december 21, 2006

back at home. let the break and vegetation begin as long as fulfillment of goals. and of course, let the bad grades flow in. x.X it so does not feel like christmas season at all. maybe it's my house. or maybe there aren't that many christmas lights around or something. or maybe it's just the weather. just not the cold season. haha, not that i'm complaining, i like warmer weather. it's just i guess long gone is that lovely white christmas. *sigh* i cant' remember the last time i had a white christmas... maybe i should shower myself with christmas movies. get into the season of the holidays. well newayz, it's gonna be raining tomorrow and saturday. blech, i hate rain. anyways, i'm beginning to ramble a bit. maybe i'll start working on that new layout.

9:01 pm

december 20, 2006

yesterday was the end of my finals!!! felt so great. now i am completely done, and don't have to worry about school and grades until three weeks later. although, i guess i'll be worrying about what i'll be getting but hey, there's nothing i can do about it now. all in God's hands. haha. anyways, time to get started on those goals i've got written down there (two entries back). i still need to get my new lit hum set. haha *sigh* so much to do today. deliver things. buy things. laundry(?), clean up room. but all i can do is just sit here and stare at my laptop and watch desperate housewives for the upteenth time. haha, i've practically watched all the abc shows that are posted up at least once if not more. why did they stop showing new episodes?!?!? i'm so sad =(((. now that i'm finally free and can actually keep up w/o feeling guilty, there are no new shows =(. oh well, haha, all my fave shows are taking a haitus right now. i guess more time to accomplish my goals. anyways, more updates later about how they're going. till next time. good-bye!

2:39 pm

december 18, 2006

i have my orgo exam in 3 hours and my chinese exam in 8 hours. that leaves me 2 hours in btwn exams to review characters, learn the radicals, and go over grammar sheets & tests. aiyah x.X i'm quite screwed. and then i have only 12 hours to sleep and study MEB for the 9AM exam tomorrow. man, i wish i had more time. it sure sounds nice to tell ppl: hey! i'm done tuesday!. but in all honesty, it leaves you with like no time to study x.X i'm currently staring at the list of reactions i made up and going.. eh?!?! my brain is like at a freeze. it can't focus. seriously, i held a reserve book in my hands and stared at the shelf for like an entire minute because my brain just took a mental break and i couldn't even shelf the darn book >.<..
well newayz, i guess i gotta tough it out for 24 more hours or so and then i'll be home free to do whatever i want....oh *sigh*

10:13 am

december 16, 2006

this is really bad. i came to work all set to study, and here i am, an hour later, full of blog information cuz i just browsed through all my xanga subscriptions that've been backed up for the past few weeks. this computer sitting in front of me is a bad influence. sometimes i wished it didn't have such wide internet capabilities.. x.X anyways, so jealous of some people as they've finished their finals whereas mine have only just begun. just had the lit hum final yesterday, which sucked. *sigh* i guess it wasn't too bad except i felt like i had nothing to say for my essays and i couldn't remember the name of stupid Oedipus's mother who happens to be his wife as well =P. the joys of greek literature, which we'll be moving out of and into more recent yet not so recent literature for next sem =D. now i only have 3 finals left, and i shall be done x.X
anyways, plans for winter break b/c i love making plans and never fulfilling them ^^:
1. new layout for this site
2. cleaning up csfc's site as well as a new layout? (perhaps i should not get too ambitious..)
3. 1000 cranes...x.X yes bea shoot me now
4. learn java! okay just kidding, relearn it so i won't get lost next sem
5. read all the lit hum books for next sem! haha
6. do QT's everyday
7. hang out with friends
8. oh yeah.. jobs.. =(

well, 8 sounds like a nice round number, don't ya think? haha.. i can see prolly.. #7 & #8 being done. this is quite an ambitous list..x.X although, i can see it right now, i might become a couch potato and just watch movies all break long.. haha hopefully, this will not be the case. i did that a lot this summer, and it had quite a negative effect on me >.<. although, in an attempt to avoid studying, i have fiddled around with a new layout for this site. it has some possibilities. hint: it will not be pink =)

5:27 pm

december 7, 2006

I thank God for all the wonderful friends that He has put in my life these past years. I love my college friends: fellowship & jj5 & misc (:P). You guys are all great in your different ways. Thanks for welcoming me with open arms and remembering me at random times of the year. I love you guys for letting me just be myself and not having to feel like I have to put up some sort of front. You are all amazing =))). I also thank the close friends that I have kept from high school. Especially those who put up with me at the odd hours of the morning such as right now. Thanks for just being there for me to talk to and just to calm down and get away from college life when it just gets crazy. I Love You All!! =D Yes, I'm quite emotional right now. This week has been crazy hectic and somewhat depressing. So much work to do. Or it could be all the BSB songs I'm playing right now as I check out how much damage I have done by updating Windows Media. haha. Well, can't wait for all this to be over. Christmas is just around the corner! My favorite time of the year ^^.

3:34 am

december 4, 2006

just have the sudden urge to type something at work even though i'll be doing plenty of typing this week w/ a paper and a project report and a physics lab. maybe this is just another one of my attempts to avoid orgo studying which have been nil at work today, which is pretty bad since the exam is in oh...an hour or so x.X anyways, only fifteen minutes left at work and i'm starving. the bad part about working mornings at engineering library is that i never have breakfast, and with carleton lounge just next door, i can smell the food, and i'm like seriously drooling with hunger. haha, well newayz, soon for me to get kicked out of my lovely circulation desk seat. change of shifts.

11:50 am

december 2, 2006

wow, i can't believe it's december already. the end of another semester. one more week of classes. two more weeks before finals. one semester left before good bye seniors again. only 2.5 years left at columbia. just plain crazyness. time flies by so fast, and you just don't realize it because you're too busy trying to make sure you finish all your work in a timely manner. how sad. you think you're in control of time as you make all your deadlines yet at the same time time just slips through your fingers. ha! a paradox.
anyways, i just finished skimming through all my xanga digests that i've neglected over the week. nothing too strikingly interesting or exciting unfortunately. although, several of the entries were about planning for the future. oh dear, oh my. which obviously got me thinking of what i want/should do over the winter and summer break. original plans for winter break have fallen apart as my cousin will not be able to come over during the first portion of break to chill out in the city. i don't know whether i want to stay at home for the entirety or wander off somewhere for a part of it. anyways, here are my options:
1. BWC - $120 (?) 1/3-1/7
2. "ski" trip - $40 (?) - 1/8-12
dum de dum.. dunnoo wat to dooo. summer's also another thing. parents prolly want me to find a job. of course, being a sophmore may up my chances of getting one but by how much really? *sigh* anyways, we'll see.. i've procrastinated long enough. must get back to studying for orgo midterm. time is a fickle thing.

5:47 PM

november 23, 2006

happy thanksgiving everyone! end of the year is always a great time of the year with thanksgiving, christmas, and the new year's eve. it's just a fun time for retrospect and gratefulness for wat we have: family, friends, and everything else we have. the future is unknown and unpredictable. we want so much that we forget wat we have. anyways, the verse above is from the senior skit from interfellowship thanksgiving dinner two days ago. it's hard to put everything in perspective with our lives being so hectic. thanks for the refocusing. thank you seniors!

