Tonight Only, In Russian
Our Safety Record: [7] days Since Last Accident
Poachers Will Be Shot
We Give Credit To Everyone!: Bad Credit, Good!: Bankruptcy Schmankruptcy
Half Man, Half Ape Burgers: Get Your Photo Taken With Bigfoot
You Rip It, You Buy It
Springfield Savings-Safe From 1890-1986, 1988-
Yes, We Have Rotgut!
Everybody Gets A Trophy Day
If You Can Find A Cheaper Lion, You Must Be In Africa
You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Be Committed Here, But It Helps!
Your Mother Isn't Comitted Here, So Clean Up After Yourself!
Member of the Bonerland Medical Association
For Your Thighs Only: Crocodile Done Me: Dr. Strangepants (x-Rated)
All Creatures Great And Cheap
You Pet It, You Bought It
We Cram Fun Down Your Throat
We're Now Rat-Free!
Stinking Fish Realty
With A Name This Bad, We've Got To Be Good! (slogan for the above)
Painless Dentistry (Formerly Painful Dentistry)
Nudes At Eleven: Adam and Adam: The Horny Toad
Entering Badlands - Highspeed CHases Use Diamond Lane
Proud Makes Of Caustic Polypropylene and Malibu Stacy
No Mercury Dumping with a Permit
Springfield Tar Pits: The Best In Tar Entertainment
Lionel Huts (Also Expert Shoe Repair)
Conformco Brain Deprogrammers - A Subsidiary of Mrs. Fields' Cookies
Li'l Bastard Clock Tampering Kit
We Take the "Dolt" out of A-Dolt Education
Don't Eat Beef.... Eat Deer.
Hal Roach Apartments - Retirement Living in the Heart of the Cemetery District
Private Wedding - Please Worship Elsewhere
Today: Senior Citizens Swing Dance Tomorrow: Cat Spay-a-thon
Pool Sharks! - The The Buyer Is Our Chum
Li'l Bastard Traveling Kit
Re-Neducation Center - Where the Elite Meet TO Have Their Spirits Broken
Welcome Candy Convention, Room 1; Candy Shaped Rat Poison Convention, Room 2.
Kosher Exotic Sex, How To Seduce Your Lousy Lazy Husband, Bordello Repair, Bork n Sex, Weight Loss Through Laborious Sex (book titles)
I Told You Not To Flush That (Stern Lecture Plumbing)
Springfield Pet Shop - All Our Pets are Flushable
Join The Army - And See The Opposing Army!
Springfield Dog Track - Think of Them as Little Horses
8:00 - Medfly Spraying
8:15 - Springfield Pops Concert
8:30 - Spraying - 2nd pass
Come For The Funerals, Stay For the Pie
In Honour Of the Birth Of Our Savior, Try-N-Save Is Open All Christmas Day
U.S. Air Force Base (Not Affiliated with U.S. Air)
Duff and The Air Force - 50 Years of Flying High
Browse Through Our Bra Barrel
I Can't Believe It's A Law Firm!
Ask about our sheet rental (Worst Western Hotel)
Works on Contingency? No, Money Down!
Human Blimp Sees Flying Saucer
Invading Your Privacy for 60 Years
Will Drop Pants for Food
Puppies For Free - Or Best Offer
Now 40% Quainter!
Royal Majesty - Clothing For The Gangly Or Obese Gentleman
Moe's Tavern - Hit This Sign and Win A Free Well Drink
Girdles 'N Such - Fancy Lingerie
The Jerky Hut - "Sausage Sale!"
The Ear Piercery
Caramel Corn Warehouse
International House Of Answering Machines
The Singing Sirloin Restaurant
The Happy Sumo Restaurant
Gum For Less
Tannen's Fatty Meats
To Secret Vampire Room - No Garlic
Homer's Autobiography - Homer, I Hardly Knew Me
"Quimby Nephew Charged In Beating: Chowder Said Wrong" (Show-dair)
Broken Home Chimney Repair
Splitsville Ice Cream Sundaes
Painful Memories Party Supplies
Love In the Time Of Scurvy
Grade F Meat - Mostly Circus Animals, some filler
Sign at skating rink for Moe's bar: The 70's Are Back So Let's Drink Like It
Another sign: Hey Kids, Menthol Moose Says, Smoke Laramies
Evil Women In History - From Jezebel To Janet Reno
Krusty's Clown College - "Formerly Willie Nelson's House"
U.S. Embassy. Restroom For Citizens Only
Ballet Performance. The "T" is Silent
2 + 2, A Raise Is Due
A is for Apple, B is for Raise
Honk If You Love Cookies!
Shelbyville Daily News - "Once A Week, Every Week!"
Burns Constuction Company - Building A Better Future... For Him.
Burns Plans Sunshine Halt - Special Section: Your Guide To Perpetual Darkness.
Cathedral of the Downtown - Archbishop Carries Less Than $20.
Vagrants Choice Fortified Scotch - May Cause Ejection Of Stomach Contents.
Signs Seen Around Springfield
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