well to calm down a bit... i've been studyign all over teh place today. mostly at butler and ec. butler was semi productive but i thought ec was an ideal environment. of course i dunno if they want a first year always crashing their place to steal their bright lights and space to study. hehe. but overall, it was a fun time to study.. and steal all of susan's food! hehe. thx for feeding me suze! LoL.. well i think i've somewhat calmed down now? but i'm still really really stressed and scared. well after wednesday 4:00PM i should be fine. i'll be finished w/ everythign and be free for a lil while. regardless of whether i hand in a shitty essay or not. which i think i will be b/c my thesis is not intact and i dunno wat to do. waah. i'm really freakign out now. this is not the proper time to be writing an entry. or is it? AHLFDL;AJFL;SJFLAJ;FLJSAFJSF;OAHGO;IWAHEFIJA okay. that relieved a lil stresss. newayz bed time.. g'nite all.

1:05 AM

october 21, 2005

csc nightmarket » wow... surprisingly, nightmarket was actually pretty fun. hehe. the whole time just reminded me of orientation week and having lots of fun and being relaxed for once. yeah. it was quite fun. many cool performances and just a great time to hang out in general =P. haha. w/e. i'll just let the pictures do the talking for you. this is btw the fastest time ever that i've uploaded pictures to my comp. so sad. perhaps it's cuz i'm procrastinating again. well newayz. enjoy the pix! go to links and click photo album and i'm sure you'll find them =)

10:05 PM

oh my, it's friday afternoon already. this weekend is gonna be terrible. i hope i can focus on studying econ for monday and being able to complete my final draft paper for uw on wednesday. plus i have psets to do. i think to calm myself down i'll work on my calc and physics psets. x.X. i dunno how much calming it'll do but i feel like i'll at least be able to figure out most of it x.X idk.....man.. i've just realized i'm very dependent on ppl. i had to struggle with myself to roll out of my bed at 12:30 PM and i still haven't gotten anything to eat for brunch/lunch. normally, ppl would wake me up around 10-ish to go down and eat brunch cuz that's when the dining hall opens. now i think they want to be considerate and dont' want to wake me up anymore so they've stopped. blecch >.< oh well =\. i feel so isolated sometimes. like i'm away from all my friends b/c i'm a hallway down from them. but then again, my room isn't too bad i suppose as i get to hear all the activity that's going on in my hall....granted that i'm awake? haha. i can't believe i missed the whole fiasco of when one of my hallmates came bak really really drunk on a late saturday nite. i sleep like a baby sometimes. newayz, i think i'm just rambling a lot now and trying to get my mind off many things that i just don't want to wander to right now and plus as always procrastinating on doing any work. well i should actually try and freshen up and read over my draft paper if i plan on meeting my teacher at 2 at avery x.X hehe. he sends out an email at 8 in the morning.. and i don't even reply until 12 in teh afternoon cuz i've been sleeping the whole time. wow.. wat a difference. anyhoo...i guess my main goal now is trying to focus more on God, trying to enjoy to the best of my ability my college life, and just trying to stay strong. ~ oh yeah, and trying not to fail out of college. haha yupp, well, best get going. till next update TATA =P.

12:57 PM

october 19, 2005

hmm.. it's been a very good week so far. hehe, somewhat hectic last night with all the running around john jay and wallach. haha. but nevertheless, life isn't too bad now. trying to get a lot of things off my mind. midterms last week were slightly annoying but i came out of them okay i suppose. however, UW required another all nighter again x.X i hate that class. and i had to give comments on other ppl's essays too. and i totally was not coherent during that time period >.< anyhoo.. bought a journal today. it's very pretty =P. i like it.. and it has the irish song on it that i love so much. it's the song that i remember singing in choir just after third grade when i was "upgraded" from a novice to a chorister.. ahh such memories. so young back then =\. daydreams were so harmless then. *sigh*. newayz a lil off track. so i posted the poem on my profile. but i'm gonna post it here too cuz i like it so much!

3:19 PM

ocotober 12, 2005

sometimes i wish the world was just all full of girls and no guys at all. and ppl just sprouted out of the ground. okay, mainly, i guess wat i mean is just basically a world where everyone was the same sex.
okay, perhaps i'm just not making any sense. wat i really mean is that guyz are just so distracting. like in the midst of studying or trying to type up a uw essay (like right now), i'd just randomly lapse into daydream and start thinking of a guy, who i'm not even sure i like. well, it's sort of random. some days i do, some days i'm just like eh w/e. just bottom line. i think of him a lot. or mehbe i don't really like him. i often think about a quote i once saw on sophia's xanga by rosie o'donnell which was like "you're not in love with me, you're in love with the idea of me". err. well something like that. so i spend so much of my time daydreaming when i should be focusing my thoughts on studying that i sort of just take him and just create a new person and possibly different character. it's prolly the same with all my crushes. *sigh* idk really. it's just something that's bothering me lately and sometimes i wish i just didn't have this problem. if i could just remain stoic, i'd be able to concentrate on my work better instead of procrastinating all the time.
i suppose wat really bothers me is that i sorta like him but at the same time there's this feeling inside of me that realizes yeah, it's not really going to happen. like there's such a small chance that he'd like me back and i'm just wasting my time here just pondering and hoping. i hope too much. or perhaps not. blech. i dunno! it's all very confusing.
and also what gets me extra annoyed with myself is that i told myself when i first met him. yeah, he's cute and nice, but don't fall for him cuz there's just no chance and u know it. and i end up falling for him newayz and i had such control at the beginning too. and then everything just unraveled and i dun even know how.
*sigh* wat was really weird was i took some random blog quiz about wat's your ideal relationship, and it said that it was marriage.. well i didn't check out to see wat other relationships there were. but i suppose that's a good thing? er. except it said you know a lot about love now especially from all your experience from dating. and i was just like.. nooo.. this result is sooooo wrong. oh man, i'm stressing out over nothing. sometimes i feel it's just better to stop thinking about wat you're doing every second and just let life take you to whereever it may be. but then again, at the same time, i feel like i'm wasting my life. and newayz, nothing's gonna come TO you. u always have to work for everything. bleh, again i do not know wat i'm talking about.

so on a happier note, nothing beats lying on your bed and listening to the soundtrack of The Sound of Music thx a lot Kat for letting me borrow your CD! it's just great. reminds me of my youth and how i was so carefree then. and guys were just like.. ewww cooties. haha >.< also, thx to Kat again for giving me a topic to write about in UW and lending another edition of The Economist to me again!! hehe. my teacher is gonna start thinking i'm a faithful reader of The Economist when truthfully the credit should be given to you =P. hehe. well i should stop procrastinating and get back to work. i also have half a mind to delete this entire entry b/c i feel i have revealed too much, but then again, i always feel that after typing this entire entry, it would be a total waste to delete it so i never delete entries >.<. everything's kept ^^. unless of course my computer decides to crash. God please no!! x.X well fall retreat is this weekend. perhaps an update on that when i get back. till then laterz ^^

10:31 PM

october 5, 2005

okay.. two funny stories of the week. or basically just to say that i'm really completely absent minded.

story 1: okay, so on the past weekend, i'm walking to the math building to pick up my graded calc pset. i enter the building at the third floor, but i have to get up to the sixth floor to pick up my hw. since it's such a loong walk up those stairs, i decide to take the elevator and knowing that the sixth floor is pretty much the top floor of the building, i press the topmost button on the elevator w/o looking. a second later, i realize that the button i just pressed was the call button so i'm standing there in terror as i wait for the phone call to go through. a guy finally answers and says hello. well, i tell him that i accidentally pressed the wrong button, but for some odd reason, he couldn't hear me. so he kept saying hello? hello? and then just gave up and hung up. so at least i escaped out of that alive. but it was seriously very scary >.<. obviously i opted to take the stairs on the way back down.. =P

story 2: today, i'm walking to my 2-hr long chem recitation. well our recitation class has been having troubles lately securing a permanent room for our recitation. so i momentarily forgot that recitation was at havemeyer and walked right past it towards pupin. when i got through the double doors, i finally realized that recitation wasn't in pupin any longer so i walk all the way back to havemeyer. now we also switched rooms in havemeyer too, and i forgot where the new room for our recitation was. so i'm wandering around until i realize that i had written the room number on my chem notebook. i look it up and it was 320 havemeyer. so i was like *phew*. i walk towards the room and the door was closed. so i opened up the door a little bit to look into the room to see if other ppl from my recitation was in the classroom already. MUCH to my dismay, i walked into an entire room of students in the middle of taking what i'm assuming to be their chemistry midterm. so completely scared out of my wits, i quickly shut the door and BOLT out of the building. seconds later i finally realized the truth. there was no chem recitation this week b/c of the jewish holidays. yay. i am such a genius >.<. and u'd think the fact that i didn't bump into anyone from my recitation while wandering around havemeyer was enough of a clue. noo. i had to walk right into a room full of students taking a midterm -.-

yes. so that was my interesting week x.X

11:04 PM

mmm...i feel like i've been neglecting this blog a lot. or maybe it's just that i don't come here everyday like i used to in high school. it's just college is so busy with work and FUN! =). well, i volunteered to help bea out with her 1000 Crane Foundation, so she's assigned me to designing a website for the foundation! wow! i'm soo psyched =P and very honored. hehe. so i suppose that's a side project i'll be working on. yay!! =P.

and speaking of bea, i'd like to thank her for allowing me to crash her room everytime i need a really really bright place to study b/c my room is extremely dim at night which affects how well i concentrate. so yep, mucho thx to her for graciously turning her small single into a double every now and then for me to study in ^^, luv ya bea!! =D

oh yes, i've finally decided after much debate in my head to sign up for fall retreat. and that story within itself is quite interesting, if i do say so myself. so originally, i decided that i wasn't going to fall retreat. but then on the last moment i changed my mind, and amazingly bumped into michelle who had offered to let me use her credit card to sign up for fall retreat. unfortunately she had class till five and forgot to bring her wallet w/ her. so in order to get her stuff, i literally had to break into her room (with her key) and search her table for her wallet.. aahh.. who would have imagined me as a thief? LoL.. i felt like a complete crook afterwards. haha =D but yay! i'm going to fall retreat now ^^. hopefully that will be fun and enlightening.

well, midterms are coming up next week. three midterms three days in a row. wow.. i call it my midterm relay. *sigh*. and all in between that i still have univ writing - my most hated class. arrghhh. i can't stand that class. too much writing.. wahh. and the readings are boring =\.. well, the only reason why i would want this semester over is that i'll be done with this class for good. aaah. so sad >.<

hmm.. i always feel like i have more to say here, yet nothing forms in words. well, i suppose it'll just lay in the back of my mind until it comes forward to my fingers. well, that's it for now. time to prepare for my 2-hr chem recitation.. shall i say nap? =P
oh yeah.. ps. i'm actually trying to start conserving my meals...err??