10:25 pm

november 20, 2006

it's a slow monday morning at the library, and i've been dozing off more than usual. yes, that means sneaking in 30 second naps when patrons are not wandering up towards you to check out a book. smart girl, next time do not sleep at 4:30 in the morning the day of your 9am shift. *sigh* when will i ever learn? although, today, i managed to make it to the library early, but my energy has completely faded away. i just run through the motions with no thought about it.
well, anyways, a new piece of artwork has been added to the decor of the engineering building, specifically the front of the building. yes, my friend, ugly scaffolding has finaly made its way to our side of the campus. *sigh* as if the law library weren't enough, now my days of walking to class will be full of walking under these ridiculous scaffolds. i wonder how long these will be in existence. please not for the rest of my time here at columbia now as to spite me, it'll prolly be there till my second semester senior year. okay.. i really hope not, since i'll be spending the bulk of my time in this building for the rest of my forlorn years at columbia. and scaffolding really ruins the environment and beauty of the campus. anyways, prolly have wandered off topic. So this "sculpture" was prolly erected sometime early saturday as i noticed the guys making their finishing touches on it as i walked towards the building for work at around 4. and wat do columbia students do immediately after a new set of scaffolding has been setup? treat it as if it were a new jungle gym in the playground. no, i'm totally serious. as i left work, i saw these bunch of students just doing flips and playing lil tricks on the bars of the scaffolding. of course, in their defense, it does sort of look like a jungle gym. i mean, who paints the bars of the scaffolding dark blue?!?!?
i suppose we're still kids at heart. =P

10:28 am

november 18, 2006

you'd think it'd be so easy to just pick up that Bible and start reading the Genesis for lit hum, but no, over my time here at the engineering library, i've managed to do everything else there is possible and have now come to blogging as my last resort. so far i've memorized chinese characters, checked gmail a million times, chatted w/ lu on gtalk, checked my yahoo email, which led to me spending a good hours or so on xanga. in addition, i shelved around 61 books. yep, i'm really great at procrastinating. yup yup. idk why i'm avoiding reading. sometimes i just can't stand reading.. doesn't matter what it is.
speaking of odd eating habits, which i noticed was a common theme on xanga, or maybe i was just focusing too much on certain xangas, i also noticed a strange eating habit that i've been developing. i rarely eat during the normal lunch/dinner times. even tho it's 12, and i kno i should get something to eat.. i just wait till it's 2 or 3 till i'm like ultra starving and then i'm like.. okay time to find some food. heh, i just guess that's laziness more than anything else.
my roommate, nance, has been getting into drama quite a lot recently. japanese, korean, and chinese, she's seen it all x.X hehe.. whereas moi over here, i've been getting more into tv shows such as GA, DH, VM, and 9. yep, i added a new one on my list of must-watches >.< and i also feel another show might be added on the list x.X oh dear me. must keep away from abc.com!
well, all in all, not too much to say. just another random update on the highlights of my life as i'm sitting away in engineering bored out of my mind =P.

6:35 pm

november 13, 2006

my partner in crime is not here with me today as i man the engineering library circulation desk while attempting to cram in orgo. let me state it here.. i'm so going to fail orgo that it's not even funny. i tried the practice midterm, and let's say that i was completely lost. oh crap. *cries* this is going to be a terrible week. i can feel it. my widget tells me that it's going to rain everyday, and if it's not going to rain, then it's going to be ultra-cloudy. oh well, i'm just hoping it won't be torrential rain because this campus can barely handle a drizzle before all the walkways get flooded, and you have to play hopscotch around the puddles to avoid getting drenched from like the ankle down. it's why i hate going out of my dorm when it rains.
and because i'm working at a library, i like to state that i wonder how those book detectors work. like if you take a book out of the library that hasn't been checked out yet meaning that the library hasn't desensitize the book. often patrons will enter the library and walk through it and the thing sets off and rings like crazy. but it's clear the person hasn't borrowed any books or watnot.. normally it could be a book from another library, and one swipe past the desensitizer will set it straight.. but other times, they're not even carrying a book! people often blame it on the laptop that's setting the thing off, which is sort of weird. i wonder wat's in a laptop to set it off.
anyways, sorry to bore you with that, personal ponderings. of course, if you have an answer, let me now! =) but for now, i'm afraid i'll have to leave you with this till my next library shift when i'm bored, as i should start memorizing those darn confusing reactions and hope for the best. x.X

10:02 am

november 9, 2006

the nerve wrecking thing about following a not so highly rated show is that you never know when the network's gonna cancel it. unfortunately, i'm following one right now. and it's like a mystery kind of show so if the network cancels it, i'll never get to find out what happens and that just KILLS me. wah >.< i mean, the director did create it so that we won't find out the ending to the mystery but still. it's such a good show. *sigh* people just don't understand its potential just b/c the show's named after some girl. but it's just so great. *sigh* it's just the mysteries never get old, and there's always a new twist. *double sigh* anyways, just guess i needed to get it out of my system since i just got off the message boards, and people were discussing how the show didn't get a full season order yet, and the decision is like keeping me at the edge of my seat. double bummer x.X

2:15 am

november 4, 2006

i had 21 new messages in my yahoo inbox this morning. now, i'm down to 9 new messages that i still haven't read. yes, you can say that i haven't checked my mail in a long time. no need to worry. the only mail i get through my yahoo email are xanga digests, random yahoo promotions, and sparingly reports about someone signing my guestbook here. =(. please sign sign sign!!! hehe, how's that for subliminal messaging?
newayz, just reading through all the xanga entries, i've noticed a common thread in some of them, which is retrospect and noticing how they themselves have grown over the past few weeks/months or speculating the future and wat it holds for themselves. i think it's kind of cool to look back, but i've also noticed that i don't really notice a significant change in myself till decades later. okay, just kidding, i'm not that old. maybe, i mean a milestone later. you know, i sorta categorize my life through school highlights. aka, that was my elementary school days, my horrific middle school years, and my illusionary high school years. of course, now that i'm in college, i'll say my beautiful years at college. but since, i'm not done yet, i can't promise that that adjective will not get replaced. however, you never know. maybe that adjective might stay.. we'll see in a couple of years. anyways, i think that was a bit of a tangent. what i mean to say by all of this is that this common thread sort of reminded me about a concept we once discussed in ap english, when we were studying vonnegut's slaughterhouse five. how, our lives is sort of a railroad track. you just keep going forward, never know wat you're heading towards, and leaving behind what you know. we've got a one track mind. we can't see our entire lives. we live in the moment, remember the past, and walk into an unknowing future. sometimes it's hard to see whether we're heading in the right direction or if we're really changing into a better person or not. live and learn.
well, to take this entry back up to the shallow end, i must say that my spelling is disintegrating over the years. i had to look up how to spell some words to keep this blog as completely correct in terms of spelling and content. it's funny, since afterall, it's my own personal blog. well, toodles~

1:30 pm

november 3, 2006

so it's the first day of election day break, and what is this girl doing? why, of course, being the dutiful employee and monitoring the geology library as she soaks in the latest VM news and constantly checks her email while successfully avoiding doing her lit hum reading. hey, i know, not quite so glamarous, but what can you do about it? haha..
well newayz, school has picked up a bit with some recent relatively good midterm grades. maybe being a chem e major isn't quite unfortunate afterall. LoL, i guess my "hard work" did pay off except in retrospect, i don't think i ultra studied for any of these two exams. I feel like i studied much harder for orgo for the first midterm yet i did better gradewise on the second one. oh well, no complaints just as long as my grades stay above average, i'll be happy for now. although, if the end gpa isn't has high as i want, i might need to up my standards. but i guess, this semester, no worries, as chinese seems to be liking me right now =P.
anyways, i wish i had a more exciting topic to share, but, alas, when interesting topics do come in mind, it's when i'm no where near the comp or just don't have the time to blog. or, it comes two hours after i finish typing this blog, but then i feel like it's foolish to make another entry on the same day. i sorta tend to stick to the policy of one entry per day. maybe, i should stray away from this policy to up the number of blog entries.. tehehe.
well, my fellow college students, it's time for me to leave and use this extra hour left to studiously divulge Havel's Garden Party. May you guys all have wonderful breaks. And being a dutiful citizen of america, go out and vote! Over and Out.

