The
Dartnel
I'm
Starting to Hate the News
I really hadn't intended to blog
any more this month, but I can't hold this in...
What is the deal with the
so-called news channels? I like to watch CNN Headline News when I wake up
to keep abreast of what's happening in the world. Correction: I used
to like to watch... Let's see here: the U.S. is involved in two wars
overseas, Cheney may or may not have been the target of an assassination
attempt, oil and gas keep creeping up in price, we just had a stock market
crash yesterday, Iran continues to thumb its nose at the international
community... and the top story on CNN Headline News is still
Anna Nicole Smith? I know I sound insensitive, but enough
already!!! Look, I have no problem with the news organizations
covering this courtroom drama, but there are plenty of stories that, quite
frankly, are more deserving of being the top story. I have the feeling
that even if Iran declared its intention to build a nuclear arsenal, driving oil
prices to $150 a barrel in the process, CNN's lead story would be, "Yet
another person claims to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby!"
You know why this is
happening? Ratings. Journalists seem to be more interested in
sensationalism than in reporting the facts - well, except for the journalists I
consider my friends. Folks, news is not entertainment. It
is keeping the public up-to-date on current events - tactfully, of
course. We've got plenty of entertainment shows in TV without the so-called
news channels becoming entertainment-based.
Jay Leno got off a good joke
about the ongoing Anna Nicole Smith saga last night. He said the
journalists were hoping this drags out because otherwise they'd have to go back
to covering the war in
Thank you for allowing me to
rant about this. It's just so frustrating to see a news network covering
events better left to E! Television.
Darrell
Double
Down on Theatre!
Back in late 2005, while
involved with Hello, Dolly! at CASC, I auditioned for The Lion,
the Witch, and the Wardrobe for the Good Times Community Theatre League
(GTCTL, so I don't have to type it again!). I didn't get a part in the
latter, so I helped out backstage on that one. I realized soon, with the
performances for Hello, Dolly! fast approaching, it was a good thing I
didn't get a part in The Lion, the Witch, & the Wardrobe. I
promised myself then and there that I would never again be involved
with two theatrical productions at the same time.
So much for that.
See? I lie to myself, but I digress. As you know, I'm Willy Wonka
in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (come and see me in it or you get
a copy of my music CD). We're in final preparations to put on that show
(this sounds vaguely familiar...). So, naturally, despite productions
overlapping, I tried out for Oklahoma! GTCTL is putting on both
shows, by the way. Folks, I now have parts in two plays, rehearsals for
one overlapping with rehearsals for the other.
Unfortunately, I keep
remembering the fun that I had in Hello, Dolly! At least my part
in Oklahoma! isn't too big, and at least I don't have to sing a
solo. My voice has improved greatly in the past year, but I'm still not
ready for a lead role in a musical. In fact, the role I got in Oklahoma!
was exactly what I wanted - chorus with some lines. (Maybe too many; I'm
on stage a lot in Act II, from what I can tell.) I'll talk about this
more later, but if you've never seen me dance, come and see it when we put it
on. It's high comedy!
Finally (!), I'm not even sure
why, but I thought I'd share a story from the last days of Hello, Dolly!
We were getting ready to go on for one of our performances. We had a guy
in the play that would occasionally walk about without his shirt on.
Well, and I think this was our last performance, I finally commented to a small
group backstage, "I never take my shirt off in public, unless money's
involved." Unfortunately, I said this while standing in front of the
women's dressing room. As it turns out, that door wasn't
soundproof. The next thing I hear is women inside yelling (jokingly, I
think), "Darrell! I've got some money here!" (Similar to
that, at least.) Embarrassed me to no end! I tried to cover for it
by saying that, since I was wearing a shirt under my costume shirt, it was
analogous to a scam. I don't think anybody bought it.
Gotta go; the hornswollgers and
snozzwangers and whangdoodles are after me again!
Darrell
February
21, 2007 
Roundtable
with the Dartman: Vol. II
(EDITOR'S NOTE:
What follows is Darrell's viewpoints on certain current events. They
could potentially be at odds with your viewpoint and possibly be offensive to
you. Darrell apologizes if that is the case.)
Welcome to the second edition of
Roundtable with the Dartman, back despite requests to the contrary! Here,
we look at recent news stories and discuss them, usually drawing the wrong
conclusions, starting with...
1.
A woman in Florida recently got power back in her
home after it was knocked out by a hurricane. Hurricane Andrew,
that is! She had been without power in her home for 15 years!!!
Jay Leno got off a good joke about this, saying - and I'm sure I'm not getting
all the words right - that "FEMA called it a job well done!" If
I remember the story correctly, a contractor hired to repair her house after
Hurricane Andrew did a substandard job and then left her in the lurch.
What amazes me is that the woman elected to stay in the house, without
electricity (save for two extension cords from someone with working
electricity), for 15 years! Talk about patience! Seriously, though,
why did it take 15 years to repair the electricity?
2.
A donor to various Republican Party members has
been accused of supporting terrorists in Afghanistan. Geez, you think the
Democrats will have some fun with this? The party that prides
itself on fighting terrorism taking donations from terrorists? To be
fair, the donor hasn't been found guilty; and even if he is, I seriously doubt
that the Republicans who accepted his contributions had any knowledge of his
alleged terrorist-sponsoring activities. Next year is going to be ugly.
3.
I recently read that 52% of the American public is
now against the war in Afghanistan. All I can say is, Congratulations,
President Bush! Honestly, I never thought that we would be at this
point. What I'm assuming is that a majority of Americans oppose how the
war is being waged over there. I hope that's the case. It
would be greatly disturbing to me if those 52% think we should pull out our
troops yesterday. My thinking is that the opposition to the Afghanistan
war is summed up in one word: Iraq. Before I offend any
more, I'll get off this subject. Suffice to say, Afghanistan isn't
Iraq.