3:11 PM

october 1, 2005

1:28 PM

september 21, 2005

oof. nothing much really now. just felt like updating. heard another rustle of paper. ppl just keep sliding flyers under my door!! i'm beginning to start a collection of paper lying on my ground b/c i'm too lazy to go pick it up... grr! they're not wanted b/c that means i have to make a special trip to lerner or wherever just to recycle the stupid thing b/c i have this moral obligation to recycle paper and plastic bottles, which is also another reason why my desk is currently sporting a collection of empty vitamin water bottles b/c i dun have the memory to bring them down when i go to class or dun have the energy to make a special trip down five flights of stairs just to throw it into the right container. but since rarely anyone pays attention to recycling, i'm currently wondering whether columbia really does recycle all the paper and empty plastic bottles or whether the recycling cans are just there for looks and they just end up mixing all the trash together. that would majorly suck cuz i'm spending all my time and effort to recycle. poooo x.X i wish i knew the answer. well, if anyone knows the truth behind all this recycling business at columbia.. let me know. so that i'm not wasting my time and effort x.X. hmm, i wonder how many ppl at columbia have seen this blog to be truthful. not too many have my sn, and then not too many actually read profiles and click links. haha. only procrastinators like me. >.<. so watch out! dun put any links on profile u dun want me to see! b/c i'm bound to click it sooner or later! haha =P. okies. going to take a nap before chem recitation.. blarrggh TWO HOURS LONG. that's longer than an actual lecture..this type of recitation should be banned x.X

2:49 PM

september 19, 2005

so why am i here? yeah you guessed right. i've got a nice 2 hour period or so in between classes and instead of working on my uw paper i have decided to exhaust some of my time surfing the net - reading email, reading comics, and of course updating this blog. i have not touched facebook or xanga yet and prefer to stay out of that line of path because i know if i start walking down that road, i will be lost for hours and may end up missing parts of my physics lecture.. poo. so anywayz, was almost late to calc this morning..i accidentally turned off my alarm clock instead of snoozing it so i didn't properly get out of bed till i peeked at my clock and it said 8:52.. and i was like sh.....t =\. oh dear me. well seems like a busy week coming up. x.X trying to handle schoolwork w/o having too much fun. aiyah >.<...well should continue uw.. bbai all~

11:36 AM

september 18, 2005

so during my stay here at columbia, i have found two things that ought to be banned - xanga & facebook. the two things that cause me to procrastinate till the wee hours of the morning when i have a writing exercise or paper due in like a few hours. >.<.. dear me.. such tools of procrastination! so addicting!!! i just keep reading xanga entries or admire pretty layouts.. x.X and facebook has too many links and connections! i'm always on friends' profiles reading their wall or etc. baah.. someone save me!!! aah!! =\. yeah. i was supposed to start my uw paper half an hour ago.. but instead i spent all that plentiful time doing two things... surfing xanga & facebook while nibbling on some stolen breadsticks (from cafeteria) and drinking nestle iced tea. x.X.. ahh dear me. well i should stop wasting time complaining on here and start work... *crosses fingers*

1:05 PM

september 10, 2005 :: first saturday here

well, feeling less lonely now that bea is back! hehe =) it's always comforting to know that i have a door i can just randomly knock on. (oh yeah.. thanx a bunch for the wallet, bea! it's so useful =P) however, today was not at a lost altho i did start out with a bad morning. apparently, besides my keyboard falling apart, my alarm clock is currently malfunctioning meaning that it randomly makes a series of tapping noise whenever it feels like it. GRRR! why does everything i own have to deteriorate so fast?? i just bought this at the beginning of august and now look at it! I CAN'T PLAY CDS on it anymore. *sigh* it was the whole reason of getting a new alarm clock/boom box. i'm currently really sad about that. but besides that, i had dim sum this morning with csfc. it was alright.. a good change from the regular john jay food. *sigh*. then traipsed around chinatown for awhile and btw, i still dunno how to navigate around chinatown! haha it's too confusing with too many ppl. oh well, pity. i still got four years =D. anyway, came back to campus and then few minutes after bea came back! yay. and thank you yvonne for the korean tofu stuff ^^. the pork was really good. altho the tofu was a lil spicy x.X. still good cold tho =P. haha. i'm a cold freak. i like to eat stuff cold. and i prefer cold weather. hehe =D. now i'm just chilling in my room procrastinating again. apparently my chem professor decided to ADD more problems to the problem set. grr. so much hw. i hate chemistry surprisingly as that sounds. =\ well, time to get down to my duties =)

this is for ang, who knows me very well as the comforter hogger! =P

still trying to live life every second, yet wondering whether i'm letting life pass me by

7:39 PM

september 9, 2005 :: random going ons at columbia

edit(4:38pm): i've redone my fall semester schedule on this site. so if you want to check when i'm free and all or if you're curious about wat classes i'm taking...., just go there! =D ..

so i hope this entry may be a lil better than my last one. well, classes have finally settled in. not too many exciting classes. so far physics and calc seem to be the more interesting classes as sad as that seems. and once again, like the dutiful procrastinator that i am, i am currently avoiding calc hw by updating on my website. haha, columbia is great. i'm loving it here. for the first time in my life, i feel like i actually fit in somewhere which is quite a surprise. my floor is great mostly minus the loud music, the hammering at 7am in the morning, and too many topless guys running around gleefully. *sigh* otherwise, yeah my floor is awesome. apparently, there have been quite a number of drunk ppl on my floor but being the naive person that i am, i don't really notice except for some boisterous guy, but apparently he's like that even when he's not drunk... so yeah =D. haha so today, i went to the activities fair. hmm, like the hermit that i am, i just couldn't bring myself to sign up for many clubs even tho there were sevearl that i was interested in. altho, with university writing (which is quite a hassle I HATE IT!), i don't have too much time this semester so i guess i'll just join bea in doing ballroom dancing and join a christian fellowship. mehbe AAA, but i'm not too sure wat that club does and i only signed up cuz ben and bea did >.<. yeah, i know i'm such a follower. haha, but it's all good. crowded places scare me a bit. buh then that's just me x.X. so i'm having a blast here at columbia and i wish all my fellow lhs 05-ers the very best of luck at their colleges! hope you're doing well and enjoying college like i am. as for those slow pokes who STILL aren't at college, it's fun ^^ and enjoy every minute that you can!. well, i suppose that's it for now. good bye all ^^.

4:18 PM

september 6, 2005 :: recap on my orientation week and first day of class

first off, before i say anything, i like to give a BIG bday shout out to my ole cty buddy jieun!! =) happy 19th! you're awesome. have another good year at stanford ^_~
well, columbia is really great. i really loved the one week orientation. altho it really did feel like camp a bit, it was really great. i got to meet lots of ppl and get to know people. it's really great. everyone's so nice here. it's like starting over. life's great right now ^^. i'm enjoying every moment of the day. altho i'd love to recap everything i did, it would take too long and unfortunately i already have a ton of reading to do for univ writing so i shall be very brief. so random events taht i did are party on the intrepid (really really fun), party at MoMa (alright..), lots of volleyball and frisbeee =P, shopping at SoHo and the BIG macy's =D, and other events which i can't remember now. *sigh*. it's just all going great and it's so hard to put in words. so i suppose i won't..=\. idk, i just can't blog too much these days. so busy. i think i might take a small break from here. good bye for now.. =(

8:17 PM

august 27, 2005 :: update on my last month of summer vacation

wow, it's all happening too soon. half of us or so have already moved into our respective colleges. we're all growing up too fast. i despise change. i can't stand it. time moves too fast. i just finally got settled into my high school life and already i'm being plunged into college life. altho college will be exciting. i just don't think i'm ready for it. yet, if time were to move a lot slower, i don't think i'd ever be ready to move on. i just don't like change. x.X so many ppl that i have known are already lost to time.
well newayz, i am getting a lil sidetracked. my original reason for posting is to update everyone on wat i have been doing during the month of august. well ladies and gents, finally getting some fresh air instead of being cooped up inside my house everyday! my annual trip to toronto! haha =D. it was quite fun. well, without further ado, here begins my two week or so long stay at toronto...

august 6, 2005 :: car trip

trip was mostly uneventful. except that now i have learned that i absolutely despise automatic toilets. whenever you make a slight innocent movement, the toilet will just automatically flush. but then when you're done, the toilet refuses to flush no matter how much dancing you do in front of that stupid laser screen. pssh..yah...automatic toilets are completely pointless. the end ^^.

august 7, 2005 :: church

went to steph & tim's church today. first time that i could understand anything that was going on in church b/c half of the service was in english. haha. pft. also first time i drove in canada! hehe. that was sorta fun. kinda scary as i dunno any of the roads. destination was......my cousin's house. haha. so that steph could drive us down to the church. yup. lots of first times todai. :D

august 8, 2005 :: downtown

took a trip downtown. err yeah. watever that means. :P. hehe i've come to toronto every year and i still dunno where everything is situated. LoL. anywayz, mom went to file in her passport application while we just hung around getting lost in downtown. haha. took the subway & bus to get down there. subways in toronto are THE BEST. sooooooo clean. it's like actually livable. versus the nyc subways. yuck. ech. blech. sheesh, u can barely breathe down there. whereas toronto subways are just wonderful . hehe ^^. there was a set of arrows shaped like eggs on the floor leading to the stairs and escalators. it asked if you had eggs today. and if you did it pointed you to the stairs and if u didn't then it pointed you to the escalators. mwuahahahah.. LoL. ohh. too bad i didn't bring my camera along or i could show it. it was so funny :P. and that was the interesting moment of the day =P

august 9,2005 :: pacific mall

coolest mall in toronto!! haha. pacific mall is awesome. LoL i luv it.. but i think i'm the only one fascinated with it :(. anywayz, to sum it up. it's basically a lil chinatown that's been stuck in a glass building and called a mall. haha. ^^. mostly eyeglasses stores, clothes stores, stationary & gift stores, jewelry stores, music stores, bag stores, bubble tea shops!!, and some random restaurants in and around the mall. cool place ^_~. well went to one of the eyeglass stores to get new set of contacts, update my eyeglasses, and get really cool new sunglasses!! yay. i luv them =). hehe met up with tim, aunt, and uncle to eat dim sum at this restuarant. eer.r. yeah forgot the name. but the food was really good :d. also bought a new messenger bag there. and had the best fishballs there!! weee~~ they were really good. haha yum ^^.

august 10, 2005 :: fairview mall

drove again today! hehe i drove to fairview mall and gave tim and auntie a ride to fairview too. haha. i think they were both scared out of their wits >.<. haha. oh wellz ^^. i made it safely. wee that was fun. hmm. bought some more stuff at fairview. got a shirt, a pair of pants which needs to be shortened b/c i'm too short x.X, and nice black shoes from aldos =d. yup lots of stuff ^^

august 11, 2005 :: vaughan mills mall

biggest mall in toronto supposedly. looked a lil small to me on the insides haha..buh hey =D. the mall was divided into six sections. and each section was decorated with a different color and theme. hehe. that was pretty cool. well most of the stores were outlets in this mall. but they were all nice. i got myself another two shirts. hehe x.X.