1:11 pm

october 14, 2006

yes, i am the queen of procrastination. i come to work. plop down at the workplace. take out the homework i need to get done in this four hour period, but instead, i'm at the comp checking my mail, reading xanga subscriptions, writing this blog, and then prolly checking the mail again. wow, i'm such a slacker, honestly. but today has been a laxed day at the engineering library. not too many ppl want to borrow any reserve books or any other one as a matter of fact. maybe the cold is driving ppl away from the libraries and staying in their cozy homes. i can understand that, i'm currently freezing here in the library. i swear they still have the AC on. i'm like in a jacket and my legs are beginning to shake from teh cold. haha. okay maybe not that drastic.. but seriously.. everyone in here is pretty warmly dressed. well, what's there to say about my life. nothing really besides that i should be busy with schoolwork, but i'm beginning to slip back to the old habit of crap too much work, i think i'll ignore it and watch..tv dramas online... >.> i seriously should limit myself. i think i will adopt three tv shows to watch and that will be GA, DH, and VM. have fun trying to find out what they are =P. two of them should be easy to keep up..the other prolly not since i have to depend on diehard fans to post the episodes up on youtube. although, i was browsing the message boards yesterday at work (yes i'm that lame) and it seems to be doing well.. the first two episodes of the show have been interesting.. still waiting for the third one to be posted up x.X. well, i think i will now deter from checking my email again.......okay, i lied.. i did a quick check.. but no new mail so no difference anyways >.< well, time to get a start on Oedipus.. *sigh*

4:34 pm

october 12, 2006

currently playing a list of oldy songs that i compiled last year with all the music i loved, it's been a while since i've listened to this list.. i tend to make lists, listen to them for a while, and completely forget about them. i ran across this list yesterday, and these songs just never get old =P. it's a blast ^^.
anyways, this weekend has been great, even though not very productive in terms of academia. friday late afternoon was spent walking to fairway w/ jess and suze and buying ingredients for freshmen dinner. saturday early afternoon was spent making baked ziti, which was apparently good =D. hehe, i was working so i got to freshmen dinner late ^^. nonetheless, it was fun. sunday was the wedding banquet, which was fun, and definitely a change in cuisine. haha, i've been eating leftovers from that dinner all this week, and it's been quite refreshing to eat something else besides pasta or campus food :d. unfortunately, i'm almost done so back to campus food for me ^^. well, i've got pictures from my lil weekend fun, so i post them here when i've uploaded them to my lappie ^^.
anyways, this has been an interesting week of up and downs. my major classes aren't going as great, and i feel like i'm starting to fall behind. hopefully, that won't be the case. in addition, i declared my major a few days ago. that was scary. i was so depressed after i pressed that button like i was selling my soul away. i mean, chemical engineering?!? is that even right for me? i'm not even that into chemistry plus the chem dept here @ columbia hasn't exactly been too encouraging to me. just the cloud of doubt has been over my head for the past few days. everytime i'm sitting in meb or orgo, i'm like do i really want to spend the rest of my life doing this and being submerged in this material? i still have no idea. however, some encouragement has been instilled a little in me tonight when i was able to help a frosh w/ her chem hw. it made me feel that i still at least no a bit of chemistry, and i am not totally lost. although, i've been calmed a bit. just wonder if i've made the right decision.
anyways, spent my FIRST night at butler yesterday hehe. brought back old memories specially all those times we spent in the study room. unfortunately, butler looks super crazy this year as in it took me & jess THREE floor before we could find seats adjacent with each other. *sigh* those crazy froshies. hehe jkjk. yeah, i really like butler. i needed a change in environment. i've been cooped up in EC all this semester studying, and it's been depressing at times >.> it's good to be out and studying around ppl and knowing you're not alone in your troubles and studies as a college student ^^. hehe.
okay this has been a long entry. haha =) lots have happened in a week =). till next update. bye!

12:14 am

october 2, 2006

beginning of a new month. beginning of a new hectic week. beginning of a wayy too packed day. yes, my friends, dreadful monday has arrived. it's 9 in the morning, and i am at work. completey    butt    tired. why? because i spent all last night till around 5 in the morning working on that stupid darn lit hum essay. and as if God hadn't thought that was enough, i am now stuck here with Herodotus: the histories untouched and my class is this afternoon. but yet, instead of frantically trying to gather as much knowledge of the going ons between the Greeks and non-Greeks, i am here updating my blog. too tired to care.
well, since it's been a month of school and work, i figure i'd spend today's entry talking about the delights of engineering library. you know, when u work here for a good amount of time, you begin to see some patterns. patron faces become familiar especially when they come up at 9am in the morning just so they can hog that one darn textbook on reserve for the entire day. as you see them walking towards you holding that oh so ever familiar syllabus, you know. yep, i guess you want THAT book. it's always the same ppl. the blond guy, the motorcycle guy, the one w/ a queer middle name. the guy who keeps coming up with the same wrong call # but u still kno wat friggin book he wants b/c u got it for him the week before. or the best part is when someone comes up to you with just the title of the book, and it's been borrowed so much that you're just like.. yeah.. oh, that boook.. yeah i know where it is. no need to look up the call #. it's just absolutely great. haha.
i mean, i'm not complaining. it's all good. it's all these little things that make me laugh while i'm at work. the so-called popular books that are on reserve. hehe. sadly enough though, i feel i should get a move on Herodotus so i can at least have SOMETHING to say in class today. so without further ado, goodbye!

9:24 am

september 24, 2006

7:29 pm

september 23, 2006

well, after reading a bunch of xanga entries, i have been "inspired" to update here in my lovely blog, not to mention that for the life of me i can't seem to get any significant move on the odyssey. gosh, i seemed to have lost that summer steam, or maybe i feel like i should be studying for my orgo midterm, but i have to read this to get my discussion response out so it won't be late like last week. *sigh*, lit hum is not as fun as everyone says it is, but i guess at least i can get a chance to speak and fulfill my participation grade. although, i do like lit hum better than ap english in high school. or maybe i've gained more courage this past year or maybe i've gained more of a careless attitude as in i don't care whether you frosh think i'm stupid or not i'm only here b/c i need to fulfill my core classes. okay, maybe not the best way to approach things, but at least it's working so far. i think the best thing about college is that if you screw up, it's okay cuz most of them won't remember you after the semester. whereas high school, everything's drama drama drama. i guess i'm more of a low-key person.
another change from frosh year is i'm working at the science libraries this semester, which is pretty cool. i mean, it's really not that fun and exciting but i feel that keeping this job from the summer kind of brings some balance in my life (not to mention just a tiny bit more money.. teheh). but seriously, it kind of forces you to take more responsibility with your life. you have to make sure to be at work at this time on that day, and time management becomes a teensy bit better, i think. anyways, even tho it's only been 3 weeks of school, i feel like i've been a bit more responsible than last year. last year was just a mess. sleeping at odd times of the day, missing classes, never doing any hw, etc etc. idk, maybe that's why i'm more of a calm happier this year. last year, i was ecstatically happy during first semester prolly from meeting all these new ppl and feeling like i belonged somewhere, and having that all crashing second semester when i felt like i only had a small # friends i could truly count on and feeling like i didn't belong anywhere even my own fellowship and with academics flying out the window. this year, it's more of a contentness within myself knowing that i'm actually trying to take some responsibility with my schoolwork, controlling my time better, and helping out with fellowship stuff. it's not an ecstatic sort of illusion happy. it's more down to earth happy, which is good. i think i've suffered too much from illusionary happy.

