Chapter 16 / 37
Written by Jessi Maxwell - send C&C to Megami_no_Remon@hotmail.com
The moment Duo and Zechs were safely ensconced in their room, Duo sank against the wall. Both his guns slipped from lifeless fingers to clatter on the floor as he slid down to the ground. Zechs blinked in alarm then hurried over.
Duo was shaking as he drew his knees up to his chest and breathed deeply, struggling to compose himself and not break down entirely. He flinched and almost jerked away when Zechs slid down next to him and pulled him into his arms in a wordless embrace, just holding him. Duo melted and leaned against his chest after a moment, burying his face in Zechs' shirt and clinging to him, allowing himself the moment of weakness.
Zechs simply held him, not wanting to say anything and ruin the moment. Duo eventually straightened a bit and sniffed, visibly pulling himself together and burying his emotions under a somewhat wobbly version of his typical sunny grin. "Heh...I thought I really WAS going to have to shoot Heero again."
Zechs arched an eyebrow. "Again?"
Duo chuckled a bit and leaned back against the wall. "Eh, yeah...when I first met the guy. I thought I was savin' Relena from him and had to fire on him a couple times. Then she goes and is all like...what the fuck are you doing trying to shoot him?! ...she's nuts. Must run in the family."
Zechs snorted. "Hn. I'm hardly crazy."
"You seem fairly attracted to me, that doesn't speak too highly for your sanity," Duo quipped with a grin.
The platinum blonde appeared to consider this for a moment before nodding seriously. "I suppose you're right."
Duo stuck out his tongue and stood up, offering his hand to Zechs to help him up. "Eh, its ok, I guess I kinda like the crazy ones, I fit in better."
Zechs smirked and allowed Duo to help him up, but he didn't release his grip on the boy's hand and rather took another step forward, pinning Duo against the wall. "I do want to thank you. You risked your life for me."
A flush spread across Duo's cheeks and his head dipped a bit as he looked up at Zechs through his long eyelashes. "Eh...don't worry about it..."
"I will worry about anything I damn well please," Zechs murmured, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to Duo's forehead. "No one has ever risked their life to defend me. Especially against their friends."
"Well..." Duo was quiet for a moment before looking up at him, hesitantly lifting his hand to brush a few strands of Zechs' long, silky hair back from his face. "Maybe you're worth it to me."
The older teen blinked, a bit taken aback. He had no idea what to say and settled for leaning in to give Duo a soft kiss.
Duo was quiet for a moment before leaning his head on Zechs' chest. His voice was choked when he finally managed to speak. "I can't be with you, Zechs."
Zechs blinked and then frowned. "Why not?" He detected a tremor in Duo and held the boy closer to him, having no intentions of letting him go.
"Because I...I'll get you hurt. Or killed."
"We've had this conversation before. I'm not afraid."
Duo's voice had taken on a quavering but slightly acidic tone...though it was directed inward and not at Zechs. "I don't deserve it."
Zechs jerked Duo abruptly out to arm's length and gripped his shoulders, his voice sharp. "I don't ever want to hear that kind of talk out of you. That's ridiculous."
Duo looked away, his eyes closed and a sarcastic smile on his face. "You can do better than me, Zechs. I'm just a street rat and a thief, a good-for-nothing orphan that just happened to get noticed because I stole a mobile suit from OZ when I was eight. Because of me, everyone I've ever cared for was killed. Even the church. My friends. Solo...Sister Helen...Father Maxwell. Forget about all the other atrocities I've caused. I'm not worth your time. I'll only disappoint you. I'm gonna disable the security. You can make your break for it. And I'll fix Epyon for you and leave the door open accidentally. Come back in a couple weeks."
Zechs' frown deepened into a scowl. Inwardly he was shocked at the deep self-loathing evident in Duo's tone. Duo truly meant every word he had just said, and to even think that the younger teen blamed himself for all the tragedies of his life hurt Zechs' heart. "No."
Duo opened his eyes and looked at him with a faint frown. "Eh? Why not? If you stick around Heero'll just shoot you or somethin'. Get out of here while you can."
Zechs growled and grabbed Duo's wrists, slamming him back against the wall. "Listen to me, damn it. I'm not going anywhere. If you release me, then fine. Consider me a free man. I choose to remain here. I don't care what you've done in the past. How much blood is on MY hands? But I will not sit here and allow you to speak ill of yourself when I hold you in such high regard."
Duo's eyes suddenly blazed with an angry spark. "High regard? What the fuck is wrong with you? Why do you have such a lofty damn opinion of ME?"
"Because I do."
"You're an idiot," came Duo's scathing retort.
"No, I'm falling in love with you!"
Duo's rage withered and died on the spot and he simply stared at Zechs, his lips parted slightly and his eyes wide. He wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. "Zechs..."
Zechs frowned and abruptly released Duo, spinning on his heel and walking towards the door. "I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone. If you want me to go, then fine. Open the door and I will."
Duo didn't move, closing his eyes and digging his fingers into the smooth concrete of the wall, warring within himself. He knew this was the moment on which everything hinged. If he opened the door, Zechs would leave and he'd never see him again. He wouldn't have to worry about being not good enough, disappointing him, or ever bringing grief to him. He wouldn't have to face the terrifying jumble of emotions that ran through him every time he looked at Zechs, the volatile mixture of pain and fear and undeniable, primal pleasure and desire. He could deny the powerful attraction once and for all.
And be alone. Without Zechs.
Duo felt the tears stinging his eyes and squeezing out beneath his eyelids, trailing down his cheeks. His voice was so quiet and broken Zechs almost didn't hear him. "Don't go...please..."
Zechs turned around, his own anger and conviction destroyed in an instant. He saw Duo slip to the floor, clutching his knees to his chest and burying his face in them as he wept bitterly. In a moment he was at Duo's side, kneeling next to him and pulling the boy into his arms again, holding him tightly and stroking his braid.
"Shh. I won't leave you. Not now...not ever."