august 12, 2005 :: yorkdale mall

lots of walking around. now this mall seemed A LOT bigger than vaughan mills...but that could be because the ceiling was A LOT higher than the one at vaughan mills and i suffer from a lil claustrophobia so perhaps i judge the size of malls by the height of the ceiling and just how much space there is between stores and etc. haha x.X altho in retrospect, fairview seems like a big mall. two levels beat one level =P. haha newayz. bought another set of shoes >.<. someone needs to take me away from shoe stores. i'm collecting a lil more shoes than i need. haha. well these were really nice ^^ & cheap. haha. hmm. nothing much else to report. well today was the first rainy gloomy day. yuck :(

august 13, 2005 :: rest

well today is clean up day. mom's vacuuming around the house. we're supposed to be doing laundry.. i set up my pants so that my grandma can shorten them ^^ so that i can actually walk around properly and not wipe the floor clean whereever i go =D. hm.. well another big family dinner tonight at magic wok. *shrugz* nothing too exciting ^^

august 14, 2005 :: blech

yesterday's dinner was interesting. my uncle is a very interesting fellow. after seeing him every summer, he still has trouble remembering what my name is..some sort of identity crisis? shall we say. haha. when i first saw him last sunday, he totally mistaken my cousin stephanie as me. ?!?! i was standing right next to her! and we don't even look alike at all. an invisible barricade i am. sheesh. last year.. he kept calling me june. which i supose is partially right.. but that's not my first name!! and he keeps calling me angela...pssh....finally got it right the last time around. next year will be another surprise. pft. hehe. newayz. went over to his house again and watched troy. interesting movie. newayz, that was yesterday. todai we skipped church and had dim sum with my great uncle from hong kong along with some other elders. yay. x.X a lil awkward considering my bro and i were like the only children. >.< blech. nothing else interesting except went over to great aunt's apartment, explored around, and endured two hours of just sitting on the sofa listening to the elders talk about this and that. lil boring. hehe.

august 15, 2005 :: pacific mall again

spent the entire day at pacific mall again. well yeah pretty much. went to get my glasses & contacts. also ate at a sushi buffet. sooooo goood ^^. hehe, except the wait between the orders of sushi was soo long. i almost fell asleep between intervals of eating. haha. but the food was good. anyhoo. dat was my day.

august 16, 2005 :: dim sum again

had dim sum again except with a larger group of elders. basically all my grandma's sisters and brothers who were around the area were at lunch today. nothing exciting really. hehe. pretty much my day.

august 17, 2005 :: big dinner

big dinner today. EVERYONE that was somewhat related to the ppl who attended the dim sum yesterday was at the dinner today. it was kind of awkward having to eat in front of total strangers. pft. thank god i had stephanie with me to talk throughout the whole dinner or i think i would have collapsed from total boredom. hehe, also got a haircut today!! it looks awesome =P. and for the first time, i've cut my hair so short that i can't even tie it up anymore.. oops :( this will take some getting used to. haha

august 18, 2005 :: third trip to pacific mall

went back again to get my mom's glasses. also bought a new pencil bag since my old one is broken and couple of stationary stuff. boring day really x.X. cousins are all busy. didn't really hang out with them today

august 19, 2005 :: black out or rain out?

well didn't get to see the cousins today as they are again busy again. *sobs* altho i must admit that it wasn't exactly an unevently day. went to eat at a korean restaurant which was pretty good. a nice change from all the cantonese food i've been eating this past two weeks. then went to bridlewood mall to find some custard powder that my grandma wants. bought a suitcase there tho since the one i have is currently deteriorating LoL. well, it started to rain really really hard and i heard that there was some hail too. let me say one thing, bridlewood mall is not exactly the place to be during a storm. the place started to fall apart. first of all, the dominium supermarket flooded so we were unable to obtain custard powder there. then as we were thrown out of the store we saw that the mattress store's ceiling was leaking so if u were sleeping on the right matress you'd have your own lil rain storm there. haha. by then, various parts of the mall was leaking water. psssh. so we went upstairs to price chopper and my mom & grandma went in to find some custard powder while my bro, dad & i waited outside. me & my bro were playing big 2 or chinese poker (whichever name you'd prefer) and then all of the sudden all the lights in the mall went out. wat a blackout it was. everyone was rushing to the entrance and all the stores were closing their doors or fences like crazy. a very immediate response. waited for mom and grandma to find their way out of price chopper and found out that they still failed to obtained the custard powder which was like possibly the sole reason for going to bridlewood mall in the first place. pftt... hehe. well considering our car was parked near the downstairs entrance, we had to walk down the stairs only to find that the area near our entrance was almost completely dark as well as flooded. gosh. well, we finally got back to our car. and am finally back at the apartment after the many turns we had to take to avoid the drowned streets with many cars with their hazard lights on. wow, wat a day wat a day. that makes it twice now that we've experienced some sort of blackout during our stay at toronto. crazyy.. wat are the odds of that?? haha. just finished listening to a building announcement saying that some of the locker rooms and the recreation center are flooded. ouch x.X . well now stuck in the apartment with nothing to do. x.X

august 20, 2005 :: nite out!

okay. nothing too exciting in the morning and afternoon except loong hours of card games w/ bro and watching random shows on tv altho i must say that now i'm really hooked onto smallville but unfortunately, i don't have cable at home =(. so i will have to content with just two episodes of smallville. hehe. however, steph & tim took me & my bro to go for tea for bubble tea and some mango ice. it was really really good. yumm!! thx a lot steph for taking us out so we didn' t get bored to death sitting in front of tv for another few hours! hehe =). also had dinner with one of dad's old high school friends. ^^ yup funnest night ever =D

august 21, 2005 :: magic lamp once more

yeah..we went back to the same restaurant for the third time to have one last big dinner with all the closer relatives. it as quite fulling. i think i've ate too much food throughout this entire vacation! BLURGH. i've gotten sooo fat. blah. must start workign out. pssh...like that'll happen! anyhoo, afterwards cousins came over to grandma's apartment to hang out, take pictures, and watch miss hong kong! haha =D raging hormones steph! :P. oh dear me ^^.

august 22, 2005 :: downtown again

bleh. went downtown again to pick up mom's passport. then after bank hopping, we went back up to grandma's apartment and just hung out and watched tv there for the rest of the day =(. pity tim couldn't come over to break teh monotony. of course.. i did spend most of the afternoon packing soo no biggie ^^.

august 23, 2005 :: road trip home

left toronto. always sad. whenever i come to toronto, i just wanna stay there forever....*sigh*. next year.......buh of course if steph does some good persuading.. I WILL SEE YOU CHRISTMAS!! =d. hehe.. and here ends my trip to toronto ^^? ='(?

p.s. pictures to come soon..=) must continue packing for move in tomorrow. =)/=(

9:08 PM

august 5, 2005 :: packing...?

so tomorrow will be the big day!! yay!! sorta getting excited but of course sadly i must say that my suitcase still remains to be packed..i seemed to have forgotten what i brought last year for the trip so now i'm drafting the list...and the list i drafted was extra huge it seemed like i was going of to summer camp instead of toronto..*sigh* haha. and i forgot whether i brought my backpack along with me or not..but of course since this year is the first in many that i do not have summer assignments.. perhaps i really don't need a backpack afterall. aah, it's been a while.
well today also marks the very exciting event of the last day of NA for my bro. haha.. not that i'm excited or anything, but he sure is. LoL. well yeah, better go to sleep now for a busy tomorrow of celebrating bro's end of summer school & extreme last minute packing and scurrying around for random items! w00t. will be keeping account of wat i do in toronto so for those who read this blog. BE PREPARED FOR LONG ENTRIES WHEN I COME BACK! hehehe ^^. well till we next meet. so long!

1:28 AM

august 3, 2005 :: losing track

my my my, i'm certainly losing track of time here. it's already august?? wow...it seems like yesterday that i just came home from project graduation..granted of course that this is the wrong time of the day but still i can feel the tired feeling i had.. the wanting to just throw myself in bed. and all the graduation parties. wow. i'm never gonna forget those.. *sigh*.. already i've lost touch with most ppl in my grade. of course, it prolly doesn't help with the fact that i changed sns and practically no one really knows.. since all i did was post in my profile for about a month. *shrugz* w/e. it's not like i had much to say with most ppl that would actually last long enough for a healthy conversation of more than just .. hey! wat's up? nm.. and then just ending there. talked to some ppl from school..but just the ppl that i normally talk to anyhow. nothing diff. spoke some more to ppl i know going to columbia this fall. yeah. i dun have much of a social life >.<. wahz. hmm. well okai, this is getting boring. moving on..
oh a more interesting note...if you've paid attention to my events section, i will be leaving for toronto this saturday! fun stuff. get to meet up with my cousins again. do some shopping. eat lots of good food. and gain lots of weight. yay. more fat..like that's wat i'll really need x.X. haha. but it'll be fun. and this time i'm bringing along my handy dandy digital camera. so yes! this time i will have pictures to show rather than having begged to my cousins for the entire yera to give me pix. and being i must sadly say..unsuccessful =(...but no longer!! cuz photographer me is here! haha. okai. anywayz, still lots to do b4 saturday and i'll leave my entry on that note ^^

1:19 AM

july 29, 2005 :: trip to the doctor's

so today was my annual checkup with my wonderful *cough* pediatrician who decided that today would be my lucky (haha. not) day. by the time i left the medical building, i was completely covered by bandaids with millions of bugs bunnies smiling (or perhaps cackling evily) back at me. yes, ladies and gentlemen, today must have been the record high of four shots - mengitus, tb test, tentanus, and blood drawing. i was literally a pin cushion (so very well put by my pediatrician). yes today was and still is a painful day >.< mengitus and tentanus was alright except that now both of my arms are numb and i am currently surprised at how well i am still able to type on this keyboard.. however, the blood drawing was a pain....this is the first time i've been drawn blood through the arm (it used to be just a prick in my thumb...boy do i miss the good ole days x.X). so when the nurse kept feeling around BOTH my arms for the pulse, i knew i was doomed for excruciating pain b/c according to my mom, it meant she couldn't find the vein to get the blood from...great...so by the time i walked out of the office...i could barely feel my right arm which received THREE needle penetrations. argghh -.- when my dad came home and saw my arm, he was like "wtf happend to you" .. haha pft. so everyone this has been a very eventful (yet not so wonderful or pleasing) day. and now i will bid farewell until my next interesting moment of my summer life. -.-

11:17 PM

july 25, 2005 :: happy birthday serena!! =D

aah, it's been a week since i've updated here. amazing. well to be truthful, there really isn't much to say. summer's boring. i pretty much do nothing but sleep, eat, sit in front of my laptop, watch tv/movie, and then back to sleep. and that's almost literally. every once in awhile i go out and do some stuff but not too often >.< anyhoo...went to staples yesterday. got a nice mouse for my laptop! hehe..finally. not much this week. mehbe a trip to teh pediatrician's? err..not sure -.- haha.. anyhoo...yah perhaps i'll think of somethign a lil more enlightening to say later on x.X laterz! ^^

10:38 PM

july 18, 2005 :: weekend

hmm..finished harry potter yesterday night. *sigh* wasn't too great. idk..i didn't really like it too much and i can't quite see the future of it with the ending. guess will just have to wait for the seventh book but i'm currently turned down away by harry potter. anywayz, other news. went to the wedding banquet yesterday night. it was interesting.. food was okay. not amazing but still relatively good i guess. mom let me taste a sip of her wine which tasted like cough medicine. oops underage drinking. haha blech. wasn't worth it. anyhoo. nothing much to it. anywayz now i'm sorta bored and left with nothing to do. the state of my room is still the same as my last update on july 14 except i've cleared a bit more of my floor. of course i've stopped cleaning now and just don't feel like getting back to it. poo...still gotz lots of stuff tho *sigh* anyhoos...later