5:42 pm

september 14, 2006

well, i have fully settled in at school now. classes has started although i still am not in my full workload mainly cuz lab hasn't started yet. although, techincally i won't be in my full 20.5 credit workload till november due to the last minute addition of MATLAB, which was a sudden requirement. yup, went through a lil drama there. haha. overall, sophomore year has kicked off with a good start. i'm pretty happy with it mostly minus a few glitches but life's not perfect. i start classes really late each day, so that gives me lots of time to sleep in. although my biological clock has been kicking me each day and i can't seem to fall asleep again past 9:00. therefore, i've been waking up at that time each day, which is a pretty decent time and allows me to actually do stuff in the morning and be a little more productive than last year. hehe. well, first weekend at school is coming up for me. let's see if anything exciting is in store. haha. i'll try and update here a little more often. although, as i've prolly said many times, blogging has sort of lost its touch for me. i've somehow become speechless and never know quite wat to say. numerous times i've fully or half written an entry, but as i reread it, i become dissatisfied w/ wat i written. then i just highlight and delete the whole thing and give up. i think partially because i've become a bit more closed up. i've built more walls around me that i used to have. maybe cuz in high school i didn't care wat ppl would read. i just wrote watever was on my mind and then i said,"there deal". whereas now, i'm not so inclined to just spill my guts out. then again, this is the internet. i'm still not quite sure how much of my thoughts i'd really want to put here. i'm thinking of doing a little cleaning up here. idk, we'll see how much time i really have and how many more laxed mornings like these i'll have. till next entry. adios.

10:02 am

july 27, 2006

riding the buses at 8:00 in the morning is always such an interesting experience. since i know by the time the bus makes its last stop that practically every seat will be filled, i know that 9 times out of 10 i'll have a bus partner. each time we make a stop, the anticipation builds. will i still have the two seats with myself or will i soon have to share this glorious row with someone else? then of course, when i've survived all the stops and have come to the last one, a huge crowd of ppl swarm in and i know i've just lost my two seater. my next anticipation is who will be my bus partner? will it be some businessman who just plops himself down and immediately falls asleep? will it be some huge guy who takes up more than half of the seat? and the list goes on. i've gotten a variety of ppl. today, i got this bitchy lady who practically tore the head off the person sitting in front of her b/c the person didn't tilt the chair back up far enough and it was taking up "her space". then i noticed, how she sat down and then tilted her own chair back even further. haha, my my, wat tempers we have. and she practically squished me into the window. wat a cramped ride x.X. today was an unlucky day for having a peaceful ride to the bus station.
ok fine, call me neurotic. i think i am. i'm quite bored out of my mind waiting for the minute hand to point to 12 so i can close this library. eistein laughs at me.

6:39 pm

july 25, 2006

12:56 pm

july 18, 2006

FIVE BOOKS LEFT OF THE ILIAD TO READ AND THEN I'M FREE!! and that's all i have to say for now =P

5:52 pm

july 12, 2006

so after plucking this link of alice's xanga, i've been occupying my work hours by reading this blog. i have to admit it is quite entertaining. hehe
anyways, since this blog is about restaurant and thus food, i am beginning to get hungry. argh, one hour before i'm finished w/ work. poo poo. *sigh* newayz, making more headway w/ the iliad yay! hope to finish it before the end of july. anyhoo, don't want to go on a blogging rant right now cuz that usually means incredibly loud typing so i shall come back later if i find a topic. tehe.. laters!

1:09 pm

sadly, this is the only thing i can remember from this sunday's sermon - "the mystery of an unanswered prayer". well besides that God has his own bigger plan, and there is a reason why not all prayers are answered. *sigh* i think there was more to this, but i can't remember. well it's late. if i remember, i'll add on. ick x.X

12:48 am

july 1, 2006

it's july 4th weekend. tomorrow i start my physics tutoring at columbia. sort of scared for that considering i do not know what is going on and have no idea which topic of physics i need to tutor. *sigh* i hope i survive.
anyways, i made a small update to this site. i'm currently working on filling the about page with some info on this site and hopefully making a little timeline of my past layouts, which is not too many. i've also noticed that i've made a new layout for this site once a year, so it seems like i'm due to make a new one. haha, well, since i haven't really been updating this site much during the past year, i'll just say i'm going on a sabbatical and maybe make a new layout next year or watnot. hehe, i'm not quite bored of this layout quite yet. anyways, netflix has just sent me two new dvds which will conclude my adventure through the third season of charmed. so i will go watch that now :P

6:38 pm

june 22, 2006

ok fine, i never finished book 2. i'm still moving slowly through it. lala.. well work @ biology today was alright. it's been mostly quiet. no one around. nothing to do except shelving of course. now i believe it is lunch break for everyone in this place except for me.. wah wah wah.. oh man.. i'm soooo hungry! x.X hehe.
so i've mostly been updating on my emails, fooling around w/ cunix to see how i can work on csfc website while i'm working.. tehehe, and making some more progress on the iliad. not a bad way to spend three hours :D hehe.
anyways, yesterday was sort of a fun day. my dad got an Express coupon card in the mail. buy four clearance items, get fifth one free. so my mom and i dragged my bro to the mall and must have spent 2 hours at Express trying to find five items LoL.. hehe.. my poor bro :P. overall, now i've got some nice additions to my wardrobe. =D
well, time to immerse myself in the iliad for one more hour and hopefully wrap up book 2! hehe :) laters~

question of the day: why do i always get ink markings on my hands while working in the library when i've never even opened the friggin ink pad!?!? >.>.. oh the mysteries ^^

1:45 pm

june 20, 2006

yesterday was my birthday. so i spent most of the days watching my gmail notifier pop up constantly w/ emails from facebook. due to the ever evolving facebook, i've prolly received more birthday wishes than in my entire life...okay.. maybe that's a lil bit of an exaggeration.. but i have a feeling the number does come close >.>
anyhoo, b-day was fun. mom cooked a yummy lunch of lobster.. and i went out w/ some friends for dinner and a game of cranium. aah interesting game that was..altho, not a big fan..
so now i'm at work. counting down the last half hour with yet another exciting blog entry! haha.. well i've made some more progress in the iliad altho not too much.. i need to quicken my reading pace x.X. hmm.. kinda hungry now.. didn't eat too much for breakfast/lunch.. had two waffles and three crackers w/ cheese. hmmph...x.X i should go get something to eat.. oh well ladeedah.
fifteen minutes left till work is over. i think i'll spend the rest of the time reading more of the iliad. i'm gonan finish book 2 today! hehe :D

