Now playing by Creschendo is..."Desperado".
My Daily Life As A Multiple
Satisfaction With Life
Have you dreamed of being someone else? Do you want to be like "so-and-so" who has it all together or all the answers. Maybe you wanted to be a movie star or country music singer. Perhaps you want to be a housewife but have to work or a doctor, lawyer, or CEO of a large business and can not go to college? Don't worry, everyone has at some point or another. :-)
Being a multiple has an advantage here. I have several different multiples at various ages so depending on the alter that is out, we are whoever we want to be. It is slightly complicated when one identity meets someone and acts according to their unique personality and then another alter meets the same person and acts differently though. It is difficulty for people who know the multiple because of this fact. I guess, to them, it is like traveling on a fast moving train with a constantly changing landscape. I say "I guess" because I have not been on their side of the fence. :-)
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Labels on Things and People
Have you noticed people label things, people and themselves? It is how humans communicate thoughts, actions and feelings. The labels on me tell people I am a "mother", have two "sons", am a "social worker", and have three "cats". Labels are nouns. (A small English lesson :-)
Labels can be disturbing and create self-fulfilling prophecies, though. Some of the more disturbing ones I have heard are "loonie", "dingbat", "idiot", "juvenile delinquent", "preacher", "strange", and "loser". These are the tapes I heard as a child. I routinely think about labels before I use them since they have been used on me so often. :-)
In reading what other multiples have written I noticed most call their insiders a specific group name. The clinical name for insiders is "alters". I use this one when I see my T. A friend of mine calls my insiders "the guys". I call them "the lils" or "my friends". :-)
All my "lils" are me and I am all of them, collectively and separately. It may be hard for non-multiples to understand this. I refer to my "selves", as a whole, as "the body", "me", i, or us. The central part of "the body" is the "core", or "main identity". It is the humanity of the multiple but its identity is the alter in charge at the time. It is also "me" because "me" means the person. When close friends who know I am a multiple notice a change in my mood they know someone else is here. Sometimes they ask "who am I talking to?" or "who are you?" but most of the time they can tell because each of us has our own personality. Either the identity says their name or I say Me-Pickles since all of "them" use "me" also. (Of course, in person I use my real name. :-)
When I say me, I mean "the body". When my lils use me they also mean themselves since they are each individual persons. Pronouns are labels too and can confuse outsiders but we know who we are when we use them. :-)
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Disadvantages and Challenges
Maintaining a functional daily schedule is a little difficult. I find most people keep track of their daily routine quite easily. However, "we" must keep a daily calendar, for the one who receives appointments to put them so that "the body" makes it where it is supposed to be. :-)
Obtaining the basic needs of life, like sleep, food, and physical and emotional warmth, can also be a challenge. Depending on who is in charge, my friends want to play, go out, not eat, sleep, isolate, argue, and the room cooler or warmer. We handle this by the verbal insiders agreeing to let "the body" do what it has to do, at least most of the time. :-)
Each insider has his/her own personal comforts. Jessica likes the room cool and Jenny likes it warm. Occassionally there is a running battle between the two of them. Sometimes "we" get little sleep. :-(
Each self also has particular food tastes. Teen loves hamburgers and fries, Older eats starches, and Jenny likes salads. No problem arises unless one is eating and another throws their food away. This is harder to handle because each of them gets hungry since they are real people, just like anybody else. We compacted that each "self" can take turns deciding what to eat. :-)
Finances are a major challenge. I have found toys, clothes, shoes, food, and all kinds of things in my home that I do not remember buying. We handle this with a compact that only "I", "the core" purchases things but each "self" can ask "me" for something if they want it. :-(
Dressing presents a unique challenge. Each "self" has its own taste. Sometimes it takes me a long time to dress because everyone wants to wear their own clothes. I have worn mini-skirts, dressy dresses, and jeans and T-shirts, to class and the grocery store. This is not a large problem unless "the body" is dressed inappropriately for something. Thank goodness for women's lib. :-)
I think my hardest challenge is memory. One day a "close" friend from high school and I ran into each other again. She knew me as "Jenny". I have no memory of our friendship ealier in life. In fact, she remembers more about the inside of parents' house than I do. :-(
My second hardest is having no sense of direction. That does not have an ominous sound since many people don't. With me, though, I can go somewhere one day and not find it the next. When people ask me why my sense of direction is so bad, or make critical remarks about it, I tell them I was so smart in school I skipped the grade where you learn left from right. Consequently, "the body" goes somewhere several times, ahead of schedule, so everyone can learn where something is. We also ask directions quite often. :-(
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