8:08 PM

july 14, 2005 :: stat on cleaning progress >.<

aaah..so i cleared off my night table and dresser (?).. err yeah..idk wat it's called.anyhoo..it's all cleared and neat and tidy.. so now...i either dive onto cleaning up my desk....which is surprisingly messy considering i never do hw on it...huh..sheesh...or..i dive into my floor...which has binders from soph year and all this other crap..prolly should work on teh floor so i can walk around but it's such a larger space than the desk that i'm currently not sure...this indecision will prolly delay my slow progress even more..ahha *sigh*.. wellz.. anyhoo...shoudl get back to cleaning..laterz =)

8:26 PM

july 13, 2005 :: happy birthday boning!!

okay...i'm taking another breaker from cleaning up my room...so now the top of my bookshelf is officially cleaned off...x.X yeah..notice the slow progress..*sigh*. well. anyhoo...just finished reading all the wonderful signatures from my yearbook for the first time...*sigh* i'm gonna miss lots of ppl =(.. *sniff*. just so much to say..and yet can't really put them in words.. hmmph...well on a different note..my mom has decided to run me out of the lower portions of the house b/c she's decided to put on a scary movie in the living room and since i gotta cross the living room to get anywhere downstairs i've become limited to only the upper portions of my house...aaah x.X ack. well.. i guess should continue cleaning my room..:)

8:27 PM

hope you have a great birthday =P.. hehe i miss you sooo much ^^.. we should def hang out sometime ...if i ever get my house arrest lifted...which at this rate isn't going too well considering that i still have a shitload of crap on my bedroom floorr..aiiiiii.. oh wellz. newayz.. nothing much going on as i am stuck at home. hehe. currently cleaning up the top of my bookshelf but decided to take a break to update. >.< well..i guess i'd better get back to that x.X.. laters!

7:29 PM

july 12, 2005 :: house arrest

yay..after todai, i am officially under house arrest by my mother until i finish cleaning up my room which is unfortunately still an utter mess... argh >.< so yeah big trouble x.X. anyhoo..just had lunch with some friends. it's been a while since i've hung out w/ anyone except for my family. blech. it was sorta fun. idk everytime i hang out w/ ppl something always happens and i feel like i just can't wait to get away. and then other times i just want to get out of the house and hang out w/ ppl. argh. i'm soo weird and indecisive. arggggh.. sooo annnoyinnngg. oh well. i'm under house arrest right now so none of it matters anywayz...anyhow.. i best be going. till next update bbai~

3:43 PM

july 11, 2005 :: no title

went to columbia yesterday. summer advising session. not much happened. discussed classes that i prolly will take next year..x.X blaahh..talked a lil bit about requirements but not too much. arrrgh. hehe. well newayz. stayed up till five this morning finishing up angels and demons wow. wat a book. it was pretty good but i still like da vinci code better. hehe anyhoo. not much to do this week. got an eye appointment coming up on friday. pretty much free.. lalala =)

10:26 PM

july 9, 2005 :: recap

so not much happened todai. went to the dmv this morning and had to wake up at friggin 7:30 am in the morning. pooo..if u have not seen my "normal" summer sleeping schedule...it is sleep at 3 am in teh morninng and wake up around noon. soo .. yeah wasn't too much fun as i was pretty much half awake and having to stand online for fifteen minutes which is prolly not too bad considering dmv is always busy. aaah. so switched my license and got the basic one. got to drive back home :D. bleh. read some more of angels and demons, a very interesting book. went to rag shop in teh afternoon and got some clasps for an anklet that i can now remake and hopefully will never break again! yay. mehbe i'll take a pic of it when i'm done so you'll get wat i mean. cuz i hate explaining x.X. anyhoo.. then dinner at a seafood restaurant. food always good =P. hehe. well columbia summer advising session tomorrow. rest of the week looks gloomy. not much to do. mehbe help jenn with chem. haha...okies. unfortunately i dind't get to fix up the menus yesterday night. mehbe i'll have time tonite. well laterz ^^

8:06 PM

july 8, 2005 :: return from the "dead"

ha..another long silence from me. it's been about a month that i haven't blogged here. except for my brief return for a few days in june when i got this site back up...i techinically haven't blogged for about two months. crazy. anywayz, i suppose you would like to know wat i have been up to during my brief departure from geocities.
well, after graduation, i have been faithfully neglecting my summer duties which are:
a) working out
b) preparing a potential schedule for my four years at columbia
c) cleaning my room
so now the question must be. wat have i been doing? sitting in front of the computer playing games and tryign to finish this extensively long rpg game on neopets..>.<. i need serious help. that game was too addicting. thankfully i have successfully finished the game yesterday so hopefully i will return to my summer duties as listed above. :D also have been avoiding talking to ppl online lately. just putting up away messages whenever i'm online so i don't have to talk to anyone. i guess just wasn't in the mood. attemtped to talk to some these past few days. try to prove to myself that i am somewhat social and not a complete hermit. still capable of human interaction. of course this is online. havent really hung out w/ anyone since all the graduatoin parties. poopies. sorta scared that my brain is beginning to rot out and i am just simply rotting away this summer. i mean... i have the whole month of july with nothing planned before a nice busy and fun august. well, i have been doing some reading. finished shadow of the wind a few days ago. my 75 cent overdue book. haha. well at least it was worth the 75 cents so no complaints ^^. started angels and demons today. it seems to be a promisingly interesting book. hopefully will get to finish more of it tomorrow at the dmv while i'm waiting to get my new driver's license. :D yay..

hmm...well nothing else much to report. still got some grad photos that i still got to d/l onto my comp and then mehbe i'll post some up along w/ some prom photos and mehbe i'll type a lil about prom & graduation and wat i actually did for teh last two months.. altho there's not too much to say. lots of ppl have already said wat's on my mind. i think the nostalgic feeling of prom and graduation and high school in general has already lifted. now most ppl are prolly just excited about the summer and college in the fall. *sigh* yeah...newayz.. i've noticed that my menus are crap so i still need to fix them up. gonna spend the rest of my night doing it. hopefully it'll turn out okay.. *sigh* where's christine when i need her? half way across the globe in taiwan having fun with the lizards! okay prolly not having fun...but i'd luv to be in hk or something instead of livingston. -.- anyhoo..lataz =)

10:03 PM

june 16, 2005 :: recap of today

wow, i slept so much since yesterday afternoon to this morning.. crazi..around 19 hours total almost..aaagh! insane. LoL anyhoo, went to the movies to watch sisterhood of the travelling pants only to have missed the entire end of the movie b/c the projector broke down midway!! waahhh! so got ripped off.. well newayz..got a refund..so sorta watched an almost full movie for free but kinda sad cuz now i've got no closure...AAARGH!! *sigh*.. then went to dunkin donuts and this chinese takeout place in "downtown" roseland. chinese place ripped me off...forgot to give me vegies for my general tso's chicken..pah wah! lol...hehe...but newayz..not a bad day.

in addition, i spent the entire afternoon cooking sesame noodles for dinner while redoing my entire site using inline frames instead of layers. it's lots better now =P altho only i will prolly know the difference, but no matter, i'm much happier now w/ it ^^. haha. well so much for planning to start cleaning my room. mehbe tonite...err =D. anyhoo..laters!

7:00 PM

june 15, 2005 :: awesome week

yay..i'm in electronics class right now and got two periods to go through...now it's the best class ever b/c i get full access to computers & it's air conditioned!! hurrah! i'm in heaven..okai, i won't go that far. newayz...nice way to top of a great week. last two days were great plus today turns out to be another half day due to the intense heat! awesome. and i dont' have to come to school tomorrow or the next cuz i have no finals. life is good for now ^^. school is pretty much unofficially over. welcome greeting now to graduation and parties. wow.. need to find some summer goals so as not to rot out over the summer. prolly fix up a four year schedule that i "plan" to follow for columbia so as to please my quite temperamental dad and work out so that i'm not a fat ass when i get to college this fall and to also please my obsessive mother. pah. hopefully do lots of reading and take care of this site.. hehe =P as always. okay. i guess those are my goals for now. anyhoo. laterz!

11:28 AM

june 14, 2005 :: graduation

these two days have been good days ^^. yesterday b/c i finally have my website back up & i got an A- for physics final! w00t.. then today b/c i got an A- on an english approach paper & early dismissal due to intense heat. LoL haha ^^ all random surprised but they're all good. anyhoo, one more full day of high school and then finals (which means i've got a five day weekend since i have no finals yay!). *sigh* birthday is coming up. wondering whether i should do something special. currently leaning towards no as there are so many graduation parties plus father's day is the same day so it's all too crammed and ppl will prolly be too busy to do anything anyhows. plus i'm semi-lazy to figure out wat to do and etc. *shrugz*. friends may do something, but, sadly, too be truthful, there's been so many bickerings going on and all that i'm really kind of scared and don't want too big of a surprise from them. three birthdays semi-ruined. *sigh* >.< so pessimistic but still..wellz, graduation is coming around the corner.. two more weeks left. so fast. to be honest, though, kind of can't wait to get away from some ppl. at the same time, there are so many ppl that i've met over the years that i feel like i'm never even going to talk to or see again after graduation and that saddens me. anywayz, currently experiencing writer's block so we'll leave the entry at this. =P

5:30 PM

june 13, 2005 :: back *~

finally, after a month of being unable to blog on this site, i have finally picked up my lazy ass and have redone the entire layout todai in school and out! YESS!! my blog is bakk ^^. more updates about wat happened in the past month later. for now, i am overjoyed by the return of my site!

3:29 PM

april 25 2005

i say screw prom and everything else that has to do w/ it...