4:45pm

june 15, 2006

so, as my last half hour of work finishes up and practically the entire library is devoid of everybody except myself (cuz everyone is on lunch break) and some students, i've decided it's time to start blogging again.
i guess, i'll start with what i do at work, which is pretty simply manning the libraries at columbia. i'm at biology library right now, which is pretty interesting. not too busy at all, i haven't had to check out or discharge any books during my four hour stay here ~ hehe.. although, i must admit it's a bit scary b/c the guy in charge has left for lunch, but his phone keeps ringing off the hook, and i'm not sure whether to pick it up or not. he told me too during his coffee break, but not when he left for lunch.. so i'm not sure... but it just keeps ringing and ringing and ringing.. aah.. my personal dilemmas >.>
anyways, i've spent prolly the last two hours catching up on my xanga subs which i've mostly neglected b/c my email notifier needed to be updated and b/c of my current obssession w/ charmed (diff story). anyways, it's been interesting how much i've missed. anyways, some notes i've made to myself after reading all those subs.

the notes:
- i guess i've been too hard on myself lately for not finding a proper summer job mostly i feel like my parents are right in some aspects but at the same time, i've concluded that i should stop being so depressed about it and allowing my parents to bring me down to such a low so much.
- next summer i shoudl get a job and live away from home. b/c living at home is quite a downer >.>
- i've decided that i need to set a goal for myself next year in terms of academics. therefore, i'm goign to work hard to get at least a 3.5 gpa after realizign how close i was to gettign one last semester.
- there was obviously more, but i can't remember anymore x.X

other random notes:
- my legs are really sore. prolly from all the running on the treadmill that i've started to do... quite proud of that :P
- i dunno where to get lunch. it feels weird eating by yourself in a restaurant. maybe i'll just jet home and eat there ...
- why are the stacks in teh library so high!?!? gosh, everytime i need to shelf a book on the top two shelves, i have to find one of those black stool thingies to stand on so i can reach that high!! >.>
- the phone has stopped ringing! hopefully, my luck will hold to 2 - still haven't had to check out or check in any books yet..wonderful :P - still haven't touched the iliad. therefore, must read on the commute home even if it makes me dizzy or tired
- hopefully, getting back into html mode so i can dish out the updates to csfc website and start the 1000 crane request .. yes bea i'm a deliquent.
- i got a pretty birthday present from my aunt yesterday. it's a cellphone bag thingies. kinda liek the one kat made w/ pink yarn except it's cloth w/ a cat on it and there's a hangign fish.. it's so cutee!!! maybe i should take a pic of it and post it.. aahh.. we'll see
alright, enough of the random notes. until next boredom, bbai!

1:22 pm

may 8, 2006

i want to go back to when everything was just a blur and nothing more..

yeah okay. i make no sense.

4:30 PM

april 27, 2006

1:13 AM

april 26, 2006

i don't think i've gotten past the point of being able to tell people what troubles my mind w/o then worrying in my mind what they might think of me or have their opinion of me change forever. i just don't have that trust. i'm too scared. even in small group, where the point is to be able to lay out your thoughts w/o judgment. i still can't do it. i just stare at everyone and shrug and say nothing's going on. although sometimes that is true, there are times when it's not. but what can i say? i barely know them. sure i've met them every week on a wednesday afternoon. but, i still feel like that in some aspects they're strangers to me. i rarely see some of them beyond small group. so mysterious. i can't share w/o knowing that there is a certain depth of friendship between us and that it won't disappear after i say what i say.

2:05 AM

april 23, 2006

9:11 PM

april 21, 2006

okay, i think angry and frustrated go together, but yeah, i just can't stand irresponsible people. i know i can be irresponsible, but i think most of the times it's at the sacrifice of myself and not really to others. i mean, if you're going to promise someone that you're going to show up at something. SHOW UP. i can't stand how people leave me hanging on a string, and i have to pick up all the pieces that are just thrown everywhere on the ground. if you're going to give us comments and grades to an essay and send it to us over the winter break, then SEND IT. if you're going to get back to me in a few weeks about this or that, then GET BACK TO ME. honestly, what the heck. and if i send an email asking about it, then respond immediately or within a 24 hour turn around that it's going to be a no when you already KNOW it's a no. don't wait for like a good FOUR days just to tell me that. HONESTLY.

i'm depressed mainly due to all the stress that people are piling on top of me. honestly, don't promise something if you can't keep it. x.X and i guess, with summer coming in a few weeks and no actual plans, i'm sort of gettign worried and wondering what exactly i should do since i'll soon be facing the wrath of my parents. especially, with the faculty house dinner tonight, and everyone talking about summer plans and all that. *sobs* lkajdfl;jsdf;laklv;alfajfl;sfj... wow.. i haven't done that in a long time. >.>... and life in general just sort of blows. why do i always get depressed when it comes to the end of the semester??? i was so like this last semester... x.X *sigh*.. idk wat to do.

yeah.. as forseen, overall, a very very bad day. although, we did get a centrifuge and bunsen burner for our case study today (thank goodness, after being told that no centrifuge was available in the entire chem department and tha they only owned 2-3 bunsen burners) and my lab group minus boron boy hung out at the carnival, which was fun. i guess overall, with friends, things are going great. it's just when i'm left by myself or with my wandering mind, i get so down. x.X *sigh* oh well....

10:23 PM

- Bad Day, Daniel Powter

12:39 PM

april 20, 2006

i'm independent, yet not so independent. i'm dependent, yet not. hrm... warning: this entry is going to have no logical sense watsoever except maybe to me (and even then i'm not quite sure. haha). okay you've been warned.
idk. i think i'm the person who can be independent when i find myself in a situation where i know i can't fall on anyone else to depend? okay that may not be true. idk, maybe when i'm in a new surrounding i depend on a certain person to take me out and do stuff or watnot, but then when i become more comfortable and aware of stuff i slowly sort of unleech myself. idk what i'm talking about. *sigh*. so many difficult things to deal with.
bah wah w/e. maybe i can't know ppl too deep b/c then something will just turn me away. erm. hrm. no that's not true. >.> ..
there are some ppl that i just get along with. i can tell them everything and trust them completely. i can be with them in a crowd and stil remain a comfortable person. then there are those who i just don't get along with too well. there are often bumps and awkwardnesses whenever i'm around them. i get depressed. it just doesn't work out. what am i supposed to do? i tried to ignore it. failed. i dunno...x.X
like i said real reandom post with no constant throught process. actually, i'm quite jealous of those who actually start out a blog with an actual good point and continue on w/ that point and actually end with some conlusion. i have a chemical engineering blog entry due sometime this week to do, but I never blog with an actual purpose and a thorough conclusion. in fact, i never make any conclusions. so i really envy those who consistently write well thought out blog entries. almost like a mini paper. intro, body, conclusion. i have an intro. very disorganized body. and a nonexistent conclusion. not to mention this isn't even in sentence form. *sigh* like i'm slowly falling apart..ANYWAYS
alright, i'll make some sort of conclusion to all this mess. and to do so, i choose michu's xanga since she wrote some stuff in her recent entry which sort of relates to what i'm thinking about now. i'm going to copy and paste a chain email watnot that she put up.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime Friends
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. S/he has come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
S/he is there to meet a need. Then without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, s/he will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes s/he dies. Sometimes s/he walks away. Sometimes s/he acts up or out and forces you to take a stand. What we must realize is that the need has been met.
When a person comes into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. S/he may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. S/he may teach you something you have never done. S/he usually gives you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons. Those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. You must accept the lesson, love the person/people anyway, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
Source: Anonymous

this sort of reminds me to what carra once mentioned to me about what gugger said in response to all her seniors leaving her. sometime the walk of path together only lasts so far, and then the road forks. maybe you're only supposed to know them for that certain time, and then you have to let go. but you still cherish the memories you had with them. but i think the true question i want to throw out is this: i know someone who was really friendly with me in the begining and i thought it would last forever, but then some things were brought to light that were not seen before. now, i can't be the same that i used to be around this person. i don't know how to act. was it never meant to be?
okay, just kidding, that's too vague. maybe you should ask me for a less abridged version x.X.

