Chapter 1 / 1
Written by Jessi Maxwell - send C&C to Megami_no_Remon@hotmail.com
"Love is the slowest form of suicide." - Crease, "Frustration"
~ * ^ * ~
Duo watched Heero and Wufei laughing across the table, and smiled and laughed along with them. Inside, he was crying.
For two years he had been in love with Wufei, who was his best friend, but how do you tell your best friend you love them? It's simple. You don't. Not if you don't want to risk losing them.
Duo watched them joke and play, and laughed along with them. He always smiled for them. Wufei would be upset if he wasn't smiling...and Duo never wanted Wufei to be upset. He would die before he saw Wufei upset.
He and Wufei had been acquaintances for a couple of years. After the war, they had drifted. At the time of the war, Duo hadn't really cared too much for Wufei's attitude or his justice or any of his other quirks. He had almost been glad to see Wufei go.
When circumstances forced them together again, he had sighed and let it happen. He often wished that he hadn't pretended to be so great and that Wufei had never decided he was a friend.
After a time, one of Duo's new friends asked him out. Duo went along with it, and they had a short relationship. Duo knew instinctively that his lover hadn't really loved him, his eyes always told him he was lying...but Duo gave himself to this man anyways.
After his virginity was stolen, the man left without a word of explanation, nor a reason. Duo hadn't cried. He had hated himself for it. Of course, he had been upset, and it was during this time that he first gave Wufei a second chance.
Duo was amazed to see how his friend had changed over the years, becoming almost an angel. He didn't know what he ever would have done without Wufei by his side to console him while he grieved over his mistakes.
And that is when he began loving him. But he had never told him, couldn't dare to risk their friendship. He had been somewhat shocked when Heero had come to him and asked him if he'd mind him going out with Wufei. Duo had wanted to say that yes, he would mind very much…but he hadn't. He was used. Heero was pure. Duo debated on this matter, then finally told Heero he didn't mind. If Wufei was happy with Heero, then he would be happy for Wufei. After all...it was only Wufei's happiness that mattered to him. Wufei didn't need someone worthless and used and simply so foolish hanging around.
Duo wasn't very surprised when Wufei and Heero hit it off. They had become inseparable practically overnight. Duo felt his heart cracking, but he didn't want to upset Wufei. Wufei would be sad if he had made his best friend sad...Duo never wanted Wufei to be sad.
The next day, Duo wrote Wufei a letter he didn't even have the guts to give him; he had Quatre deliver it for him. He told Wufei he loved him. Only that, plain and simple. He never received a response, and it was never brought up. The two of them continued being the best of friends, as Heero and Wufei fell deeper and deeper in love.
Duo always smiled for them both, laughed for them. But he felt no joy, not anymore. It killed him every time he saw them together. He was dying, over and over, as they would gaze into each other's eyes, or cuddle on the couch, or give each other kisses. Duo always smiled for them, always smiled for Wufei, his angel.
The two of them were oblivious to the true feelings that ran through Duo, oblivious to his anguish. Duo's heart was broken. It ached all day, and it was only with supreme effort he didn't cry every time he saw the two of them. They never realized how badly it hurt Duo to see them together, to see Wufei with Heero, and oh so happy.
Duo wished he believed in suicide. But suicide was foolish. Duo was hurt, he wasn't stupid. And every morning, his angel was the first thought on his mind, and every evening it was his last thought. He loved him completely and utterly. And his angel never noticed, never saw through the mask he so carefully placed up each and every time he spoke with or saw him.
Every night, Duo's heart would break farther, even though it always seemed like it couldn't hurt any worse, and Duo cried, burning, silent tears of liquid pain and agony, and another bit of him died, and his eyes lost their shine. Duo had lost his angel.