11:26 PM

april 24 2005

okies...finally after a week, i've finished typing up my nice account of wat i did at columbia =)

my weekend @ columbia so columbia really does know how to "attract" prefrosh to their college, if i do say so myself ^_~. so it started off w/ me being almost late for the bus b/c it was fifteen minutes before the bus was supposed to come and i still had a million things left to pack.. x.X. w00t to late packing! hehe. then me & my dad ran to the bus stop b/c we both think that i'm going to miss it. but of course, lo and behold! the bus came fifteen minutes late anywayz >.<
bus & subway ride went relatively smoothly. nothing interesting there. arrived at columbia. had to find casa italiana. bumped into two adults who appeared to remember who i was...tho i had no clue who they were....>.< hehe. oops. went up..was kinda scary.. didn't know wat to do..and there was just like a mass of ppl and i knew practically no one x.X so i was getting a lil anxious as my host didn't show up until pretty late too =\. got stuck staying in wallach, which sorta sux as a suite -.-. oh wellz, had dinner at john jay .. food was alright. then "party" at low steps.. haha. yah... basically sitting on the steps and stuffing yourself w/ popcorn and cotton candy while watching random performances ^_~..which sorta ran downhill after the first few.. x.X ..nevertheless it was kinda fun. met some other ppl. then....
night bus tour. and i have only two words. FREEZING COLD! but anywayz, it was still pretty amazing. especially at times square. it was sooo bright!! haha. even at night w/ all the lights, it was amazing ^^. afterwards, hung out at john jay and met a couple more ppl (moses, nikhil, nicole, & andrew) and waited for pizza which never came =(. so then we just walked and checked out some stores around columbia. went to starbucks but got kicked out b/c they were closing, but that didn't really matter b/c there was another starbucks a couple of blocks down that was still open!! haha, so we hung around there for a while and then headed back to columbia and hung out at lerner hall where they had really cool lounges. talked about random stuff and for some reason some of them thought i looked hispanic ?!?! .. wahz..>.<..i think not! hehe ^^ newayz all cool..so stayed there until like around 2 or 3 or so in the morning. then headed back to wallach w/ sophie and slept in a really cramped lounge w/ like five other ppl >.<. surprisingly slept really well. haha.
next day, found parents & bro at lerner hall (again) hehe. had a bagel, which was incredibly tiny and therefore pretty much a disgrace of a bagel. then lecture. dun remember too much....>.<.. haha. and then headed back to wallach to get some stuff and met di & ben (from gov school). then went on the residence hall tours. carman was a lil too social to me (aka drinking and partying...>.<) at least it's wat i think.. so john jay was nice but.. a lil cramped.. and furnald was really really really nice except very antisocial. so either way..haha, so i'm gonna go to john jay (after a long debate w/ myself)
newayz, nothing too exciting afterwards. lunch w/ faculty. another lecture afterwards...which i kinda slept through though due to lack of sleep earlier..which wasn't kind of good b/c one of the presenters was sitting RIGHT NEXT to me >.<.. yes i pick the best times =P.. newayz. tour around the labs. bleh. then finally left for...CHINATOWN!! yay.. =) that was fun except that it was really friggin crowded and hard to get through w/ all the ppl selling stuff around you especially with a sleeping bag x.X had dinner. food was good =D. finally afterwards went back home on bus and didnt get back till 8. wow =) wat a weekend that was ^^. hehe

april 9 2005

» recap « i got to drive again by myself today!!!! haha, it's really quite fun =P. hehe, even tho the only place my parents will let me drive to is school and the town library (you know..that area). haha, but nevertheless it was fun. altho the stat review was plain boring and kinda pointless except for the fact that you got to see wat the test was like. boring & tedious and yucky. i managed to get a five still w/o even knownign the last two chapters (13 & 14) b/c i totally have not been keeping up with the class even tho i kinda passed the reading quizzes...?!?! yeah. exactly. haha. hmm, well, i'm trying to work on a new layout but it's currently not working out..poo. i have an image. but i dunno how to place it and all that jazz. wahz...hopefully i'll figure it out soon so my nice lil image won't go to waste. hehe. cherry blossoms is the theme! or mehbe flower. hehe =). idk. yet. aaah. well, newayz gotta get back to work..lots to do.. poo. lots of physics problems, calc work (altho that might just not be done), stat probs, bio lab, and reading for english. tho handmaid's tail is pretty good. starting to like it. well i g2g.figure out wat to do l a t e r s =)

8:26 PM

april 8 2005

» good day «
reasons why it's a good day:
1. managed to pass through the whole school day w/o doing any hw the night before
2. had 12 hours of sleep!!! ^_~
3. updated MSN messenger which is now awesome cool!! =)
4. MSN space is awesome =)
5. it's mimi's birthday!! HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY, GIRL!!!
6. after several years, mimi and i set a potential date to hang out at chinatown!!! yay!!! =D
7. i luv abc friday nite tv sitcoms!!!! they're very funny ^^
LoL~ yup it's a good day..of course, those are in no particular order. it's the order they came in my mind.. a wonderful day =)..hehe soo happie!!

10:22 PM

april 7 2005

» life « so the hw has eased off a bit for today at least. i don't have any urgent assignments to finish by tomorrow. just have to read handmaid's tale and do some stat problems >.< newayz, msn space just got some new layouts!!! they're all so pretty...=P aah so hard to choice which one..hehe..i think i'll keep with the same layout and change themes each month so that i don't have to change font colors everytime i want to make a new layout...dum de dum..it is a good day ^_~...thus far =D

5:02 PM

april 6 2005

» the ap's have come « so now every single ap teacher is behind schedule and must speed things up in order to cover every single topic in time for the stupid ap exams. even english why the heck do we have to hurry for that? geez. just read one less book. i'm sure it won't hurt us. it's so stupid. so now she's cramming in the reading of Handmaid's Tale. in addition with bio who obviously can't finish the entire curriculum cuz he's to goddamn lazy to come in on weekends plus he still insists on fitting in tests and all his stupid articles, in which we take a period to read and then answer some stupid questions. UGH i can't stand him. such a lazy ass. totally not fit to teach bio. he's forcing us to do a take home test and A BREAK ASSIGNMENT over APRIL BREAK the week before ap exams. omfg. eww. and we have to learn all these chapters by ourselves. yeah smart move asshole. houben is moving practically 100 miles per hour through the rest of calc just to finish before ap exams. ap statistics also got its load of shyt to do. yeah..basically i'm gonna be a screwed senior throughout this april month. in additon to the ap english project which i still have to find a stupid short story. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! this year will never end. argh senior year sux. whoever said it was the best needs to be shot >.< *sobs* wat a horrible year..

8:39 PM

april 5 2005

» bummed « ugh >.< currently so bummed out. finished the whole ap stat take home test in one night.. took about a good three hours or so. man so tired now. just typing a brief entry before i go to bed b/c i need the goddamn rest! haha. well chambers in a few hours...more like in three.. aiyah!! oh shyt. need to take a shower too. okay, i'm sure you really prolly dun wanna be reading wat i need to do in the three hour interim before i get to school. well i got MSN space yesterday! and it's looking ultra-cool. of course, i'm thinking about making it uber private meaning only i can read it. so this means i'm just taunting you. haha. well, i think MSN space is like myspace except that MSN space is cooler b/c it provides better themes and layouts whereas myspace is just a jumble of mess, in my opinion. plus myspace is like something that practically everyone on this god forsaken earth has except for a few oddballs like myself. haha.. well newayz. currently loving online blogs more than anything else in the world. haha. it's so sad. well anywayz, lots more work to do still. going to shower then finally..SLEEP! -.-.

4:39 PM

april 3 2005

» a day fit for ugly ducklings ^_~ « man.. it was pouring on and off all day long. eww..icky. i dun like rain when i have to be outside..LoL which is why i ended up not going to columbia..haha i'm so picky. LoL...but i hate getting caught in the rain. but when i'm inside listening to the rain fallin on the roof..it's sorta nice... =D. newayz..once the rain let down. went over to dana's to celebrate her birthday which was like a week and a day ago..haha! but it was fun. we watched the incredibles!!!! FINALLY!! i'm soo happy =P..hehe I LUV EDNA MODE EVEN MORE!! LoL ..i'm so obssessed w/ her..she's so funny...haha.. well. it was a great movie ^^. although spending about four hours w/ *cough* someone wasn't exactly too fun but it was okay once the movie started. hehe =). well newayz. dat's my ramble for now. lataz =)

12:56 PM

March 29 2005

sick argh, i'm so sick. coughing like crazy and sniffling like a mad man. -.- aaaack!! pft >.< i've been living off ludent's cherry flavored cough drops for the past two days which isn't exactly a great thing b/c now i can't shake off that disgusting artificial cherry flavor. yuck. smart me. should have hold off on the cough drops. *sigh* feeling so sore and still gotta do lots of work -.-... oh well. i've got launch.yahoo music to keep me company while i struggle through these online stat quizzes which are so stupid. blah can't even manage to score a friggin ten. always something wrong...wahh..and i gotta fix up my aim profile b/c now that my dad has kindly deleted aim on the old comp when he upgraded to microsoft xp, my entire profile was destroyed so now i gotta make a new one on this laptop. my lil base for the next four years. okay newayz..i'm beginning to ramble. onwards to stat.

9:49 PM

march 28 2005

9:30 PM

march 26 2005

baby project
my family's reaction to my baby's name:
bro: so what are u naming your baby?
me: bunnie!
bro [devastated]: whaat...? why don't u name it melissa...or something..?
me: err....boring?
mom: no! you should name it apple..or orange...or banana..or strawberry..or KIWI!!!
me [thinking- mehbe u should go get some food..CANNIBAL!!]: nah...
dad: STOP WASTING TIME AND JUST CHOOSE A NAME!!!!!
....haha ...my family is so weird =)

4:59 PM

march 25 2005

» old camp friends « the wonderful thing about staying up late is during that one special night when an old friend from across the world finally decides to show up online so that i could talk to them for a few minutes. it's just awesome to catch up w/ old friends from camp. hehe, i had so much fun talking to wesley last nite. hehe catching up. hope you get into columbia dude!! haha =)... ah, it's just one of those moments. hehe. the opportunity to talk with someone. yah, i should try harder to keep up w/ my cty & gov school friends. lol, it's all good =P.

8:23 PM

» recap « kinda started off as a crappy day...but then when we started to wander around nyc, it was pretty fun! hehe.. we went to bloomingdales and new york public library (which was REALLY REALLY nice =D)... hehe. i x3 nyc! =D

5:49 PM

march 23 2005

» white « a blanket of white fluffy powder covers the ground outside, and it is the fourth day of spring! the birds were chirping, but the winter storms refuse to go away quietly. haha =). well, at least, it got townwide concert cancelled so that now i have more time to procrastinate before i start that shytload of stat work that poyner gave us. b****. newayz, talked to grace huang this afternoon, and she showed me this website. haha, it's very funny video =P. go see it! haha. well, can't wait for the three day weekend, which may prolly be filled with even more work.. >.< poo..well at least i'll be a lil freer than last week. so mehbe i'll go out or something..hmm...mehbe i can convince my dad to let me go to ny and see jill! =D ..haha..that would be awesome..if only i weren't soo scared to ask -.-. bah. i'll find a way. plus dana's & karen's b-day to celebrate too i s'pose. idk how that's gonna work. i'm usually kept in the dark till the oportune moment, which is when ang and sonal want money from me. haha, LoL, welps, better start focusing on stat. more laterz ^^

10:18 PM

march 22 2005

» busy week « omgosh...such a busy week today!! it's insane. i've got so much work this week. and all off it is due thursday!! argh, a physics test AND an electronics test on thursday. PLUS a shitload of stat problems to do. and i have a townwide concert wednesday. no time watsoever!! AAH. *sigh*.. well at least get school off friday..pft >.<

7:58 PM

march 21 2005

» first day of spring « first day of spring was yesterday, and i can still see a little snow on the ground! haha, man, currently taking a break from all the summary-ing for statistics. really annoying actually. and also battling an odd headache. it's like my head's fine, but then every once in a while, a surge of pain will go through my brain and i'm just like..OuCHiE!. argh..it's really painful. ack. also currently hogging two computers. hehe, i got ITunes playing the weird radio station and updating my site on this MAC.. then on my other computer, i got the statistics summaries document up. haha.. =). argh! another surge of pain through my head. pft. well, i did a lil update on the info box on the right. got some of my currents...going on =P.. go check it out! hehe, if u read it, you'll know that my current obsession is edna mode! hehe, even tho i haven't even seen the movie, The Incredibles, yet >.< well, i requested it at the library so hopefully they'll have my DVD soon! hehe, then i can see more of edna mode! hehe, she's so cute and funnie =P. hmm. well, i guess i should be getting back to my stat summaries. more laterz. =).. oh yeah, and prom and the whole packaging to think about as well..*sigh*. -.-..