10:58 AM

april 18, 2006

ahh, yeah i'm in a procrastinating mode right now x.X. but then i earned this since i spent the last i would say 18 hours or so thinking and working on gateway if i wasn't sleeping >.> yup yup, but gateway must take a halt as i must attempt to work on my chem e pset which is looking impossible right now >.< .. maybe i should have paid a little more attention in class.. oh crap... it looks so hardd.. wah wah.. aaaahhh.. also have to study for calc quiz tomorrow.. registration begins tomorrow.. oh pooo.. i hope i get all the classes i want.. i have a 10:10 registration but of coruse since i have a calc quiz then.. i can't get into the system until 10:30-ish.. when calc class is over.. poo poo =\... ah dear.. must look up some more call numbers... well.. laters~.. this has been a random and more of a thought process entry than anything informative.. hehe =P.

5:44 PM

april 10, 2006

hmm. i think i'm back in a blogging mode. or maybe i'm nearing my end of the sailormoon series and i don't want it to end so i've come to a halt of watching it 24/7. haha.. idk. i find that i rarely obssess over things for a long time.. it's like a phase of two weeks or something. right now i'm obssessed w/ sudoku so i've been getting the spectator everyday now.. haha >.< we'll see how long that lasts..
life is good~ just kicked off jesus week w/ praise on the steps tonight. it was fun~ hopefully i can go to the event tomorrow, but idk since i have so much work. *sigh*. according to monica, gateway and chem lab has ruined my second semeseter. heeh. i'd say i have to agree.. oh well.. chem lab is over in terms of reports..last friday was my first friday night that i actually spent in consciousness and not passed out on my bed having done an all-nighter the night before. haha..how sad. i sound like a drunk, but i'm really not. anyways... ^^.. helping out with coffeehouse for jesus week this thursday so come one come all!! you know you all want to see me make a fool of myself =P. hehe.. doing a body worship..first time, so hope i don't screw up. i'm practicing right now by playing the song over and over again so i have the lyrics in my head to make the moves easier (when i learn it all). i currently know only the first verse and the chorus. (sorry michelle, i sorta forgot the second verse already >.<).. but it's an awesome song =D. hehe..
well just got a call from michelle so heading over to practice the body worship! yay!! hehe =)and then must start cracking down on the gateway report and the last (actually first) problem of physics pset (but i did all the other problems)... haha.. wow.. i've noticed i've lost all sentence structure in this entry (sorry will)... hehe but yeah.. i'm currently under lots of stress from work and trying to help out w/ jesus week >.<..
btw.. here's an excerpt of "Your Grace Still Amazes Me" - the song i'll be "dancing" to.. hehe

10:55 PM

april 9, 2006

You Belong in New York City

You're an energetic, ambitious woman. And only NYC is fast enough for you. Maybe you'll set yourself up with a killer career Or simply take in all the city has to offer.

hehe, oh how fitting~ LoL.. got this quiz off kwan's facebook. hehe very quick four question quiz to figure out where you belong! >.< ok i'll stop acting like i'm advertising it or something.. anyways... life's been good so far. it's early in the morning and i rarely update this early but stress has called me up so to speak.
well tabling for csfc today for days on campus (where prefrosh come and visit!).. hehe >.> kind scared since no one's signed up for it and i'll screw up or watnot.. hmmmm. since i have to make the sign, set up table, and watnot.. aah *sigh* must stop whining.. hehe.. gonna wash up laters all~

10:40 AM

april 7, 2006

*sigh*, well i guess i took two nights off instead of one. hehe. today has been quite an interesting. felt like i experienced a season change in one day. it was snowing pretty heavily this morning and all the sudden, early afternoon, it stopped snowing and the sun came out! and it was such a nice day afterwards although it was a tiny bit chilly, but still, it was the awesomest weather! wat a quick change! hehe =)
well, today my group picked housing! that was ultra-exciting~ so, i'll be in ec 10 next year! hehe come visit ^^. LoL~ it's gonna be really nice and i'm gonna be rooming w/ nance so it shall be ultra-fun. sorta excited for that ^^. somethign to look forward to another long tiring year =\. although i shouldn't say that.. freshmen year seems to have zoomed by, and before long, i'll be sitting in front of this laptop and will be a junior/senior and wondering how fast time has gone by. *sigh*. sooo scary =(.
well, there doesn't seem to be a physics pset for next tuesday. so that means another week of rest from physics psets.. hehe =) which is great specially w/ the last one which was a lil bit scary =\. but then again, gateway calls and must pull my group together before we're headed down the whirlpool~ *sigh* hopefully all of that turns out okay. so scared for tomrrow. plus OL interview friday~ sort of scared bout that too >.< hehe everything will be A-okay =)..
well now i'm gonna go watch love actually before turning in.. *sigh* i'll never find this much time again ^^

1:27 AM

april 5, 2006

singing to worship songs that are blasting from my laptop. window is open letting in the cool spring air. prospect of snow tomorrow, the beginning of april. no impending work for tomorrow to deal with. just sitting back and enjoying life. watched a few SM episodes. had a nice chat with sam while eating pineapples. dinner with bea, kat, and eddie. everything seems to be at peace now. just feels great. at this moment in time, i'm happy.
yeah, so i've realized it's been a whole month since i've last blogged here. i guess with all the work i've had to deal with, stress with parents, summer job hunting, just trying to figure out what i would be doing with my future really brought me down in the slumps a bit. just trying to deal with stress and starting to think i was a bad and irresponsible person just really got me down.
well, in terms of work, midterms are finally over for this semester and year. only a few weeks left as a freshmen and then i'm thrown into the "horrors" of soph year. most ppl say that being a soph sucks b/c you lose attention or watnot. hmm, i dunno, i think soph year can still be exciting. growing in relationships with all my friends and just being a tiny bit wiser (one hopes of course). hehe.
well, i guess since i'm here and God knows when my next blog entry will be, i'll just do a quick runthrough and thoughts about my whole freshmen experience and college in general.
starting from the very beginning, i was pretty apprehensive with this whole moving in college situation. although i had a great time at gset and met ppl who were just wonderful, i was still scared that college years might be like my cty experience. i could go on forever about cty, but bottom line is besides my first two sessions, the rest of my time w/ cty, it just seemed so shallow and i couldnt' connect with anyone i met. so coming into orientation, i was scared i wouldn't meet anyone, and i'd just end up as a loner hiding in my john jay single for the whole year. however, i was totally wrong, and i feel so blessed to have met so many great ppl just on my floor alone. i love my hall and will be really sad to leave it =(. only a month or so left. i love the general hall atmosphere even tho sometimes it can be trying =P. but overall, it's been great to have friends who are just seconds away who i can talk to any time of the day about the most random things ever and sometimes about more serious stuff ^^. i will miss john jay ='(.
also, i'm glad to have found and planted myself in a fellowship. it's helped me deal with my attitude to life better and just to have older ppl to talk to when things go wrong or just for help in general. overall, it's helped me understand God better. i suppose one thing i never really knew was that God isn't far away and that i could have a personal relationship with Him. idk, an odd idea. hmm, i suppose at home, i never really took church too seriously. i'm glad i joined the fellowship. it's giving me a lot of insight and things to think about...
I think generally why I feel so at home in Columbia rather than at home is the people. I can relate to them better plus I've learned more about life spiritually and in general from them, and it's been great. Overall, even though spring semester has been a bit trying, it's been a fulfilling year =P.
well, i guess that's my recap for freshmen year @ columbia. congrats if you've read through this ultra-long entry ^^. well, only a month of freshmen year left. hopefully by the end of this month, i'll know where i'll be in the summer and praying that God will lead me through my summer and make it as great as this year =P.
btw~ i've been playing the Susan gave me during Secret Angel. I'm loving it a lot =P. very inspirational~