Okay, those are my viewpoints on
three news stories I read or saw or heard about in the last week. I
apologize if I've offended anybody.
Darrell
February
15, 2007 
Peanut
Butter Madness
Egad! There's that old Hee-Haw
song, If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. / Gloom,
despair, & agony on me.
Yesterday, I ate a peanut butter
sandwich. The peanut butter was some of that generic Great Value stuff
you pick up at Wal Mart. Well, today I learn that some jars of peanut
butter have an added ingredient: salmonella. Guess what? The
brands affected are Peter Pan and... yep, you guessed it, Great Value. If
the first four digits of the serial number on the jar of peanut butter read
"2111", it could contain salmonella.
Great, just great. The first
peanut butter sandwich I have this year, and it may wind up landing me in the
hospital. First, it was metal finding its way into generic Tylenol, and
now this. Oh, well.
Seriously, though, if you have
Peter Pan or Great Value peanut butter, it's probably best to chunk it
immediately, especially if it has that "2111" nonsense. Better
to be safe than sorry.
Darrell
February
14, 2007 
Valentine's
Ruminations
(In accordance with recycling purposes, those one or so of you who used
to visit the old Dartnel may recognize this as the exact same entry I
posted last year! Hey, I nailed it last year, and nobody read it, so here
it is again! Deal with it! And don't ask me
just who this Stan fellow is. As usual, send your complaints to the guy
in the funny hat just to the left of this entry.)
I'd like to
interrupt your week with my thoughts on this day called Valentine's.
Today, many people
will buy their sweethearts flowers, candy, expensive dinners, overstuffed teddy
bears, autographed copies of Stan's CD I
Can't Believe They Actually Let Me Record a Music Album! (which can be
purchased from the Dartnel online store if you'll let us pay you $5 plus shipping;
we want to get rid of this junk), and petitions to prevent me from appearing in
another musical ever again. So what if
people in
Actually, most of
that was in good humor. (Namely,
everything starting with Stan's CD; I'll
be allowed to record one before he'll even be allowed into the studio!)
This is the one day each year we set aside to celebrate those people in
our lives whom we love. Sure, there are
birthdays and anniversaries, but Valentine's Day is special! (I probably should
rephrase that, unless your birthday and/or anniversary fall on February the 14th. In that case, you have my sincere
condolences on getting shortchanged on gifts.)
My point is, don't break the bank celebrating your love! Go ahead and buy that $500 diamond ring, but
skip on the $5,000 dollar diamond ring.
Feel free to spend $125 on dinner, but don't run up a $1,234 dinner
tab. True love understands. Don't be frugal, by any means, but don't
throw your money around as though it's still the worthless paper before
Washington's, Lincoln's, Hamilton's, Jefferson's, Grant's, or
Have fun, kiddos!
Darrell
A
Special Announcement...
Ladies and gentlemen, I hereby
announce that I am forming an exploratory committee, and I soon intend to announce
my desire to be the next President of the United States. Plummer to
Unclog Backed-Up Government: Vote Darrell '08. Hey, everybody else
and their mother are running for President; why shouldn't I? I wear
that outfit in my photo, everybody will think I'm 40-something!
No, that's not the
announcement. I have absolutely, positively no intention to ever
put myself in that type of pressure cooker, ever!!!
Here's the real
announcement. I will be filling the funny hat of Willy Wonka in the Good
Times Community Theatre presentation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
early next month. That's right; we have exactly one month (actually less)
to pull this thing together! The performance dates and times are as
follows:
Thursday, March 8 - 7:00 PM
Friday, March 9 - 7:00 PM
Sunday, March 11 - 2:00 PM
Come if you can.
That's it for now!
Darrell
February
5, 2007 
Blast
from the Past: Other Sources of Income
In attempting to find my new "headline" (originally posted on
my old website back in December '05), I found a fairly interesting ramble of
mine. With income tax season just around the corner, I thought I'd share
it with all of you.
Darrell
Allow me to ramble a bit. I really meant to write on this a couple of months ago, when I
was doing income taxes. There's a line
on Form 1040 called "Other Sources of Income" or "Miscellaneous
Income" or something like that.
(Did I mention I'm an accountant? J) On this line, you list income you've
received that doesn't go anywhere else.
You also list the sources of the income. Okay, I'll put it in English!
You list where you got the money from.
This includes income you got illegally. That's right, our government thinks that people who make money
illegally will be stupid enough to report it and pay taxes on it! Actually, maybe they're right. So many criminals are dumb. There may be people out there who would
list, for example, $50,000 in income from engaging in prostitution or $47,000
from robbing banks. (I fully expect to
hear from an FBI agent about this paragraph.)
Hey, if tax forms put criminals like these behind bars, I'm all for
it. Of course, there's probably a law
on the books prohibiting tax forms to be used as evidence in cases like
these. I hope not. ~
originally posted on the Dartnel May 27, 2005
February
2, 2007 
A
DIM Valentine
DIM Report 68539
Valentine's Day Gifts to Avoid
1.
A half-eaten box of chocolates.
2.
A gift certificate to Weight Watchers. (For
you husbands, the amount of the gift certificate equals the number of nights
you'll be sleeping on the couch.)
3.
A riding lawnmower.
4.
A book entitled The Joys of Being Single.
5.
A bouquet of poison ivy.
6.
Absolutely nothing!!!!!!!
(Almost as bad as the Weight Watchers gift certificate...)
7.
A romantic dinner... with somebody other than you.
8.
A toupee... especially if it's for your
girlfriend and/or wife.
9.
Anything requiring electricity to use.
10. Any
romantic gift intended for someone who doesn't even like you as a friend.
Darrell