12:26 AM

march 19 2005

hehe..i remembered to give you a shoutout on the actual day of your birthday! =P..i hope you have a great b-day girl! =) .. newayz, a great weekend coming up. i'm not going out at all..just staying locked up in my house trying to tackle and bring down my humungous pile of hw that i've got. questions for bio, studying calc cuz i have no clue wat the hell is going on.., beloved in-class essay (FINALLY!), ap stat summaries, electronics questions & test, and ap physics probs...yay! i'm so SCREWED! aah..oooh..saw oklahoma last nite! ..hehe..it was really cute. not as bad as i thought it would be..turned out pretty well. yeah..newayz...better get started on that pile of hw...>.< bbai~

1:14 pm

march 18 2005

» stat « so, kind mrs. poyner got me up till last nite and all of studying trying to finish the whole shitload of chapter 11 problems. it was the most annoying thing ever. we honestly do not need to do ALL the ODD problems in the fucking chapter..so retarded and tedious...by then end of it i just wanted to tear up the whole stat book. she's such a stickler. my gosh.. u never know wat exactly she wants. and the book is not anymore friendly either, they go on about how the sample's supposed to be simple random sample. but of course, they play around with you by never sayign that the sample is a simple random sample but rather that it's a random sample ...so there i am everytime they say that..i gotta go for mrs. poyner.. "they do not mention that it is a simple random sample but rather a random sample. however we will assume it's a random sample" by the end of all that writing i still got fifty million more paragraphs to write and my hand is practically about to fall off and she gives me a friggin 28/30 BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE FRIGGIN BOXPLOTS. ARGH!!! i'm so friggin pissed. i did not spend all my time writing the whole crappy inference toolbox four steps out just to be shafted of two points. fuck. fuck fuck fuck. i'm just really pissed. and then she takes another student's homework and she like shows me how she had drawn a BOXPLOT on her hw. and gave her a 30/30 just b/c she had one (or a couple) more friggin boxplots. but considering that she copied most of her problems from teh back of the book i'm pretty sure that she didnt' have anymore boxplots on the rest of the pages but she didnt' get marked off for that....grr.. i'm so friggin pissed off at poyner. of course i don't blame the person i was just talking about ...LoL...lucky girl ^_~...just really really mad/pissed off at poyner. argh argh argh argh... now i bet she can google her name and find me talking about her. .... well fuck it. just b/c of a stupid boxplot sketch ...hrmph. spent so long on those stupid problems for nothing. writing my hands off just to hear ...oh u didn't include box plots. omfg.. it's not liek she mentioned it before.... the book doesn't do box plots (at least not from wat i recall..but i'm in a real biased mood right now) .. and half the time she's always emphasizing about that stupid...make sure you mention it's a SIMPLE RANDOM SAMPLE . AAAAAARGH!!!!!! GEEEZ. and then she's like..omg..you forgot to sketch a boxplot..MAYBE CUZ MY HAND CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THESE PROBLEMS. see that's the diff between houben and poyner. houben assigns a lot of hw. but at least she's REALISTIC , she's like if u can't get to ALL of them , then just do at least a few. unlike POYNER who's like..."omg! it'll be soo much fun! do ALL the odd problems! yipee hooray!"...ARGH.. i dont' even want to do these fucked up summaries this weekend. i didnt' vote for it. i dont want it. just one more pile of hw to add to my ever high pile of hw. GEEZ. alright. i think i should just condense this rant to one sentence to not seem like a total....(you fill in the blank)...i'm just tired of her psychoticness...okay..perhaps that wasn't any nicer. but still. i've gone insane. mehbe it's the stupid room vibes. we all know who teaches in there too....pst GETTO ...we all know his lil psychotic-ness..mehbe his vibes are spreading to the other teachers in that room. haha..okay..that's just my sick twisted mind thinking..anywayz..it was good to have this rant. now i'm gonna go watch oklahoma... (school musical).. =P

7:04 pm

march 12 2005

» alone « as of today, i think i have pretty much decided that i'm pretty much better off alone and that i'm prolly not gonna get married. i think that i'd be pretty much saving that person from having to deal with the result of a psychotic upbringing from maniac parents. for instance, tonite i was supposed to go watch million dollar baby. i fell asleep on my bed and b/c due to my genes i'm such a deep sleeper i failed to wake up till six minutes before the movie was about to start. i also failed to hear the wake up calls that my bro and mom gave as they tried to wake me up for dinner before i would go to the movie. needless to say, i accepted my punnishment when my dad said he wouldn't drive me to the movies. i didn't argue. but then he had to go on a 10 minute rant on how hard it is to wake me up in the mornings and how annoying it is and then continue to rant about all my other bad habits and how i can't shoulder any responsibility. basically, by the end of the rant, i was pretty much close to tears and ran off somewhere in our small pathetic house to cry and realize how screwed up my life is and how i'm pretty much a psychotic mess. So with that conclusion, i prolly will be saving myself and lots of other ppl from divorce papers and the pain and hurt at the rate that my psychotic brain is deteriorating because i prolly won't be able to sustain a long relationship.

» game « seriously, my life right now in this household is pretty much a game. it's too see how long i can escape and evade my parents' wrath and borderline psychotic-ness. how long can i avoid being screamed at and then going through a mood of depression and lots of crying and then to a state of apathy. if i can last a month of disguised peace, i'll pretty much give myself a pat on the back and declare success. it's so sad.

» running away « i've often contemplated about running away. it's prolly why i always save up all my change money and try to buy the cheapest stuff. either that or to get a digital camera. one of those. altho paying a digital camera in twenties isn't gonna look too good, so perhaps we'll just go w/ the former option - running away. if only i had the guts. which i don't. plus my upbringing is so bad that i'm still a friggin child even tho i'm about to be eighteen. i dunno wat the world consists of beyond the door of my house.

» problem « anywayz the problem with me is the fact that people always say, "you can't be perfect". but then, my parents will just bash me on the head with how i need to change b/c ppl will never like me and how it's not a good thing etc etc etc...and the shyt continues. i remember when i was young my parents used to tell me i was mean. i guess i can't blame them looking back i was a total bitch. but then..i was an ignorant bitch. and ignorance makes all the difference. cuz you never really realize wat you're doing. and you don't become self-conscious. i don't know. it's so hard to live life. you always have to think about wat you're gonna say w/o offending the person who you're talking to. i'm always thinking about wat actions i should take w/o coming out of the whole ordeal or situation looking like a mean person or something. i guess i'm just so friggin scared. i'm a psychological mess really.

well, i had a lot to rant about b4 when i was in a crying state but b/c i didn't want my dad to find me crying b/c then he'd just start another rant about how i have no right to cry and that it's all my fault etc., i pretty much didn't let it all out. and so most of wat i had to say has retreated back to the far back of my brain for another break out. basically, to end this extremely long entry, i just feel like i'm split in two. my mind wants to run in all different directions but because of my physical body, i can't go anywhere and i'm stuck in limbo.

10:24 pm

march 10 2005

» three day weekend « teachers have a workshop tomorrow at school for the whole day so that means that students have off tomorrow!! yay!! no classes. hehe. that's good. one whole day to potentially bum out and do nothing. hopefully i will not do that and get some minimal work done so that i'm not overloaded come time sunday night. btw must mark an important milestone. three days ago on march 8, 2005 my mom let me drive alone for the second time (first time was during feb vacation) to the library to help grace out with statistics! it was kinda fun. hehe =). yay!! i got to drive by myself.
so right now, i'm just hanging out on my laptop and tying up my phone line so that no one can call into the house. haha.. not that anyone would call in at 10:45pm at nite! playing songs from launch.yahoo and it actually works!! hehe..the video too. no getting stuck or anything..hehe, the joys of a new computer that will soon be bugged to death in a matter of months. haha, it's my curse. newayz, good day today marked by a bad ending tho. psh..

story of the day..so, there was supposed to be science league todai if it weren't for the stupid bus driver ditching us but as it is, the bus driver did leave us and we couldn't get to go to the competition. well, while we were waiting, i was trying to find my bro so that he could take home my stat book so that i would not have to worry about leaving the book behind. as it is, my bro decided to bolt out of the high school right when the bell rang so i couldn't exactly run after him to the public library just in case the bus came early and left.. so instead i decided to borrow a friend's backpack so that at least i wouldn't lose the book at montville but if i forgot, my friend would still have it. of course, i neglected to get my friend's phone number/address. and i forgot to retrieve the book from him when the competition got cancelled. so now, i can't contact my friend and get my book back which is just great b/c i was planning to get a majority of the stat summaries on chapter 11 done by this three day weekend so i'm not bummed down w/ that crap when the deadline comes rolling around. argh. so much for that idea as i can't evne call him or IM him. *sigh* hopefully, this won't ruin my weekend and i'll hopefully get it back before sunday. *sigh* i have no idea wat's going on. *sigh* so mad at myself. should have just kept the stat book and risked losing it then having it hold "ransom" sorta. haha. wahz. -.- so stressed out.

11:08 pm

march 4 2005

aah,i got my laptop yesterday!! it's really nice and compact. :D. plus i got six months of free aol so i'm totally enjoying the nice aim expressions such as my new cute panda super buddy icon and the cute lil duckie smilies instead of the usual 2D flat yellow ugly smiley faces..haha. newayz, now i'm updating on my laptop..really cool!! hehe. brings back memories of gov school ^_~...LoL. haha. hmm, i guess a lil update on this week. it's been okay. lots of ups and downs. actually pretty much a lot of downs. there were good parts like being able to come in to school late on thursday (go seniors!!) and a snow day on tuesday. but just a lot of stuff is going through my mind, and it's just so hard for me to handle and organize and focus on what i should do. blech. i've made no progress on hw. *sigh*. was supposed to do some tonite and this afternoon...ack soo much for that.. it's already 11:50 and i haven't touch any hw...haha so much for that idea.. o well. hm. sorta got a lot of hw to do. but i'm just hanging out here. well, gonna go watch tv. =)

11:55 pm

march 2 2005

» blue « feeling kind of blue today. dun really know why. it's just that my emotions get influenced by such tiny little things. one small thing will get me all jumpy and happy whereas another small thing seconds later will get me all sad blue depressed grumpy. and then the combinations of up and downs, one right after another, just gets me all exhausted and then exhaustion just makes me all grumpy and the end result is i become so down. mneh, on a good day, there's prolly lots of good small things that bring me up to my high. but then sometimes the up and downs sorta cancel each other out so i get a blah day. okay, now i'm just beginning to ramble nonsense. idk, my mental state right now is that i can't do anything. i can't read. i can't play on the comp. i can't do homework. all i want to do is sleep. but of course i got to do homework. ugh, english bothers me. oh! let's have journal entries talk to each other! wat fun! ..haha. i do not think so. the last thing i want to do is read my entry out loud and have mirsky give me an odd face. dat'll be the time of my life. can't wait till she calls me. so now i gotta sit down and revise my journal entries. but i'm such a poor writer, revising them won't do any good. and if i'm already off the mark..well. yipee yay. always feel so stupid in the class. everyone's off on a different plane than i am. pft >.< why did i take it? it seemed so much more fun junior year. or mehbe it was b/c glucksman let me get away w/ not having to talk much in class, which was fine by me. hehe. well..eep. newayz, i'm gonna start talking to people. maybe that'll get me out of this hole -.-.