1:47 AM

february 27, 2006

12:18 PM

february 25, 2006

i think something i've battled with all my life is identity. creating an identity to belong somewhere and to not be lost in the crowd. to not be just another figure standing in the street in the middle of the night with no home to go to. that's how i felt like in middle school and a good portion in high school. i was shut out. i didn't feel like i belonged anywhere. besides birthday/graduation parties, everyone forgot i existed and rarely invited me out to do small stuff like eat, shop, watch movie. you know just normal things that most small group of people do.
then i came to college. and all of the sudden, i had friends who i could talk to. friends who remembered me. who invited me to do small stuff with them just like having lunch with them. going out to duane reade. pointless walks around campus. for once, i felt like i was heard. people wanted me to be with them. and it felt good.
first semester was great. i met so many new people. i felt like i belonged somewhere. i always had something to do. although, sometimes i did fall back into the old habit of being ultra-depressed and sitting in front of my laptop all day, life was good. it felt realy nice. and for the first time in my life, i could say i was happy and content.
second semester came along. and that's where everything crashed, and all the doubt came rushing in. it's still as good as first semester except that i began getting that tiny fear that not everyone was hearing me. that i was suddenly being pulled back into the darkness. i was being ignored, interrupted, and even a little brushed aside. maybe i became a little selfish. i definitely became scared. some people became so hard to relate to. i couldn't understand them. who they were, why they seemed so cold.
and then i did something quite hypocritical. i didn't really do it out of spite. i guess i felt that i was just losing myself. i hadn't really created an identity. i felt i was getting lost in the crowd again and that pretty soon people will forget me. i would cease to exist.
to the person that i have wronged, i'm sorry. i really do want to be friends with you. it's just sometimes i feel overwhelmed. like whenever i hang out with you and a whole other group of people, i feel like other people seem to forget i exist b/c you're so chattery and friendly and just able to adapt yourself in the group. and i always felt so lost like if i had disappeared, no one would notice. and i felt the darkness coming in again and i would just shut down and wanted to run out of there. i guess i was being selfish. i didn't really mean it.
so after reading your xanga, i just wanted to let you know that i didn't really meant it as a mean gesture. i guess with all the doubt that i've been battling with i just didn't know what to do, and i ended up hurting you in the end. sorry

4:15 PM

february 8, 2006

omgosh, i smell smoke and burning smell. there better not be a fire and the alarm goes off and we all have to evacuate cuz i'm friggin tired and i wanna take a nap before physics and cheme classes. blargh.. maybe i should just skip physics... totally pointless newayz. i always feel like i'm wasting my time there. pointless pointless pointless.
newayz, was just browsing xangas a few minutes ago, and i've just realized how lots of people that i used to know from high school seem to be complete strangers to me now. i remember over winter break, i was at pathmark. and this girl in the line over was checking out and i recognized her w/ her bf and some other friend, but i didn't even bother to call her and say hi. i don't really think this was due to laziness. it was more because, when i saw her, she looked the same yet it felt to me like she was a total complete stranger. it saddens me that i can't even bring myself to say hello to her when only a couple of years ago we would be chatting in the library together after school waiting for our parents to pick us up or w/e, and that i used to give her rides back home from school. only like what.. maybe two years ago perhaps? everything seems to have changed so quickly...if there's anything that i learned this year, it's that so much can change in one year, and you've gotta enjoy what you have right now because it could all very well just slip away the next day or over time to the point that you don't realize till it's too late. *sigh* i need to let go of the thought that i could have toyed w/ in my childhood that next year will be the same as this year which was the same as last year. that i'll always be surrounded by the friends i have now and always do the same things...

10:39 AM

february 6, 2006

this past weekend has been pretty good. it definitely lifted me up from my several many woes that i had during the latter part of last week. i still have some issues that i'm still battling with that i still don't get and can't quite sort out. x.X *sigh* one step at a time.

11:40 AM

february 4, 2006

hmm.. i think i have quite an amount of hw this weekend yet i feel like i'm still so free to just roam and fool around. of course though, my friends seemed to have ditched me =(. kat's at nyu debating and bea's busy w/ uw so she can go to a family banquet/dinner later this afternoon. feeling a little lost. hehe. well, i've been debating whether to sit here at the desk and do some physics problems or head over to mudd to do gateway hw (matlab). i don't know. the thing that's keeping me from goign anywhere is that i'm in my pj's and am too lazy to change so i can actually go out. hehehe. well, i'll just leave my huge time slot open for any surprises. or randomness that i feel like doing. hehe =P later all~

12:36 PM

february 2, 2006

randomness: i'm not sure i'm liking this new geocities layout they adopted a while ago. granted the pastel-ish purple color scheme is a great change from the regular classic blue one, but i just prolly took a good 30 sec or so trying to figure out how to get to my file manager and getting to this file to update my blog...>.<.. ooh yeah.. and coconut tea with milk from tea & tea is pretty yummy.. hehe *rubs my tummy*

so yeah, i know i've failed to update this blog as often as i should so that this blog has prolly become dead from the fact that the few ppl who do come here has given up on the fact that i update this. but anyways, i suppose i'll just lay out a reason why i haven't been updating it. i feel like i may have stated this before but anyways, i suppose the real reason is that there are many times when i think about updating this blog, but i'm never at my laptop. and then when i do get to my laptop, i always fail to remember the topic or have the inspiration to actually sit down and type my thoughts out. that was prolly more like during winter break. however, now that i'm back at college, a whole number of issues have arisen that are completely stressing me out now and really got me down and depressed a bit. and, i guess, i don't know whether i really want to talk about it or not cuz i don't really want people to judge me or think badly of me so i just keep it bottled up inside of me or try to ignore it until i can't and then i get all insane and depressed like last night. x.X i think maybe the main problem is that most of the issues involve people around me so it's hard to find someone else who's sort of outside it all yet still understands wat's going on...i don't know. it's like all of the sudden i feel so alone, and i don't seem to know or trust anyone.