9:49 pm

march 1 2005

3:26 pm

february 24 2005

it's been quite a relaxing vacation so far. i've spent most of my time bumming out watching tv & movies not really doing much homework unfortunately. now i swamped even though i was swamped before so i dunno wat i'm talking about. gosh, i hate stat w/ such a passion. the work she makes us go through is soo unreasonable. i don't even think she knows what she's assigning and it's so fucking annoying. i can't stand it. i mean i have other classes to worry about. sorry, miss, but statistics is NOT the center of my world. the focus of my life. i need to think about my other classes too. i can't always focus on stat. and the truth is..is all this work necessary? no. it's just a plain waste of time. i mean.. if you get the concept that's fine. we dont' need to do ALL the odd problems the book has to get the fucking point. it's soo stupid. now she's making us do summaries instead of doing all the stupid odd problems instead. wow..that's such a great idea.. like that's really gonna help me. i'm sorry.. but this is not how everybody in the world studies. not everyone needs to type up summaries just to get the picture. to get the stupid fucking concept. it's not fucking necessary. o my fucking god i hate her sooo much. all this work is such bogus and such a waste of time. and who is it helpign? one in a million. if someone really wanted to do well in the class, well then they'll do it. if they dont' care and are doign bad in the class, well it's their fault. don't drag the rest of their classmates into this fuckign mess. i'm sorry. perhaps this is selfish. but i think there is a line or border that you've gotta stay in and she's definitely crossed the line. and i'm just plain pissed. even if i didn't slack off, this mess would still take up my whole vacation. wtf. *sigh*. well enough rantings for now. i'm gonna start working on the english journal entries. hope this works out..oof >.<

10:34 pm

february 19 2005

hey, i've noticed i haven't updated this blog in a while. i guess the truth is i have nothing really coherent to say so there's no real sudden urge or need to really update too much. haha, pretty busy week last week. i had so many tests and homework and stuff as well as avoiding getting sick because everyone was sick. wow, amazing. well, today was the first day of vacation. hehe =), i'm very happy. i went to columbia for shp. then went to cafe swish w/ dana and then we went to central park to see the gates! they looked really pretty. it was so nice. was able to finally go to somewhere in ny by myself and not get lost! damn proud ^_~. so yeah, there were a lot of people there. everyone was taking pictures. it was a really nice view. orange central park. such a nice park. i've never been there before.. >.< so deprived. haha. yup, so dana wanted to take some pictures w/ her camera phone so we went trekking up these rocks to gain some height, and i was like pretty much half-scared that i'd fall off the rocks and die. quite an adventure ^_~. hehe. yeah, but i made it through w/o falling! yay!! hehe, so we took some picures and went back down only to find another set of rocks that had A STAIRCASE UP. LoL ^^. well, came home and now i'm here being a bum and sitting in front of my computer with nothing to do really. yay! hehe.. mehbe i should move back to the other computer and fool around w/ some graphics. idk. internet isn't really working too well so don't really feel like playing games. *sigh* really in a blah mood right now. btw, must make a quick shoutout. congrats to dana for getting into cornell! haha, now you dont' have to go to rutgers ^^. well hmm, nothing much to say. more laterz perhaps. *.*

7:09 pm

february 13 2005

10:00 pm

february 11 2005

cliques. it's either something you really hate or you really love. it's the simple truth. if you belong to a clique or a group, then you'll really love it. i mean you get comfort and support from them. and you'll always have somebody to depend on whom you can ask to do stuff and hang out with. however, if you're outside of the clique. a loner. just someone bordering around the outer edges of a group occasionally trying to throw yourself into the center but immediately regurgitated back out. basically trying to fit in. you're ignored. you pass by unnoticed. the frustration of trying to belong somewhere. but constantly failing. lost. defeated. one begins to hold a grudge against all these cliques, groups. don't seem to fit in anywhere. can't find a place in the world or immediate society. and you just hate all this groupiness.

take someone who belongs in a clique out of the circle. make him/her the loner. the outsider. the person bordering the outer edge of the clique. unable to throw in his/her two cents. unable to grasp the attention of those within. unable to even snatch a glance from one of them. he/she will begin to hate the group. the loneliness. the feeling of being ignored all the time.

everyone wants to belong in a group/clique. it's wat makes us human. the feeling of being wanted and accepted. individually, each person in a group appear nice and friendly. yet when you call to the clique to be recognized as a living breathing person, all of the sudden they turn cold. blind towards your needs and desires.

cliques. it's something i'm always fighting. trying to belong somewhere. trying to reach the sky yet i fall. drop. it's probably why i'm so eager to go to college. i mean, there are other reasons such as more freedom, independence, etc. but mostly because it's a chance for me to start over. clean slate. it's partially why most of the time i really dont' want people from my school coming to the same college as i am. they know me by reputation. they'll fit into a group quickly. i try to fit in somehwere, yet the feeling of their eyes watching me. knowing me as a loner. i still got that reputation that i want to lose. i dunno. the less people who know me from high school. the better.

i'm always clinging to this hope that if i go to some place new with different people and different environment, i'd be able to find a group to fit in and know that i don't have to constantly worry "oh, will i be left behind without them ever knowing? will i be unnonticed? will i be forgotten? if there was an event and i wasn't there, will they notice that i was gone and missing? will i be remembered?" with the exception of governor's school and perhaps two semesters of cty, i was never able to find a group of friends to hang out with who would notice that i was missing. who would volunteerly ask w/o thinking for me to hang out with. was not a group that i just had to mindlessly follow around and hoped that one day i'd get noticed. everyone i know loved cty. i hated it. i truly really honestly hated cty. the whole hall would form a group, a clique. and somehow, even though i was part of the hall, i was mysteriously excluded from everything. forgotten. i guess, i never really meshed in with them. the hall was all girls. half the time all they ever talked about was guys and how cute they were and start stalking them hoping to become their girlfriends. there was a strategy, a method of snaring guys. i mean guys are cool. i can talk about them. but honestly, talking about them for more than five minutes would be suicide for me. i guess i'm not mature/immature? enough for that kind of subject. anyways, they were always talking about guys, giving them nicknames, discussing who was cute/goodlooking enough to go out w/. so pointless. so shallow. and, yes, this was nerd camp. the irony. i guess, there's always one in every place u go to. i just happened to always end up w/ the wrong crowd.

cty was also the place where i learned to hate azn cliques. i don't understand them. they meet each other for a few days. all of the sudden become really close friends. and then they decide their number of friends was enough and when you try to get close to them. they immediately exclude you. they don't even notice that you want to belong. they just ignore you and act like you don't want to talk or hang out with them. i guess i'm being a little harsh, stereotypical, and whatever. perhaps this is the same with all types of cliques. i just happen to always be around the azn groups. i guess what really pisses me off is that i'm asian. what makes me different from them? what do they have that i dont' have? an interest in guys? please, there must be more to it. how did i get lost in the grand scheme of things?

what i don't understand is why this bothers me. should it bother me? why do i care whether i can/cannot belong in an azn group? i remember once when i was real young a conversation my mother and grandmother had over the phone. my grandma asked if i had a lot of chinese friends. and my mother replied no but that i was only in elementary school. when i get older, i'd prolly make more azn friends. i suppose i've taken that statement seriously since then. probably she meant i'd feel more accepted among azns then nonazns. oh, the irony again. kind of racist. who knows. but then aren't some of those people (i'm not saying all) in the azn cliques a little racist too? i mean, all they EVER do is hang out with ALL ASIAN PEOPLE except for those one or two nonazn people who happen to sneak into the group. and then when someone from the outside goes, "oh look, there's the asian gang." then the people in the clique immediately burst out laughing and starts asking the ONE (only one) nonasian person "are you asian? cuz you don't look asian?" come on, we're not stupid. we're not blind. we see the numbers.

another thing that bothers me is how azn people just randomly start talking in chinese all of the sudden in front of other people. like they're trying to exclude you from the conversation. knowing you don't understand chinese. knowing that you can't belong in their group. it bugs me. if you're gonna talk in chinese, do it among your group when you're alone. don't do it in front of the whole class, school etc. it just bothers me. and most of the time, the conversation isn't that big of a deal. it's not like they were talking bad about someone, and they were angry and they just had to quickly get it out but they didn't truly want to hurt that person's feelings. no, the conversation is just about something pointless like "ooh i like your haircut" this can be expressed in english you know. it's not a big deal. *sigh* w/e mehbe i am making a big ado about nothing.

i just feel so trapped. feel so alone. i feel so lost in this world. like i can never really belong anywhere truly. such a hopeless feeling...

9:29 pm

february 3 2005

» hola « lala, hmm..listening to the phantom of the opera.. really good =P i luv it! thx to dana for letting me borrow it hehe. =D sooo good.. hmm.. nething else to say? oh yeah, carnegie mellon called me todai to tell me that they received my application and that i'd get my decision letter some time soon...and i just stood there going....uhh....i withdrew my application?!??! .. yeah ultra-confused..haha...um..hmm...odd. wellz, i also made amc =D hehe.. i got over 100 so now i get to go onto the next level! yay!! hehe =P very happie ... wellz. hmmm.. okay really nothing to say.. blah day otherwise ^_~ lataz

9:29 pm

january 29 2005

» todai « well, first day of shp (spring session). got into organic chem. it was okay. spent most of the time talking about polymers. (yay!)..haha. caught up w/ a cty friend. came home. fell asleep until 8 something. ate dinner. and now am here lost. should be studying calc. but not. just downloaded english approaches topics. should really also download the lesson for church tomorrow. and get to work. but not. feeling sorta dead. yeah. hmm. well. lata =)

january 23 2005

» accomplishments this weekend «
1. watched 6.5 movies
~~Girl With a Pearl Earring
~~Mean Girls
~~Intolerable Cruelty
~~10 Things I Hate About You
~~Bruce Almighty
   (yeah, i only watched parts of this. hence the .5 ^^)
~~I Robot
~~Collateral
[go blockbuster and livingston public library ^^]
2. did extra credit wksht for ap stat =P
3. slept around and ate =D
...i know wat a productive weekend this has been! ^_~

9:47 pm

january 20 2005

» story of the week « so after the "i-could-not-use-my-legs-for-a-week" incident because of fencing, i should have realized that choosing fencing as my choice to take for gym was just plainly... a BAD idea. i've gotten more injuries from that class than from any other class. just this week, i just earned myself another set of injuries. so (surprisingly) we decided to play dodge ball instead of carrying away w/ our fencing in those disgusting smelly masks, and i just got myself into "jail" so i'm minding my own business and (a little bit) absentmindingly walking over to the jail zone...and then.. all of the sudden, this huge guy..and when i mean huge.. i mean like fifty feet taller than me (LoL.. go hyperboles)...newayz, this guy decides to FALL ON TOP OF ME. so i immediately crash to the floor on both knees and buckle over onto my side. and omgosh, pain like i've never experience seared through my two legs. alright, okay, enough of the drama, basically now i'm left with three bruises. two purple ones on each of my knees and a really disgusting yellow turning green one on the side of my right thigh, which is really odd because i did NOT feel any pain there when i got up from my drastic fall. man, i stood there crouched for like 10 seconds waiting for the pain to go away. so yeah, go bad luckness. now i'm recovering from my second set of injuries from fencing.. yay yay =P.

on a side note: i decided to e-mail columbia about whether they received my deposit check and lo and behold apparently FIFTEEN people including myself are currently enrolled or have been accepted to columbia that share the same name. aiyah, geez, i knew i should have picked a name like apple or avocado or some other odd fruit/vegetable. it would prolly make things so much easier wouldn't it? LoL ^_~

3:34 pm

january 19 2005

» misconception « i luv how my parents barely know me at all. like they think they know just because of some stupid thing that i said or something that i wrote in a college essay or w/e. like when i wrote how i made "life-long friends" from going to CTY, my dad immediately assumes that i had an easy time making friends at those camps and that it wasn't "that hard" to make friends. wat he totally neglects is how i totally hated CTY during my last session and totally regretted agreeing to go and should have just stayed home and investigated some other summer camp. but no, me being weak, i had to agree w/ my mom's "four- year" plan and go to CTY just so i could get a head start at physics and be away from home for three weeks, which was almost unbearable b/c throughout the whole fuckign session i was just shunned away from groups of ppl and literally made no friends that session. and when i mean no friends. i mean none. as in i have not kept in touch w/ ANY of them after the session. sure i leave comments on their xangas and they on mine and i've talked to my roommmate once in a blue moon, but no relationship has developed passed that. we're just "acquaintances". in fact, i just saw one the other day and she barely recognized me, she just stared right through me and i at her in fear of making a fool at myself by waving to someone who didn't even recognize me. but then i was wearing contacts..NOT that it should matter because another person who i met at cty and who i was barely friends w/ RECOGNIZED me and we havne't even kept in touch AT ALL since that session ended. *sigh* w/e i luv how the littlest things hurt me the most. really, i grew out of cty. i never really coudl quite enjoy it after my second session (which was my best ever). i mean, in the total of four sessions i've gone to, i've prolly kept in touch w/ like about five or so, and i only got back in touch like just these few years. w/e. newayz. moving along i suppose. idk.

so i do believe that my original topic was how my parents barely knew me. yeah so besides the fact that they think they know me. they also base their "knowledge" of me through the past. like i've changed to a completely different person than i was in middle school or elementary school. i've become stupider and a bit more subdued [except for my random outbreaks]. i'm terrifed of crowds and doing presentations whereas in middle school i totally enjoyed doing forensics. [one may say i regressed, idk] newayz, they just totally have the wrong image of me and wat's worse. they just continue to think they know all about me and just continue bugging me and picking the worst sides of me out and just bombarding me w/ insults and "jokes" (which are pretty much insults to me). it's like they've got this image that i'm a soldier who has no feelings and is capable of handling all these classes. but in reality, i'm constantly on the verge of breaking down and every insult, every "seemingly" joke or w/e well instead of pebbles they're just gigantic boulders that are catapulted towards me breaking down the wall that's left around me and hurting me each time. so everytime my dad makes this "joke", i become so hurt and annoyed and moody that i just become unfocused at w/e homework i'm working on, and then when i begin to doodle to try to get my mind of wat he just said to get back to work, he immediately screams at me and says that "i'm not focused and that i'll never make it in college" and stuff like that. it's just like THANX. i'm not an unfeelign object. I HAVE FEELINGS. i get hurt easily. i can't just REBOUND quickly from the insult you just made at me and GET BACK to work. he's just so inconsiderate of my feelings and truthfully, i don't think he even has any feelings. he's just so warped around his own world and soo self-centered and everytime you try to say somethign to him that's slightly negative, he immediately screams out at you and tells you to "not be disrespectful to your elders" that you can barely say anything. it's like GOD i don't know wat to do except to just hide back in my room and just cry because if i cry in front of him he'll just scream at me again. and it's this constant fuckign cycle. and i just CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. anywayz, to put it bluntly for those who have become confused, yes i am SCARED of my dad. he's so temperamental. you never know how he'll interpret something. anywayz, that's my little outbreak for now. time to start studying for midterms again...

12:41 am

january 17 2005

aargh, i'm getting sick. nooo! so i've managed to escape those nasty viruses and bacteria for the first four months of school, but they've finally caught me! ack! my throat is so sore. i can barely sleep, and my nose is beginning to clog up! ack. well, no school today. so now i get to study for my midterms and do last minute hw due tomorrow (thank you to those lovely teacher *cough* not). well newayz, i luv midterm week. i dunno why. i think it's just that i dont' really need to be in school for the full day. technically, i'm only testing for three hours and then i go home and sleep or study a lil more for the rest of the day! i just feel so much more free and relaxed than regular school days. blah. anywayz, after midterms, second semester is rolling around teh corner. hopefully that will be a little more fun that this drabby dreary first semester. o well. this is a pretty light entry. it'll stay that way. ta ta =)

12:27 pm

january 16 2005

this three day weekend has been "relaxing". i say that in quotes because i haven't really done much studying for midterms and have just been hanging around the house relaxing a bit (too much). but also not relaxing in that everytime i turn around i get parents giving me this ugly glance for not doing anything. go figure. ugh, i just can't stand living here. i can't stand living at all. argh, i just want out. aaaaaaargh. i can't stand this. i feel so restless and i jafj;lkdsaj f;ldsalkhahijf;jhf; ha. someone save me. pft.whatever. i cant' write right now because i'm just so filled up w/ emotions and frustrations and anxiety and other emotions..and ugh. i gotta go.

11:22 pm

january 14 2005

» parents «geez. just when you think you're finally done, just when you think it's all over, there's nothing left, no college applications, no SAT stuff, no anything that would involve parents nagging at you about this or that. then WHAM...they start screaming about you about not finding out whether a fucking deposit check has been sent to columbia. geez, they go on about this theory of oh mehbe they won't cash it till regular decision and then BAM they start screaming at you for "neglecting" (i say that in quotes cuz i only heard them discuss this ONCE prior to my dad screaming at me like a fucking asshole) to write an e-mail to columbia inquiring about the check. gosh, just when i finally get the time to HAVE A LITTLE FUN, my parents decide that it's time to stop the little HAPPINESS that i get these days and start screaming at me about some stupid check. FUCK!!! and now I'M THE ONE WHO'S ALL FUCKING PISSED OFF, and there's my dad downstairs sitting on that stupid sofa LAUGHING his head off at some stupid joke on the seinfeld show. GO FIGURE. gosh, i hate my parents. they just never GIVE IT A REST. there's always this wrong or that wrong. AND I'VE FUCKING HAD IT i just want to run out of this place and never be seen again. OMFG and just the moment that i want to talk to someone, there's no one online to talk to. JUST when i see my cousin online and i want to talk to her SOO BADLY she's NOT online but FRIGGIN AWAY. omg. omfg. i'm so mad. i just want to tear this whole place apart. this shithole. this prison. I WANT OUT. i hate my life.

7:55 pm

january 13 2005

yay! i finally finished english!! ack...did an all-nighter...NO sleep at all..ugh.. soo friggin tired right now..and i feel soo dead..omfg...still have ap stat and ap calc to look over for tomorrow midterms. hopefully those will go okay. i managed to survive electroncis (or at least i think i did ^_~)..newayz...more laters...currently at a library typing on a very sticky keyboard...EEEUUUUUGGGHH....therefore..i'm gonna stop typing now..and do somethign that requires only the mouse.... =P...

3:30 pm

january 11 2005

finally done w/ english thank god. i still have the essay though, but at least i'm done w/ the presentation. -.-

5:14 pm

january 9 2005

when does a parent go from being reasonable to being impossible and downright wrong?

11:30 pm

january 6 2005

» update « so i've done some random updates on this site. i've stored away all my december entries to the archive, and i've also fixed up the message box at the right. i've decided to get rid of the mood indicator after realizing that i never really update it, so it's really pointless. also updated the coming events and birthdays for this month (yes, that box contains more than the intro ^_~). newayz, that's pretty much it. nothing much really besides a shitload of work which i don't want to get into right now. anywayz, i've been semi-working on a new layout because truthfully, i'm happy with this one, but not quite. newayz, it gives me somethign to do and gets me away from playing that stupid childish rpg in neopets. haha =) that game is kinda addicting in a bad way. yeah, i haven't worked too much on it. i just got an entrance page down. i still need to figure out main page etc. i'm playign around with images and all that. i'll see how it works out. whether i like it or not. newayz, i've just realized the archive secion is like a total mess, and i kidn of need to fix that up. pah wah. newayz. back to work bbai x3

7:50 pm

january 3 2005

» good-bye 2004 « so good ole 2004 has gone by, and 2005 has come around the corner. as it always does, it takes time to make a transition into the new year. think about it, just last week, it was 2004. now it's 2005. i must have probably dated half my papers january 3, 2004 instead of 2005. omg, i even dated this entry 2004 instead of 2005 *goes to change it* ^_~. time, it seems endless yet when you put yourself in a daily schedule, you feel like you never have enough time. days feel like weeks and weeks feel like months and months feel like years. in the end, it all just becomes a blurr.

» childhood memories or not... « talking about life being a blur. my early childhood life was a blur. i don't really have a single visual memory of an event before the age of 5. all i remember was that at first i was submerged into total darkness. that may have lasted for like 15 seconds. then all of the sudden i "woke" up and for some reason my face was smooshed against the window as i watched two people enter a car and leave and this random guy was spanking me on my butt for who knows what. (actually i wasn't really conscious of anything that was going on except that the guy was spanking me real hard on my bottom and that i saw two people leaving and going into the car) later, my mom told me that the two people were her and my dad, and she was leaving for the hospital because my brother was gonna be born and that i was probably crying and that was the reason my uncle was spanking me. yeah, i have really nice relatives don't i. whatever, the form of discipline back then for me was spanking, which is why i never really try to be outwardly bad at my parents because that little child inside me is still scared that i would be spanked by my dad. my mom never spanked me it was really my dad [so i guess, it's more on my dad's side]. *shrugz* scary times. newayz, moving along with what i remember about my early childhood. after that really vivid memory, instead of plunging back into darkness, i saw a flash of images pass through my eyes really really fast for like a few seconds. stop. i suddenly land in the harrison school playground (i was in preschool). then again, the flash of images for a shorter while and all of the sudden i'm in the car going to hillside for my first day of kindergarten. and from then on, i started living my life through days rather than through images. someone tell me this isn't weird, and it's just not me. probably is. that's all i remember from those times. like i knew i was living because i was seeing something. but at the same time, it's not like how i live now. uh, hard to explain. over the years, i have accumulated a couple of memories but in terms of a timeline, never before that memory w/ my uncle. just several preschool memories like one time me trying to take off my pants in class (please don't ask =\), an extension to that playground scene, playdates with christine & her sis at my house and then hers. that's pretty much it. or all i can remember as of now. well, with all the stress i'm going through now, i kind of wish i was back to those days when i was just living through images. =\

4:06 pm