Anyways, I guess I'll just lay a few things out that are most prominent in my mind now.
where am i to live next year?
yeah, i'm going to really miss my john jay single next year. so convenient. all my friends are so close. now that housing has become a huge topic. i don't know what to do. i sort of want to be near my john jay friends but at the same time, i wouldn't mind living w/ people in my fellowship. i don't know. i feel so lost. i guess, i sort of want an EC suite, but then, i'm not sure i can find any upperclassmen willing to live in one. i don't know.. it's really, really stressing me out. whatever, maybe i should just stop thinking about it and just let the tide float me to whereever i should go...i know it's such a stupid thing to worry about, but still..>.<
my future & summer 2006
yeah, i don't know what's going to happen to me in the future or even this summer. what the heck will I end up doing? you know, when you're child you have it easy. obviously, in the summer, i'm just going to fool around or go to nerd camp. then the following years, i'll be in school (elementary, middle, high). nowadays, it's like.. i've got three more years of college.. and then what?? nothing is set. my future is just up in the air eluding my grasp, and i can't stand it. *sigh* summer job searching is a pain too. i don't know where to start and what i want to do. arrgggh, such a pain.
*sigh*, i guess i'll throw this one in too. yes, i'll admit it. last but not least - guys. but i'm not ready for such a conversation/discussion. not here, not with you or anybody. so please don't badger me about it. i know, the human mind can be curious...

3:48PM

january 22, 2006

12:00 PM

january 21, 2006

i'm slightly bored right now. it's not like i have nothing to do. actually, i do have a lot of stuff to do like homework and job searching, but i just don't feel like doing it. feeling like a lazy bum. i can barely even keep my two aim conversations alive. i feel so dead. x.X
well, neways, i guess i'll talk about my first week back at columbia. i think i still haven't gotten out of vacation mode yet. i spent several of my nights just watching trailer after trailer of random movies and now i want to see so many. >.< classes seem hard or maybe, after last semester, i've lost all my confidence and faith that i can actually do well in college. well, anyways, first week back to columbia has had its ups and downs. overall, just trying to enjoy this spring semester and my last semester as a freshmen =P. hehe. sorry this is another boring entry. but then again, i'm really bored right now ^_~.

3:12 PM

january 8, 2006

one more week of break. wow! i feel like there's so much that i'd still want to do or need to do such as searching for a summer job, working on the 1000 cranes website, more reading, getting my room together, and gathering all the stuff i need to bring back to school x.X. anyways, stuff that i did accomplish in the past two weeks besides watching A LOT of movies is got some knitting done, finished this yarn rug thing, almost done reading memoirs of a geisha, and lots of vegetation. hehe, maybe i should stop vegetating =P.
anyways, it's sort of disturbing me a bit that 90% of the spam i get on gmail is about Viagra and the like. you'd think that these drugs seem so popular that they hardly need to continuely spam my inbox. it's insane. blech w/e. well, this has been quite an inspirational entry x.X LoL. more laters ^^.

2:19 PM

january 4, 2006

another day of reading and just chilling around the house. i should get my lazy butt up and out of the house and try and find something to do, yet i really haven't talked to anyone a lot lately. it's amazing how i can just shut myself in my house and just keep to myself. i really haven't talked to anyone at all lately except for those several few who i always find online. i guess that's the result of watching too many movies. i just start living in my own lil world...
but then again, it's not like i'm bored out of my mind really. although the lack of human interaction (minus family) is probably not a good thing.. hmm x.X hehe.. well, i was just rummaging through my drawers earlier, and it's amazing how much junk i have and so much stuff that i now find use for that i did not back when i was young. let's keep in mind the fact that these drawers have never been touched in months and still contain stuff from back when i was in elementary school. maybe that explains all the junk that is now littered all over my room floor. it's high school stuff that should be in the drawers but since it's already filled with childhood things, there's no where else for it to go but on the floor. haha, man, just looking through my drawers brings back so many memories that i didn't even know i still had. i've got to agree with the line in christine's profile - "nothing is ever truly forgotten". i mean lots of things may appear to be forgotten but yet everything's still there waiting to be brought forth again when the right object/event triggers it. reminiscing is always so sad. all these people that i've met, and now i've completely lost touch with them. it's kind of weird too. i was flipping through one of my autograph books and reading signatures of people who i haven't talked to or seen in years. and who i've come to not have too high of an opinion of. x.X *shrugz* feels kind of weird that i once considered them my friends or sort of ish...
lately, i've been thinking of starting a writing journal. sometimes, it just feels easier and more comforting to just write down all your thoughts and feelings rather than type them. but then again, i've tried to start writing journals countless times, and they've all ended up as failures. most of my attempted journals have only one entry in them because i'd just decide one day to start a journal and then after that i forget all about the diary and never write another entry. the only time i've actually kept a diary for longer than a day was probably when i was in fourth/fifth grade or something. and then i guess i stopped because i got scared that i would run out of pages and then i wouldn't know what i would do. an odd reason, but nonetheless that was the reason i think. >.< i guess the reason why i can't keep a diary is because it's hard to find the time to sit down with the journal and pen and write down my thoughts whereas i'm always in front of a computer so whenever i get an urge to blog, i can do it right away plus i get my thoughts down faster because i do type faster than i write. yet, sometimes, i come to a roadblock because the things i think about aren't really wat i'd want random people to know about considering the fact that i can't screen who reads this blog plus the fact that i don't exactly know wat type of audience i get since i never really know who's reading my entries. it would be nice to have people respond back to me about what they think. and i do get feedback from some people but i guess sometimes, there's really not much to respond to what i say. i'm not really sure.
i guess the real reasons this time around that i want to start a diary is that i can ease my random urges to grab a pen and write random things, and if i'm going to write, it might as well be in a diary. also, i've begun to have a huge collection of empty journals (mostly gifts from people). also, a plus for a diary would be that it would be a little more private and allow me to release some thoughts there that i wouldn't be able to online.
anyways, regardless of whether i start a diary or not. rest assured, that i will probably continue to blog here to satisfy my random need to type a lot .. ^_~.

1:39 AM

january 2, 2006

this entry marks the first time i have dated anything 2006! hehe. well, so a new year has begun. it's hard to imagine. time is fleeing so quickly by. christmas and new years have just flashed by before my eyes. *sigh* where has the time gone?
so, anyways, i wake up this morning, and check my xanga subscriptions and discovered that practically every xanga update was related to happy new year and resolutions. hehe how funny. and since i missed updating yesterday b/c i've been quite a deliquent w/ my blogs lately, i'll state my resolutions right now.
resolutions for 2006
1. stop procrastinating and study A LOT
2. better time management
well, i'm gonna try to be realistic and just keep it to two resolutions.. hehe one step at a time =P. although i already feel like i've already begun procrastinating with stuff that i have to do at home even though i have no real obligations but anyways, stuff that i have been doing over break so far. i've done lots of vegetating in front of my computer. watched lots of movies in and out of theatres. so far, i've watched pride & prejudice, chronicles of narnia, memoirs of a geisha, the interpreter, spanglish, sisterhood of the travelling pants, national treasure, hitch, and in good company. =P. yeah, i know that's a lot of movies. haha. hardcore vegetation over here! besides, that i also did a lil shopping with my mom. hehe. i've done a lil knitting but i'm now out of yarn so i'll have to get more before i can do some more :P. hehe. but yeah mostly hanging around. i'm starting to read memoirs of a geisha. ^^ trying to get some good quality reading done :P. hehe. well newayz now i'm gonna update this site a lil bit b/c i've noticed everything here is in the 2005's ^^. more laters. bbai~ :P (hopefully a much more together entry next time.. i feel like i'm all over the place)

4:54 PM